not a muse but good at musing/s

[cosmicdraghon]

New costume idea

[stingrayextraordinaire]

Hades: So what am I supposed to do while you’re gone?

Persephone: I don’t know, what do you normally do when I’m gone?

Hades: Wait for you to get back.

[your-royal-momoness]

[ambori]

[onscreenkisses]

BRIDGERTON, 1x04 - “An Affair of Honor”

requested by anon

[notamusemusings]

Ngl, this is probably the saddest epoch of my life.

[driverwhore]

dusik and only to Hyejin his selfless act

[notamusemusings]

Beginning

The word 'beginning' is both a noun and a verb, and that's why I like it so much.

Beginning means a start or to start. It is both a period in time and something that you are doing. And this is what I learned today: the beginning is always the hardest part.

But once you get over the initial fears and doubts, it gets better. You continue until you reach a point where you look back and realize that you have actually started and is very much close to the destination.

This is what I felt today about reading on a topic that I didn't learn very well from my past semester.

I had two failed quizzes because I didn't understand the topic very much. It was about mortgages.

This morning, I was still hesitant about reading up about it. Because what if I never really understand it? What if there's no point anymore and just accept my defeat on this subject?

Despite all my negativity, I still read. Even if I found out how wrong my answers were in my Insurance quiz. I had to face the fact that I would have to have three failed quizzes. But I think it's normal. And what General Iroh said in ATLA:

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again. Only this time, more wisely.”

[makiema]

you’re wrong.

[notamusemusings]

I love this. Zuko was never alone. Iroh never gave up on him and he found redemption and purpose. The true meaning of honor.

[notamusemusings]

Rock Bottom

I have been pondering about the fact that I might possibly have a low grade in my quizzes for my Insurance subject this semester. And I have been mulling it over the past few hours since my last horrible quiz. My knowledge in credit transactions and securities are weak. My professor in that subject taught us absolutely nothing that is why we get flustered whenever faced with a problem regarding mortgages.

I have finally hit rock bottom. And I figured that the only way to go is up.

This is also the universe telling me that I haven't really understood anything in this subject, so this is the opportunity to really study it, on my own. it's also not entirely my professor's fault because she had COVID.

Nobody replaced her and they just let the semester pass without anybody replacing nor helping her, even though she obviously had a tough time teaching while battling the virus.

Her job in BIR wasn't much of a help either. Nobody is really safe from the virus and the deleterious effects that comes with it -- may it be in our physical and mental health.

[notamusemusings]

Lenses

I will never understand people who still look at you like you were the same person they met several years ago. As if a person cannot gain a new perspective nor develop advocacies as years go by. As if a person should be the same person they were that you met in your head.

During the last couple of years, I hate being measured by how people perceived me before -- naive, sweet, and most of all, silent. But I am not those things anymore. I have become more sensitive and acutely aware of things that affect not only me, but also everyone around me.

I cannot anymore see the world as if I were the only one living in it, I always see it as me and my relationship with other people. How the actions of others affect the people around them as a whole.

That is also the reason why I don't make small talks anymore. When I talk, what I talk about always has something in relation to some bigger element or I always look at it in the grand scheme of things.

People like my father, who only see the world as how it would affect him and his family, are not all that bad, but the meaning of it all lacks depth and context for me.

Sometimes, they do not think that their actions does not have an effect on society at large, but what they fail to realize is that every little thing that they do is part of the history of society. Everything that we do in our homes have an impact of how society operates.

That is why I am tired of people seeing me through a very limited context. A person is more than just the person that she was in her hometown, she is a person in every little aspect that she was exposed to -- her home, books, the media that she was exposed to, the people she makes friends with.

[dailyflicks]

Would it be very wrong if I asked you for your number?

ABOUT TIME (2013) dir. Richard Curtis

[notamusemusings]

Padayon.

It is probably heartfelt introductory messages from my law professors that inspires me to move forward with my law education.

I have undergone one of the most grueling semesters of my life (which was last semester), and to be honest, it almost made me give up.

But I know in my heart that I love learning. I also love reading. I am passionate when it comes to my advocacies and to the causes that I promised I would help out on someday.

While it is still the beginning of the semester, all I can say is at least I grew up and learned about my past mistakes. There were so many in my more than a year of studying law remotely. But I have to remember to be kinder to myself. That none of us actually wanted any of this to happen - it was only forced on us because of the extraordinary circumstances that this pandemic has led us to.

And yes, even if I have my fair share of burdens and people telling me I'm not good enough, there are also people who haven't given up on me. One of whom is my boyfriend. If he is reading this now, hello, babe. Please know that I am eternally grateful for you.

For everyone who keeps going despite all of the letdowns and the challenges, kudos! Cheers to us and may our fires always burn bright.

[notamusemusings]

A law student’s nook. Small space for studying, but gets the job done. 📚⚖️

[notamusemusings]

Hand Gestures

Today, while I was listening to my professor discuss the essential attributes of Partnership (I'm studying third year law in the Philippines, btw), he made a comment on why the Filipinos' hand gesture when referring to money is this:

And told us that when we're making hand gestures about money, we should be making this:

Because the image above meant or denoted paper bills, checks, etc., which meant a bigger amount of money. He also surmised, "I don't know why we have that as a gesture [referring to the first picture]." And told us that it denoted only a coin, instead of the gesture in the second picture, where it denoted bigger amount of money.

From a communicator's point of view, this was an interesting remark for me and reminded me of an essay we read back when I was a freshman in UP. It was Nick Joaquin's "A Heritage of Smallness." (You can read the essay here: https://www.philippinenewslinks.com/2020/editorials/48-a-heritage-of-smallness-by-nick-joaquin.html)

Its opening lines are: "Society for the Filipino is a small rowboat: the barangay. Geography for the Filipino is a small locality: the barrio. History for the Filipino is a small vague saying: matanda pa kay mahoma; noong peacetime. Enterprise for the Filipino is a small stall: the sari-sari. Industry and production for the Filipino are the small immediate searchings of each day: isang kahig, isang tuka. And commerce for the Filipino is the smallest degree of retail: the tingi."

This probably explains why our hand gesture for money is one holding a coin, instead of the Americanized gesture for money which is the gesture of counting money in bills or papers.

It is our heritage of smallness, the one that's so pervasive in our culture, is probably the reason why our hand gesture for money is like that. We are so used in purchasing small things from our sari-sari stores that it has become embedded into our culture, and as what my Communication Professors in the BA Communication Arts Program has taught me, culture influences language and vice-versa.

[notamusemusings]

Chapter 1

"You're weak."

"You're not smart enough."

"Didn't you graduate with Latin honors in college? How come no one ever hired you?"

It's 2021. Katara is a college graduate and is now pursuing her law degree.

There's a pandemic going on and just like any lower middle class woman in her 20's, she had to go home because she couldn't live in the city where she was studying.

It hasn't been easy for anyone. Katara hasn't lived in her hometown since she was in her formative years and she never wanted to.

She logs in to her profile in their online learning platform WeLearn. She scans her class schedule on what is yet another horrendous semester ahead of her.

Some days, it was easy to feel positive.

Other days, nothing helped and she just let sadness overcome her.

What helped sometimes was her short baths in their bathroom. The cold showers she took twice a day gave her strength like she never felt before. It felt normal at first. There was nothing strange in regaining your strength after a bath. After all, water has always been used in so many ways, one of which includes healing. Her people believed in the indigenous ways of healing, so the sensation that she felt didn't feel like it was strange or anything out of the ordinary.

But after hearing those words from her uncle, she felt like she needed a bath.

As she turned on the shower, what she planned as a full-on crying session to let out her frustrations turned out to be nothing. As the water gushed out and cascaded down her body, she felt calm. She felt like those words didn't matter. It's like the water literally washed it off of her. She felt... oddly balanced. It was like the water was pulsating and speaking to her. It was then that she told herself, "You're not the first woman that a man ever belittled. Since the dawn of time, women were often seen as weak, emotional beings. Incapable of making rational decisions for themselves that's why they often get married off. But not you, you're different."

[notamusemusings]

The statement, "the pandemic was hard not only on our physical health but also on our mental health" is an understatement.

I have been staying with my parents for over a year ever since online classes started last year in August. We all thought the situation would get better or ease out a little and we could go back to our normal lives. But as what we have just witnessed, it seems like it's going to take a long time for any sense of normalcy to come back.

We also cannot get back all the years lost. Unless vaccination efforts in each of our countries actually speed up, we are stuck with this very unfortunate situation.

One of the biggest concerns nowadays is the mental health of students during this pandemic. My brother and I have been studying for the past year and it is by far the most laborious thing we have ever encountered. My brother is an upcoming fourth year student in Medical Laboratory Science and I am an upcoming third year student of Law.

We usually talk about the challenges that we faced during the pandemic, with us being back in our hometown, in which we have a love-hate relationship with. We probably share with the rest of the younger generation the disgust for our hometowns but we still keep coming back to it. The youngest of my two brothers is the only one I really get along with. My brother who is second in line from me, I really don't get along with because we have so many differences.

What we have noticed all this time, he never made any real effort to reach out to us or even help us. Whenever we asked help from him for household chores, he would either insult us or shout at us, or both. We also noticed all he did was sleep or stay in bed the whole day. He does not even try to help out with cleaning the house. Instead he wilts away every day, just lying in bed and letting his mother do all the work.

My dad even speculated that he might be depressed. That's why he doesn't help out nor does he have the will to help out in the house.

And when I asked my youngest brother how he was able to survive studying during the pandemic while having little to no support from some of his family members, he answered me, "Kay naa man ka para ma-share-an nako ug mga problema." ("Because I have you to share my problems with.") All along I thought I wasn't being helpful to anyone. I thought that nothing I did would make an impact on anyone. But here's my brother, who seemingly survived studying during the pandemic because we had each other to talk to. Because we discussed how we felt about the hurtful things my other brother said to us or the reason behind our parents' endless bickering.

And I think sometimes that's all you ever need to really survive this very difficult time. Just one person who believes and understands you. Yes, having a significant other to share those problems with are great. But he will never be able to fully grasp the situation or the predicament you are in if he's never experienced it. You can only try to make him understand. Your sibling, on the other hand, knows the place that you are in. As they say, misery loves its company.

But to end this very long blog entry, I will quote General Iroh of the Fire Nation from ATLA:

"Sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else."