[nostalgiaforwholeness]

today is my birthday<3 i am so blessed n grateful for this life. can u believe george clinton made this song just for me?

[smsomah]

Batinah pottery; Musilmat water jars. Scanned from the book The Craft Heritage of Oman; 2003; Neil Richardson & Marcia Dorr

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

when Assata said dreams and reality are opposite, action synthesises them .

[ble-ss-ing]

[memorymeltme]

[sheabuttermangoesandlove]

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

damn i deleted this because i was like digital footprint + shyness but today i was feeling so low n shook my booty n it healed me so hard, that i accepted my truth. in dis i was listening to nina simone’s “just like a woman” smoking a spliff, today i literally danced in silence it was that urgent n necessary. cuz when else will i be 24 Young n Turnt goin thru the motions of change

[nkuluntsi]

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

a few years ago the day after my birthday and a few weeks before moving to ldn i did shrooms with my friends. i remember the shrooms were like you’re a lesbian and they told me to cut off my hair lmaooo. i cut off my hair a few months later! anyway, towards the end of a profoundly meditative experience my friend handed me some tea and when i read the quote i cried. i asked if she did it on purpose and she was said she wasn’t even paying attention. mannnn the process of moving … n at the time some important people close to me felt very unsupportive. it was jus this mad thing following my dream / path by myself wondering if i was making the right choices. i was so scared. faith is something. today as i pack my bags to move againnnn to a new city i am reflecting peacefully on this moment. damn. life!

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

spring in london 2024

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

as i approach my 25th solar return i can’t help but to meditate once again on the blessing that is self-love n the acknowledgement of systemic disembodiment. i read journal entries n poems i wrote from 2015-2025 where i would fantasise about being formless, weightless. i would fantasise about being hurt badly like bloody n broken. ideation was my norm, true rumination on my ruination. my scattered scars still glisten, less raised, less dark but still there. i sit in my parent’s home reckoning with the permanence of impermanence.

in a space-time where my first experience with race was at age 5 when i was called blackie. then throughout highschool, the social isolation already there but getting called n*gger n receiving death threats nonstop for 5 months simply for protesting the national anthem. realising the speed of violence in my environment that for so long had seemed quiet. the multiple attempted lovers i allowed to misunderstand me, dilute my affection, discard me … in desperation of love. to earlier this march getting harassed and followed for a literal block—in the touristy part of my old city—by a nazi cursing my life, saying he would fuck my Black N*gger B*tch Ass up. the way none of the tens n tens of people said anything. they just watched passively. the loneliness of that moment and aforementioned ones. the constant critique of my anger n pain.

healing asks: how do i deal with the limitations placed upon my humanity? how do i not let it control me … or enact the same violence on myself?

i don’t want to sit idle in victimhood but as i am leaving the severe self-loathing spell that lasted for nearly a decade of my life (alhamdulilah) i see cause and effect more clearly. i see the grace i can offer myself, the grace from those that loved me thru that decade, the grace from The Divine. the internalised anti-Blackness is part of a greater interconnected whole. i am part of an interconnected whole. i want to flow thru adulthood, thru the people i meet, thru love n life with the concept of wholeness. i can be whole and real and love. the famous ntozake shange quote from her play For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide / When the Rainbow is Enuf that reads “I found God in myself and loved her fiercely.” is the clearest metaphor for wholeness. this is just the beginning forreal, another rough reflection of my journey. more on this in my upcoming research projects, inshallah

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

i luv Black Women so much

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

[widefuturesss]

[bezesta]

[nostalgiaforwholeness]

Dreaming With My Eyes Open