fairytale thoughts

[normalfaerie]

Not just beautiful, though—the stars are like the trees in the forest, alive and breathing. And they’re watching me. What I’ve done up till now, what I’m going to do—they know it all. Nothing gets past their watchful eyes. As I sit there under the shining night sky, again a violent fear takes hold of me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I can barely breathe. All these millions of stars looking down on me, and I’ve never given them more than a passing thought before. Not just stars—how many other things haven’t I noticed in the world, things I know nothing about? I suddenly feel helpless, completely powerless. And I know I’ll never outrun that awful feeling.

- kafka on the shore by haruki murakami

[normalfaerie]

to be loved by a man who admired me, who understood me as much as I understood myself.

- the unabridged journals of sylvia plath

[normalfaerie]

I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me. My love’s not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write about my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I’ll ever have. And you cannot regard your own life with objective curiosity all the time …

- The unabridged journals of sylvia plath

[normalfaerie]

Why do you cry at every little thing? I don't know, maybe i like crying. I enjoy feeling the water leaking out of my eyes which is why i cry at every thing. When i sad, i cry. When i am happy, i cry. When i am angry, i cry. When i feel nothing, i cry. Let me cry peacefully!! It's not like i am disturbing you with my cries. It's not my problem if you don't know how to deal with people who are sad or that you don't know how to express your emotions.

[normalfaerie]

If someone is rude to you, you get angry and take it out on someone else. If someone is rude to me, i cry. Why is it that when both of us are dealing with the sadness in our own way, my way of dealing with it is considered to be weak? Do you think i like crying? No it is how i deal with things. I am not stupid as to not know that this is life. I am dealing with my life, let me cry peacefully!!!!!!!!!

[normalfaerie]

So apparently i am supposed to cry if i face a situation where people are rude to me or i fail or i am hurt or literally anytime i am sad. Because that is life.

[normalfaerie]

Ah, what the hell do I care what they think– (damn much.)

- Sylvia Plath

[stuckinapril]

That feeling of falling in love w life again after a long period on autopilot … absolutely ineffable. These days I try to linger a little while longer in patches of sunlight on cold winter mornings even when I’m on my way to things

[normalfaerie]

— Tell me something I don’t know! I know all that, and I can’t fucking deal with it. Knowing doesn’t make things easier! Can you stop pretending everything is so simple? I lashed out, acting like someone who’d lost everything in a blink, like someone who saw something valuable snatched out of their hands. Jinju’s words had unleashed all my pent- up feelings, exposing just how fiercely my heart was roaring inside. Is life easier without knowing? Is it even helpful to understand and express the emotions that govern you? Inside me were a host of clashing personalities vying for supremacy: a tyrant, a bitter child, a scared boy, a heartless soul, a sex maniac. Anxiety gushed through my veins like a poison, burning my throat with frustration and laughter. I needed, yearned to be loved. Deeply.

- Hunger by Choi Jin Young

[no]

I’m kind of miserable and it feels permanent but its whatever

[normalfaerie]

She was thinking: I can’t stand it I can’t stand it I can’t stand it. She drummed her fingers against walls, trees, her thighs. She sucked the ends of her hair. Things had not gone wrong for so long that she began to worry that the rest of her life would be like this: peace, contentment, lethargy.

- Briefly, a delicious life by Nell Stevens

[normalfaerie]

I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[normalfaerie]

A version of me I want to be (someone I am proud of being)

We should be the best versions of ourself. How does one actually become that? Being the best version means being perfect. Not making mistakes. Being satisfied and happy with what you have. Not be greedy or selfish or angry or sad. I don't think such a best version exists.

Instead I want a version to be able to make mistakes without the fear of failure. I want to get a good job, earn decent money and lead a decent life. I want to read a lot of books, watch lots of movies, visit a lot of places. This is the generic answer at least.

I want to become a version who isn't envious of other people. Who is satisfied with everything they have. I want to become a version who appreciates everything around her, who is able to romanticize mundane tasks. Who is able to look at others without feeling jealous. I want to become a version who doesn't automatically start pretending around others, who tries to be the nicest person in the room. I want the privilege to make mistakes.

Being this version is not possible for me. Atleast not now. I just want the version even if fictional to know that it's fine to feel sad. It's okay to not know about the future. It's fine to envy people, to feel jealous, angry. These are normal emotions and it's okay being irrational sometimes if you know you can come out to the other side without hurting anyone. It's fine not thinking about anything, being tired and overwhelmed. I want the version to never pretend to feel emotions in front of others. To never think about acting like the perfect person. I want the version to never think about money problems. I want the version to live a peaceful life and never settle for anything. I want the version to be able to have a silent mind sometimes, to have a vivid imagination, to be childish and immature sometimes, to always wonder, be curious like alice. I want the version who can be a human being without being reprimanded for it.

The last I want for the fictional version is to build the library from the beauty and the beast because wow!!!!!

[stuckinapril]

today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern today I’m going to break the pattern

[normalfaerie]

Why is Instagram so disheartening nowadays? If you're not aesthetic or high quality you cannot grow. This is probably my third bookstagram account and I am again at that point where I am wondering what is even the point of having a bookstagram. I also have a booktube but that is also as equal as dead. I cherish every view that I get but it still hurts a little to see my channel not growing. I have made a new booktube channel just so that I cam feel the love for creating book content again. 🤞🤞

[eli-zab3th]

head not empty, head full of countless scenarios that will never happen

[normalfaerie]

Why does the night have to be so beautiful?

As I walk through the night, I remember what Mitsutsuka said to me. “Because at night, only half the world remains.” I count the lights. All the lights of the night. The red light at the intersection, trembling as if wet, even though it isn’t raining. Streetlight after streetlight. Taillights trailing off into the distance. The soft glow from the windows. Phones in the hands of people just arriving home, and people just about to go somewhere. Why is the night so beautiful? Why does it shine the way it does? Why is the night made up entirely of light?

The music flows from the earphones filling my ears, filling me—it becomes everything. A lullaby. A gorgeous piano lullaby. What a wonderful piece of music. It really is. It’s my favorite piece by Chopin. Did you like it too, Fuyuko? Yeah. It’s like the night is breathing. Like the sound of melted light.

The light at night is special because the overwhelming light of day has left us, and the remaining half draws on everything it has to keep the world around us bright.

You’re right, Mitsutsuka. It isn’t anything, but it’s so beautiful that I could cry.

- all the lovers in the night by mieko kawakami