Northvale Academy Gossip

Fancy seeing you here, lets hope no one is checking your internet history because this blog is going to be your dirty little secret. Correction; it’ll be everyone’s, so maybe that will put your guilty conscience at ease for finding this blog and sticking...

[northvalegossip]

Guess who’s back?

... back again, Gossip Girl’s back, tell a friend. Genuine apologizes on that cringe worthy introduction, it had to be done; in my defence we all know we were singing that song in our heads. You probably all know who I am or have at least heard of my legacy, unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past couple years. But for those who don’t, welcome to my darling blog. Here you will find all the dirty little secrets and happenings that go on at Northvale. All of those skeletons in your closest are soon coming out, baby. So prepare yourself for the making or breaking of your college life, will you fall or fly? 

Out of the kindest of my heart I will give you a handful of tips for if you have any hope of surviving this college, you can thank me later. Rule #1 - keep your friends close but your frenemies closer. Rule #2 - trust no man, fear no bitch. Rule #3 - if you’re going to send nudes to that douchebag in Calc 3 make sure they’re pornstar worthy because the whole school is bound to see them. Rule #4 - I don’t know why I’m even stating this because no one will listen but do not get to hammered at the welcoming party unless you want to hook up with someone you have known all of 24 hours and get labelled as a slut... Actually, scratch that, that would be juicy content for my blog. 

Okay, I could go on for days over these rules from many years of experience watching you sweethearts repeatedly fuck up over and over again but I will leave you with one more anecdote that hopefully will keep your gossip buds tantalized...  our principle, Dean Simmons, keeps a 50 year old bottle of scotch in the top draw of his office desk under lock and key and for many years it has been challenged for someone, anyone, to steal it and drink it. In all of those 50 years no one has succeeded and you’re bound to go down in Northvale history (a legacy that will be remembered for many years after you go) if you triumph in stealing it. So that is my challenge for anyone who accepts it, steal the scotch and get absolutely pissed at the welcoming party on Friday. And if you succeed? Lets just say I will make life a hell of a lot easier for the winner, an offer you simply can’t let pass.  

Ah, there’s nothing like a fun little game to start off the new school year. Good luck my darlings, not just for the challenge but for all that you will learn that comes with the Northvale boarding package. Oh and for other less formal snippets of gossip, check out my ask.fm page: @newnvqueen. 

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

Sophomore Dorm Party Details: Kiss and Tell

Surprisingly and to my liking, the night started off rather quickly. Two students started a game of spin the bottle which led to a few report-worthy kisses. Elsa kissed Chris, who I'm pretty sure wanted to rinse his mouth out after since he doesn't play for that team. Elliot and Sydney were subtly flirting for the first half of the night and it continued when Elliot kissed Sydney after the bottle had landed on her. Little did she know that Everett had just walked in and spotted the kiss in action; the look on his face didn't appear too happy but it didn't take him long to find another girl to kiss. He was seen making out with country newbie, Dixie. It was her first kiss so apparently that's the second girl whose virgin lips Everett de-purified. Chris and Zedd also shared a quick smooth but that only lasted about a fraction of a second and resulted in an argument. Believe it or not, Iona decided to show up. I personally thought she wouldn't make it after her whole nudes scandal. I thought she would either be hiding her face in her dorm room or getting a boob job. She ended up kissing Brent, who looked about as happy as a kid in a candy store to finally be getting at least some action and also he looked rather happy to try and make Sydney jealous. Apparently it worked because not soon after, Brent and Sydney were spotted kissing over by the beer keg, romantic huh? 

Emily ended up coming with new guy, Asher, but soon found herself with Nathan. There was clearly some tension between Asher and Nathan, especially when Asher came over to tell Emily she could find her own ride home because he was taking Serenity back to her dorm. This wasn't a problem at all because Nathan ended up taking Emily back to his dorm, but shockingly they did not end up doing the deed. Asher and Serenity, on the other hand, did.

Alexis and another new guy, Beau, seemed to be cozying it up at the party and they hit it up fairly well because he led her back to her dorm and was seen leaving in the morning. I guess chivalry really is the way to get into a girl's room.

Towards the end of the night, Donatella showed up which seemed to make Teddy very happy. She ended up confessing that she has feelings for him and likes him. Teddy, being the smartie that he is, didn't hear at first and stood rather dumbfounded before realizing what she said and kissing her and later asking her to be his girlfriend. So yes everyone, Tedella is a real thing, now comes the question of seeing how long it'll last. I'm placing my bets on a few months, five tops.

All in all, the party was pretty interesting with a number of make-outs that probably wouldn't have happened without the influence of alcohol.

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

Gossip Girl for Student Body President!

Just kidding, although it is adorable how hard some are trying to win their peers votes. Yes I'm looking at you Christopher. Some are taking the more serious approach... and others, like Zedd. I quote, his reasoning behind running is that he has "great abs and a great face" and gets "all the girls and guys." Winter Pollard says just because she is her that she deserves to be on the Student Body. And then there's the try hards; Donatella, Elsa, Lilo, Chris like before stated, Ava, Ophelia, Stephanie, Darchelle... yawn, need I go on? 

It seems this weekend will be party central, between Lita's birthday party tonight and a dorm party tomorrow. See you then,

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

The need to knows of Emily's birthday bash,

Well, well, happy birthday Emily and thanks for a gorgeously dramatic evening - from fights to flings this party had it all.

Let's start with what happened with the birthday girl herself but in all honesty Emily wasn't of as much interest as a handful of her guests were. She started the night as every girl does, on the dancefloor with her friends. Soon she started conversing with love intrest, Nathan Aldridge, who got her hooked on a certain Aldridge special cocktail. Clearly, innocent Daddy's girl can't hold her alcohol because after a couple dozen drinks she was completely and utterly wasted - saying a few home truths that Nathan brushed off presumably because he wanted in her pants. As all conversations between those two go, obsessed fight-starter Iona Wood "accidentally" bumped into Emily, spilling her drink all over herself and Emily. As drunk little Em went to find her a towel for her arch-nemesis, Iona some how managed to drive Nathan out of the party in a mood. Although a day after he told Emily he went home alone, in reality he met up with new girl Keira Reynolds on campus. Emily soon took to Ask.fm on a drunk and giddy regretable honesty hour, just being a down right drunken embarassment. 

Anywho, moving on to greener and more interesting pastures... Let's talk about best friend of the birthday girl - Donatella Bellamy. Because she certainly got around last night, I'd recommend taking some multivitamins for your health with the amount of bacteria ridden saliva swapped that night Ella, darling. It seems she moved from grinding on Teddy Mullins, to being grinded on by Sadie Hastings, to thrusting herself onto Kai Kingsley with clearly no complaints from him but surely would have from a jealous looking Teddy, to ditching him for some one-on-one time with Jesse Brooks. If getting around was the goal, you definitely exceeded it. The things girls will do to be interesting enough to make it on my blog, eh, it's ever so flattering...

Okay, what's next? Oh, yes, the fight between Falen Sonnet and North Rivera. It seems North made a witty comment to do with Falen's drinking and Falen snapped, throwing her drink in North's face. North took the vodka Falen was drinking and throwing at her, which Falen didn't like and there started a tug of war match between them - the prize a bottle of vodka. I'm beginning to question if we're back in elementary, just swapping the crayons for alcohol. Falen won and North retreated to find a non-spiked drink of her own, which Falen secretly spiked with her vodka then returned to randomly push North and spill vodka all over innocent bystander Saskia Bailey. North to make matters worse idiotically threw her glass bottle on the ground resulting in it breaking, surprisingly avoiding any cuts or trips to the emergency room. There, psycho Falen started her rampage, slapping Saskia around the face and pulling North by the hair to the ground. Ya-de-da, fighty-fighty-fighty, blah-blah-blah... all over a harmless but perhaps unnecessary comment. Boy should this Falen girl be thankful this happened out of school hours and that the two girls aren't suing for assault. What a bunch of idiots.

Onto more of the romantic side as damn are you students dramatically horny, lets talk Kittie Jameson and Percy Waverly. Drunk Percy kissed Devon Luxem, not aware Kittie was watching until it was too late. Kittie ran off to go cry in her dorm and watch Clueless as every girl seems to do and Percy still in a drunken state decided it wasn't questionable to throw stones at her window and climb into her room. Oh, young love. Young, stupid, love.

Of course, there were other bits and bobs that went on such as new kid Mattie Shane drawing attention from a few girls but turning each down and more drunk kissing. That would take me a week to include all the slight happenings so this is all you're getting - the highlights of the night if you will.

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

Spotted: Trouble in paradise for the Brit boys,

I think the water's safe to talk about the comical scene between Emily Hart and the Collins twins in the projection room yesterday, I doubt it'll ruin their game as Emily confessed to Iona Wood in the dance hall that she doesn't read my darling blog. Well, she is missing out but at least I can write about this juicy situation without ruining further drama regarding it. 

So it seems Will thought up the amusing idea of pretending to be his identical twin brother, Elliott, when asked which twin he was by confused little Em. However what he did not know was only days ago Emily and Elliott were getting it on in the Janitor's closet and since had taken quite the fancy to each other. Don't tell Bernie, eh. 

But it doesn't stop there, to make things even better Elliott interrupted them to find his lost key card and had to go along with his brother's plan much to his disapproval and act as if he was Will. Absolutely priceless. What turned from harmless fun for Will turned into a bad brother move as Emily started holding his hand right in front of the real Elliott and couldn't say anything about it. So, Elliott stormed off - Emily nonetheless wiser and Will clearly kicking himself about the little white lie he told.

I warn you, this is where things turn sour, as Emily tried to make a very innocent kindergarten style move by holding his hands and Will awkwardly took off to find his brother - leaving Emily clueless and hurt. Every cloud has a silver lining though, at least for our very own womanizer Nathan Aldridge who walked into Emily after the incident and played Prince Charming to her. Nothing like a bit of grafting to get a lay, right Nathan?

I cannot wait to see how this plays out, I'll keep you posted on that one. But for now,

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

Spotted, keyboard warriors on Ask.fm:

As said last night, there was trouble in paradise for lover boys Cameron Jacobson and Sean Hartwell after their not-so-cleanly-done break up and Cameron’s upset continued throughout the afternoon til he took to Ask.fm to share his emotions. Obviously after Sean lying to him about getting frisky with a girl before they started dating has made him paranoid as fuck, turning to accuse friend of Sean’s Melanie Emerson of flirting with him throughout their relationship and trying to make a move on him now he was single. Firstly he referred vaguely of his “slutty” female friends, telling Sean that he could bring as many of them as he wanted and he wouldn’t care. Bragging about his new boyfriend Jake, Cameron clearly must of been trying to make Sean jealous of some sort and naturally aggravated him. Melanie being Sean’s friend he defended her telling him that she wasn’t any of the things Cameron was describing her as (slut, whore, bitch). Melanie saw this and approached Cameron on his Ask.fm profile to stand up for herself and received more abuse from Cameron. Emily Hart, Melanie’s friend, intervened in Melanie’s defense a few abusive replies later but was plainly told to fuck off. Emily’s cousin Serena Anderson then involved herself, not standing for her cousin to be Cameron’s next subject of abuse. Cameron later apologized to Emily but refused to do so with Melanie or Serena. For someone moved on with a new upgraded boyfriend, Cameron seems a tad like a jealous ex boyfriend to me. What do you all think? Catch you later, darlings. 

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

Spotted, a crying Cameron and his savior Serenity:

Oh dear, seems our very own gay couple has ended with a bang and a lot of tears. That’s right ladies and gentlemen, Cameron Jacobson and Sean Hartwell have visited splitsville. One second they were oh so lovey-dovey and the next Cameron was distraught in the Common Room explaining his situation in a very confusing and vague way to stranger Serenity Londen. It seems Sean coming home high was the straw that broke the camel’s back, on top of the fact he lied about licking a girls boobs before they started dating. Which you must admit is pretty strange, and pretty amusing. 

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

[northvalegossip]

Spotted in the Common Room:

If it wasn’t already obvious from the mindless flirting via Ask.fm, Sydney Walters and Everett Chrestman are hitting it off just dandy in their brewing soon-to-be relationship. It takes no genius to suspect they’ll surely soon be something of an item, however Everett definitely has been blessed with brilliant cheekbones and a body you could grate cheese off of so who knows who else may have their eye on him. Sydney is a perfect example of giving a good hard to get game, with sarky comments and a condescending attitude she’s sure to have him wanting more sooner or later. You know what they say, treat ’em mean to keep ’em keen.

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.

[northvalegossip]

My, oh my, welcome to Northvale High...

So, as summer vacation has finally come to a long awaited and daunting end our perturbed freshman class of ‘14 linger through the campus of our home, not so sweet home; otherwise known as Northhell High. Welcome, welcome, one and all. Of course it’s only fitting of me to introduce myself to my court, all of my darling readers. I am Gossip Girl, the Queen, your Worst Nightmare, whatever you see fit. Dishing the gossip, ruining lives, being at the most powerful status of the social hierarchy is all in a days work for myself. And the scariest thought of all? I’m another face in the crowd for you, perhaps I sit next to you in Algebra 2 or maybe I’m even a friend you’d confide in. Who am I? Nobody knows. I'm the image of deception.

Those who said high school was the best four years of their lives are lying through their forced fake smiles, oh you’re all in for a treat. Just remember - what happens behind closed doors here at Northvale High will, and I guarantee, not stay behind them. Good luck... you’ll need it.

You know you love me, XOXO, Gossip Girl.