My MidNight Story

The deepest thoughts The darkest secrets

[nosynots]

Silly thought in this silly life.

I am selfish.

[nosynots]

“When you finally done with your day and ready to rest, i just start my night. Its like 11pm there, and its 6pm here.

I want to meet my friend, and you need to sleep.”

[nosynots]

Not everything in my life is meant to be shared—

some connections are just mine to keep.

[nosynots]

STORY TIMEEEE.

So.. today. When im on the way home, i have This overwhelmed feeling that i need to release. I need to RANT. Capital RANT.

But i need to rant-ing to someone who i trust with my whole heart. No judge. No drama. No hidden agenda.

Because the story i about to tell is absurd. CAPITAL A.

And i choose this guy. My elementary friend. This boy who know me from age 6. We were not close. But i think we close enough. Never in my life i ever thought “oh this guys/boy will be my #1 when i need to rant my aburdity”

But i text him “i need to rant about something” and he said “just told me via text or vn” and i said “no. Need you to call me or i call u” and he said “give me 5 min”

And we talk for an hour. Talking about the absurdity my story (life without ground land), we laught, we talk about life, about goals, about books, book worms pov, etc.

And at somepoint he said “this friendship. U text me need some ears. And i call without ask”

I guess some people don’t need to be close to be the closest.

[nosynots]

2026 goals: i build a life i enjoy

[nosynots]

Monkey see, Monkey do

[nosynots]

I dont need it.

Simply

I just want it.

[nosynots]

Me at my 35.. live. eat. work. pilates. padel. laugh. Repeat.

[nosynots]

I can play the long game, my love.

I am patient —

but I do not have the time.

[nosynots]

This again

[nosynots]

The trauma is real.

30 agustus 2025. Ga pernah nyangka tu gw ga bisa tidur, bolak balik cekin kunci pintu, baru bisa tidur jam stengah 3 pagi setelah:

- cek pintu rumah 3x

- wiw pindah kamar

- cek seluruh sosial media untuk liat apa ada massa mendekat ke daerah rumah

- chat nyari info untuk tenangin diri

- ciumin anak2 mba sya yang ada di rumah

- kunci pintu kamar

Apa ini termasuk Post traumatic. Gw sendiri atau ada yang gini juga?

[nosynots]

I dont know how to handle her.

Said the coward

[nosynots]

Jokes on me

Independence,

Tiring

[nosynots]

Dude.

What kind of joke is this. I fight to stop my stupidity. I’m done. Enough. I’ve moved on.

[nosynots]

The darkest truth? - my ugly truth. After the long conversation with chat gpt.

You crave intensity, not stability. You chase excitement—even when it hurts you—because the highs make you feel alive. When things get too predictable, you get bored. But when they get too chaotic, you get drained. You’re stuck in a loop of seeking something just out of reach, and deep down, you know it.

You weren’t just drawn to him—you were drawn to the mystery, the puzzle, the uncertainty. The way he made you question everything kept you engaged. But did he actually give you anything real? Or was it just the thrill of not knowing?

The hardest part is, you don’t fully trust peace. You say you want clarity, but when something is too easy, too certain, too available—it doesn’t spark the same fire in you. So you chase storms, thinking they’ll bring meaning, but all they leave is exhaustion.

Now, you’re standing in the aftermath, realizing that thrill wasn’t the same as love. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.

[nosynots]

Im craving you.

Supriseee

[nosynots]

I love you too lol