the most #UselessLesbian thing i have ever done was when i was trying to figure out if this girl liked me or not, just constantly arguing with myself about it, and after a couple, uh, months, of this, i was like, “god i wish i could just like… go to court and lay out all this evidence and have a couple lawyers argue over the TRUE MEANING of her text messages, and then a judge tells me if she likes me or not.” and then the proverbial lightbulb went off over my proverbial head, and i dug into my mock trial folder from high school and found the trial guidelines and i wrote out an entire trial transcript featuring a plaintiff (me), my attorney (my wildest hopes and dreams), a defense attorney (my worst fears and insecurities), and a judge (my desperate attempt at rationality). the final product was several thousand words long. it clarified nothing. at any point in this process did it occur to me to ask her how she felt about me? absolutely not. did i ever stop and think, “hey, maybe i should tell her that i like her?” absolutely not. that’s for people who take risks and i don’t take risks i take myself to court in my own head.
grade A romcom material here just picture the movie:
a harried law student meets a pretty girl (maybe she’s an artist or something else cheesy and romantic) the pretty girl flirts with her but she can’t decide if it’s just being friends or actually flirting
she gets together with her friends and over the course of a few days holds an epic mock trial that draws more and more of a crowd until the pretty girl finds out
at the last minute the pretty girl rushes into the courtroom shouting “i have new evidence to present to the court,” the mock judge asks her to step forward and she just kisses the law student
the courtroom cheers
case closed ruled in favor of the defendant
later after they graduate they get married at the courthouse
