ColdHearted Mook

#AlwaysInMyFeelingsBlogs

[noshade-mook]

I be too caught up with overthinking then actually realizing I ain’t happy. Shit I don’t remember the last time actually being happy.

[noshade-mook]

My Fault

Years went by & I realized it was my fault.. always was & always will be my fault. I probably always realized it was but never put 2 2 together. I was selfish & careless about your feelings & should’ve took it to consideration. I fell in love with my soulmate when I was 18, and I blame her for everything knowing it was my fault. Me looking back at all the shit I did was embarrassing but it was all my fault. I could be a Man today & tell you back then I really didn’t deserved you. I only cared about myself & wanted to crash out with the devil in the streets. I always thought you never loved me but you really did, I never seen the signs… Almost 10 years later we still talk.. we still hang out, we still laugh & we still vibe.. just like you said we had to live separate lives for a bit to realize we needed each other in the long run. It’s crazy how I’m still obsessed with you, anything you need I’ll give it to you in a heartbeat. I know money doesn’t impress you or anything, but all the shit I put you thru doesn’t have a price if that makes sense? I stayed single for years & told every female that came in my way I was taken.. she just ain’t mine right now, because she is doing her own thang but when she done she knows I’ll be waiting. I was waiting for so long I got tired of being alone, I forgot how to love how to do little things. I’m only in a relationship now to coupe from the lost pain I had for you in years. Sometimes I wish I stayed single a little longer, stayed in my shell & waited for you because I always knew you was going to come back… I knew you was going to hit me up at both our lowest, both hug it out & kiss it & make up for lost time.. I sometimes wonder why am I still here & not married to you already? Till this day I still cry when I watch movies like Love & Basketball, Jason’s Lyric, Poetic Justice, Love Don’t Cost a Thing, True To The Game, any love movie I cry to & be like dam this was me & you Reina. It was always me & that’s sad. If I would’ve just hold all my emotions in then I would’ve married you so young because all I wanted in life was you. I love everything about you & it still hasn’t changed. I told my Mom about you.. I told my sisters about you. I told my homies I was posted on the blocc hitting licks with about you. You are my lifeline & if you die today I probably would kill myself. I’m still waiting on your move & say lets run away. And when you do I promise we will leave.. but that’s just fairy talk right? Lol I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore smh.. it’s crazy I called myself ColdHeartedMook because of you, I post nothing but blue hearts not red because you made me coldhearted. I use to say morning & not goodmorning but nothing was good about my mornings without you. I use to be mad at everyone & the world because my Pops was gone & you left me. But I understand now.. because it was always me & I’m sorry for putting you thru all that…. I always told myself after I’m 21 I don’t think I would ever ever get married. Because when I was 18, 19 I only seen one person as my Wife & who I was going to spend my whole life with.. and it was you Reina.. it was you, but it’s my fault it was always my fault it was always me. Now this friendship we have shouldn’t even be a friendship but it’s cool.. like you said Time Will Tell right? The famous line you always told me smh. It’s crazy too I told myself a longtime ago, I would stop writing & making music because you were my motivation when it came to it now look at me now writing my heart on my sleeve. Still waiting for you fuck up what I have so we can be what we dreamed about since we were kids. ❤️

-Mook

[noshade-mook]

Love

Love.. I really hate saying the word, alot of females use me then throw me in the dirt.. Love... I really do want it but someone gotta show it so I can show them I ain’t with the bullshit. Im loyal but i always get hurt because of love.. Love is the main reason I dont give a fuck.. Use to be a hoe use to play around with feelings, but once you want someone they play around with your feelings.. Thats why I keep good faith in the lord, hope he finds me a Wifey not no whore, really wanna show my feelings to someone like a chore, love is really getting me bored.... Love can really fuck you up, love can make someone fuck you up, love can make a bad name for yourself, love can make you cry for some help.. Love I hate even talking about love, the word love crushes me & makes me real weak.. Weak that I cant even stand on my feet, love makes me cry & makes me wanna go to sleep, love hurt me alot thats why in this poem Im going deep... Love please get away from me... Love I dont need you right now... Love I prob need you soon.. Love.... LOVE

-ColdHeartedMook 

[noshade-mook]

Trust

I gotta learn how to trust.. I want this girl yes she’s a must, cant let go what we started before it turns to dust, I really wanna love her & I don’t even wanna fuck.. Trust.. Dam do I even know trust? Every bitch I trust eventually made my heart crush.. Mook snapp out of it! Why? Im really tired of it! Im tired of being tired & I dont exercise, but for you baby I got much pride, I wanted you when I first seen you & laid my eyes, I knew you didn’t like thugs I knew you would be surprised, when you told me you wanted me I honestly cried.. Me writing this about anyone is tough, my first love made it hard for me to even trust. Fuck it up everyone else, I wish my Daddy was here to whoop me with a belt. The devil was inside of me I was crying for help! Im a cancer so Im crab I hide my shell, im slowing down mentally like a computer called Dell.. Trust is what killing me inside... Trust is what fucking my pride, Trust is where everybody takes advantage of you & lies, trust is what gets you set up & then BLINK! YOU DIE! So trust? You want me to trust? Slap me enough then I might trust... Tell my main bitch I want love.. It hurts I felt like I was dying, mama didn’t care she got tired of the wining.. in my dreams I kept seeing my Daddy dying.. Fuck the Devil he wanna see frying... Trust? You really want me to trust? You really want me to cuff & trust? What happens if I would tell you I dont give a fuck? Cuz I dont trust.... TRUST 

-ColdHeartedMook

[noshade-mook]

Feelings

Never speak about feelings even if someone tells you their’s, won’t change a thing yes “life ain’t far”, you might as well just grab yourself a chair, it’s about to be a bumpy ride like the South Florida Fair. I been thru it all ... I’m surprised I don’t have gray hair, females told me it all now I just don’t care, all the shit they pulled I honestly need a prayer... is it because of what a nigga wears? Is it because that I clear it from 12.. Oop Chooper in the air? Well I don’t know if I was married I bet my wife would have a affair, a female being loyal to me? That’s kinda rare. I been cheated on, lied to, bitch slap.. I been spit on, lead on, trapped.. Because of me telling my feelings to a female like a rap. I been thru it all with these females, I heard it all from these females, and I learned hard from all these females... That’s why I can’t even talk to these females... That’s why I can’t even walk by you females.. Cuz I been hurt, sometimes I wish they would bury me by my pops in the dirt, I swear I’m hurt.. I just don’t act like it, I keep a smile on me when I got that ratchet on me, I’ll use it on anyone who will try to hurt me.. It could be you bitch or you homie... 

-ColdHeartedMook 

[derdonn]

I’ll never forget the first day we met.

(via derdonn)

[noshade-mook]

Looking at the Clock

Shawty you always on my mind, 24/7 even tho sometimes I may cry, you the only girl I deserve in life, you was perfect you really was Mrs.Right, I remember how we kept kissing that one night, you holding your friends hand & kissing me with closed eyes, girl you was really legit my type, and if you come back I’ll make you my Wife.. You taught me how to be a better person, passed ACT with a 19 & you said I deserved it, the only reason I passed it because I want it, not bad as you but now I’m really hurting, but without you around I did alot of learning, the block wasn’t for me & I’m never returning, Mama say why I’m always quiet now that she’s concerning, because my head is fucked up & I don’t know where I’m turning. I been in my own lane while others tryna take yo spot, I just be chilling & tell these females that they ain’t got a shot, these females are thots & fronting about what they not, Abby is my headache & she’s literally tied around a knot, we ain’t together but my heart still have our lock, I got the key & I’m wondering when I’m going to let it unlock, because I’m literally waiting on her I’m looking at the clock, she was mine just the way we always talk, yeah she with me bitch is you shock? She my Ryder she always with me look the way we walk, look at her wrong boy you might get dropped. Driving around the hood with her Nissan Truck, driving reckless but I think she knows I won’t do nun by our trust, I wish I had her back wait I must, because I want to move in with her just like we discussed, she the one & only my heart is telling me that it is love. 

[noshade-mook]

Faded

I was faded I was feeling like it would never go away, sip away my problems but it would never go away, it comes back & it sticks & stays, no matter how much I try it would never walk away.  You're nervous, you want to make things right.. But you're too far gone to know if your doing something right or wrong, who knew I could’ve knew all along, but shit I said was quite wrong. Look at me now nervous & don’t know what to say, but I made a statement & I’m going to stick what I say, I want a future with you & I want you to stay, it ain’t cuz of your body it’s what caught my eyes when I met you that day.

[yourehappywithoutme]

I just want you.

I always will. (via yourehappywithoutme)

I believe there will be a us again no matter how much I wake up in the morning & the first thing I Think about is you.. but maybe not be a us again but I don’t want no one else but you, staying single ain’t gonna be so hard but missing you will be....

[noshade-mook]

Moving Slow

Time is moving slow, it feels like yesterday my whole family became poor, it feels like my Dad never walked into the door, even since he died it was rainy pours, since then it just made me more hungry then before. Never was the fast type, but time is moving slow & I know that isn’t right, it feels like I’m on cloud9, but I just realize that I ain’t even high, when I see myself in the mirror I say bye, to all the shit that made me cry, cuz my head was down but now it’s always high, I thought I wasn’t gonna graduate high school but Reina made me attempt to try.  

[noshade-mook]

Side Affects

When I think too much I’m going to have my daily heart side affects, thinking I’m going to pass out from this recent event, I’m not in a happy stage because I think I’m not the best, I fail to win every female heart because I be failing their test, I be going thru side affects with each female I recently met, my heart be racing fast like its a private jet. I can’t do this anymore I feel like this gonna cause me to die, I’m tired from getting into my feelings like Drake & starting to cry, just because I want a female into my life, I know the shit I say & do ain’t really right, that’s why they seem its okay but they leave in plain sight, like she really gonna do this even when we were so tight? These side affects are gonna determine my after life. 

[theshellshack]

[noshade-mook]

Sunny Days

If you catch me slipping I be mostly walking during sunny days, either I just got off the school bus or I was smoking a jay, just chilling just be the usually me everyday mr.noshade, rap always is on my mind so basically we ain’t in the same wave. When the killed my pops I swear to God I was dazed, I’m like how the fuck they gonna turn my life into a maze, so I said fuck it I can’t let this fuck up my day, where my homies at? They know when they see me on Sunny Days I need to hit a jay.

[noshade-mook]

Cloud9

I be on cloud9, getting bugged with my homie chad late nights, talking about females who took our feelings & ripe it off like a bite, but how we still peddling to find the right one but I ain’t talking about a bike. Speaking some real shit to express my feelings, I spark a jay everyday because I hate all these feelings! Thinking about my Ex Reina like I gshit can’t be dealing, that’s why I’m on clouds so I won’t feel the feelings I just be chilling. Hold up let me take a another hit, lets talk about Reina my first love I gotta admit, she was just like me she was totally legit, I swear nobody had our bond we was the fucking shit, but let me hit this jay cuz I’m in my feelings again like a jitt, I miss her lips cuz her lips always use to taste like liq, so when could I ever stay sober she had me on Cloud9 when she got a 100% on my Quiz. 

[noshade-mook]

I’m Lost

I’m lost & I can’t understand the shit I’m going thru, I feel like shit what the fuck am I suppose to do, these lies females tell me like when am I gonna hear the truth? I’m so lost in my feelings that’s why I’m always in the booth. I be looking crazy just ask my brother Trill, because he been on my side since shit got real, & he knows everyday I’m climbing up to get a deal, he knows he my blood he knows he gonna be on my will. Sorry for the problems I cause these haters, because I’m so far gone seeing so much paper, now I gotta climb back into my cave see you later! 

[noshade-mook]

Shame

It’s a shame how nobody understands me or the shit that made me, I act myself the same kid from north side streets. My mind was fucked up I was geeked up, popping pills to stay well enough, far gone I felt like I was fucking drunk, I was cool, calm & collected I was never a punk. Walking like a Blood & acting like a Crip, I was thinking about my past like nigga where the lean I need a sip, rhyming everyday & trying to fuck a foreign bitch, It’s a shame how niggas swear they keep it g but they a snitch.

[noshade-mook]

Smile

In life we just need to smile, knowing you have nobody to dial, everybody fake or they either too wild, I can’t do this shit anymore but I ain’t no child, came from the corner posted smoking a mild, seeing my 10th ave niggas balling catching fouls. I seen a lot of things that I should’ve never seen, but this the life I live but I ain’t trying be the murder scene, I wanna make my dreams while I’m young team no sleep, but these haters wanna talk trash & doubt me, I’m just the lil meek that I wanna be, I was tired running from the cops that said freeze, I want to smile but nobody was there for me, they was one girl but she don’t want nothing to do with a boy named Keith.