♢ * PURESTHEARTED: elena gilbert.
𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐠𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨𝐨. it still haunts her. follows her everywhere she goes to, especially when it’s dark outside. strange, is it not? every time when darkness surrounds her, it’s him she thinks of. for the longest time, she thought it was because she felt completely and utterly alone when midnight arrived, always thinking of him, longing for him. wanting to hear the sound of his voice, wanting to embrace him, to feel his touch. but now she understands : the darkness reminds her of him because he is a monster. the darkness had swallowed him whole, found a spot in his body and it never left. she witnessed it, saw it quite literally happening herself : all warmth, all tenderness, all life and light faded away the moment he got that damn mark. she noticed him, every now and then – how could she not? he thought he was being clever, running & hiding, walking around hogwarts like he was a damn ghost : but she always noticed him. always felt him from within. her heart still does things to her when he’s close, she senses it. it’s like … magic, almost. when she was together with stefan that day, it was quiet, peaceful. for the first time in a long time, she felt somewhat complete again. they were two silly kids, falling in love slowly, slender arms wrapped around his neck, kisses given upon his cheek. it was all very innocent, until it felt wrong. a wave of awareness had attacked her, a certain darkness that she considered as a warning had overtaken her entirely. DAMON WAS HERE. ‘’ we need to go. we should go. it’s damon … ‘’ and before she could even finish her sentence, a dark shadow approached them & everything went so fast after that. she saw him, noticed him, and then she didn’t. she was left alone with stefan covered in bruises. that was again the end of everything.
now that same feeling is attacking her again. she likes coming here at midnight, buried in books – it gives her some sort of peace. she likes being around people, but sometimes she just needed to be alone. to distract herself. she’s trying to focus, trying to calm her inner thoughts down, telling herself it’s NOTHING. but digits started to tremble, a shiver running down her spine, heart begins to beat faster. run, silly girl, run. he’s here. she doesn’t listen, stubborn as ever. jaw tightly clenched together, anger rising, aware of the magic that’s screaming to unleash itself. everything is overwhelming her, she can feel it in her bones. and just when she wanted to run, she could feel his presence, the sound of his voice echoing around. she doesn’t look at him, her gaze cold, hues fixated on everything else but him. looking at him would only hurt more. she exhales, giving her head a little shake. ‘’ piss off, salvatore. ‘’ she’s mad, but most of all she’s in pain. how could he? after all they’ve been through together, how could he do this to her? she manages to turn around a bit, doe eyes filled with nothing but anger finding his. and oh, heart begins to ACHE. he’s nothing but a tormented soul. the damon she fell in love with long gone now. concern is written all over her, though she tries her best to hide it from him. ‘’ what are you doing here, damon? is it because you feel like throwing another punch? ‘’ bitter words escapes rosy lips, eyes inspecting him, not leaving him out of her sight, too afraid he’ll leave again. he’s done it before, countless of times. she doesn’t want him to leave. frown approaches her, brows narrowed, reaching out for him, brushing a few hair locks out of his face. ‘’ you look like shit. ‘’ he broke her, he really did. and she hates him for it, despises him. well aware of the monster that’s hiding within. but, damon salvatore never really goes away. she still cares, she still worries about him on a daily basis. head tiled, palm tugging his cheek, brown eyes inspecting him, every expression, every feature. she knows she’s supposed to run, to tell him how much she hates him, but this is simply in her nature, taking care of others. ‘’ you need to take care of yourself, damon. if you’re going to continue living like this, you will get yourself killed. ‘’
HE WOULD NEVER FORGET THE LOOK she had on her face after he had punched his brother. she looked straight through him, at his soul, saw what had become of it & her brown eyes spoke what her lips had never: I AM TERRIFIED OF WHO YOU ARE. she was right to be, because in that moment, there was no regret, not an inkling of it on his countenance. there was only satisfaction, in its most sadistic and disturbing form. the blue of his eyes had never appeared darker, darker than the abyss itself. hurting other people physically was one thing, hurting his brother was a different kind of sin. if she weren't there, he wouldn't have stopped at one punch. the terrible truth: nobody got to touch stefan, but he, he wanted to make him feel at least a quarter of his pain. that maniacal desire terrified him too. who was he ? damon salvatore was never righteous, but he had a conscience, boundaries he didn't cross, he had a reason to become better. she was his conscience. she was his motivation to do good, so he would be worthy of her, but then he lost her & he lost himself simultaneously. he lost everything that was good about himself. he was spiraling out of control, without her & without morality; he had sold his soul to voldemort & any other chance at redemption with it. any other chance that elena would look at him one day the way she used to. the way she looked at his brother now. who was he ? a fool in love, nevertheless. as much as he wanted to hurt his brother that day, he stopped because of her. & he came to hogwarts because of her too — without even knowing why; to see her ? to look at her ? to hear her voice one more time ? all of that, & so much more. he wasn't alive anymore; he was existing, surviving, & he didn't have the will to do that anymore. he came back, one last time, to remind himself why he was doing this. for stefan. for her. & most importantly, to make sure that she was happy, that she taught herself how to live without him, the way he couldn't. & he couldn't. as much as he wanted to believe that the purpose of his visit was somewhat honorable, it was anything but. he had restrained himself from seeing her & talking to her for so long, for too long, to the point that it had become unbearable. he was weak, but he wanted to revel in his weakness, just for an hour. he would pay for this hour in blood & longing & years of distance between them — so she could forget, so he could mourn the ghost of them.
nothing made him smile genuinely anymore, but she did. her angry remark elicits a fond expression as the corners of his lips raise upwards. he hopes she'll think it's another smug look, after all, she looks at him so disapprovingly, with such coldness, that he feels unwanted & reprehensible for coming here. the smile disappears upon hearing her next words, & he suddenly remembers that she's not the only one who's angry. he is angry too, & jealous, & hurt. chiseled features harden as he darts her a reproving glance. it's hard to be mad at her when she's this beautiful, when all he can think about is the softness of her lips & the way they used to touch his, but now, he curses even those memories in his head: they are too painful. now, her lips touch his brother's. ❛ ──── WHY, IS STEFAN HIDING UNDER THE TABLE ? because, as a matter of fact, i do feel like throwing multiple punches. ❜ he retorts. her hand reaches towards him & his body tenses at once. he almost flinches — he forgot what her touch felt like & he forgot what it was like to be touched like this, with such softness, as if she cares about him. does she ? does she still care, despite everything that he's done ? of course she does. she cares about everyone. warmth spreads like wildfire on his skin & he leans into her touch, eyes finding hers with a certain desperation. it's like she's healing his heart, taking his pain away, removing all of the doubts he had about coming here. it's like she's in love with him again. but she isn't, & the realization that what she feels for him is compassion & concern & pity but not love makes his entire being ache again. SHE'S IN LOVE WITH STEFAN. SHE PITIES YOU. his head snaps to the side, away from her touch & away from her worried & beautiful eyes that he's so weak for. he swallows the lump in his throat, sight blurred as he stares at nothing in particular, a frown marring his features. he couldn't allow himself to react like that to her touch. SHE'S IN LOVE WITH STEFAN, REMEMBER ? ❛ thanks. it's a special death eater look, really brings out the blue in my eyes. involves little sleep, torturing people & heart— ❜ he cuts himself off; he was so flustered by what had just happened & his cheek is still tingling from her touch, that he almost blurted out something that would have made things more complicated than they already were. heartbreak. ❛ i'll get myself killed either way, elena. ❜ his voice is permeated by bitterness & exhaustion, the light that falls on his features only accenting the dark circles under his eyes. he finally rivets his gaze back to her, hollow & emotionless. ❛ and guess what, if you eat healthy, get enough sleep, exercise & live a happy sunshine life, you still die. ❜ the cynicism in his tone is obvious & harsh, but that's how he sees the world now. in sombre colors. ❛ do you ? ❜ he asks, but there is too much care in that question. he wants to know if she eats & sleeps enough, if she's okay, if she takes care of herself, but it would rouse suspicion, so he quickly readjusts it: ❛ are you happy, elena ? ❜
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