empty inside

26yo | HW: 120 kg ☆ CW: 99,3 kg ☆ GW: 55 kg ☆ UGW: 45 kg | traumatised & empty | Polish

[notagainplease]

25 XII 2024

Day 1 AGAIN

SW: 107,2 kg

GW: 45 kg hopefully

RULES:

One meal a day.

Kcal deficit.

Walk.

Drink water & tea.

Intermittent fasting.

Eat a low kcal snack if hungry.

Focus on work, food isn't a priority.

I start now.

[forevermy-lover]

just because you feel like giving up doesnt mean you should.

[notagainplease]

Day 2

17h 25 min. fast

Ate some cake and curry.

5500 steps.

[notagainplease]

30 days of w3ightl0ss

I lost 7,7 kg. 107 kg -> 99,3 kg

I finally got to double digits, no more 100+ kg. I started walking daily. I'm eating better and feeling better. My metabolism is working better. My stomach is visibly smaller. My wrists got smaller. My hands are not that swollen. My pants got too big for me. Can't wait to lose more and see more changes.

[notagainplease]

I hope I'll lose more in a month this time 🌸 Spring is coming and I'm 107,2 kg again 🤡

[notagainplease]

My steps and fasting month summary (7,7 kg lost). 107 kg -> 99,3 kg. I lost the most of my body weight (about 6 kg) the first week into my di3t and my wl slowed down a lot by the end of the month. I went out a few times with my friends and bf, so I think it was the main reason.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself for not giving up and getting better.

[notagainplease]

Guess who is 107,2kg and did all of this for NOTHING. I starved for nothing. I gained it all back. I gained my insulin resistance back. I stopped fasting. I'm eating like shit.

I want to be hard-working, I want to be someone better than I am. I forgot how much I wanted to love myself more or rather: I wanted to love the better version of me. To become HER. Fail after fail, I'll get there one day. I'll show myself, that I am worth something.

I need evidence of my worth.

I won't wait till 1st of January 2025.

I start now.

Oh, I used to be so proud of myself. I can only look back, learn and keep going.

[sgtokki]

Normalize having an 3d because it gives us a twisted sense of control over our own lives when we're actually completely and utterly lost :)

[snowangelonearth444]

True 😃

[notagainplease]

Day 37, 38, 39:

Too bored to write anything here. I guess I needed a break.

[notagainplease]

Day 36:

Fast 15h48 min. About 2800 kcal 😥 2km.

Emotional eating? Idk. Maybe. I'm so sad.

And I would love to walk more, but my knee hurts so bad when I do 🙁

I feel so bad, so fucking bad. Dissapointed, but not surprised.

[notagainplease]

The most important thing for me?

Turning this hatred for myself into love.

[notagainplease]

Day 35:

Fast only 10h45min. Ate about my maintenance kcal today 😭 At least I burned some of them. 4,4km.

Getting my shit together is harder than I thought, especially when my man is eating tasty and high kcal food.

[notagainplease]

I want to lose 14 kg this month. It may be too hard or impossible for me, but I will try.

My body weight jumped from 99,1 kg to 102 kg, so it's my starting weight this month. I'm sure I gained a little bit of muscle and the rest is mostly food and water weight, bc I didn't eat over my kcal limit for the week.

Sw: 102 kg

Gw: 88 kg

🔜100 kg

🔜99 kg

🔜97 kg

🔜95 kg

🔜93 kg

🔜91 kg

🔜89 kg

🔜88 kg

[notagainplease]

My steps and fasting month summary (7,7 kg lost). 107 kg -> 99,3 kg. I lost the most of my body weight (about 6 kg) the first week into my di3t and my wl slowed down a lot by the end of the month. I went out a few times with my friends and bf, so I think it was the main reason.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself for not giving up and getting better.

[notagainplease]

Ik I'm still fat, but going from 120 kg to 99 kg changed my body and life so much! I can FEEL AND SEE my wrist b0ne. My waist is so much smaller. My stomach is smaller. My double chin is almost gone. My eyes look bigger. I can fit TWO arms inside my old pants. My clothes are so big that it's getting kinda annoying, but some clothes fit waaay better than they used to. I have more space on the bed. I have more space in the shower. I have more space in my SHOES. I can tie my shoes easily and I don't need to sit to put my shoes on. I WANT to walk more. I have no issues walking 10k+ steps (I still don't do it everyday tho, bc of poor time management). Stairs are not a challenge. I crave healthy food and I eat a healthy meal everyday. I feel so much better. Ik I will look SO MUCH better in 2 months. I can't even imagine how good I'll look 6 months or 1 year from now.

I need to remind myself from time to time, how far I've come and how much I've lost.

[notagainplease]

I already ate half of my kcal for today at 8:30 am, so let's see what happens 😃 After a meal I usually feel full for a long time or forget to eat for many many hours, so I think I can actually stay in my limit 🤔

[justwater4meeeeeee]

Okay sooo, today, was a success at the studio!!!

And everyone complemented my skills and my body, I am feeling on top of the world right now. It is worth it guys<333

[lostintheclouds-stuff-deactivat]

My body is a circus and these are my clowns <3

[starwl]

do it so you stop being jealous of the other girls.