hey loves, Iāve been reading through the comments and loads of people are asking how to not fall into this pattern because thatās all they know. so, hereās some advice from Auntie Pan whoās been in the trenches (stress-caused disabilities and chronic illnesses).
context: grew up in an abusive, controlling home, escaped to uni, had a prolonged mental breakdown, became a teacher and worked in a dysfunctional school with amazing kids and nightmare management for years. I did not realise I have adhd and autism for a long time. (You might even be able to scroll back through this blog to find the time around which I did realise lol.)
ANYWAY, things that have helped me because my body can no longer handle any kind of stress without flaring up:
If youāre doing anything that requires you to do a lot of prep before you begin the actual thing (e.g. cooking, deep cleaning a room, moving house), mise en place. Thatās a fancy french way of saying get everything ready before you begin. So if Iām cooking idk spaghetti carbonara, that means fry and chop the bacon, separate the egg yolks from the whites, put water in the kettle, put dry spaghetti into a pan. Once everythingās ready, it reduces the mental load and means I can focus on the actual cooking and any clean up that I can do along the way. H/t to @ms-demeanor for this, you changed my life!
the Might As Well rule. This one works really well for me but you gotta be careful otherwise youāll get sucked into the Vortex. Basically, letās imagine youāre in the bathroom, brushing your teeth. You notice that the extra roll of toilet paper has been used. instead of thinking, āIāll get to that laterā, and then forgetting about it until you sit down on the bog (no judgement, weāve all been there), you think āMight As Well put an extra roll while Iām here!ā This tends to help with the little tasks that build up over time. This Does Not Work for big tasks.
Leading on from no.2, Do It Immediately/ASAP really helps me too. My current boss will email me on a Friday and say, ādonāt reply to this now! Leave it til monday!ā But she and i both know that if i leave it til monday, I will forget and get stressed and this will make me Very Ill. So, instead, the moment i receive the email, Iāll either schedule in replying to it as soon as Iām done with my current thing, OR Iāll reply to it immediately.
Anything that canāt be actioned immediately, i mark as Unread. Anything Unread in my inbox is a future action, and i check those Unread emails/texts/whatevers Every. Day. To make sure whether today is the day i have the info to action it. (This also means i have to stay on top of my inbox. I read all my emails and then mark them accordingly. Iām also brutal with unsubscribing)
The House Always Wins. Both in a literal sense, because i am in a constant battle with keeping my house clean, and i know now that Iāll never get it as clean as i want it. Itās impossible, i no longer have the energy or stamina to vacuum and scrub everything. But also just in a life sense. Iām never going to achieve things to perfection, and perfect is the opposite of done. And getting things done is that much more important when you have limited energy and strength. Accept that you often have to half-arse life in order to Full-Arse the few things that really matter to you.
Have multiples of everything, everywhere. I wear support gloves, so i need to have handcream at every sink and everywhere i sit down in the house. I try to keep it unobtrusive, but it means i donāt have to trek upstairs just to moisturise my hands. Gum, phone chargers, pens and pencils, water bottles, hand sanitizer, whatever you need.
Work with people, even if itās online. Body doubling actually works. Also Iāve found that if Iām working on assignments, taking myself to a library or study area that isnāt my bedroom helps so much.
Show off! Tell people on here or elsewhere in your life about the fact that youāve just written 100 words! Or that youāve cleaned the fridge and thatās a really big deal for you. Celebrate your wins, no matter how small.
Basically, youāre aiming to reduce the mental load as much as possible. Wear the same types of clothes all the time to minimise the amount of laundry. Eat the same three lunches so decision fatigue doesnāt take over.
All of this takes time to implement and it is cumulative, but i hope it helps. Reading the comments on this post, i finally understand why adhd is comorbid with so many other conditions. letās take care of each other <3
