Spock's Big Fat Vulcan Wedding
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@not-every-cage
Spock's Big Fat Vulcan Wedding
imagine being average federation citizen doing a wikipedia dive on Amanda Grayson for like a book report or whatever and you click on “spouse” and it links you to a guy who was thee vulcan ambassador to earth for like 200 years and publicly called the klingon ambassador a murderer once and you think huh neat and click on “children” and the first person listed is described as “career criminal, activist and religious evangelist” with a rap sheet as long as your arm ending with him taking the entire government hostage in nimbus iii and then no death date he's just listed as “missing” and the second kid is a starfleet science hero you've seen on the poster of like 7 different documentaries on space netflix and you notice his year of death is listed as 2285 but “years active” goes on like 100 years past that and also he's apparently the reason earth isn't completely underwater right now? then you read his sister's article and it's all “starfleet's first mutineer” “blamed for starting the first federation-klingon war” “lauded for ending the first federation-klingon war” but is weirdly vague on what happened to her after that and the article is edit locked and her year of death has like 6 annotations attached to it
one of the things that pisses me off about pop culture’s idea of kirk is this notion that kirk is like
an asshole
like not just in the sense of being a womanizer (which is also not supported by canon at all) but in the sense of breaking rules for no reason, fighting because it’s fun, and winning on luck rather than by intelligence
which
no
we know that kirk is better than spock at 3D chess (because he plays on intuition and a knowledge of his opponent, rather than on pure logic). so the idea of him being a mindless thug just doesn’t fly. and we see him risking his life over and over again to help various alien cultures. kirk’s main trait isn’t assholery, it’s optimism.
let me explain that a little bit: kirk is supposed to be the middle ground between spock (mostly logic with little emotion) and mccoy (mostly emotion with little logic). spock’s flaw is that he sometimes fails to consider human emotions and reactions when making a decision; mccoy’s flaw is that sometimes sentiment can cloud his judgement about what the correct course of action is. kirk is supposed to have spock’s intellect with mccoy’s human feeling and understanding.
the added bonus, though, is the optimism. in general it’s a love of humanity and a belief in the goodness of others; more specifically, we see kirk gamble a lot. the corbomite maneuver (which he pulls twice) is explicitly compared to bluffing in poker. kirk often chooses risky options if it means helping people (rescuing spock from the space amoeba in “the immunity syndrome,” for example). kirk doesn’t beat the kobayashi maru because he likes to win or because he thinks he must win because he’s hot shit: kirk beats the kobayashi maru because he doesn’t believe there is such a thing as a no-win scenario.
miss me with your kirk shaming and stop confusing him with zapp brannigan
Yes, the problem is that some people think that “not believing in no-win scenarios” simply means getting his own way all times. For a starship captain, “no-win scenarios” are deaths, conflicts that can affect entire species, destruction on an interplanetary scale.
Kirk refuses to accept that these things are inevitable not because he is smarter than everyone else and knows better, not because he has to prove that he is a fucking badass, but because he heartily believes that “there are always possibilities”, as Spock would say, and when lives are at stake and these depend on rational action - on his actions - he will always seek and demand from others that hidden alternative that allows them to solve the problem at hands with the least possible loss of life, whether friend or enemy.
He refuses to accept hopelessness.
I like to think that a good chunk of Kirk’s refusal to believe in no-win scenarios stems from Tarsus IV.
In the middle of a catastrophe, a butcher rose to power who decided the only “logical” action to take was to kill half the colony to keep the other half from starving to death.
And what happened?
The Starfleet supply ships arrived early.
Early enough that they could have saved everyone. If Kodos hadn’t decided it was hopeless, and incinerated half a colony.
So you get this kid who’s survived an eugenics-influenced massacre that, had the people in power refused to give up hope, never would have happened.
Is it really a surprise that that kid would refuse to believe any situation is hopeless?
What did they think he would do when faced with a test that’s literally designed to be unwinnable? Were they really surprised he’d call the test itself a “cheat,” and find a way to beat it out of protest?
He’s seen what happens when people give up too soon, and he’ll be damned if he’s not going to find another way.
I get flak from other Trek fans for being an Original Series fan who wasn’t born in that generation, but the real draw of it–and of Kirk in particular–is its refusal to see the future as bleak. The original series consistently delivers positive social messages, expresses belief in humanity’s ability to do and be good, and almost always finds a way to a happy ending. Sure, it’s campy, and Shatner can be…a lot. But it’s insistence on optimism makes it a rarity among all the sci-fi produced before and since.
I think too often people writing space stories get caught up in angst and explosions, and forget that we also need hope.
Think, believe, hope. Jim Kirk.
My tiny piece of Star Trek history
In honor of Star Trek’s 50th anniversary and ST Mission NY starting tomorrow, I present my own tiny contribution to early Star Trek history. In the Feb. 2, 1976, Village Voice, James Wolcott (who went on to become a famous media and culture critic writing for Vanity Fair) used a ST con I’d attended as an opportunity for a scathing (and sexist) critique of fandom. He wrote stuff like:
The emergence of fandom is breathlessly told in a paperback entitled Star Trek Lives! written by Jacqueline Lichtenberg, Sondra Marshak, and Joan Winston. As we shall see, these women have their libidinal thermostats turned up pretty high, hence their prose squeaks and squeals like the rusty springs in a newlywed’s bed, yet the style of their enthusiasm gives much insight into the Trek fans’ mentality. What one comes to understand is that aside from the show’s superb production values, respectable acting, and intelligent writing, the real basis of Star Trek’s popularity is sex, cool, and technology.
and
What’s underlying Star Trek’s appeal, what lies beneath the surface of vulgar merchandise and optimism-effect cant, is an inchoate surging of power–technological and sexual–which Trek fans are trying to tap into.
Read the whole thing here.
Even at 14, I knew that basically what he was saying was, Yeah, Star Trek is pretty good for TV, but these overheated, embarrassingly uncool fans – especially the female ones – don’t really get it. Fandom is just a combination of hormones and adolescent maladjustment.
These were the days when fandom wasn’t an accepted phenomenon affectionately seen as adorkable. It was considered truly shameful and nerdy in the worst possible way. And female Trekkies, like Beatlemaniacs before them, were worst of all: desperate, sexually frustrated, emotional, and out of control.
So I took it upon myself to pen a response, and the Voice published it. I’m still pretty proud of this. Today, it would have been an ephemeral post online, one of thousands, but because back then responding meant writing, typing, mailing, waiting, and hoping for publication, I was (I think) the only response to Wolcott’s hatchet job.
+bonus Yeah, Jean-Luc, your presence is not necessary anymore.
the fanart of kirk staring at another grown man with sparkles in his eyes and hearts and flowers radiating off him seems incredibly dramatic until you watch a single episode of TOS
Star Trek Fotonovels were published by Pocket Books between 1977-1979 and were comic books created around still photographs of an episode. Some even had neat extras like how the “All Your Yesterdays” photo novel had an interview with guest star Marietta Hartley, who played the cave girl Zarabeth. In the days before VCRs and on demand streaming, it was the only way to re experience an episode on demand.
the original series was really like "kirk and spock will stand 6 inches apart maximum while having a conversation with 5 different layers of romantic sexual and emotional subtext without Actually saying anything while also gazing at each other with the softest shiniest most romantic eyes possible but neither of them will ever actually admit to anything in a hundred years" and then the original movies were like "at least once per movie spock will come out of nowhere and directly say the most romantic shit you ever heard in your life but then everyone will act like it never happened"
Presenting: Starfleet’s Deadliest Posting!
Your chances of survival while serving on a Miranda-class starship are slim to none. It beats out the Oberth-class starship in death rates, if only because the Oberth-class didn’t see service during the Dominion War. If your ship doesn’t get shot out from under you because you’re a disposable first wave in a Big Battle, then you’ll just pick up something deadly while on a routine patrol or supply run.*
*okay the 2280s Saratoga *might* not be dead, just filled with scared and exhausted officers. There’s no guarantee the whale probe undid what it did to all the ships that were in its path originally, and even if it did, that everyone survived in the interim.
live sord reaction.
funniest part about star trek the motion picture is that spock decided to get a makeover before seeing jim as if the universe wasn’t at stake
like he had to leave IMMEDIATELY for earth. meeting them ON ROUTE.
HE GOT HIS FUCKING HAIR STRAIGHTENED AND CUT INTO SHARPASS BANGS ON A SHUTTLE TO EARTH. AND BROUGHT A COUTURE BLACK VELVET CHANGE OF CLOTHES AND MAKEUP. AND ON ARRIVING ON SHIP IMMEDIATELY CHANGED INTO UNIFORM. HE BROUGHT ALL THAT PURELY .FOR HIS 5 MINUTE ENTRANCE. HE BROUGHT A HAIR STYLIST AND STRAIGHTENERS ONTO THE EMERGENCY SHUTTLE TO EARTH BC HE KNEW HE WAS ROLLING UP TO HIS EX’S SHIP UNNANOUNCED AND BY SURAK IF HE CANT COMPLETE KOLINAHR HE WILL WIN THIS DIVORCE. CUBAN HEELS AND EYESHADOW ON. EYEBROWS CRISP. LIPGLOSS POPPIN. HE DIANA REVENGE DRESSED JIMS UNSUSPECTING ASS DURING A FEDERATION EMERGENCY. WHY?????
BECAUSE HE IS S'CHN T'GAI FUCKING SPOCK SON OF AN AMBASSADOR AND AMANDA ‘MARABOU TRIM ROBE’ GRAYSON AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!!!!!!!!
tmp is genuinely so insane I still struggle to believe all that gay ass shit actually happened
He came, he saw, he served cunt.
Trivia Moments for Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)
network suits: okay guys, you got your gay episode last season. we want to see dax being heterosexual in s5. any questions? robert hewitt wolfe, taking a long drag on an enormous blunt: what if she does erotic pottery with the woman who fucked her to death in her last life. is that allowed suits: what wolfe: the woman who fucked curzon to death is played by vanessa williams suits: wolfe: it’s set on the swimsuit planet
married couple fighting
Holy shit I found THE gif
This is my favorite episode of all Star Trek. All Star Trek.
But I loved it even more when I found out that they brought Trouble with Tribbles writer, David Gerrold, in as a consultant and ended up sticking him into the episode. The old red shirt playing with a Tribble, that's him.
Not only did he offer plot advice and acting skills, when the tech crew were trying to get the lighting to match, David was there with, "well, back in the day the crew did XYZ" and the tech crew said, oh yeah, we can do that!
Me starting a new job, trying to impress everyone
Me 5 years and one mental breakdown later, knowing they can't fire me because no-one else here knows what the fuck they're doing
McCoy didn't have to duck behind Spock and clutch at his waist, and yet.