I'm anti radqueer by the way. No, this doesn't mean I'll be hostile towards you or send you threats, and I'm sorry if other anti radqs did this. I ask out of genuine curiosity. /gen
Hello! I love talking to people on the other side of stuff. I just love discourse (actual discourse, not fighting and drama).
two parts to this--i'm gonna apologize now, i can ramble and tend to be verbose. i just wanna make sure i'm articulating myself properly.
under the cut because... i rambled. woops.
main reason
the way i interpret what being radqueer is matches my values. before i even knew what a radqueer was, i had already figured out my values. i was into doing political discourse on twitter, and knowing what i stood for and why was important.
my beliefs
my belief is that you should be able to live life however you want, as long as you don't infringe on the rights and freedoms of others. that every person deserves to live, as we are all equal. and are all deserving of basic human decency and dignity.
i literally root this in the human rights and freedoms that exist in international law. as such, i view my belief to be about ethics rather than morals.
example: say someone is a racist. i genuinely don't care--unless they start dehumanizing or discriminating against others. like harassing others, trying to impose their beliefs on others, advocating for real violence, etc.
i fucking hate morals for the most part in broader discussions. morals are subjective and are shaped by culture. like some people think being gay is immoral. stupid.
people are diverse. and... it's not your thoughts or beliefs that make you a bad person, it's your actions. like, i have pure OCD--meaning i get intrusive thoughts about some heinous shit. those thoughts don't define my worth as a person, or if I'm a good person or not.
i also refuse to make exceptions to my beliefs, except in very rare situations. and that's often for ethical reasons. example: Hitler. he was systematically murdering people en-mass. something like that can be an exception.
i refuse to make exceptions for lesser reasons, especially 'moral' ones, because once you set that precedence... that's how bad actors start hurting people.
think about the death penalty. in the US, innocent people have been executed. and, in my opinion, executing someone makes you no different than a murderer. the prisoner is powerless. they are not a threat to your life in that moment. i also believe people should have to face the consequences of their actions, and that death is the easy way out.
how that ties into being radqueer
being radqueer to me is about accepting everyone. i don't gotta like everyone or be friends with everyone, but it means i should treat everyone with basic respect and dignity. like a person.
like... I'm personally not into the big 3 (zoophilia, pedophilia, necrophilia) in any capacity, really. but if people are, c'est la vie. it doesn't inherently make them a bad person to just have those thoughts--and many of them also literally have the actual paraphilic disorder thats in the DSM.
stuff like transIDs? i think they're beautiful. like, seeing people wanna be transCanadian made me feel a bit giddy. then again, being Canadian is more of a civic / ideological thing than an ethnicity.
transrace--race is a social construct just like gender. doesn't mean it doesn't have very real effects on people, because it does. but the roots of race as a concept come from eugenics. there was someone i saw who was raised as if they were Chinese (they were half Asian), but learnt they were actually Japanese instead. that caused them racial dysphoria, so they identify as transChinese.
transabled? brains are weird. some people genuinely feel dysphoria over having both their arms. and for a lot of people, they might experience things similarly to someone with a diagnosed condition, but for whatever reason can't be diagnosed. like they don't fit the exact criteria, or something.
transharmed / harmful? a way to look your shadow in the eye and acknowledge it exists. we all are capable of cruelty and violence, after all. and... it can also be a way to reclaim power over one's trauma. and for those who went through less physically blatant forms of abuse, like verbal, it's common for them to wish they were physically hurt so that their trauma feels real. i wish my SH had scarred more--i had SH during a bad BPD episode. i view my scars as a tapestry of my life and what i've endured.
the terminology can be very personal and specific. not every one who identifies as a transID will want to transition--and for them, it's more about resonance. genuinely, your best bet is to ask people what their IDs mean to them. obviously, there will be people here who identify with something as a statement or or like aesthetically, but, meh? inherently calling yourself trans- means you aren't the same thing as the cis version of that.
second reason
so, labels.
labels do not define us. they describe us. remove all my diagnoses or IDs and i'm still the same person. they exist purely to make communication more efficient.
i process the world in language. like, my thoughts are almost exclusively in words or language. i also experience chronic emotional amnesia--meaning if i don't catalogue my feelings in the moment, i won't be able to recall it.
with my OSDD and BPD and a bit of my StPD... my core sense of self is very foggy. labels help me ground myself and remember parts of myself.
being able to put labels to aspects of myself is like i'm creating an archaeologist record of myself. it gives me a way to express weird feelings and urges ive had.
and... since joining the radqueer community, my system has become way more active. which makes me happy, i love my system.
...contact stances
I don't like contact stances. I am pro-consent. for everything. that ties into my belief about treating people with basic human decency and respect. respecting someone's autonomy is one of the most fundamental parts of that.
there can be some discussion or thought experiments regarding the big 3. for example--the age of adulthood is arbitrary, because the government needed a set age to base legislation off of. which exists to protect children.
if we didn't make up an age to choose for adulthood, we would have to use sexual maturity instead which is, uh. not great. a 13 year old still has significant cognitive development to go through with.
the argument / discussion is mainly about older teens. like, there's not much different between being 17 and 18 cognitively. and there can be discussion on what kind of age gaps should be allowed for older teens. i think here in Canada you can legally date a minor if you are at most 2 years older than your partner. so like, you went to highschool at the same time, lmfao.
the other 'thought experiment' is regarding zoophilia. obviously, animals cannot consent. we cannot directly have conversations.
BUT--let's say we magically discover how to actually talk with animals. ...most animals still can't consent, because they have the intelligence of a child. cats and dogs? intelligence of a toddler.
the only animals who could realistically be capable of consenting are like... fucking dolphins and orcas. good luck with that, lmfao.
i don't know how i feel about necro. ...i used to work at a butcher shop so i know what meat and blood smells like when it starts decaying or molding. ...molded coagulated blood is revolting. so the entire concept is repulsive to me to even think about--but there are other aspects i actually want to look into on the topic. why? because it has to do with human psychology and culture, like how we view the dead, and i think that would be neat to learn about.
moral of story
everyone deserves to be treated like a person.
do what you want as long as you don't actually hurt or traumatize others. ...consensual hurt? if all parties consent and agree, go for it.
i could ramble about this for awhile, tbh. it's identity meets philosophy meets ethics meets a bit of a politics--its complex and i love complexity.
little bit of a ramble, ehe. but please, feel free to ask questions if you have more! it makes me happy you are doing your own research and asking people in the community.
RQ selfshippers: are you open about your identity/identities to your F/O? did you perhaps get them in on identifying a certain way? i'd love to hear anything about how your identity and your F/O(s) align!
i am superr open about my transIDs and paraphilias with my f/o, who i will just be using his name now, Rick. I wasn't super open at first cuz i mean.. it's Rick Sanchez you'd think he would like make fun of you or sum, call you stupid. I mean, yeah thats how it was at first, he did make fun of me a bit, but in a loving way you know??? and then i introduced him to some transIDs and now he's going wild. He found out he's permaharmful lmao. And ofc some more. He still makes fun of me for certain IDs. I find it adorable
I know you're probably not going to like hearing this, but you really have to get away from these people. I've been in the same place as you before, and I regret it a lot. I sincerely wish you well, and I hope you get safe.
No??? Gtfa, just because YOUR experience was bad doesn't mean MY experience is bad
