this blog will be for reading, recommending and reblogging. this is a blog where i can just exist without worrying about my writing, so i will be writing my thoughts every now and then too.
CONTENT INCLUDES:
skz
enhypen
woso
how to find my recommended fics :
#<3 are for the ones i really like!
#¥£ are for smutty fics that i enjoy!
(if it is tagged as just #<3 without #¥£ along with it, then its fluff!)
i never realised how important writing has become for me
when i was younger, i always thought that writing just merely academic
having written multiple compositions, essays, only to hate it
but now, the day i stop writing, is the day all my creative liberties have died.
i can’t imagine life without penning down my thoughts, rushing to my notes app to gush and spill out my thoughts.
i can’t imagine a life where i keep everything to myself, and the pen that i always reach for is tucked away, that rainbow binder that contains all my memories, my thoughts, has been kept, never to see daylight again.
i think i am a big hypocrite, wanting to get a message across that writing is not only limited to academic purposes, but it allows us to feel so deeply, that anyone who reads that you write will feel exactly as you do. but i am. this entire text that i have mindlessly written before i sleep at midnight sounds so much like an essay i did back in secondary school.
i guess i would always go back to my roots.
i guess i just wanted to say that writing helps us feel, see how others feel, and more importantly, it makes us think. our brains are used to constant stimulation, but writing, oh while i might get bored over saying the same lines over and over again about the type of subject, i don’t care. i’d do that a million times over if that allows me to see more than just myself.
i know i always somehow manage to churn out something to write about and recently i ws telling a ffiend about it and i realised i only weite when i have a muse to think about, to write about, to gush about. when i dont have something to fixate on i just blank, and i just go months and months without writing about anything or anyone. i dont know if this is normal or not but it feels weird to see all my past fixations in one place? like im currently really into woso, but seeing all my skz content that i used to post makes me cringe in such a bad way.
Omg babe thank you for helping out the elisa girlies. Idk what to request but can you write about elisa being super flirty with r because she's gorgeous? Or maybe she'd be really shy like that video of her next to Nourhene loll idk you choose.
Thanks bae ☝️
no problem love!! i did her being shy and i'll probably put out her being flirty later today!🫶🏽
一 making her nervous
♡ wc: 306
♡ the way i was already thinking abt writing this before asked is crazy
♡ also listen to i wanna be yours by arctic monkeys while reading for extra affect 🤭🤭
a recent game had just ended, you guys taking the victory, and a reporter came up to you as you were leaving the field. she asked about the game and how you keep playing after pushing through for so long.
elisa was walking up next to you, watching as you answered the questions. she couldn't help but notice how pretty you looked. a sheer layer of sweat covering your skin and your smile wide as the bright lighting hit you perfectly.
it really hits when you laugh, slightly bending over and it's like it all happens in slow motion. she watches the way your hair falls and feels her cheeks go pink. your hands resting on your hips when you stand straight again.
you always had a way of unintentionally flustering her. and it just so happens the camera caught it all. (fans made edits of her fawning over u btw) her trance ends when you hold the microphone out for her and she comes back to reality.
the reporter had asked her a question, “huh?” she asks. you repeat the question for her but it seems to go over her head a second time from the way you look at her. her eyes trail over your face, admiring you in all your beauty.
she nods, “uh..y-yeah.” mindlessly answering the question while still staring at you. but when her answer doesn't make sense it seems you and the interviewer notice her distracted state and laugh. her cheeks get darker and she laughs when you do.
soon the interview is over and you link your arm with hers while you walk to the locker room. when you call out her red cheeks she bashfully laughs, not saying anything.
i thought of a PERFECT lessi fic. so r is a teacher and one of her students have a cute crush on her. lessi notices the little gifts she’s getting and gets jealous
school yard crush II a.russo
"-alright that's the bell and i will see you all tomorrow. make sure to be sensible and smart when walking home or by the road please year three!" you called out after your students as they filed out one by one, chattering happily that the day was finally over.
"miss?" you looked down to see one of your boys was requesting your attention, hiding something behind his back. "yes ben?" you gave it to him as he shuffled from foot to foot. "this is for you bye!" he handed you a folded piece of paper and raced off out of the room causing you to laugh.
watching to make sure all of them made it out safely you returned to your desk, having some homework to mark before you could head home hopefully before five.
taking a seat you opened the letter, a smile growing on your face as the boy had scrawled a poem using the letters of your name to compliment you. "so cute." you chuckled, taking a photo of it and tucking it away in your desk.
"lessi? you home?" you called out a few hours later as you let yourself in, not having seen her car in the driveway. dumping your bag on the counter you noticed a heart shaped note stuck to the fridge indicating your fiancé had headed to the market to grab a few things.
unsure when she'd left or when she'd return you headed off to shower, ready to wash off the day and get comfortable to continue the marking you'd not yet finished.
stepping out of the bathroom and into your bedroom you could hear music and smell the inevitable scent of the blondes cooking signaling she was home. changing into her arsenal travel top and a pair of shorts you made your way toward the source of the alluring scent.
"hello you." she saw you before you reached her, stirring something in a pan as she sent you a beaming smile. "hi baby." you kissed her gently in greeting before clinging to her tightly, feeling an immediate sense of calm settle over you as the two of you shared an embrace.
"you smell lovely." the striker mumbled as she rubbed your back and kissed your cheek, the two of you stepping away from one another. "it's this new body wash, it's caramel scented." you yawned, rounding the bench and settling yourself on a stool.
"when did you get that?" alessia asked curiously, moving to chop some carrots as she kept a watchful eye over what was already on the stove. "one of the kids at school gave it to me, i tried to give it back but he started to cry and i felt too guilty." you admitted with a sheepish smile.
"mm teachers pet? every class needs one." alessia laughed, sweeping the carrot off the board and into the pan. "no i think he has a crush, it's quite sweet really." you chuckled, alessia's smile disappearing at that. "should you be encouraging that?" she questioned with a small frown.
"i'm not encouraging it!" you chuckled as your fiancé simply hummed. "alessia russo are you jealous of an eight year old?" you teased with a grin, the blonde sending you a glare over her shoulder. "no." she grumbled with a frown.
"my love i mention that my name's gonna change once i get married like every five minutes. i'm not leaving you for him less." you laughed at the question.
"i'd also be marrying you in prison if you did." alessia retorted as you clicked your tongue in agreement. "look its harmless babe. i'm sure his parents got the body wash anyway, you know very well they have no issues trying to bribe me to pay their kids a little extra attention. and you have no issues eating the chocolates that follow!" you smiled standing up and moving to hug her from behind, poking her very ticklish sides as she squealed and grabbed your hands in hers.
"he did write me a little poem today though. you know you could take some tips from this kid i don't see any love letters from you!" you teased, placing a few gentle kisses to her neck. "i leave you notes in your lunch all the time!" alessia protested with a huff.
"yeah that say things like 'property of future mrs russo' or 'reminder that you have the best fiance in the world'." you laughed with a roll of your eyes. "they make you smile do they not?" alessia raised an eyebrow as you had to agree.
"then you're welcome."
"mm so romantic." you smiled, the blonde pecking your lips before you removed yourself, grabbing your phone and waving her over to read the poem from today.
"i guess that's a little bit sweet." alessia admitted with a sigh, stealing another kiss and returning back to the stove.
"what's cookin good lookin?" you questioned as you slid your laptop out of your bag, placing it down in front of you and moving your bag to the floor.
"beef ragu." you could have moaned at the answer, instead sighing happily as alessia chuckled at your obvious excitement.
"if food is the way to the heart you could have asked me to marry you the first night you cooked for me and i'd have said yes." you grinned, flashing your wedding ring at her as she sent you a wink.
~
"come on come on come on, i want butts in chairs within thirty seconds or we'll do extra math all afternoon instead!" you warned playfully as your class took their time dawdling in from their morning break. though at that threat they sprinted in and hurried to sit down making you laugh.
"it's quiet reading time to calm down a bit, everyone go and grab a book please!" you encouraged, gesturing toward the bookshelf on the back wall.
"why did you get us to sit down if we had to get up again to get a book miss?" one of the girls called out with a groan. "because i can! now off you go." you waved, taking a seat at your desk. focused on the paper in front of you you jumped slightly as you glanced up and found a pair of eyes much closer than you thought.
"these are for you miss." ben thrust out a handful of flowers and weeds, messily tied together with a hair tie as dirt showered down on your desk making you wince. "did you pick these out of the garden buddy?" you asked to which he nodded with an eager grin.
"okay. i think we need to have a little chat." you smiled, standing to your feet and gesturing for him to follow you outside. "3C my listening ears are on, so keep reading and no silly business or its times tables for all!" you warned seriously before stepping out of the classroom and partially closing the door.
"how come you brought me those flowers ben?" you started gently as the two of you sat down on the bench outside your classroom. "because my dad gets my mum flowers." he answered matter of factly as you bit back a smile.
"okay. so you got them for me because..." you encouraged for him to finish your sentence. "you're really pretty, like my mum." he again answered confidently. "now ben that is very sweet, but you know you and me aren't like your mum and dad." you started softly.
"i'm your teacher, so we have a special relationship but not like the one your mum and dad have. i am always here if you're feeling sad or upset or confused or angry or if you just need to chat, and i'll always do my best to help you. but i already have a fiancé, and i love her like your dad loves your mum." you continued, the boys face falling slightly but nodding along.
"and she gave me this ring which means that we promise to only love each other like your dad loves your mum. one day when you're ready and a lot older, you'll find someone like that too! but you have to stop getting me things okay? its very thoughtful but i want you to only think of me like a teacher or a friend, okay?" you finished as ben nodded.
"now you and olivia are pretty good friends right?" you diverted as he confirmed. "so why don't you go and give her the flowers? because you can give best friends things like that too to make them smile! just not teachers." you clarified as the boy let out a small oh and nodded quickly.
"alright. thank you for listening! back inside you go." the smile returning to his face as he raced inside you let out a sigh, taking a moment to collect yourself and return, clapping a pattern and grinning as all your students clapped back.
~
"only me!" you perked up as your fiancés voice rang through your shared home, a thump as she tripped over on the way in making you grin as she hurried to the kitchen.
"welcome home clumsy." you greeted her as the blonde returned and wasted no time flopping her taller form down on top of you. "how was dinner?" you asked, running your hands through her hair, alessia having gone out with a few of her team mates after training.
"it was lovely. missed you though!" she pouted as you kissed it away, having declined her invitation in favor of lesson planning. "brought you some leftovers. have you eaten?" she pushed herself up to hover over you as you shook your head with a guilty smile.
"baby it's nearly nine thirty! no more work, i'm banning it." your fiancé scowled, closing your laptop expertly with her foot and hauling you up to your feet. "those are for you too." she kissed your cheek and nodded to a bunch of flowers on the counter as she moved to heat you up some food.
"oh lessi, they're gorgeous. thank you!" you smiled softly in appreciation as she placed a bowl into the microwave. "are these just because i told you about ben today?" you teased, having called the striker during your lunch break to fill her in on your conversation.
"no! they're just because i love you." alessia defended, moving to press her body into yours and bury her face in your neck as you hummed with a chuckle, the taller girls lips beginning to mark a trail down the column of your throat as she pushed you a little harder into the counter.
"maybe it had a tiny bit to do with it...but just a tiny bit!"
Summary: You're quite clumsy around a certain Spanish midfielder...
Warnings: None, I don't think? Just a lot of fluff tbh, likely some Spanish errors
Word count: 5.7k
A/N: Once again written at 2am, though fueled purely by energy drinks w/ an absence of pb&j uncrustables. As always, good luck ya'll.
The first time you’d ever set eyes on Alexia Putellas, your face soon met the ground. You were a rather clumsy person, but something about the beautiful Spanish woman with honey-brown eyes seemed to amplify your clumsiness. You would have preferred to discover your inaptitude to find your feet around the other woman, however, while you weren’t in the middle of a football match against Barcelona.
As a defensive midfielder, you were instructed to mark Alexia Putellas throughout the match. You’d known of Putellas’ potential before the match and had been preparing for her technicality and the way she could manipulate the field to create openings. With that knowledge, you tried your best to shut her down.
With that being said, as Alexia received the ball, you closed in on the Spanish woman to create pressure. Trying to keep your eyes on the other woman, your gaze soon met her passionate brown one, and the next thing you knew, you were tripping over your own feet and spilling out onto the ground. You were quick to get back up, but the ball had been dribbled far past you by the time you’d regained your sense of balance. Luckily, the ball was cleared from your side of the pitch before the Barcelona team could score, but you were aware of the mistake you’d made– especially so due to the new grass stain on the front of your jersey.
As you jogged back to a position to better mark Alexia, one of your teammates patted your back.
“Ay, feetsy. Do your best to keep your balance, please?” You couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at their new nickname for you, really hoping that it wouldn’t carry to the rest of the team. You didn’t have much longer at this particular club team, as your contract was running out within the next six months. In fact, you were playing against the very team that you were planning on playing for at the end of your contract: Barcelona.
As the game continued to pass by, Barcelona did what Barcelona did best, scoring on your team several times. It was, to be perfectly honest, quite embarrassing, but none of the goals that were scored against you had been from Alexia, so you decided that you were doing your job of shutting the Spanish woman down quite well. After your first slip-up, you’d managed to stay on your feet most of the time and effectively blocked out Alexia. However, as yet another corner kick was taken for the Barcelona team, you found yourself in close proximity with the Spanish player, even more so than before as you slid right next to her, one hand out to push her a little bit. However, she pushed right back. You tried to push the thought of how her soft hand felt on the bare skin of your arm as the ball was kicked into play. As Alexia started her run to try and collect the ball, which fell to one of her teammates, you also ran to intercept her attempt.
You brushed up against the Spanish woman, and before you knew it your foot was kicking into Alexia’s own and you were spilling out forward, unable to get your hands up in time to stop your descent to the ground. Your face and chest hit first, and a burst of pain spiraled along your face, primarily in your nose as you rolled over, both hands hovering over your own face as your eyes closed tightly. You let out a groan of pain and just laid on your back, opening your eyes and trying to blink away the stars which danced through your vision.
Since, yet again, the ball had miraculously been cleared from your side of the pitch, nobody’s eyes were on you. The play didn’t stop as you laid on your back, having been slightly behind the play when you’d gone down.
Pressure in the form of a hand on your shoulder, however, had you moving your head slightly to focus on the owner of said hand. The Spanish woman who had been tripping you up all game was crouched down beside you. Her warm gaze was on your face, brows furrowed in concern as you saw her turn briefly to try and wave to get the attention of quite literally anybody else. It was only a second later that the play was stopped by the ref’s shrill whistle, but you weren’t really paying attention to anything but the pain in your face and the warm hand that hadn’t left your shoulder. Typically, the Spanish woman would have continued on with the play, but given the fact that she’d essentially bodied you into the ground and the huge scoring gap between the two teams, she’d decided to stay by your side. There was another reason that had influenced her decision to stay with you, but she tried to push the intrigue she felt towards you to the side as she hovered beside you.
“¿Estás bien? Are you alright?” The girl wasn’t sure which language to speak to you, so she used both– albeit more hesitantly in her usage of English, as it wasn’t her strong suit.
“I’m okay,” you groaned out, trying not to move your lips too much as you spoke, as it felt as though your nose was on fire. You could feel a particular liquid leaking down your face and hoped that it was sweat. Given the burst of pain that you’d received just from the simple act of speaking, you figured that this was not the case (but hey– a person can dream, right?).
“You don’t look… okay.” Alexia commented, words somewhat choppy as she continued to take you in. Her arm stayed on your shoulder, thumb rubbing against your collarbone in a comforting, though somewhat awkward, fashion. She was trying to comfort you in the best way she could, but it was rather obvious that she didn’t know how.
“Wow– way to charm a woman, Putellas. Really knocking my socks off here.” You managed to joke, a small smile trying to form itself on your face, though it quickly morphed into a grimace at the resulting pain. While she wasn’t entirely sure what you meant by taking off your socks, the other girl blushed at your words. You didn’t catch the reddening of her cheeks, though if you had you probably would have blamed it on the fact that you were eighty minutes into an intense football match.
Alexia didn’t know whether to be thankful or disappointed when some of your teammates arrived to your side, along with the medical trainers on your team. Alexia was quickly pushed to the side and regrouped with her own team, many of which teased her for the attention she’d given you.
You’d been taken off the field for fear of a concussion and a broken nose, and it would be awhile before you’d see the Spanish woman again. However, she would continue to haunt your thoughts for the next several months– you’d be sure to frequently look at her instagram and twitter pages, and be sure to check up on Barcelona’s games. Little did you know that you’d left an impression on Alexia as well, and the Spanish woman was having a hard time getting you out of her head.
-----
Six months later, you found yourself attending your very first practice with the Barcelona Femini team. Striding into the locker room before training, you were greeted by several familiar faces. As more people realized that you had arrived, cheers and hello’s began to echo throughout the locker room, and you couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face as you attempted to say hello in Spanish.
After meeting several of your new team members, which included a lot of hand-shaking and side hugs, you began getting ready for training. Sliding on shorts and a training top, as well as your socks and training boots, you were ready to go. Standing up from your spot on the bench, you weren’t looking where you were going and ran straight into someone as you stood, sending you falling straight back down onto the bench with a clatter of noise.
Thankfully, many of your new teammates had already left the room, though you could feel a few sets of eyes on you as you sat on the bench, somewhat dazed.
“Oh! Estás bien? Lo siento, I didn’t see you,” you took a few more seconds to look up and take in the wall– no, person, that you’d run into. A smile curved onto your face as you recognized Alexia Putellas, who was wearing her training gear and had her hair pulled into a ponytail, though a few baby hairs had escaped from the hairdo. Physically, you turned your body in order to keep yourself from reaching up and tucking the stray hairs back behind her ears while trying not to wonder too much about why you wanted to do so. The brief contact that you’d made with the other woman left you wanting much, much more and so, instead, you found yourself moving away and putting more space between the two as you spoke.
“No worries, I was the one who ran into you. Are you alright?” You hoped your voice didn’t portray the nervousness that you secretly felt. However, as Alexia’s brows furrowed in confusion, you knew that she’d noticed your voice and the way you were moving away. She took a step closer to you, offering you her hand to help you back up from the bench.
“Sí, I’m ok. It seems you can’t stop falling around me,” her voice was soft and teasing, and you felt a blush rising to your cheeks as your eyes met the other woman’s. Raising your arm, you accepted her helping hand and pulled yourself up to a standing position. What you didn’t anticipate, however, was how close you now were to the Spanish woman, which was the exact opposite of what you’d been trying to do. Every part of you screamed to keep touching Alexia, to keep holding her hand or to try to prolong your close proximity to each other. You felt this so intensely, in fact, that you tried to step away from Alexia again, but ended up stumbling over the foot of the bench you’d just been sitting on. As you tripped, Alexia stepped forward once again and grabbed onto your waist to help balance you.
The other woman laughed, pulling you closer to her, your faces so close that you could just lean in and kiss her if you so desired to. Your chests were just centimeters apart, and you wondered if all Spanish women were like this– you knew that they were more affectionate than what you were used to, but this seemed almost too much as you and Alexia gazed into each other’s eyes.
You didn’t know it, but you’d been haunting Alexia’s thoughts just as she had to you for the past several months. Being so close to you after being so far away from each other was bringing up intense emotions within the other woman as well, leaving her wanting to do nothing else but slide her fingers up your shirt and pull you in further to kiss you. Instead, however, she maneuvered the both of you so that you were further away from the bench before letting go and stepping away.
She chuckled, trying to lessen the sudden tension between the two of you. “Dios mio! You are quite clumsy, aren’t you.” You smiled, albeit shakily. Your thoughts were racing at nearly the same speed as your heart and you didn’t know what to do.
Thankfully, you didn’t need to think about what to do next for much longer as a voice called out to the two of you to hurry up, as warmups were starting shortly. Alexia turned towards the voice, calling back to them that the two of you would be there in just a moment before extending her hand back out to you.
“Vamos! We have places to be, chica!” Alexia jokes, and you laugh a little bit before grabbing onto her hand, allowing your fingers to slide between hers as Alexia guides you out of the locker room. You tried to pretend like the contact wasn’t sending your heart into a whole other dimension as a blush rose to your cheeks. Unbeknownst to you, Alexia, who was turned away from you, was in the same exact situation as her own cheeks reddened.
She led you out to the training pitch and to the group of waiting athletes and coaches before allowing your hands to separate as you were formally reintroduced to the group. As Alexia made her way over to Maria Leon and Patri Guijarro, she tried to ignore the whispered jests and giggles which were good-naturedly poking fun at Alexia’s reddened cheeks and the way in which she’d been holding your hand. Instead of responding, Alexia continued to blush harsher.
All throughout the rest of practice, your new teammates continued to poke fun at Alexia, as it was obvious to anyone but you that she had a crush. You, on the other hand, continued to trip and fall anytime you were within five feet of the Spanish player, much to the amusement of anyone but yourself.
-----
Throughout the course of the next few weeks, you continued to be completely starstruck by the Spanish midfielder. When you were around her, you couldn’t help but be completely enamored by everything about her. Whether it be her small smile each time she sank a shot into the back of the net, or how she broke into quick-fire Spanish when she grew excited. Whether it was the passion she showed on the pitch and the dominance she showed as a captain, or the soft care which she showed toward each of her teammates as she made sure that they were genuinely okay and taking care of themselves. No matter what it was about Alexia, you found yourself falling further, and quite literally more often, the more time you spent around her.
However, you did quite well to keep your emotions from straying onto the pitch… until today, that is. It was your first time being on the starting XI for Barcelona, and you could feel your nerves fluttering through your stomach like butterflies. Lucky for you, Alexia had not been put in the starting XI, but you knew she’d be subbed in later in the game and were mentally preparing yourself for keeping your emotions off the pitch once again. Over your years of playing football, you’d figured out that you always played the best when you left your outside emotions off the pitch. Ever since that discovery, you were sure to take a few moments to yourself before each match to center yourself and to separate your emotions and get into what you’d begun to call your “game mentality”. Most people respected that, giving you the space that you needed in order to get into that mentality.
As you sat in your cubby in the changing room, however, you found yourself struggling to get your game-face on. Your knees were bouncing anxiously as you rested your elbows on them and held your head face-down in your hands. Your entire body was emanating stress, and many of the other girls in the changing room were becoming quickly aware of this.
Your thoughts were swimming wildly and you were unable to fully concentrate on one thought. You were ten seconds away from simply standing up and walking out of the changing room to go find a more private place to break down in when you heard the clatter of cleats coming nearer to you. In front of you, someone sank to their knees and you felt their warm hands cover the tops of your anxiously-moving legs. Their touch worked to calm you and ground you, and their presence seemed to almost slow your quickly-moving thoughts. As you began to calm down, you picked your head up and out of your hands to meet the warm brown gaze of the person you’d expected to be in front of you.
She appeared moderately concerned, head tilted slightly to the side. Her hands remained on your knees, firmly planted there as her sweet eyes scanned your own, measuring up your emotions in order to figure out what to do next. As though sensing that you were calmed, she smiled gently before speaking, her voice a low murmur as she kept the moment quiet and as private as it could be with the watchful gazes of your teammates around you. It wasn’t uncommon for Alexia or one of your other teammates to help calm or sort out another’s thoughts before a match, but it was typically never as… intimate, as what Alexia was doing to you at that moment.
“¿Estás bien, hermana?” Alexia asked gently, one of her fingers rubbing at the skin of your left knee, further calming your racing thoughts but sending your heart into an entirely different relay. Your heart fluttered at the close proximity of the other woman, and you white you weren’t physically toppling over this time, you knew that you were too far gone for this other woman– you knew that that you had fallen for Alexia Putellas, and little did you know… she’d fallen for you, too.
“Si, thank you. I needed that. I’m okay now, I was just nervous.” You replied, voice equally as low. Your words were as quiet as Alexia’s, meant only for the other woman as the two of you were trapped in your own little bubble.
“No need to be nervous, amor… You were placed on the starting XI for a reason, because you’re the best of the best and you deserve the chance to prove it. Go out there and do what you’ve been doing in practice, because if you play even half as well as you have been in training… you’ll send the opposition running out of el estadio with their tails tucked between their legs.” Alexia giggled a little bit, and you swear you could feel yourself becoming even more impossibly enamored with the other woman at the sound. You appreciated her words, which were a mix of English and Spanish that you worked to understand and interpret while simultaneously trying not to be too taken by the words she’d chosen to speak. You couldn’t help your own smile from breaking across your face, the two of you gazing at each other lovingly as you shared the private moment. Finally, you nodded and brought your hands down to tap Alexia’s with your own. She stood back and offered you her hand to help you to your feet, and you accepted it. As you stood, you were reminded of the last time you’d been this close to her in a changing room.
Deciding to act upon your immediate instincts, you brought your arm around Alexia’s back and pulled her in for a quick hug. Bringing your face close to the other woman’s ear, you uttered a quick thank you and pecked her cheek. As you backed away and slipped past her, you were left breathless and couldn’t help but smile as you made your way out of the changing room. Your captain stood behind you, staring at the space you’d previously occupied, absolutely starstruck and left blushing from the interaction.
-----
The game went quite well, as you assisted two goals and Barcelona came out on top. You were about ready to go home and pass out when Lucy and Keira announced to the locker room that there would be mandatory team bonding at their home that night. You responded with a groan, which was echoed by several others who were equally as tired as you were. You were ecstatic that you’d played the entirety of the game and had done so well, making your mark… but a large part of you really, really wanted to go take a nap.
As you picked yourself up off the bench, someone swung their arm around you. Catching a whiff of their perfume, you quickly recognized the person as Alexia, whom you hadn’t spoken to since you’d left the locker room earlier.
“You did amazing, hermosa.” Alexia whispered into your ear, and your cheeks blushed a sudden red as all of the heat in your body rose to your face quite suddenly. You leaned your head into Alexia’s as the two of you walked, and Alexia’s arm tightened slightly around you as she guided you through the hallways. She’d been subbed on two thirds of the way through the match and had scored a goal, so she was satisfied with her own performance as well.
“I couldn’t have done it without you, Ale.” You murmured back honestly. Unbeknownst to the both of you, your teammates watched the two of you walk together with knowing eyes. Many of them had been shipping the two of you, and Mapi had a bet running with Patri, Pina, and a few of your other teammates on if you two were dating or not. You two were forced to separate, but not before Alexia gave you a hug just outside of your car with the promise of seeing you later that night for team bonding. You didn’t realize just how much the other woman was affecting you as you drove home, humming to a random tune in your head as your thoughts were utterly consumed with a certain brown-eyed Spanish midfielder.
-----
Later that night, you arrived at Lucy and Keira’s home later than most. You’d taken a nap before the informal event, and had woken up later than you’d anticipated and had decided to take your time in getting ready. As you made your way through the doorway, greeting Keira as she opened the door for you, you saw several of your teammates sitting on and around a couch in the living room.
The second you stepped through the doorway, Alexia’s eyes were on you, burning through you like fire. You hadn’t dressed to impress, wearing a plain t-shirt and trousers, but to Alexia you’d never looked so beautiful. She supposed that as you’d been quite literally, as well as metaphorically, falling for and around her… she’d been falling for you, too. The second your own eyes caught onto Alexia’s gaze, you were stumbling over the welcoming mat on the ground with a quiet squeak.
The laughs and teasing jests from your teammates were expected, but still made you blush as you walked further into the living room. Alexia grinned gently at you, moving tighter into the chair she sat in and patting the space next to her. She’d been previously sat so that nobody else could sit there, having been saving the seat for you. You smiled gently at her as you made your way over to her side and sat down, Alexia pulling a blanket over your laps as you did. The two of you sat on the chair alone, your thighs and shoulders brushing but making no other move to touch each other as you watched the movie. To you, it was both awkward and uncomfortable, but each time the contact between you increased your heart fluttered embarrassingly. Several minutes passed by, with you and Alexia both shifting to try and get comfortable whilst simultaneously trying to inconspicuously touch the other in some way.
Finally, you decided to bite the bullet, shifting to lean part of your body into Alexia’s. Your shoulder began to rest against Alexia’s, but Alexia shifted yet again, her free arm scooping beneath your legs and shifting you so that your legs were sat over hers. Her other arm wrapped around your shoulders, pressing you into her. You were quick to allow your head to fall into her chest, finding yourself much more comfortable in Alexia’s strong embrace. You tried your hardest to watch the movie, but quickly found that your eyes were fluttering shut. The soft embrace that you were held in, coupled with the soft rise-and-falling motions of Alexia’s chest and the sound of her heartbeat in your ear had you falling asleep against the other woman.
Across the room, Pina was the first to realize how close the two of you suddenly were, as well as the fact that you had fallen asleep in Alexia’s arms. Nudging Patri next to her and gesturing with her head, both girls grinned before alerting a few more of their teammates who all wished the two of you would get together. Alexia’s eyes fell down to look at you in her arms, a soft and domestic smile crossing her face as she buried her nose in the top of your head, breathing in your scent and enjoying the feeling of you pressed against her. She’d wanted to hold you for so long and, now that she had you in her arms, she never wanted the moment to end.
When the movie ended, several of the girls began to leave. With the bustling movement of your teammates, you awoke feeling more well-rested than you had in a very long time. Opening your eyes, you were met with Alexia’s own honey-brown ones, and she smiled gently at you.
“Hey there,” she whispered, voice slightly raspy from disuse. You smiled back, resting your head back against her chest for a moment.
“Sorry for falling asleep on you, I suppose I was tired.” You whispered back. You didn’t really feel bad, though, as you felt her arms tighten around you.
“No worries, cariño. You’re rather cute when you sleep,” she whispered back. “The movie is finished.”
You sighed, shifting a little bit and moving to get out of Alexia’s lap. Before she let go, however, she lowered her lips to your forehead, giving you a small kiss before allowing you to fully exit her hold. Standing up, it was your turn to offer the other woman a hand to help her up from her seat. She smiled and took it, pushing the blanket the two of you had been using to the side as she stood.
“Walk me to my car?” You asked, hand still clasping onto Alexia’s. Truthfully, neither one of you wanted to separate from the other, both of you eager to somehow spend more time together. Alexia nodded, and the two of you walked hand-in-hand out to your vehicle, taking your time as you did so.
Your walk was littered with small talk and hushed giggles, and it was only as you made it to your car that you glanced back towards’ Alexia. Your gaze met hers, and as the two of you gazed at each other, you found yourself incredibly distracted and, yet again, you were falling. Foot catching on the curb of the street, you would have face-planted into your own vehicle if not for Alexia’s soft hands finding your waist and pulling you tightly back into her.
As the two of you faced each other, Alexia’s hands stayed on your waist as your own found her shoulders. Alexia smiled a little bit, cocking her head as she looked at you in her arms once again, the smile slowly forming into a smirk as she decided to test the waters. Walking you backward, she pressed you into the door of your car. The two of you were alone in the street, the rest of your teammates having already headed to their own homes for the night and Keira and Lucy tucked into bed. You were illuminated by lamplight, but you found yourself unable to care about anyone who may see the two of you as your eyes flitted from Alexia’s to her lips, which appeared so utterly kissable that you found it hard to resist yourself.
Alexia appeared to be having the same predicament, her intense gaze flickering between your own eyes and lips as she kept you pressed up against your vehicle.
“You just keep falling, don’t you?” Her voice was strangely teasing, the smirk on her face driving you absolutely crazy as a strand of her hair dipped into her face.
You raised your hand from her shoulder to the strand of hair that had just fallen, pushing it back behind her ear as the back of your fingers brushed against the soft skin of her cheek. This moment was more intimate than any of the ones you’d had before, and it struck you now just how in love with the other woman you were.
“For you, yes,” You whispered back, and Alexia’s eyes widened imperceptibly, eyes boring into yours now as she attempted to interpret the meaning behind your words. Seeing that she was struggling, you took the next step. “Ale?”
“Yes, cariño?”
“Kiss me, please?” Alexia didn’t need any further pursuing as she closed her eyes, taking the moment in as she lowered her face closer to yours. Her lips brushed against yours, testing the waters. The small movement and contact between the two of you lit a fire within yourself, and you surged forward a little bit more, chasing the other woman’s lips with your own as you quickly took control of the kiss despite your being pushed up against your car. Alexia seemed to be taken by surprise as you caressed one of her lips with your tongue, one of your hands entangling itself in her hair while the other wandered down to her waist and gripped at the skin there. Alexia moaned into the kiss, and you took the opening to further the kiss, your tongue dipping into the other woman’s mouth as you explored the other woman’s body. This moment was one that you’d dreamed of for longer than you could truly comprehend. You’d been falling for the other woman for so long in so many different ways, and yet again you were falling for her now. Falling into her firm hands at your waist, falling into the noises she made as you kissed her, and falling into the way she felt against you. You’d always been falling, in so many different ways, and you didn’t think you’d ever be able to stop. Luckily, Alexia was there to catch you.
The other woman’s hands tightened at your waist, pushing you up and into the car a little more. The intensity of the motion had you gasping into her mouth, allowing the other woman to take control of the kiss and ravage your mouth in the same way that you’d been doing to her. Her hands dipped below your shirt, one of her hands moving to caress the skin of your abdomen, up to the skin of your ribs. Your skin prickled beneath her touch, her touch so familiar and yet so foreign. You groaned into the kiss, one of your own hands moving to grasp at her bum, causing Alexia to groan as well. One of her hands wandered from your stomach to your cheek, guiding you lips against her own as she continued to dominate the kiss. As her other hand wandered up to grasp at your breast over the material of your sports bra, your head fell back against the metal of your car, a mix between a gasp and a moan escaping from your parted lips as you closed your eyes. Alexia didn’t stop, however, completely consumed in everything that was you as her head fell to your neck. She continued to explore your upper body with her hands as her lips and tongue sucked, nibbled, and licked at the skin of your neck. You were completely overwhelmed with pleasure at the experience. Just as you thought you’d combust right there and then, Alexia pulled her head from your neck and brought one of her hands out of your shirt to grasp at your chin again, pulling your head back down to place a kiss on your lips, this one much softer than the previous ones. She pulled her other hand down to the skin of your stomach again, tracing small shapes and figures against it as she rested her forehead against your own. The both of you were gasping, both out of breath and worked up from the intensity of the kiss.
You were the first one to gather the breath to break the silence between the two of you, your hands going around her shoulders to tug the other woman into a hug.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that for.” You gasped out, and Alexia chuckled against you. You felt her breaths against your face, and your face reddened impossibly more at the intimacy of the fact that the two of you were practically sharing air.
“I’d love to do that again and again, but I’d love to take you on a date first, if that’s alright?” Alexia whispered out, fingers still tracing against your skin in a way that made it hard to think.
Still, you managed.
“That sounds nice. I’d love to go on a date with you, bonita.” You whispered back. The Spanish word was unfamiliar on your tongue, but your attempt at her native tongue had Alexia grinning ear-to-ear. Instead of speaking, Alexia nodded and giggled again before taking a step back and pulling you away from your car. She opened the door of your driver's seat for you, making a small gesture with her free hand for you to enter the vehicle. With a giggle, you climbed into the car and Alexia leaned down to press a soft kiss against your lips.
“I’ll see you soon, hermosa.” She whispered softly to you, before closing the door of your car and stepping back. As you started your car and drove away from Alexia, you glanced back in your rearview mirror to see the other woman still watching you. You smiled, waving, and saw Alexia wave back at you, and you somehow fell impossibly harder for the other woman as she did.
Throughout the time that you’d known Alexia, you’d always been falling– whether it be around her, for her, and on her, you were always falling. Slowly, however, you began to learn that falling was okay, because Alexia would always be there to catch you.
description: in which your wife catches you watching edits of her when she’s asleep
warnings: suggestive, swearing
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you and your wife, leah grew up together. you went from childhood friends, meeting at the arsenal youth groups to lovers in a short amount of time, starting your romantic relationship at just 16 and her 17. you both got called up for the lioness senior team and continued both of your die hard arsenal lifestyle by playing in the club together.
you both have an immense amount of love and passion for each other. you both knew each other like the back of your hands, always there for one another emotionally and physically.
both of you were together all the time, seeing each other everyday, people truly wondered how you both didn’t get sick of each other. you and leah loved nothing more than to just be together, even if it was doing nothing.
it was national camp, meaning you and leah along with the lionesses were travelling around the world. training was gruelling, everyone was absolutely exhausted, this included your wife, the captain.
you had made it back to the hotel room, leah fast asleep next to you. she lay on her stomach with her arm resting on your waist. you were lying on your side, facing her and smiling watching her lightly breathe out, her nose slightly twitching.
you couldn’t believe that the girl you had a crush on all your life was yours. you ran a hand through her soft hair, she lightly woke up to move and rest her head on your chest, you now flat on your back. she continued to rise and fall on your chest while you played with her hair.
now that you knew she was out cold, it was time to engage in your favourite bedtime activity. it was time to watch your wife’s edits on tiktok.
you had a dedicated folder called ‘literal wife’ to store all of your favourite edits of your favourite girl. it had over 1000 videos.
you looked down at her and pulled out your phone opening tiktok. you search up ‘leah williamson edits’ on tiktok and couldn’t help but grin excitedly. had you seen most of these? yes. have you saved all of them? yes. do you see her everyday? yes - no regrets, you thought.
every new edit you saw, you liked and saved. you didn’t have a burner account, you didn’t care that people saw you fangirling over your wife. you frequently commented on people’s edits, thanking them for their services.
while watching the edits, you giggled and smiled. covering your mouth so you didn’t wake up the girl on your chest with you watching videos of her.
you stumble upon a new edit you had never seen before, you watch it through once and drop your phone next to you. you put your hands over your face and groaned. you were completely flushed, this girl had such a huge effect on you and you were literally married to her and took her last name.
the noise woke leah up, the audio continues to play in the background. she hovers over you and takes in your appearance. you’re lying down with your face covered, your body hot.
“are you alright baby? what’s wrong?” she speaks softly, voice imbued with sleep.
you shook your head, still covering your face. leah is really concerned, the audio in the back was distracting her from deciphering what was wrong with you so she flips her phone to turn it off.
that’s when she sees it, you’re repeatedly watching and edits of her, and you’ve saved it. she pauses, a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. she moves to straddle your waist, pausing the video.
she grabs your hands from your face and pinning them to your sides. your face was so red, you were embarrassed that she caught you doing this while she’s literally on top of you.
“my girl, you’re my little number one fan, aren’t you?”
you move your gaze from her gorgeous face, looking anywhere but at her.
“ah ah, eyes on me baby” she grabs your chin and directs your eyes to her. you move your hands to lightly rest on her hips, still bright red.
“what’re you doing, love?” she shakes her head at you, still grinning at you cockily.
“nothing” you reply so quick, she laughs.
“there’s no point in hiding it baby, I saw your phone.” she starts, “nothing to be ashamed of baby” she coos
“how much did you see williamson” you question,
“I saw you watching a little edit of me, mrs williamson, why have you got more up your sleeve?”
“psh, no, in your dreams!” you exclaim
leah took one look at you and knew you were lying. she darts forward and grabs your phone. you try to grab it off her but she pushes you into the bed with her hips, holding the phone above your head. there was no point now. she was extremely strong.
“oh my god” her eyes widened, “you’re joking!” her jaw hung open a little. your ‘literal wife’ folder was the only collection you had made on tiktok. it had so many videos, leah could not believe what she was seeing.
“baby” she breathes out, she looks at you with so much love at this moment, you had to cover your face again. she threw her head back in giggles, “stop it lee, I’m embarrassed” she muffled from behind her hands.
“if I could marry you again, right here right now I would” you peek at her through your hands,
“I’m so flattered right now, I don’t know what to say” leah was so shocked, one about how many videos you had saved and two how much she found this attractive.
you giggle at her, “really?” she nods her head frantically and you smile up at her. she moves down to place a searing kiss on your lips, whining into your mouth and moving her hands under your (her) shirt, grazing your warm skin. you move your hands in her hair again. both of you were frantic in the kiss, wanting to express all your emotions through actions.
she prodded her tongue at your bottom lip and you grant her access. your tongues now moving with each other completely in sync. everything so fluid, you both knew each other too well. the kiss progressed in a night of you and leah showing your appreciation for each other.
she collapses next to you. both of you completely breathless, she holds your hand tightly. “I love that we’re married and you fangirl over me while I’m asleep, want me to sign your boob or something?” she presses a kiss to the back of your hand. you giggle at her, “do you want to know a secret williamson?”
“tell me, baby girl” she looks over at you. you slightly sit up, propped up on your elbow. both of you had extremely wide pupils and swollen lips.
“I watch them every night and every time we’re apart” you whisper at her, placing a kiss on her cheek.
she groans. “you’ve got a lot of nerve williamson, telling me that and expecting me to be okay after it”
“says you williamson! maybe if you weren’t so hot, I wouldn’t have to do this, would I?”
“but you do” she winks,
“yeah, I do” you scrunch your nose at her, placing a sweet kiss on her lips.
the next night, you fell asleep first. leah did an absolute number on you last night, you were exhausted, training doing no you no favours. she smiled watching you sleeping on top of her. your roles reversed from the previous night. she traced shapes on your back as you cuddled into her chest.
she was bored. you had gone to bed so early and now she had nothing to do. suddenly an idea flashes in her head. edits. she quickly took out her phone and searched up ‘(y/n) williamson edits’, smiling uncontrollably. she completely understands your obsession. saving thousands to her own new little folder named ‘my wifey’.
this girl was you exactly, giggling and smiling at edits of you on her phone. you woke up at the sound, leah froze and looked down at you. you slightly move off her to look at her phone.
“well, well, well mrs williamson, look who’s obsessed now.”
“baby, I won’t even lie, you’re so fucking hot I think I’m losing my mind. how the fuck did I pull you?” she groaned.
you sat up immediately, straddling her. déjà vu for both of you.
“are you fucking joking? how did I pull you? have you seen yourself? god you could run me over with a car and I’d say thank you” she laughs, loudly, you look at her offended, how could she doubt herself to you
“as much as we could argue about how we pulled each other, please let me show you my favourite edits of you” she pleaded, shamelessly smiling at you.
“only if I can show you mine”
“it’s a deal williamson”
the night consisted of you showing each other your favourite edits of each other. fangirling over each other. later on, you search up ‘(y/n) and leah williamson’ watching edits of both of you and your long term relationship. both of you sharing laughs, tears and many, many kisses.
let’s just say, edits bring out the worst in both of you. the team making fun of you for your matching hickes. you’ll both need a lot of concealer.
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liked by alessiarusso99 and 44,232 others
leahwilliamsonn: my girl has folders dedicated to me, I win @/yourname
view all comments
yourname: baby, you have one too sooooo I also win
↳ leahwilliamsonn: we want people to know, we love your edits of us and watch them. frequently.
↳ yourname: very. frequently. we thank you all for your services
📄🖇️ — bf!jake making sure you eat; taking care of you
pairing bf!jake x gn reader
genre non idol/student au, angst, fluff, drabble
requests: [here] & [here]; prompt #2 comforting you when you’re crying; #18 them making sure you eat.
WARNING tw! disordered eating!! we do NOT romanticise EDs over here please n thank you but pls pls pls skip on this one if you think you might find it triggering <3; sfw intimacy, kissing
wc 595
as you surveyed the sea of notes and past papers that were spread out in front of you over your unmade bed, your heart sank in your chest.
still so far to go.
rubbing your temples in a bid to ease your rising headache, there came a knock at your dorm door.
‘come in,’ your voice trembled a little involuntarily.
you watched as jake let himself in, closing the door gently behind him before turning to face you.
god he was a sight for sore eyes.
he looked like a dream just stood there in front of you in his sweatshirt and jeans, hair a dark ruffled mess, his eyes… full of concern.
you watched as he took in your appearance; you had dark circles under your eyes, your face was grey. you’d done your best to hide your weak frame in one of his oversized hoodies, but by the look on his face you could tell it hadn’t worked.
‘baby, i’m worried about you,’ he said softly. ‘your flatmates say you’ve hardly left your room all week,’ he pushed some papers aside and sat down next to you on the bed. as you looked up at him to meet his gaze, you could just feel how tired your eyes must look to him right now. you thought you might cry when you saw his face so full of worry as he watched you, soft brown eyes not leaving your face for even a moment.
‘you’re not eating again, aren’t you?’
the question fell over you like a wave; you hadn’t prepared yourself for him to be so straightforward with you. all of a sudden you couldn’t hold it in any longer, and hot tears came rushing down your cheeks. alarmed, jake pulled you into him and wrapped his arms round you tightly. as you buried you face into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent, wracking sobs took over your entire body.
‘shhh, oh baby,’ jake’s voice a near whisper as he kissed the top of your head. ‘please tell me what’s wrong?’
‘i’m sorry,’ you sobbed quietly, your entire body still shaking. ‘i’m really sorry i- i’ve been so stressed. i’m just so stressed all the time what with finals coming up and when i’m stressed i get this knot in my stomach, it makes me feel sick, and i- i just can’t.’
jake stroked your hair gently as he held you to him. ‘it’s okay baby, you’re gonna be just fine,’ he paused, thinking. ‘but you gotta eat.’
‘i know,’ your voice came small, barely audible. slightly calmer now, you pulled away a little and met his eyes. ‘i know, jake.’
he reached out a hand to stroke your cheek lightly. ‘okay here’s what’s going to happen,’ he said decisively. ‘i’m gonna go make us some pasta, and we’re gonna watch a movie, okay angel? all of this can wait til tomorrow. you need a break,’ he leaned in, bringing his lips to yours in the gentlest kiss. relief flooded over you as you kissed him back softly, feeling the tension within you melting away.
‘thank you,’ you whispered.
he nodded with a small smile, and started gathering all the papers up from the bed, placing them in a neat pile on your desk. ‘i’m going to be here to take care of you, but you gotta start taking care of yourself, too.’ he leaned down and placed a firm kiss on the top of your head. you smiled gratefully.
‘i really love you jake,’ you whispered.
‘i love you so much, angel,’ he replied.
a/n i’m so so thankful for this request, tysm to both anons who asked for jake with these prompts! i honestly think that jake would be the most caring boyfriend so this just suits him so well. pls remember to always take care of yourself (you know jake would want you to ♡).
⚠ — Public stuff (verbal/physical teasing, sex, orgasm), penetrative unprotected sex, cumplay, creampie, squirting (see masterlist for more).
★ No longer accepting tag requests. Please turn on notifications if you wish to be updated || @jetblackbelle @biribarabiribbaem @cutiespaghetti @inniescandy-01 @straywrds @chlodavids @kileidoscope @idkluvutellme @tenshimara @skzworldx @svintsandghosts @dramaticnobody @vixensss @miin17 @drhsthl @obeythemasters @frozenpeasworld @chans1aptop @guiltycoco @starsandrqindrops @stayconnecteed @shiningnono @auslngaq
※ This work of fiction is intended for 18+ audiences only.
You had hyperbolically mentioned getting the fuck out of your workplace in order not to face certain usual suspects, yet Chris and Hyunjin had somehow disappeared the very next Monday.
Witchcraft.
You were convinced the suit you wore that day had some weird powers and swore not to come to work looking like that ever again.
After Chris’ suspension, you held very long staring contests with your phone. You wanted to call him. You really wanted to call him, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to do it. Irrational as it was, you were still feeling this weird guilt about the night with Hyunjin as if you somehow cheated on Chris. You didn’t know to what extent he was aware of the incident, but considering how he was not calling you either, he must have had an idea. Weeks were passing by and nothing was happening. The radio silence was about to drive you crazy.
Per Anita’s instructions, you were supposed to attend the Playboy party that evening, but you so didn’t want to go. For one, in your current state of mind, what was the point of literally any party ever? Furthermore, although ‘Playboy’ was in the name, this event was pretty formal—it was basically a reception for high-profile people in the adult entertainment industry to network, and this was the first time your studio was invited courtesy of Anita’s boss legacy.
You were in front of your mirror doing the last touch-ups to your look with dead eyes when Jisung called.
“Hey, I’m almost ready. Are you here?”
“Yeaaah, listen, I know I was supposed to pick you up, but all of a sudden I can’t due to not wanting to, so take a cab to the venue and get a receipt, ‘kay? Thanks!”
“Jisung!!!”
The fucker totally hung up on your face. You loved the guy to death, but he had been breaking quite a few promises lately because of Anita, and it was starting to get on your last goddamn nerve. You grabbed your clutch shooting fire out of your nose and marched downstairs, almost breaking your heels for how hard you were stomping.
When you walked out of your apartment building, however, you were so baffled that you briefly considered the possibility of dreaming awake.
“Oh, fuck me.”
Sharp as fuck suit, the silver chains he loved so much on his wrist, leaning against a streetlight without a single care in the world, and the night breeze carrying his amber scent right under your nostrils. Breaking into that smirk you loathed and adored at the same time, he saluted you with two of his fingers.
The guy who was many months behind paying his rent for being a parasitic tenant in your heart.
God, he looked so good. He looked fucking stunning, and you were completely overcome with the urge to hug him. You wanted to hug him so bad, inhale his scent, ruffle his hair, maybe slap his stupid face really hard just once for the shit he’d put you through, but disappear into his blazer right afterwards, kiss him, kiss him, kiss him, and fall asleep on his chest.
You absolutely despised that you had missed him such a ridiculous amount.
“My suspension ended today,” he walked closer, launching his dimples, and stood right in front of you.
“It wasn’t like you were in jail,” you pretended you weren’t fazed by his presence in the slightest.
“I kinda was actually.”
Well, you kinda were, too, actually. Did he even know how awkward it felt for you to go to work knowing he wouldn’t be there? Or did he in fact know and enjoyed the crap out of the awareness of getting you completely used to himself?
Why weren’t you able to form a single coherent sentence out loud?
“I thought you’d call,” his tone turned a tinge serious. He looked a little heartbroken even though he was smiling.
You almost did. Many times. Even getting tipsy to muster some courage some nights. Just to hear his voice one more time. To ask how he was doing. Yet…
“I think you know why I couldn’t,” you started examining the finer details on the pavement instead.
There were so many things you wanted to say, so many questions you wanted to ask, but you didn’t know where to start. Maybe you could ease into it. Maybe you could ask him what he had been up to while he was away, make some small talk first, and then somehow bring up what you really wanted to know. That seemed like the foolproof way to go. At least it would allow you to save some face.
“Listen, I w—”
“Why did you leave?”
Well… Whoops.
The second he opened his mouth, everything you had calculated went out the window. No matter how much you pushed it to the very back of your mind, the question was always there and it had started gnawing at your brain. Now that you had blurted it out, there was no way to take it back, and you realized it a bit too late that this was a total leap of faith. Chris could give you an answer even more bitter than your own assumptions, but you needed it. You needed the closure.
You fucking deserved it.
“You hoped I wouldn’t regret it, but it seems like you did.”
There was a barely noticeable tremble in your voice, and Chris looked like someone had attached two jumper cables to him. The heavy feeling growing in his chest instantly turned into solid iron and dropped to his stomach.
“You– you heard that?”
“Do you have any idea how bad it hurt?”
You were keeping a straight face, a deceptively stoic façade, but your eyes were getting misty. Fuck this man and the uncontrollable love you had for him maybe.
“Yes, I do.”
Chris was rarely this serious if ever. Any hint of playfulness was completely wiped out from his face and his fingers subtly brushed against yours, asking for permission to be intertwined with them.
“And I also know no amount of sorry can make up for it, but I’ll start with the first one.”
His idle hand occupied itself cupping your cheek and his thumb was caressing your cheekbone. One touch, and you were already overwhelmed.
“I’m sorry for making you think about things that weren’t true. I’m sorry for making you second-guess everything when I wanted the complete opposite. I’m sorry for not being brave enough. I’m so sorry for being a fucking self-absorbed attention whore. Hurting you was not even the last thing I wanted, but you have to understand, I was paralyzed by my own fears.”
You knew this man. It was the same man you kissed the night away with. The same man you invited into your bed, your body, your soul, and felt a strange sense of safety when he hugged you. You were caving again. The frost on your heart was thawing again because you couldn’t stand a single drop of sorrow in his eyes.
“Can you please consider forgiving me so that we can start over?”
Could you? Could you consider forgiving him? Could you open the door and let him in once again knowing damn well you’d probably die this time around if he hurt you?
Could you?
“Damn, Jisung really gave you the play-by-play, huh?”
“Yeah, he really did.”
You chuckled at each other. He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t even need to. The repetitive pleas in his ocean eyes were loud enough for you to hear.
“I’ll think about it,” you uttered eventually.
His entire body suddenly relaxed. A smile was threatening to grow on his lips, but he played it cool, instantly returning to his mischief mode again.
“Fair enough,” he placed his hands on your waist, “Can I be your plus one tonight while you think about it?”
His touch tickled you in several places on your body. It wasn’t even suggestive of anything in the slightest, but you’d missed feeling him on you.
A bit… too much.
“No running your mouth,” you tugged on the collar of his blazer, “or else I’m leaving.”
He flashed you a big smile and stole a kiss from your cheek. You let him hold your hand as he hailed a cab and you rode in silence for a while, just stealing glances from each other. Barely a couple of minutes had passed when Chris hit you with a suggestion out of the blue.
“Actually, do you wanna like… bail on the party?”
“And do what?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “Maybe we can go to dinner instead?”
“And let Anita throw us to her lions? Hard pass.”
He reached for his phone and put it on speakerphone after dialing a number. You could see on the screen that it was Jisung.
“Yo!”
“Hey, you’re on speakerphone,” Chris greeted him, “Listen, man, I know this party is a big deal and everything, but can I bail?”
“You absolutely can’t.”
“But there’s someone I reaaally wanna take out on a date,” he spoke in a pleading voice and faked a pout with huge puppy eyes even though Jisung couldn’t see him.
“You absolutely can. Say hi for me and tell her to go easy on the wine.”
He hung up the phone whereas you were just looking at him bewildered out of your mind.
“What the fuck just happened?!”
“You heard the boss. He says hi,” he put his phone back in his blazer, “One dinner! I promise I won’t ask for a nightcap afterwards.”
The course of the night was changing pretty fast, and you had two choices in front of you. You could either attend a party you so didn’t want to go to or have dinner with this stunner right next to you that you had a bit of a thing for. The decision was a no-brainer, but you obviously weren’t going to say yes to his face before dragging out the silence.
“Bomb-ass hotdog place again?” you eventually asked.
“Come on, you looking fine as hell deserves a bit more than hotdogs, don’t you reckon?”
“I think I was also looking fine as hell the last time we were there.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t exactly a date.”
“Suit yourself,” you put every ounce of your willpower into hiding your smile, “If we can find a place to eat at this hour.”
“I’d like to try my chances,” Chris leaned into the driver and gave him his new location, “97th Street, please.”
The cab made a U-turn and you reached your destination shortly after. Chris held your hand while he took very confident steps towards this fancy-looking restaurant. The entrance area was already full of people waiting with drinks in their hands, and judging by their bored expressions they had been there for a while. You wondered if you would be able to get a table at all considering what time it was.
“Good evening,” a woman clad in a sharp suit greeted you with a professional smile, “Did you have a reservation with us?”
“Yes. It’s under Christopher Bang.”
“This way, sir.”
HUH?
Strike two. It didn’t take a genius to conclude something was going on tonight. As you followed the host thinking she was going to lead you somewhere in the middle of the large dining hall, she took you to a table for two by a large window, a little away from the crowd and overlooking a mag–ni–fi–cent view. The setting was extremely romantic with little lavish candles decorating your table and a dash of sea breeze as your third wheel, and as you were sitting down incredulous, a waiter approached your table with what looked like a wine bottle on ice in his hands.
“2015 Astéroide as you requested, sir. Would you like to taste first?”
“We can get to serving right away. Thank you very much.”
Aaand, strike three. As he requested, what the actual fuck? Just when? And how? And actually all the other wh- questions?!
“Please enjoy.”
You watched the waiter disappear into the crowd and then turned your attention to Chris. He was looking at you with so much amusement on his face.
“I uh– Not gonna lie, I feel kinda tricked right now,” you cocked a brow while reaching for your glass.
“Oh, you should. I totally tricked you into going on a date with me.”
“Does Jisung know about this?”
“Why do you think he told you to take a cab at the last second?”
“The fucker was in on this?!”
You would think your best friend would side with you and spill all the beans the second he was in possession of such delicate information, but well…
“You’re a fucking menace.”
“Thank you for noticing,” he raised his glass after launching his dimples at full force, “To you.”
The rest of the dinner paired with the best sauvignon blanc money could buy was nothing but exquisite. All of a sudden, it felt like Chris never left. The familiar comfort, his annoying-ass snark, the usual banter you always exchanged, the cursing, the laughter… You were feeling so happy that you couldn’t help but be overcome with the dread that something bad was going to follow this.
“Don’t think I forgot. You still owe me,” Chris topped up your glasses once you were done eating.
“Owe you what?”
“I won the bet, remember? At the bar?” he refreshed your memory, “We still didn’t get to write together.”
“Does this look like the right time and place to discuss hard kinks to you?”
“Of course not,” he casually uttered, but devilry had already started gleaming in his eyes, “Wanna improvise with me instead?”
“How so?”
You took a sip from your wine as he leaned into you and spoke in a hushed voice.
“Perform with me.”
…and needless to say, almost caused you to choke.
“Are you insane?!”
“No, perform with me,” he emphasized the verb as if it magically explained everything, “Say we’re shooting now, and you’re my co-star.”
“You’re not actually suggesting public sex right here, are you? ‘Cause, like…”
“Not that you could convince me even if you wanted to, but no, we’re just going to pretend,” he stood up and dragged his chair right next to you, “Here’s the synopsis: We’re two people who have been really horny for each other for the longest time, and one casual conversation about sex turns into a game of who can turn on the other more.”
“God, I need like two more bottles of wine for this,” you placed your hand on your forehead, getting more flustered by the second.
“So I take it you’re down,” his smile kept alternating between happy and excited, “Give me a safeword for when you need to stop.”
You looked around to think of something and noticed what the couple three tables away from you was having.
“Fondue.”
“I said a safeword, not a code to fuck you harder.”
“JESUS, can you keep it down a little?”
“Wow, do I get you that hot already?” he placed his hand on the backrest of your chair, “Very cool.”
You downed your entire glass in one go in order to give less shits about his worst flustering attempt to date, closed your eyes, and took a deep breath to get in the zone.
“Alright. Go.”
“I’ve been meaning to ask, you write about a wide spectrum of kinks, but we’ve never talked about your personal turn-ons, have we?” he immediately asked as if he had that one ready to go in his pocket, “Tell me what gets you concerningly wet.”
“And here I thought you were a perceptive guy,” you turned to your left to face him fully, “I think you can make some sophisticated guesses.”
“You’re right, I can.”
He started stripping you with his eyes, staring at the straps of your dress a bit too long while licking his lips.
“You complain about it a lot, but you actually like it when I say brazen things to you,” he brushed a single finger down your neck, “You like seeing how hot you get me.”
“Not bad,” you tilted your head and smirked at him, “Carry on.”
He leaned in closer and his voice became an octave lower as he talked in a voice only you could hear.
“You love getting your pussy eaten. The sloppier the better,” he caressed your bare arm with the back of his hand, ”And you have a thing for seeing my face covered in your slick.”
You looked at his hand first and then stared at his eyes.
“That’s ‘cause I like licking myself off of you,” you uttered with a completely straight face, “Since I can’t eat my own pussy.”
His lips parted in complete surprise. Out of all the similar exchanges you had before, Chris had never seen you even remotely as audacious as him. He got a little closer and spoke while staring at your lips.
“No worries. I’m always down to eat it for you.”
He was so close that you were actually on the brink of kissing. You weren’t backing down and neither was he. You needed something to serve the ball back into his court and you needed it now. However...
“Touch me.”
Strike two. Maybe he wasn’t the only one that harbored a bunch of surprises tonight.
“But I thought you said–”
“I know what I said,” you interrupted him, “I’m not asking you to fuck me. Just touch me.”
He placed his hand on your bare legs under the table and started stroking them. You involuntarily gasped when he established direct skin-to-skin contact.
“I like it a bit too much when you make those sounds for me, you know,” he bit into his sly grin, “Do you wanna feel how hard I am right now?”
You slid your hand up his thighs until you felt his raging hard-on under your touch. Your salivary glands started working at full capacity for some reason, and you closed your eyes.
“I wanna sit on it.”
“I want you to sit on it, too.”
You stared at each other for a while, examining little details to see how aroused the other was. Blown pupils, deep breaths, goosebumps breaking on bare skin, tensed muscles, thick gulps… No one was necessarily winning. If anything, it looked like an annoying stalemate.
“Look down,” you pointed at your chest with your eyes.
Chris saw your hardened nipples pressing against the fabric of your dress, and it elicited a very content smile out of him.
“I fucking love how much you hate wearing bras,” he gently squeezed your thighs, “I need them in my mouth. Like, right now.”
“You can suck if you cum on them first.”
“Can I?”
“As if it’s gonna stop you if I say no,” you mocked with a sarcastic laugh, “That’s not the only place you wanna cum on, though, is it?”
“I wanna drown you in my cum,” he finally started sliding his hand further up, “I wanna see your beautiful lips drenched in it. I wanna watch it drip down your face. Your legs, your back, your ass, everywhere.”
“You say I have a thing, but it seems like you have it worse than me.”
“I don’t have a thing. I’m fucking obsessed,” he softly poked at your clothed core, “Imagine how good your pussy would taste with my cum leaking out of it. God, you would be a fucking feast.”
“Which one do you want more? Fucking your cum deeper into me or eating it out of me.”
“I want both. No questions asked,” he firmly responded, “I’ll cum inside until you’re full of me, then I’m eating it when you start leaking.”
He tilted his head and deeply inhaled you from the spot right under your ear.
“Your scent… You’re wet again,” he bit into his smile with his eyes closed, “I’m barely restraining myself from getting under this table, you know. I wanna fucking suck your soul out of you.”
Chris noticed when you shuddered imagining that intense feeling again. It pleased him. It pleased him to see you still wanted him as much as he wanted you, even after all this time.
“Do you want my tongue between your legs?” he started playing with your hair, “Can I lick you until you arch into my mouth?”
You held his gaze. Your right hand slid your underwear to the side and your left hand led him further into your pussy.
“I want these,” you guided his fingers to prod your entrance.
He exhaled heavily upon the wet contact, and it was quite obvious Chris was getting pretty close to completely losing it.
“Oh, fucking hell, drips so much,” he contorted his face, “One taste?”
He pulled his hand back to swipe his finger on his tongue. Remembering that flavor on his taste buds again forced all the obscene memories of you to flood his brain, and he almost snapped. You could actually see how he was transforming into this untameable being right before your eyes.
“Fucking sit on my face,” he gritted his teeth while hissing into your ear, “Ride my tongue. I’m about to fucking kill someone for how much I want you.”
Now it was your turn to smile contently.
You slowly dragged his zipper down and sneaked your hand inside. You loved how he got this hard for you every time. You started stroking him and when you squeezed his pulsating cock in your palm—
“Fondue!”
A passerby waiter looked in your direction and you intervened on Chris’ behalf.
“Can we have it, please? With white chocolate. Thank you.”
You sent him away with a bright smile and removed your hand, chuckling at how he almost lost it. Winning indeed felt good in whatever context, especially against Chris.
“Objectively speaking, you would be awesome for such a role,” you commented while pouring the remaining content of the wine bottle into your glasses.
“I appreciate it, but I don’t think I wanna take it.”
“Oh,” your hand froze in the air for a second as you put the bottle back on the table, “I’m… sorry to hear that.”
“Are you, really?” he smiled at you knowingly.
“Of course. As you keep reminding everyone you’re our star performer.”
“Then why are you relieved?”
Oh, shit.
Were you really being that transparent? The entire time you actually hadn’t addressed the ‘you leaving the set in the middle of his romantic sex scene’ incident. It was more like ‘Oh hey, person I have ridiculously intense feelings for, let’s just converse over a nice meal’ kind of a night so far. And there you were, choking, unable to think of a single lie to swerve your way out of this and change the topic.
“Look, I love foreplay, but this is getting ridiculous,” Chris plainspokenly cut to the chase, “Just tell me why you’re relieved. Honestly.”
There you had it. Nowhere to run anymore. No games to play anymore because he flat out asked you. Why were you relieved? Go ahead and tell him why the fuck were you that relieved that he was able to fucking pick up on it.
“I think… I like you,” you answered averting your eyes, “A bit too much.”
Chris’ heart hadn’t fluttered this hard in a long while. He wore that overly endeared smile for like two seconds, then immediately switched to a straight face.
“Took you long enough. Just how many people did I have to fuck before you could admit this out loud?”
“Fucking excuse you?!”
He couldn’t hold it anymore and burst into a loud cackle. You were annoyed out of your mind, but his laughter was so contagious that it infected your lips a little, as well.
“Just when are you gonna realize I love teasing you?”
He held your hand in his and looked at you with complete heart eyes, his tone signifying he wasn’t joking anymore.
“I go home, I think about you. I wake up, I think about you. I’m crazy about you,” he squeezed your hands, “I really wanna be with you. If you’ll have me, that is.”
Your heart swelled to such an extent that it took up all the space in your chest. You were in slight disbelief actually. The annoying as hell dude you were crushing on for the longest time was actually telling you that he wanted to be with you. If you would have him. If you would have him. The fuck kind of redundancy…
But your smile didn’t last very long.
“This is all nice and everything, but my problem has never been with my feelings.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Chris, I can’t see myself being with you…”
His face was immediately clouded with worry. Oh no… Oh no, it was actually happening. You were about to say the very things he dreaded for so long, weren’t you?
“...when– when you…”
“Have fucked this many people, right?” he averted his eyes and forced a lopsided smile.
“What are you talking about? This is about you being intimate with other people on a regular basis.”
Oh.
Well, that was surely unexpected. He was so hyperfixated on his own assumptions that it had never occurred to him—
“Intimate?”
“Yes, intimate,” you pulled your hands away and started playing with the napkin on the table, “You kiss them. You touch them. Those are very intimate things to share with random strangers, and I’m not one of those people who can wrap their head around It doesn’t mean anything.”
An odd smile started to appear on his lips, and with each and every word you uttered, it was getting bigger.
“Is this your subtle way of saying you’re jealous of me?”
“Call it whatever the fuck you want. I’m not meant for an open relationship of any kind,” you responded, slightly annoyed, “I’m sorry but I don’t see us together unless someday you somehow quit doing porn.”
“Absolutely not. Porn is too entertaining to quit.”
Foolishly enough, you had actually mentally prepared yourself for an ‘Of course’. You inadvertently compared the brash response to what Hyunjin had said no matter how insane that was. And the guy who allegedly really wanted to be with you found porn too entertaining to quit?
“So that settles it then,” you threw the napkin on the table.
“Seems like it,” Chris heaved a deep sigh, “I’ll talk to Jisung next week.”
“What does it have to do with anything?” you finally faced him, your brows all furrowed in confusion.
“He’s the one who calls the shots about hiring new producers, isn’t he?”
Hello? HELLO?
“But you– you just said—”
“Aren’t you also technically doing porn?” he pointed his finger at you, “I said porn is too entertaining to quit, I didn’t say I don’t wanna stop being a performer.”
Chris held your hands again in a firmer grip this time so that you wouldn’t be able to pull them away. He leaned in closer as if he was letting you in on a little secret.
“But can I be your personal pornstar still? I kinda wanna make sex tapes with you that only we get to watch.”
The way his eyes were flashing with trouble, his smile, his expectant question…
There was no way you wouldn’t cave to that.
“I kinda like the idea of having my personal archive of you.”
You let him kiss you. God, feeling his lips in yours after almost a lifetime… So familiar, so cozy.
So safe.
His gaze was much more softened when he finally looked at you. You leaned into the feeling of his hand on your cheek.
“I think I lov—”
“WHOA, slow down there, bro!” you flinched in panic.
The waiter bringing your fondue was convinced that there was something fundamentally wrong with this table, promptly causing you to clear your throat in embarrassment as he walked away.
“Look, I think I also… hmm-hmm-hmm,” you self-censored with hums, “but I don’t want to take huge steps right away that we might regret later on.”
“But you do kinda like me,” Chris dipped one of the strawberries in the chocolate.
“That, I’ll acknowledge.”
“But you like me like me.”
“That was implied.”
“You really really like me and you actually picked out the names of our kids.”
“Chris.”
“I’m just joking,” he stole a kiss from your cheek and fed you the fruit. You looked at him with a dash of worry in your eyes.
“So would it be okay if we take it slow?”
“So I don’t move in with you tomorrow but next week?”
“Can you be serious for like two seconds?!”
He couldn’t help the loud as fuck laughter and immediately grabbed your hands again.
“Of course. Of course it’s okay,” he kissed all over them, but the realization sank in momentarily, “Oh crap, does that mean no sex till the third date?”
“Maybe.”
“Can I still jerk off?”
“Yes, you can.”
“Can I still raid your office to eat your pussy?”
“Chris!”
“You know I have a problem!”
After finishing your dessert, you walked on the streets for a while hand in hand. Per his promise, Chris didn’t ask you for a nightcap and put you into a cab instead. You were basically floating in the air when you made it home, quite literally kicking your feet when you went to bed. You drifted to sleep so happy.
Just to be woken up a couple of hours later.
You were scared shitless when your doorbell rang in the middle of the night. You stealthily made your way to your door as if a criminal would actually let you know they had arrived, and opened it with trembling hands.
“Wow, you look stunning in disheveled couture.”
“What the fuck, Chris, you scared the shit out of me!” you let out an extremely relieved sigh, “What are you doing here?”
“Remember when you said to call you if I needed anything?”
“Yeah, I said call, not show up at my doorstep at some godforsaken hour,” you rubbed your eyes all annoyed.
“I called five times and left two voice messages. Not my fault if you keep your phone on silent.”
“Oh,” you yawned and asked like you were absolutely not at fault, “How can I be of fucking assistance to his highness?”
“I’m locked out of my apartment. Can I crash here tonight?”
“And you couldn’t opt for a hotel room instead.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Hotel rooms are meant to have nasty sex in them.”
You snorted and stepped aside to let him in, then promptly started panicking. What was the course of action to follow here? Inviting him into your bed was definitely going to throw the whole take it slow thing out the window. Telling him to go sleep somewhere else seemed… super mean.
While you were having this internal existential crisis, Chris solved your problem for you.
“I’ll sleep on your couch. Do you have a spare pillow I can use?”
“RIGHT! Of course,” you dashed back to your room as if that was what you were planning on all along.
Having him under the same roof as you again was giving you butterflies, to be honest. You couldn’t help smiling to yourself as you walked back to the living room and almost trampled yourself when you saw Chris in nothing but his boxers.
Just why did he have to have such—a gorgeous—body jesus fucking CHRIST!!!
“Thank you,” he slid under the blanket you brought him, “I know we said we’ll take it slow, but I think you can still give me a good night kiss.”
Sure, one good night kiss. Then you would immediately run to your bedroom to discard the unholy thoughts with a self-relief session because even a half-naked Chris was enough to get you throbbing.
You pressed your lips on his thinking he asked for a peck, but Chris pulled you close by your nape and deepened the kiss. Oh, this was a bit too wet than you could endure. Oh, you were already getting wetter between your legs. Oh, he needed to stop before you jumped him right here right now, for the love of god, please!
“Sweet dreams, baby,” he kissed your nose.
Just kill me already, dude, it’s easier, you wanted to say but you nodded with a smile instead.
You went back to your room, but the second you put your head on your pillow, you started getting antsy. The images of Chris’ naked figure was haunting you behind your eyelids. You would never say it out loud, but the man was a fucking god. Perfectly sculpted. Impossibly sexy. His lips were made for kissing. His hands were made to fondle you. His tongue was made to pleasure you just right.
You let out a satisfied sigh when you started rubbing your clit, still imagining it was him touching you.
“Chris…”
Quietly whispering his name over and over again, you basked yourself in the fantasies of having your naked waist kissed by him. Your ass groped by him. Your pussy licked by him. Just to get you wet enough for himself so that he could fuck you hard all night, hitting your deepest spots until you couldn’t take it, but not stopping, never stopping until he had enough. Until every single piece of your skin was marked by him.
“Oh, fuck yeah.”
Then you heard it.
You thought you were so turned on that your ears were deceiving you for a second, but then you heard it again.
And again.
And again.
Chris was moaning with you.
You snapped your eyes open and listened carefully, but only silence ensued. You pretended you woke up for water to take a peek into the living room, but he seemed asleep.
Did you really imagine that just now because it sounded way too real.
You took silent steps towards the couch to confirm your suspicions and try to see whether he indeed stopped midway. You had only reached his feet when—
“What are you doing?”
“NOTHING! I’m—” you jumped in your place, “Yeah, goodnight.”
Did you really think you were somewhat safe in your room when you were quite literally within the same walls? Of course you would hear a knock on your door shortly after. You opened it very casually, ready to totally gaslight him into thinking that the events of ten minutes ago were a figment of his imagination.
“Yes?”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. You looked a bit feverish just now.”
“Yeah. Yes, I’m fine. I’m super fine in fact. I’ve never been finer. Did you need something?”
“You could have just asked,” Chris leaned against your doorframe, “Yes, I was jerking off to you because I couldn’t help it, but I’m not sorry.”
“Can I ask you something?” you crossed your arms over your chest, “Just how the fuck can you be so horny all the time? One would think you actually have an aversion to sex by now.”
“You moan like that and expect me to stay still?” he took a step closer to you, “I’m horny for you all the time. There’s a difference.”
Well. Shit.
You didn’t need to imagine anything anymore because the god himself had appeared right before you. His eyes… His eyes that looked like he was on the brink of swallowing you whole…
Why the hell did you even think you could resist him in the first place?
“Fuck taking it slow?”
“Fuck taking it slow,” Chris barged into your room upon your invitation and dove into your lips headfirst. He was kissing you all over your face like he’d just come back from war as he walked you towards your bed.
“Why the fuck would you even masturbate when I’m right here for you to use?” he hovered over your body, “No sense of pragmatism at all.”
While you were busy giggling, he got rid of your shirt and started kissing you everywhere. From your neck to your chest down to your abdomen, rubbing himself on you harder.
“Are you trying to mark me or something?”
“Maybe. I want you to smell like me,” he placed a kiss on your crotch, “And I want to smell like you.”
“Shh, come up. Come closer.”
You threw your arms around him while kissing his face off, and his hand slithered down to caress your pussy. You were so wet that he couldn’t help groaning into your mouth.
“Damn, baby, have you been edging yourself?”
“If you don’t fuck me right now I swear to fucking god—”
“Right now, huh?”
He quickly aligned himself with your entrance and completely disappeared in you with one sharp thrust.
“Ah, FUCK!”
“You asked for it,” he maniacally smiled, “Now look into my eyes while you take it.”
The feeling of fullness was simply incredible. It was already so wet inside you, your walls were pulsating around him, and on top of that, you were now clenching.
“Shit, I’m not gonna last if you keep doing that!”
You locked your legs around his and started clenching harder as if to taunt him. Your nails on his back, your lips in his mouth, your chest against his, and your pussy wrapped around him… It was way too overwhelming to properly control himself. You didn’t let him go even when he started shooting his load inside you. You let him cum until his last drop, then fuck it a bit deeper inside you while he was softening with his head buried in the crook of your neck.
“Feeling better?” you kissed his temple when he stopped moving.
“I’m about to.”
Chris peeled his body off of you and crawled between your legs, admiring his paint job on your pussy for some time.
“Wanted this the whole fucking night,” he smeared his leaking cum all over your cunt with his thumb, “It’s finally mine.”
He latched himself to your folds and started eating you with an unmatched appetite. His tongue was gliding everywhere, cleaning all your folds, prodding your entrance and slurping on himself, swirling and swirling and swirling around your clit until he decided to suck on it. He was loudly smacking his lips to make wet sounds, his hands stroking your legs, just making happy little noises with his eyes closed and your pussy in his mouth. He was fucking ascending you.
“Let’s make you cum.”
He prodded your entrance with his middle and ring fingers and easily slid in. You were so swollen inside and your walls were all engorged, making it much easier for him to find his target. When he finally hooked his fingers inside you and started beckoning, you fucking jolted.
“You like it, baby?”
“Oh fucking god, what is this?”
Chris was extremely satisfied with your reaction. He thought he couldn’t get any more turned on than this, but your sounds of pleasure were proving him wrong. Every. Single. Time.
“This is how you’re gonna give me a cumshot,” he bit his lips and went back to making out with your clit again.
The way Chris ate pussy was so fucking intense as it was, but add the fact that he was stimulating that spot inside you, it made you wanna pull your hair out. You were feeling a dangerous pressure building inside you, but it felt a bit different than the usual onset of an orgasm. You were getting so close, but you felt like you were about to pee at the same time. Noticing how you were trying to control yourself, Chris intervened.
“Let go,” he guided you with a calm voice as he kept fingering you, “It’s not what you think it is. It’s gonna feel good. Let go, baby.”
Even when he said that you tried to resist it, but to no avail. His fervent fingering paired with the excessively passionate glides of his tongue violently snapped you. You clawed your bed sheets as you came, and once you came back to your senses a little bit, you noticed that Chris’ face was covered in…
Your cum.
“Oh my fucking god, I’m so sorry!”
You were fucking mortified, and there was literally nowhere you hide to avoid facing him. Chris, on the other hand, found it so cute that you would be embarrassed by this.
“Come here,” he pulled you in his embrace while laughing his ass off, “Didn’t it feel good?”
“Yes,” you spoke with your face buried in his chest.
“Then that’s all that matters,” he lifted your chin up, “Come on, give me a kiss.”
Kissing Chris was the best thing ever. It was like his lips had superpowers to erase whatever unpleasant emotion you were feeling. You rested your head on his chest, giving up on resisting the weight on your eyelids.
“I really like you, you know.”
When Chris giggled, it echoed in his ribcage and wrapped you like a cozy blanket. It felt so peaceful. So so peaceful.
“I love you, too, baby,” he kissed your hair, “Do you wanna handcuff me to the bed this time just in case?”
“You fucking—”
You sank your teeth into his arm and started tickling the crap out of him, just to be nailed into your place with kisses. It was fine, though.
You could handle losing just this once.
This was the classiest the Petite Mort crew had ever looked. Everybody was in formal attire, behaving while they were sipping on their champagne and having a very fancy dinner. You flinched in your seat for the third time and looked very much in pain.
“You okay there, sweetie?” Malena asked you from across the table.
“Not… really. I don’t feel so good.”
“Whoa, you’re not pregnant or anything right?”
“It’s not that. I think I might have food poisoning. Go easy on the seafood,” you pointed at the oysters, then touched Chris’ arm, “Do you mind taking me to the restroom?”
“Damn, you’re not running a fever, are you?” he pressed his hand on your forehead, “Come on.”
After barging into the restroom, you checked whether the stalls were empty or not and snapped at Chris.
“Fucking make it stop already!”
“Aww, you couldn’t take it?” he taunted you leaning against the wall as he took out a little device from his pocket and rotated it like a fidget spinner, “How many times did you cum so far?”
You shoved your hand under your dress and took out the vibrator that was in you for quite some time now. Needless to say, it was completely drenched.
“Three, and I’m about to pass out in the middle of the party, so this is getting out.”
The smile on Chris’ face was wiped clean immediately. He came closer to you with slow steps and spoke right in front of your face.
“I don’t think I said you could take it out.”
“I don’t think I need your fucking permission.”
He grabbed your hand and wrapped his lips around the toy to lick it clean while holding your gaze.
“Why did you bring me here then?”
The way he talked in that low tone caught you a bit off guard. You knew what that meant, he knew what that meant, and even after all this time, it still flustered you.
“Because it– it was–”
“It’s not that you can’t take it anymore. It’s because it’s not enough,” he flaunted that crooked smile of his and snatched the vibrator from your hand, “You want me inside you instead.”
He grabbed your waist and pulled you close to him, his fingers descending from your neck down your cleavage.
“You want to be stretched open. You want to be stuffed full. You need to learn how to ask for these things.”
He placed a tiny kiss on your neck and checked you out from head to toe as if he was seeing you for the very first time that night.
“You look so damn beautiful in this dress,” he touched the exposed skin of your legs, “The high slit is for me, yeah?”
Then he shamelessly ran his hands up your thighs, stroking them like he was petting a docile cat, and started caressing your pussy over your underwear. The way it was fucking soaked under his touch made him hiss in delight.
“The only thing missing is my cum dripping down your legs,” he slowly turned you around like you were dancing and made you face the sink, “Let’s change that. Bend over, baby.”
You watched him unbuckle his belt behind you, holding his gaze in the mirror all the while. Then he pulled your dress up your waist, admired your ass for a moment, and prodded your entrance with his tip.
“Just the way I like it. Fucking slippery.”
He was teasing you with shallow thrusts knowing damn well you were going to say something to give him what he actually wanted. As a matter of fact, your impatience was one of his biggest turn-ons.
“Just the tip? Really?” you scoffed.
“Absolutely not. This pussy is too perfect for just the tip,” he leaned into your ear and whispered, “You’re taking it all, baby.”
You deliciously gasped when he rammed himself into you. He could see in the mirror how your eyes closed at the sensation.
“What is it? Too much?” he feigned ignorance, “Are you really gonna act like you don’t want this?”
Chris was moving torturously slow inside you just to hear the sticky noises coming from your pussy.
“Shh, shh, shh, listen to this,” he slowly pulled out to amplify that lewd squelch in your ears, “This is how much you want me. This is how much I turn you on.”
“Tell that to the random hard-ons you get when we’re in public.”
“I never once denied how horny you get me. I’ll fill you up good, but we’re fucking again in an hour.”
Then he started fucking you as hard as he could, not giving a shit how the sound of skin against skin could alert someone in the vicinity. They could fucking watch for all he cared.
“Or you’ll let me finger you under the table,” he licked into your ear.
“Or I’ll ride your face under the table.”
“Or I’ll fuck you stupid under the table,” he gritted his teeth, “Fuck being discreet. I’m gonna spread your legs like a feast right in front of me and dine on your cunt for everyone to watch.”
You throbbed very hard at his words, moaning uncontrollably, and the way you were biting your lips was riling Chris up even more.
“You want that? You want people to watch me go down on you? Can I use you for a demonstration on how to properly eat pussy?” he kissed your back, “Nasty. Sloppy. Just how you like it.”
“Oh god, hit deeper!”
“Love getting you this wet. In love with how much you want me. Fucking obsessed with making you cum,” he pulled you up from your shoulders, “Turn around, baby, kiss me when I finish you.”
“You curse a lot you know that?” you giggled while wrapping one leg around his waist.
“As if you don’t love that shit.”
His cock disappeared into you at the same time his lips met yours, and he was groping you everywhere his hands could reach. When you started grazing your teeth on his neck, it completely awakened his beast mode, and he began full on impaling you.
“Fuck, I don’t– don’t wanna– pull out,” he barely managed to utter while panting harder, “Too fucking incredible.”
“Then don’t,” you grabbed his face to make him face you, “But only if you’re gonna eat it out of me again.”
“Always,” he whispered against your lips before kissing the life out of you.
He pulled the vibrator from his pocket and pressed it on your clit as he passed through you. Your moans were getting much more frequent and louder, your fingers were sinking deeper into his skin, and Chris knew exactly what that meant.
“You’re cumming?”
“Yes!”
“You’re cumming, baby?”
“God, yes!”
He pounded into you with much sharper thrusts to hit a very specific spot inside you, and when your fingers curled to scratch his nape, he knew he got what he wanted.
“That’s it. That’s my fucking girl. Just like that,” he kept fucking you through your high, “Now let me see how you finish your man. Open your mouth.”
When you finally left that restroom, fixing yourselves up as much as you could manage, you found very annoyed Jisung waiting for Chris by the bar.
“Fucking christ, some best man you are!” he hissed, “If you’re gonna disappear on the actual day of my wedding, I’m just gonna ask Kurt to do it.”
“I apologize, but you know how it is, mate. When your girl isn’t feeling good, you check up on her.”
“Yeah right, your fly’s open, bro,” Jisung slapped Chris’ shoulders, “Give me my cards, and go sit your ass down. The dessert’s supposed to be fucking fantastic.”
You and Chris took your seats again to listen to the heartwarming words of the groom-to-be to punctuate Jisung and Anita’s engagement party. Jisung being Jisung, he moved the entire crowd as well as his future bride to tears, and while you and Chris had very fond smiles on your faces watching him, what you were whispering to each other couldn’t be more out of context.
“Just why the fuck do I have this feeling that Anita pegs Jisung?” Chris asked, his eyes still on Jisung in the distance.
“Oh, totally, and we’re so writing a wedding night scenario,” you responded and joined the loud applause that broke out in the room.
“Actually, they have a bridal suite in this ven—”
“No.”
“But why not?” he insisted, “Because defiling the prospective bridal room of our boss would be unprofessional?”
“Super unprofessional,” you chuckled and kissed each other through your smiles.
Chris wasn’t always like this. Back then, if you asked people what kind of a guy he was, they would probably respond with adjectives like indifferent, arrogant, devil-may-care, and rootless.
He was still a menace, but after he obtained the official title of your boyfriend, his descriptors changed into funny, dependable, creative genius, a simp even, and he couldn’t be any happier with it.
There were certain things that a man had to do sometimes. Things that he had to say.
Like I love you.
And I need you.
I only want you.
The prerequisite for all of those was having the guts to be vulnerable again, and it was petrifying, but if it meant you were going to smile like that at him…
⚠ — Self-worth/intimacy issues, sexual tension, body worshipping, oral sex (m, f) penetrative unprotected sex, creampie (see masterlist for more).
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※ This work of fiction is intended for 18+ audiences only.
It had been a while since you and Chris worked on a project together, and especially after the night you filmed him, it was kind of helping your mentality to not see him in a… work context. You were able to delude yourself into thinking he was just an actor doing his thing out there, and you were doing just fine ignoring all reality by playing dodgeball with the conversation you needed to have with yourself.
What conversation? There’s nothing to have a conversation about.
You may not have been working together, but it didn’t really make much difference because Chris kept running into you very much on purpose. Appearing at your sets every once in a because he was allegedly bored, dropping by your office for the fuck of it, randomly asking what you were craving right then and bringing that or the closest thing he could find packed as a lunch for two to eat with you…
All of which would have been perfectly fine if the magnitude of your crush on Chris wasn’t currently about two galaxies wide.
It was obviously flirting galore whenever you saw each other, but you started noticing another side of him that you hadn’t previously experienced.
Underneath all those layers of cockiness, the man was actually a premium-quality dork.
His smugness towards you had mostly dissolved by then. He was indeed more lovable than a Tasmanian devil, and he felt free to be infinitely silly, but only when he was alone with you. You had no idea what prompted the exclusive access privileges to this much softer side of him, but as a horrible side effect, it was fueling your possessiveness over Chris, which completely clouded your professional judgement.
Especially when Alexis was in question.
One day when you were feeling particularly annoyed by her cunt behavior, you straight up decided to forget to tell her about a filming location change. Out of pure pettiness. But when you came to your senses shortly after, you were actually quite ashamed of yourself.
“Just what the fuck am I doing?”
Yes, Chris was exhibiting some signs of vulnerability, but it didn’t necessarily… mean anything. He wasn’t… putting the moves on you per se. Why would he anyway? It was just his brazen self, and he was just feeling comfortable around you.
Comfortable enough to masturbate right next to you?
He is a porn performer.
That wanted you right next to him.
That happens on set every day.
He has sex with you a lot in his head.
I’m just a face. Everybody fantasizes.
Then why did he cum that hard when you said you loved him?
This needed to stop. You urgently needed to save your ass before you fell any deeper into the quicksand because you were running out of ways to refute yourself.
“Guess what I have for you right here,” Jisung knocked on your office door.
“Looks like a script, smells like a script, so I’m gonna say… a script.”
“Correct!” he put the file he was holding on your desk, “The writer specifically requests you to direct this.”
“Are you fucking SERIOUS?!” you screamed, slamming your hands on the table. Jisung burst into one of his heartfelt laughters at your extreme reaction.
Unless you were hired as a director in the first place, the rite of passage to directorship was literally quantified at Petite Mort. You had to have produced a certain number of minutes for projects that required cinematography work much like a pilot trying to obtain a license.
“I– I don’t know what to say! I wasn’t even aware I hit my numbers,” you stood up and bowed to Jisung as hyperbolically as you could manage, “I humbly thank the scriptwriter for the opportunity.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate the gratitude in person because it’s not me,” Jisung informed you with a knowing smile, “You actually haven’t filled your quota yet. Anita was very impressed by the script, so she made an exception and agreed to the writer’s terms.”
“Then who is it?”
“Look inside.”
You grabbed the folder and turned to the first page, and there it was, right under the title.
Rébellion Romantique
—C. B.
“No… no way,” your voice came out very tiny as you looked at Jisung.
“Yes way, indeed. Apparently, everyone’s favorite Aussie has one hell of a pen.”
Your heart fell to your stomach in the best sense of the expression possible. You had no idea he had started writing again. Not only did he start and finish a script, but he also wanted you to direct this?
Your eyes darted to the synopsis right under the title.
After divorcing her husband and finally getting out of the cage of lovelessness, Tina embarks on a journey to rewrite everything she knows about desire and pleasure. Throughout her encounters with all kinds of people, she eventually discovers what love truly means to her.
A tribute to the female gaze, human pleasure, and everything left unspoken.
This was supposed to be a script for porn. Fucking porn. Then why were you overcome with this urge to cry all of a sudden?
Oh, you loved this. You absolutely adored this.
“I’ll be your producer for what looks like our flagship production,” Jisung spoke with an utterly endeared look on his face, “Do you have some time to discuss casting?”
Why, yes, maybe your schedule was completely free for the foreseeable future to discuss everything about this project.
Chris had penned such an intricate scenario that the cast was going to be the most crowded one to date because it even included an orgy midway through the story. It automatically meant you had to swallow your pettiness regarding all the decisions made about this movie and be completely professional.
You forbade yourself to treat it like it was personal. Because it wasn’t.
Nevertheless, you and Jisung both had to compromise on one singular matter— after a lot of back and forth, you agreed to keep Alexis as part of the cast, and he agreed not to give her the lead role. You both landed on Kristen instead.
“I think Hyunjin would make a better antagonist than Cole,” you pointed at the character sheet, “The dude has some sinister charms to him, don’t you think?”
“I’ll have the security ready for when Chris walks into the set maybe. They are at each other’s throats on sight,” Jisung uttered with genuine concern and then looked at you with a tinge of reservation, “Which leaves us with our main love interest. Are you sure about this?”
You took a deep breath. You were matching performers to characters for the better half of the past hour, and you just couldn’t bring yourself to place Chris anywhere. Nothing felt ‘just right’ when he was in question. A side role where he barely showed on screen wouldn’t do him justice. This could actually be his big break in the erotic cinema community. On the other hand, giving him the male lead meant that you were going to have to—
Don’t treat it like it’s personal.
You shook your head and snapped out of it.
“Yes,” you responded resolutely, “Yes, I am.”
The day of your first shoot felt like the first day of school for you. A bit of dread of the unknown, a bit of nervousness, but overall anticipation maximized. You greeted the crew and made your way towards the director’s chair, where you had an uninvited guest waiting for you.
“Chris?” you put your bag down, “What are you doing here?”
“Well, good morning to you, too,” he brightly smiled, “Didn’t Jisung tell you I was coming? I’m here to watch you direct.”
“Talk about micromanaging,” you retorted with excessive amounts of sarcasm.
“It’s not that. I’m here to gain experience,” he sat right next to the director’s chair, “Consider me as your intern.”
“Fine, but if you’re going to hang around, I need you to be on your absolute best behavior, okay?” you picked up the copy of the script crawling with your notes on it, “Don’t make a scene.”
“We’re literally on a set, though.”
“Chris!”
“Yes, boss,” he gestured zipping his lips.
You and Jisung walked towards your performers to go over their directions one last time, then took your seats and let the games begin.
“Quiet on set,” you commanded the entire crew with a firm tone and turned to the screen in front of you, “Action!”
When you started the scene, Chris turned to his left and started observing you instead. You occupying the director’s chair was nothing short of a queen sitting on a throne. You belonged there. The way you were talking to the performers just now… It was almost like you were telling a partner what you liked and what you wanted them to do to you in a very straightforward fashion. There was literally an entire movie unfolding right in front of him, not to mention something he wrote himself, but all Chris could do was watch you be an utter professional. Your passion was a beautiful thing to witness.
He felt… proud watching you.
Even when the scene started morphing into an extremely steamy sight, you were completely unfazed, watching the screen with sheer seriousness as if you were watching a courtroom drama. He was looking for indications that you were getting turned on, but there wasn’t one obvious physical sign. No irregular breathing, no restless wriggling, no hint of increasing body temperature.
Only your blown pupils.
Chris, on the other hand, was about to cross a dangerous threshold of arousal to the point of losing his mind a little bit because he couldn’t stop associating the scene with you.
Because the acts he was witnessing were the very things that he wanted to do to you.
He couldn’t help it. At a moment of sudden onset incontinence, he subtly pressed his leg against yours, causing you to briefly turn in his direction, but he was seemingly watching the scene with undivided attention. Then he placed his arm on the right armrest of your chair, and his fingers brushed against yours.
Your heart started thumping in your chest all of a sudden.
The antsiness he was looking forward to seeing all along finally started to manifest itself in you. You pressed your leg against him with a tinge more pressure. His little finger started caressing yours with imperceptible movements to the naked eye. You kept stealing touches from each other throughout that whole scene, and by the end of it, you were both properly frustrated by how much you wanted each other.
However…
The reality was that there was an invisible line drawn between you that shouldn’t be crossed. You weren’t two people that crossed paths under normal circumstances.
And what was worse, Chris was community property.
“Good work today,” you hurriedly removed yourself from the set before giving Chris a chance to say something to fluster you into oblivion, “See you on Monday at 6 AM.”
Still simmering in that inhumane levels of arousal, you left the building so fast that you actually made it home in record time.
After a questionably long shower, you decided to set up your ‘ritual’ setting in your room. Balcony door open and letting a very nice breeze in, sexy as fuck melodies looped in the background and coming out of your speakers in a hushed volume, the dark amber candles dangerously reminding you of Chris lit up to set the mood, a glass of cold rosé, and a bullet vibrator. You sat down on your desk, but not to write. You were about to do some editing tonight.
Everything was ready and in place, but when you opened the editing software, you were greeted by a warning.
Remaining time: 90 minutes. Insert your portable license or purchase one by following the link.
Then you looked at your USB hub to notice it was indeed empty.
“Oh, fucking great,” you grabbed your phone to call Jisung.
“Yo!”
“Ji, tell me you’re at the office, please.”
“Yup.”
“Do you mind checking my desk to see if I left my portable license there? It’s a little black USB. Otherwise I’m going to panic my ass off.”
“Hang on a second.”
You heard his footsteps and the sound of a door opening in your receiver, and Jisung broke the news to you.
“Yeah, it’s on your desk here.”
“Oh, thank god,” you relaxed in our chair, “Do you mind dropping it off at my place when you get out?”
“Actually, I can’t. I’m taking Anita to dinner tonight.”
“SHUT THE FUCK UP!”
“I can’t and I WON’T!” he yelled on the other line, “But I can send Kyle to drop it off. That okay with you?”
“You’re awesome, thanks,” then you offered a piece of unsolicited advice, “And don’t forget to take tissues with you. You drool a little too hard over her.”
“You shut the fuck up and I love you.”
Relieved that you would soon have uninterrupted access, you found no harm in using the time you have left. You carefully inserted the vibrator inside you and got to work like this was a very normal course of action for creative endeavors.
You had been contemplating working on this for some time now, but you were a bit hesitant about watching it. It was the footage of Chris you filmed after the party, and now that you were actually on the director’s chair and properly riled up after that workday, you were feeling particularly… inspired.
I can always tell when you get wet because your scent gets denser. And now you’re getting wet just by looking at me across the table.
It was true. Chris didn’t need any gimmicks or try hard to seduce people; he was a natural. He had that irresistible charm to him that rendered anyone defenseless with one look. It was worse that he knew that because he abused his powers on you for his personal entertainment way too frequently.
I don’t give a fuck if you’re driving. I won’t be able to wait until we get home.
Why was it that when he said the most brazen things at the most random places it was an immediate turn on? What the fuck kind of wizardry was that his shamelessness was bringing out the worst in you, the very things that you were suppressing to masquerade as a normally functioning human being?
I have you right where I want you, and you’re melting.
You hated how true it was. You weren’t a person with weak willpower per se, but when it came to Chris, you always found yourself justifying why you were letting him charm you so. You hated how much you enjoyed this. You despised how it made your ego violently cum every time he insinuated he wanted you.
Everyone who drives by knows what we’re doing, but we don’t give a fuck. We just want each other. They’re watching us. They wish they were us.
Ever since the very first time you met him, at the very back burner of your imagination, you had always wondered about it. You wondered what it was like to fuck him. You wondered what it was like to have him pleasure you. You wondered whether he was indeed capable of making you forget about what was socially acceptable and have you surrender to him at will, completely erasing everything from your consciousness besides him and the pure rapture he was inducing in you.
What a fucking fascinating underworldly creature of lust you are.
You were so submerged in your autoerotic inner monologue that your heart almost stopped when the doorbell rang.
“Jesus fucking christ!” you jumped in your seat, “Just a second!”
You gingerly removed the bullet, shoved it inside your drawer, and darted to answer the door.
“Kyle, thank you s— Chris?!”
“You asked for delivery?”
Okay, but maybe, just maybe were you in possession of manifestation powers because…
“I thought Kyle was going to come over.”
“Yeah, I may have eavesdropped on their conversation a little bit,” he grinned at you and handed you the USB, “Here.”
“Thank you so much. I’m so sorry for the trouble.”
“No worries. My services are not free, though, so you’re totally buying me drinks later,” he teased with a wink and started descending the stairs, “Good night.”
“Actually…!”
You had started that sentence a bit too loudly for your own good, but it at least managed to turn Chris around.
“I’ve just opened a bottle of wine if you’d like to join me.”
All of a sudden, his teasing demeanor was, poof, gone.
“I uh– I don’t mean to intrude if…”
“Well, you kinda did anyway. You know where I live now,” you stepped aside and opened the door for him to come in. He climbed three steps back up and let himself into your apartment with somewhat of a bashful smile.
As you led him to your living room, Chris examined your place as if he was in a museum. The framed posters in the hallway, the colors of your walls, the furniture you owned, the things you chose to decorate. There was a pleasant ambery scent everywhere, and it was tickling his nostrils.
When you brought his glass and sat next to him, you were hit with the realization that Chris was actually in your apartment, sitting on your sofa. You were in shorts and a gigantic t-shirt with flower-patterned flip-flops on your feet.
All of a sudden it felt way too intimate.
“You ran so fast I couldn’t even tell you how awesome you were on set today,” Chris finally spoke.
“Thank you,” you sheepishly smiled at him, “I’m not gonna pretend your presence there wasn’t pressuring, though.”
“Why is that?”
“I mean, it’s your script, hello?” you pointed at him, “That’s like getting your homework checked by your teacher.”
He laughed heartily and sat more comfortably on the couch.
“Come on, I’m just a rookie here.”
“I don’t believe in seniority when it comes to creativity,” you responded in a serious tone.
A brief silence followed as you sipped on your drinks. After contemplating for some time, you finally decided to scratch the itch at the back of your brain.
“Why did you want me to direct this? Jisung would have done a wonderful job.”
“I agree, but he’s a man,” he rested his head on his hand, “This is Tina’s story. It would be a little hypocritical not to consult to the vision of an insanely talented woman, don’t you reckon?”
You felt yourself blushing a bit too intensely and averted your eyes. It really meant a lot to you that he was thinking of you this way.
“Thank you. Really.”
“My absolute pleasure,” his dimples replied on his behalf, “Did you notice anything interesting about her?”
“Was I supposed to?”
He didn’t answer and just stared at you with a vague smile, which prompted you to review all the knowledge you had about Tina. A recent divorcée questioning a lot of things, tempted by her curiosity to find answers. She was indulging in things most people considered filth, things they would shame her for, but at the very end of the day she was only in pursuit of happiness and trying to muster the courage she had lost somewhere along the way. She was one hell of a woman this Tina Frank.
Tina Frank.
Tina.
“If you don’t mind me asking what’s Tina short for exactly?” you asked Chris with creased brows.
“I don’t know,” he shrugged, “Could be many things. Martina, Christina, Valentina…”
“Christina,” you emphasized, but you were actually asking him a question.
“Could you top me up, please?” he raised you his unfinished glass with a smile.
You obliged and didn’t attempt to drag the conversation on further after that, but it shifted something in you.
A tribute to the female gaze, human pleasure, and everything left unspoken.
You would bitch about his brazenness a lot, complaining that he didn’t know how to be subtle at all, but it turned out Chris could be extremely subtle when he wanted to. You were never going to be able to look at this story the same way again.
“Did you manage to find any other bomb-ass places lately?” you handed him his glass again with nonchalance, “I think we should be able to appreciate things besides hotdogs, too.”
“Wait till I tell you about the pizzeria that just opened by my apartment.”
You didn’t even realize how fast time passed for the rest of the night. Whenever you weren’t about to go crazy lusting after him, it was always very comfortable when you were with Chris, but it had never felt this cozy before. Just the two of you having a wholesome conversation accompanied with ‘Shut up’s, ‘No way’s, and a lot of laughter. At one point, he made you laugh so hard that you actually fell off the couch.
“Can I use your restroom?”
“Sure,” you wiped the tears from your eyes as your laughter died down, “It’s at the end of the hall.”
While he was coming out of the restroom, Chris noticed the soft orange light illuminating the hallway through a door ajar and the music playing inside. He knew proper guests weren’t supposed to snoop around, yet he had never been proper anything other than the resident troublemaker wherever he went. His curiosity got the best of him, and he nudged the door a bit more to peek inside.
It was your bedroom.
The light was coming from the candles you had lit some time ago, which were also the source of that pleasant scent. Your bed was unmade, and the clothes you were wearing earlier that day were hung behind a chair. You had a huge desk by the open balcony door, and there was a computer with two gigantic screens on it as well as a video on the preview screen of some editing software.
His pulse dangerously escalated when he realized what he was looking at.
It was the footage of him masturbating on the bed, but what he was surprised to notice was that you were also in the frame.
What he was fucking mindblown to notice was that you were fingering yourself.
He walked to the computer like he was in a trance. He rewinded the video to spot where exactly you started touching yourself to the sight of him. There you were, pulling your dress up and spreading your legs with your breasts already out. He lowered the volume and hit play.
…you taste amazing. I’m licking all over your cunt like you’ve been starving me for days.
All his memories of you came rushing back to him again. You writing all these lengthy oral scenes but leaving the set every time he performed it on someone, how you were fucking yourself to the thought of him in his waiting room, the way he fingered you while you jerked him off, your lips on him, his lips all over you, touching you, feeling you, when you whispered I love you into his ear…
Chris was so hard under his pants that he was actually in pain.
“Is everything okay? You’ve been gone for— Oh.”
Your voice suddenly echoing in the room gave him a horrible start. He had no idea how he could properly defend himself.
“I’m– I’m really sorry. The door was open and– and I saw myself, and–”
You were also quite embarrassed, but it was him that was caught red-handed, not you.
“I thought I would give it a shot to edit it myself,” you played it cool.
Chris took a few steps towards you and asked in a tone of genuine disbelief.
“You were touching yourself right next to me?”
“You seriously didn’t notice?” you furrowed your brows, “It was a bit… too wet.”
“I was a bit too gone to pay attention to my surroundings, to be honest.”
There it was again. Every time there was an absence of a sound between you two, an explosion hazard suddenly manifested in the room. The tension was unbearable. You would do anything to break that silence and breathe easy a little, but you couldn’t think of one thing to say. As if that wasn’t enough, Chris approached a lot closer and stood right in front of your face.
“I’m gonna ask you a question but please don’t lie to me.”
That was a pretty redundant request because your thinking capabilities had already hit the floor, rendering you completely incapable of producing a lie.
“Do you– Do you want me?”
It wasn’t his usual presumptuous ‘You want me, don’t you?’ that enraged you to no end when you heard it. There was vulnerability in his voice. He actually was not sure, and that’s why he was legitimately asking you. He couldn’t word this any other way because he was just as scared of the consequences as you were.
How would you even describe it? Were you attracted to him? Yes. Were you fantasizing about him? Frequently. But were your feelings only in the realm of basic instinct? Did you want him or did you want him?
You should have had that conversation with yourself. You really should have.
“Because if you do…”
You looked at his face, but he was the one examining the floor now. There weren’t any answers written there, but he just would not look at you.
“That would make me really happy.”
The way he lifted his face up and looked right into your eyes while uttering those last two words. The way your heart skipped a beat. How would you even describe it?
“And if I don’t?”
He looked heartbroken when you said that. His shoulders drooped, and his eyes returned to having a staring contest with the floor again.
“Then I’ll try harder.”
You weren’t going to be able to endure this anymore.
The playlist comprised of every song that reminded you of Chris was still playing in the background. The candles that reminded you of his perfume were still burning. The gentle night breeze was still blowing on your curtains to make them dance, but it had gotten a bit chilly. You walked past Chris and turned off the monitors. He watched the way your finger pressed the button. He watched how you turned around on your feet and came close to him again. He watched you throw your hands around his neck, and when you finally kissed him, his knees almost gave way.
There seemed to be a pattern every time you kissed. It started soft, just curious moves of your lips trying to remember what it felt like kissing the other, but you both caved to each other so fast that it escalated at record speed. It turned from an act of affection to carnal desire, and there was no telling where that one kiss could end up at if no one stopped it. But you knew.
You knew it would end up in a beautiful disaster.
You took off his white top that didn’t leave much to imagination and let him rid you of the t-shirt you were wearing in lieu of a nightgown. Without even giving him enough time to appreciate your bare torso, you pulled him to your bed.
“This cannot mean anything,” you barely managed to utter in between his relentless kisses.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”
“I’m serious!”
Chris attacked your lips in response and refused to stop kissing you. His kisses were alternating between your lips, your neck, and your breasts, but it was getting out of control a bit too fast. You hastily reached for your nightstand drawer for a condom just to notice…
“Oh, fuck me!”
“What happened?” Chris abruptly stopped, panting hard over you, “You don’t have protection?”
“It didn’t occur to me to have some just in case an impromptu escapade develops. I’ve been in a prolonged dry spell,” you confessed a bit too candidly, “Don’t you have any on you?”
“I wasn’t exactly expecting to get lucky tonight.”
You both heaved deep sighs and laid there in frustration for a while, but this was worse than trying to get a hold of yourself in public. Chris was literally to your right, topless, trying to calm down his breathing, and not to assume anything, but you were pretty convinced he was also cursing a mouthful to his luck.
“If you’re willing to…” you uttered with a tinge of reservation while watching the ceiling, “I’m on contraceptives.”
“Oh,” Chris turned to his left, but he looked a bit flustered, “I’ve never… Like…”
“Fucked anyone raw before?” you completed his sentence on his behalf.
“When you’re in my line of work, that’s like swimming with the piranhas that feed on fire-breathing electric eels.”
“I get that, but I mean surely you had girlfriends before, right? It’s not like you never…”
You trailed off, waiting for a confirmation from him, but all that followed was silence.
“Seriously?!” your eyes widened in surprise, “You know quite literally everything else, but you really don’t know what it feels like to raw dog?”
“I mean how different can it be really?”
“Let’s just say the difference is skinny dipping versus having a wetsuit on,” you informed him and offered an alternative, “I guess you can go out and buy some. I clearly need to replenish my stocks anyway.”
You genuinely didn’t mean anything else by it. It wasn’t even a sarcastic comment, but Chris got ticked off pretty bad over what you just said.
“I’m not buying you condoms just so you can practice safe sex with other people.”
What the hell was happening exactly?
“Who said anything about other people?” you looked at him in bewilderment.
“You did.”
“You did!”
“You did say you clearly needed to replenish your stocks.”
“I literally told you I was in a dry spell, and also we could do it without a condom.”
“And I told you I’ve never had sex without protection before.”
“And I’m giving you my consent, what’s the m—?”
He shut you up by swiftly pulling you into a kiss. How the hell he did it you had no idea. Chris would kiss your lips and all of a sudden you would forget what you were pissed off about. Unconventional apology method for sure, but it worked. It worked like a charm.
He abruptly stopped and his face turned worried for some reason.
“Are you…?”
He was clearly hesitating. You could see whatever it was he was trying to say was… hurting him. He mustered his courage and finally decided to face the music.
“Are you sure it’s not going to disgust you to sleep with me?”
You honestly didn’t follow where the heck that came from.
“Disgust me?” you asked him with genuine confusion in your eyes, “Why would it disgust me?”
Chris averted his eyes from you and gnawed on his lips, not knowing how to properly word this. He couldn’t hold your gaze as he responded to you.
“I’m pretty used, you see.”
Your heart broke into a million fucking pieces that he was thinking of himself that way. Oh, you wanted to hug him. Oh, you wanted to pull him into a tight embrace and never let go. What the fuck did he even mean used? He wasn’t some piece of goddamn merchandise; he was a human being with feelings.
You swallowed a sob that threatened to escape your throat and turned on the sass mode instead to diffuse the tension.
“So? Just because people don’t record every sexual encounter they have doesn’t mean they didn’t have numerous partners before,” you shrugged carefreely, “The only difference is that you can’t lie about it whereas many people do.”
He looked a bit relieved hearing you say that but was still somewhat on edge.
“Well… Did you?”
“Have many partners? Not really,” you honestly answered him, “Does that make me a self-righteous prude in your eyes?”
“Of course not!”
You placed the tiniest of kisses on his nose and smiled.
“Exactly.”
He smiled back. It wasn’t a grin. It wasn’t a smirk. It was that devastating smile that framed his dimples perfectly. Your heart fluttered seeing that again.
“Your eyes are beautiful, you know,” you touched his face and caressed his cheek, “But they look a bit sad.”
He averted his eyes again, but rather than discomfort, he got legitimately shy this time.
“Don’t look away from me,” you insisted on holding his gaze.
As you were getting lost in the little galaxies he carried in his eyes, you played with his hair. He leaned into your touch. You laid him down right next to you and whispered.
“Close your eyes now.”
He did as he was told and you kissed him again. You brushed his hair with your fingers as he pulled you into his embrace and started caressing your back. Your hands traveled down to unbutton his pants. He dragged your waistband down to get rid of your shorts. You ended up stripping each other fully, never once leaving each other’s lips.
“It’s been a while since you appreciated this, hasn’t it?” you smiled into his kiss.
But Chris wasn’t smiling. He was looking at you with eyes you had never seen before. Deeper than an abyss and louder than a deafening thunder. Begging you to figure it out yourself because he just couldn’t say it.
Without saying anything, he turned you around to lie facedown. You felt his lips on your nape momentarily, making you shudder all over. He started kissing your back, drawing a trail down your spine, and eventually reaching your waist. It felt incredible. He was so gentle with his movements, but he was burning every piece of skin he kissed, and it was turning you on so bad.
He turned you around again, making his way from your crotch, up your breasts, and to your lips one more time. With every kiss he landed on your skin, you felt the bruises you didn’t even realize you had disappear a little bit. You felt the pleasant itch of a wound turning into a scar. You felt relief.
You also wanted to heal just a tiny part of him. You also wanted to soothe whatever was making him flinch in pain when no one was looking.
You pulled him under you and started drawing your own map on him. From his neck to his shoulders, from his chest to his abdomen, down to his crotch where he was flushed pink and dripping around his slit. When you made a move to kiss his cock, Chris immediately stopped you.
“You don’t– You don’t have to. Really. I’m o—”
You stared at him as he kept rambling. You kissed the hand that was stopping you, and gently removed it while holding his gaze. Then you closed your eyes and kissed his smooth skin. You kissed him like you were blowing on a painful burn. You kissed him like you were singing lullabies to him to calm down. You kissed him like you were pacifying him. His stutters eventually came to a halt, and he completely surrendered to you. His clenched muscles finally loosened as he relaxed into the bed.
Then he started truly enjoying the feeling of being pleasured in your mouth.
It felt so intense. More intense than any other instance he’d experienced before. You weren’t rushing him into finishing. You weren’t even trying to make him cum. Licking slow stripes on his cock, slurping on his precum, having him leisurely sink into your mouth until his tip reached the back of your throat, just savoring his taste. You had nowhere else to be.
Chris was so overwhelmed that he was pressing his palms on his eyes, letting himself get nuked by unmatched bliss. He felt like he was being possessed by something, or like he was drowning but it was such a pleasant feeling. Then he opened his eyes and started watching you. The way you were pressing your lips all over him. The way you were enjoying him. He felt so naked and defenseless in front of you that he wanted to cry. But he moaned instead. He moaned louder when you wrapped your lips around him again. He moaned louder when you moved your tongue on his popping veins again. He moaned even louder when you started stroking him in the same rhythm as you were blowing him. He moaned the loudest when you let out content hums with him fully in your mouth as he shot his entire load down your throat just like in his fantasies. You crawled your way back up and kissed his lips for a while until he came down. He basked himself in his taste on your tongue.
When he was able to perceive the world through normal vision again, Chris slowly pushed you down to have you lie on your back, and started paying some much-deserved attention to your breasts. He loved watching your nipples get that hard and he was finally able to tease them in his mouth for the first time. God, what a beautiful thing you were. What a beautiful, sexy, angelic lust demon you were with that tattoo hugging your body, turning him on beyond humanely possible. He traced every single detail on it with his tongue until he finally reached your crotch, torturing you with the anticipation of what he was going to do to you next.
Chris remembered your taste. It was only a couple of drops, but he still remembered it like it was yesterday. Tastiest fucking thing on earth, especially so because he’d got you soaking like that in the first place. And now he was directly looking at the source, an infinite number of servings right in front of him to stuff himself full to his heart’s content.
He tenderly caressed your pussy with his thumb first, carving every detail into memory. What your clit looked like when aroused, how you throbbed when he even slightly teased you, the shape of your folds before he sucked the life out of you.
Then he dragged his tongue from your entrance up to your clit and smeared your juices everywhere. He spat on your pussy just for his viewing pleasure, just to watch some bodily fluid of his drip down your cunt. He wrapped his hands around your thighs and his lips around your clit, sucking, and sucking, and sucking on you some more.
You were a mess under him.
“Do you like it?” Chris broke the deafening silence with a barely audible whisper, “Am I pleasing you right?”
A part of you wanted to ride the shit out of his face, but another part of you wanted this to last forever. He changed his ministrations from sucking to licking slow stripes on you with occasional kisses right under your clit every once in a while. The pressure of his tongue was just right, and he was already flying you out of your body.
“It feels… it feels fucking… perfect,” you barely managed to speak as your eyes rolled back.
When you moaned like that, Chris felt himself get hard again. He shifted in his place to be able to reach his cock and started stroking himself in a very lazy rhythm while slowly licking you. The sight of him doing that was so fucking erotic that it put you in a hypnotic state of arousal. You couldn’t talk. You didn’t know what words were anymore. All you could produce was incoherent sounds of pleasure in varying frequencies. Quiet, sudden increase in volume, a decrescendo, quiet again, a crescendo, a frustrated whine, a delighted moan, a crescendo, and a decrescendo again.
He kept edging you thinking it would maybe cause you to beg, but you didn’t mind it at all. If he was down for it, who were you to tell him to hurry up and finish you? You were enjoying this a bit too much for your own good. Just him in your bed, between your legs, soaking you through your sheets all the way to your mattress, perhaps enjoying himself a bit more than you.
He was drawing languid circles around your clit and freehand lines on your folds, then spreading your pussy lips to suck on you a bit more, but the amount you were oozing didn’t seem to satisfy him. Then he started stimulating you more aggressively, lapping at your clit, licking into your entrance, fucking you excruciatingly shallowly with his tongue, smearing his entire face with your slick and fucking loving it.
“CHRIS!!!”
It was everything he wanted to hear. You, screaming his name as you came into his mouth, clawing your bedsheets with how overwhelmed you were, losing yourself in narcotic pleasure only he could provide for you. You kissed each other deep for a long time afterwards, exploring what your flavors mixed with each other tasted like. Chris rested his back against your headboard and pulled you on top of him.
“Come up.”
You took your time straddling him, and the closer he got to being inside you, the more nervous he was feeling as if he was about to lose his virginity to you all over again.
This was really happening.
Call it ridiculous, but experiencing a first with you in whatever capacity felt very weirdly intimate to him. His eyes were intently glued on your pussy as you aligned yourself with him, and when he finally started sinking into you, a drawn-out hiss fell from his lips until he bottomed out. You held his gaze and clenched hard with a smirk on your face.
“Yes!” Chris slammed his hands on your sides, “Squeeze me.”
He held your waist and disappeared into while you grinded on him to meet him halfway. You were so tight around him that stretching you for himself was mindnumbingly delicious.
“You’re not a virgin, are you?” Chris asked with a grin.
“What if I am?”
“I don’t give a shit and I’m still creampieing you.”
You both started laughing in unison, and he pulled you close for a kiss. You were somewhat scared of this moment getting ruined, and you could almost swear that Chris was feeling the same way. You closed your eyes to relish the feeling of each other meeting in the most secluded corners of your body.
You felt so full every time he slid inside, but not in a carnal way. In a this feels so right way. On the flip side, for the first time in a long time, Chris didn’t feel like lost half anymore. He felt complete when he was inside you. He felt whole.
If you wanted this to last forever, then Chris wanted it to last forever times infinity.
“Lay down on my chest.”
Chris kept fucking into you, he couldn’t stop kissing your face. Your forehead. Your nose. Your cheeks. Your lips. Your jawline.
You moaned a tinge louder when he kissed your neck, and he felt you clench around him.
“Is it this spot?”
He deepened the kiss on your neck, and you felt your skin getting wetter. God, you loved this feeling. You tangled your fingers in his disheveled hair. You kissed his temple. You kissed the crown of his head. He throbbed inside you.
You suddenly found yourself on your back with one swift turn, and Chris put your legs on his shoulders. When he started fucking you hard, your hands traveled up his forearms and landed on his biceps. You scratched him, and he went faster. You scratched him harder, and he went even faster.
“D–drawer,” you pointed at your nightstand, “Bullet.”
“Tell me what you want me to do. Ah, fuck!” Chris threw his head back when he hit a dead end inside you, but slowed down to allow you to speak properly, “Words, baby, use your words.”
You clenched so fucking hard that it almost made him cum.
“Did you just call me baby?”
He faltered for a moment not knowing how to respond to that, but you didn’t seem angry. If he was in his right mind, he could come up with a clever way to slither out of this, but he didn’t see any point in lying at that moment.
“I think it suits you,” he smiled at you warmly instead.
Chris opened your drawer to grab the vibrator, but he couldn’t help his surprised smile, barely dodging bursting into laughter.
“Isn’t this the bullet I gave you that one time?”
“Oh, shut up.”
“Why are you embarrassed? I’m literally balls deep in you.”
You attempted to grab it from his hands, but he didn’t let you have it. He turned it on and placed it on your clit himself, and the volume of your moans suddenly peaked.
“Feels good, yeah?”
“Deeper,” you sank your fingertips into his arms, “Fuck me deeper!”
He changed his angle and started hitting a spot inside you. It felt soft. Wetter than usual. It felt… It sorta felt like—
“How the fuck are you blowing me when I’m inside you?!”
“That’s it right there!” you held onto him for dear life, “Hit that hard.”
Your words made him throb so fucking hard that it almost made you cum.
“Did you just tell me to hit that?”
You thought you said something wrong in the heat of the moment, but when you looked into Chris’ eyes, you saw something maniacal in them. He reappeared right before your eyes something very akin to a goddamn incubus.
“Oh, I’ll hit that. I’ll hit that good,” he started fucking you with sharp, precise thrusts, “I’ll hit that so hard, you’ll be seeing stars for a week… baby.”
The moment you started contracting around him in shorter intervals, Chris urged you to snap your eyes open.
“Look at me,” he panted heavily over you, “Don’t. Don’t ever forget this feeling. Ever.”
Then he turned the intensity of the vibrator on your clit to the maximum, and you arched into him, feeling your soul get ripped out of your body.
“That’s my fucking girl,” Chris contorted his face in utter pleasure as you came all over his cock, and let himself spill inside you. Again. And again. And again until he collapsed.
There were only sounds of heavy panting in the room for a while as neither of you was able to come down. At long last, Chris managed to turn to his side to look at you and immediately broke into a very content smile.
“You’re glowing,” he drew circles with his index finger on your chest, “I kinda dig this look on you.”
“Just sh–”
“Shut up, I know,” he kissed your smile, “I’ll shut up.”
He turned you to your side, kissed the spot between your shoulder blades, then wrapped his hands around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. You were just finished fucking each other’s brains out, but you still felt his semi on your hips. He was subtly grinding on you, thinking you wouldn’t notice maybe, but you couldn’t help laughing.
“You can, by the way.”
“Hm?”
“Aren’t you trying to slither your way into cockwarming?”
“You said it, not me. Since you insist,” he snugly slid inside you, but of course it didn’t stop there.
“Behave.”
“But then who’s gonna fuck my cum deeper into you?”
“Chris…”
“Fuck, that feels a bit too good,” he started caressing your pussy while lazily fucking into you, “I kinda need another round.”
“Christopher!”
“Oh yeah, baby, say my full name. You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”
You both burst into loud laughters as Chris opted for tickling the crap out of your first, but it calmed down soon with his kisses all over your face. It was just so easy to give in to him. Then another round started where he made you cum. Then another started where you made him cum. Then another. Then another. You fucked each other until the darkness clocked out and changed shifts with the morning. Until you were both too damn sore and spent to go on.
It was finally quiet in your room. There was only peaceful silence. You were laying on your side with your back turned against Chris, gently breathing, and Chris’ head was buried in the crook of your neck.
“You just see right through me, don’t you?” he softly whispered with a broken smile and kissed your hair, “Of course it wasn’t about buying some damn condom. I just…”
He took a deep breath, careful not to wake you up, and continued.
“I’ve never made love to someone before. I don’t know how. I didn’t– I didn’t want you to think…”
Giving up on trying to stitch words together, he quietly pleaded to you, wishing he could wear his heart on his sleeve instead.
“I’m so scared you’re going to regret this. Please don’t regret this,” he hugged you tighter and finally drifted to sleep.
Chris thought you were sleeping all along, but you were wide awake since that very first sentence. You could try going back to sleep maybe, but the tears running down your face wouldn’t let you be.