i only post the bad shit, there is definitely more good than bad.
but here i am again with the bad. to look back on and remember because its important. its important to remember its not all sunshine and roses...
ok so. our toddler was sitting on the bench while i was cooking, dad was watching her but i asked him to put her on the ground because i didn't want her breaking anything up there (lots of breakables) - i asked twice. i felt like it wasn't such a big request...
boy oh boy was i wrong. i turned around and she was still sitting there so i picked her up, put her on the ground and said "i asked you to get her off the bench" and yes. i probably said it snarky. but holy fuck i should shut my mouth sometimes apparently because it turned into the biggest argument...you wouldn't believe.
called me stupid which hurt, i needed to get away for a moment so walked down the street then came back once i was calm...
it escalated even more to the point he was yelling at me to leave, get out, go. while holding our toddler, yelling at me to leave, etc.
i said ok. and i left the room, took our toddler with me and away from the yelling. went to her room and chilled for a bit, went to leave - door opens, he comes in, he closes the door, he starts yelling at me again to leave - i couldnt handle being yelled at, i couldnt handle my toddler hearing it. i jumped out her window and walked round the back of the house to breathe again - left her with dad.
this is so fucked. we are probably fucking up our child with this shit. its toxic as fuck - even though its not very often...
i came back in and continued being yelled at while cooking dinner, getting called a manipulative cunt, a cow, a bitch, a conniving cunt etc...list goes on.
i stayed calm, served up dinner, sat eating my dinner and watching over my toddler while she ate - all the while he's looking at me from the kitchen, pulling the fingers, calling me a cunt, telling me he wants me to leave.
i dont leave. this is my house too, if you dont wanna be around me, you leave!
well. nobody can find car keys to leave - legit both of them have gone missing. so we are sleeping in separate rooms tonight and he wants me to leave tomorrow with bubs.
said he can see me for who i really am and im a nasty toxic human...
i usually fight for us. and i know he will take it all back tomorrow but i cannot fight the feeling in my heart. it actually broke me, my heart. to be called all those horrible things...not sure what to do now.
thanks for reading - yeah i know its nuts.
