[russia-instagram]

[nosensetothisnonsense]

So for the first time in forever, I said let me try to get to know a man and take him seriously. Let me actually try to learn how I can be vulnerable with him and properly get in to this.

Girls, please take a moment for your naïve, fallen soldier.

Just about 1 whole month of disappointment and stupidity. And the anxiety? Oh. My.

The worst part is that in all of this, I was taking my concerns to my closest friend and it was just criticism with a dash of 2% compassion.

I realised a pattern of when I take ANYTHING to her, it’s 90% criticism. Don’t get me wrong, I have made some STUPID decisions, but at the end of it, I’m coming to my closest friend. It no longer feels like a space for me to actually just let my guard down and lean in to my feelings. It feels too risky.

At least I don’t feel loneliness anymore. A plus I guess🥲

Everything else in life is meh right now. I feel back to square 1, which isn’t necessarily an awful thing. I just feel like I’m maturing all over again which is completely okay.

[91air]

[nosensetothisnonsense]

Another Christmas passes, another year where I don’t have my dream body. Yikes. This year is different because the fall back of ‘I’m busy with university,’ isn’t there.

Also, I’m slim enough that it’s easy to look very good in most outfits, but I’m not liking my body naked.

This and actually being able to run 1 hour without stopping, 30 clean pull-ups straight & overall feeling cleaner internally with my body, is the goal.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

I want to travel somewhere but I don’t have anyone that I like enough / anyone that can travel on my budget

I’m thinking somewhere in Italy, Greece, Switzerland - alone, because I need hot weather in September - but not sure where …

[asiansiren]

I love it when men shut the fuck up ….

[asiansiren]

Too many men rely on your silence, embarrassment and self-effacement to get away with their bullshit. Never let them.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

I knew there were funny people in corporate but the WOMEN?

You’re telling me it’s already hard out here for us & you want to start acting crappy because you’re feeling threatened? Jealous?

This is truly embarrassing.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

What irritates me is that I’m still a people pleaser.

So, when I form new friendships, rather than confronting with confidence, whatever situation I face, I see that the person is a bit too bold with something or they were ignorant somewhere and I just distance myself from them.

This is my ‘response.’

It’s incredibly annoying because it’s so easy for me to come to the defence of others - I just seem to be unable to do it for myself.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

My trust fund baby acquaintance, casually complaining about how a friend used her to get in to Annab3l’s & in her circle, to meet men in comfortable positions

Me casually slipping in that I actually have a lot of respect for escorts because men are actual shit heads & the work takes a different type of mental fortitude

Her: quickly agrees & says she’s not even that mad at the friend because she would do the same if she wasn’t chicken

The way I rolled my eyes

Also, men in extremely comfortable positions, don’t even socialise at Annabel’s lol

I’d need more than 2 hands to count how many men I know, dropped their membership, because they were tired of the scene

Same with Ri7tz

[bbltheque]

but presents always feel good <3

[nosensetothisnonsense]

How can a man 30+ years my senior stop me to compliment me on my perfume, talk to me about the dangers of interacting with an older man (obviously), and then proceed to ask to date me, repeatedly, even after I keep saying no

Men.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

I’m actually at a funny age where I can get away with saying I’m younger & it works

So I’m shopping in Lidl & this guy stops me before I get to the checkout to ask me, am I from X country & I laugh saying yes - then ask how he knows?

His answer “there’s just this natural beauty.”

LMAO go away because I just slapped cream on my face & left home - didn’t even brush my eyebrows

Then I go to check out my items & when I’m about to pay he pushes my hand away & taps his card & tells me to wait for him & not go

I wait, we talk outside & eventually he asks my age

I say I’m 17 & his reaction was too much, but he pushed & asked am I sure he can’t have my number

Even said he’ll wait, I said no but have a nice day & left laughing

Moral of the story, a man will always take advantage wherever & however, he can. I said I’m 17 & he was still trying it. Fool.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

Sometimes I feel perfectly ok having nobody in the world that I feel is seriously on my exact level (not in a big headed ‘holier than thou,’ way).

More like in a sense that this is someone I could call a best friend in every sense of the word & even if they’re not similar to me, at least shares an insurmountable level of trust that I have for them.

&then other times I think, forget that. I’m okay on my own

[nosensetothisnonsense]

The best advice I’ve had for when you’re down, is to physically get yourself up and moving with some good music playing

Shut your eyes if need be - but just move. Thank God for music

[nosensetothisnonsense]

Me getting my offer for my summer internship: definitely happy but not crazy crazy excited

Me getting congratulated by senior banker I have a crush on that works at the same bank as my internship: soooo giddy and can’t stop smiling 😭😂😂💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

AASDFGHKLDLSLDJHSKS

Wait that’s 5 offers

FIVE INTERNSHIP OFFERS THIS YEAR AND WE JUST HIT MONTH 6

God, you are good. 😦😭💗💗💗💗

[deadrabbitohno]

This expresses my feelings precisely.

[nosensetothisnonsense]

Last time I was on this app, I commented about wanting to do better with my personal life & uni. I had only rejections from banks - was honestly feeling quite negative career wise, off about N, + other stuff

Now I have 2 internships in private equity & Global advisory secured for this year. I’ve outlined & been able to practise new boundaries that I never could. I’ve actually started sleeping better. I’ve become less occupied with the thought of what if’s with certain family members & people I’ve been on the fence about cutting off for more peace.

could not be more proud

here’s to tackling more areas of discomfort in 2023

well done to me

love

me :)💗