Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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@notbrute
1/5/2020
Last night I fell in love on the dance floor.... lmaoooooo
His name was Sean Stack, from North Carolina.
Actually I fell in love with him at first sight which was technically at the corner, so I fell in love with him at the corner.
He was so sexy, perfect lips and amazing kisser.
He was passionate.
He was beautiful.
He was fun.
Sometime (2 weeks ago)
My first grindr experience was a quick and wild one. I had just got back from Costa Rica (which was the best experience of my life) and when I got back I decided to download grindr because why not? So I download the app and couple of ignores later : a “straight” DL guy hits me up and asks me to come over and suck him and I was feelin horny so I said “why not ?”. I felt really scared to the point I texted my coworker “I’m hooking up w some random and so if I don’t text back in 10 min, call the cops because he’s probably murdering me”. I arrive to his complex and it’s a pretty nice area in highland beach, next to the inter coastal. I park and nervously reply back on grindr “I’m here.” He replies with the code to get up to his place and once dialed he automatically clicks a button and the door clicks. I confusingly look for the elevator and once I see it, I click the highest number (I think it was floor 8) and wait in a state of agony; “should I leave now, what if he’s ugly, what if he tries to kill me” I ask myself. I get off the elevator and I see a narrow hallway, I check my phone for the directions and I start to make my over to his room. I finally get to his room # and from the directions on grindr, he says to just walk in and lock the door on my way out so... I open the door. It’s super dark and the only thing lit was the blue screen on the TV screen playing edm/pop music. The blue light was radiating towards the couch and I see this naked man with a baseball cap lowered, covering half of his face. I greet him awkwardly and walk over to sit next to him on the couch. We exchange stares and he asks “is it cool?” Referring to himself because of a prior conversation of me saying if I don’t like how you look, I may walk out, lol. He was pretty attractive, he had a pretty defined jawline and a 5 o clock shadow, kinda toned but still slim with a slight beer belly. So after I was satisfied with what I saw, I grab his dick and start sucking it. He immediately starts to moan and says “that feels so good” 5 minutes later, he was done. I ask where his wife is and he says “she’s at work”. I go to his kitchen sink to wash my hand as he stands there in front of me, nude, half hard. I dry my hands off with a paper towel and awkwardly shake his hand goodbye.
I go down stairs and enter my car and immediately get a message, I look and it’s from grindr. It’s the guy I had just gotten with writing back to me “that was really nice, let’s do it again soon”.
Life update 10/15/19
A lot of shit went down since the last time I posted on here...
I try my best to keep tabs and record iconic life experiences on here but it’s been a difficult couple months for me.
Since April (the last time I updated my life on here) I’ve graduated college, broke up with my first boyfriend got a new job... and my mom passed away August 31, 2019.
Lifes been tough but I’m trying my best to have a positive outlook on life.
I started working out as of recently and downloaded grindr and had couple hook ups already lol.
April 30, 2019
Today was the last day of the spring semester, I have 2 semesters left.
I feel rlly weird... yet hopeful.. but also hopeless..
I had/have the biggest crush on my prof. And it was rlly awkward parting ways w him today!
I wanted to own one of his ceramics and I know he made me one from last semester but I never had the balls to ask for it, like alllllll this semester I’ve seen it behind his desk but, if it’s a gift why should I ask for it?? Maybe he wanted me to ask for it?
I can sense a level of awkward/timid ness from him and that’s the most frustrating part to this whole teacher student relationship.. idk if he acted that way bc he knew or heard from another student that I was crushing on him, or because I was awkward and distant w him in class, or if some how he liked me?
I’m going to miss fucking around w him n his lame ass jokes. I hope we see each other again 1day...
March 4, 2019
Last night I got the most heart breaking news... that my mom has stage 4 cancer. She had told me the past weeks that her neck hurt a lot after her surgery and now the cancer has spread.
Last night when I talked to her I immediately started to break down because I could hear the trembling in her voice, of her knowing that I knew. I could hear the background noise of the hospital and it hit me hard. She told me that sometimes people are gone and that I have to prepare to live without her. That’s not going to happen, I’m not going to let that happen.
I’m scared, but hopeful. I can’t imagine losing her.
I’m tearing up while I write this. I love my mom so much and I feel sorry that I’m not there. I haven’t seen her since October and I just want to hug her.
Life has been...
Tough.
I have never been so busy in my life, so many things happening all at once. A lot of changes and a lot of new experiences and encounters but everything seems very stagnant.
I am scared but excited for the future. I have a sense of passion that I haven’t felt before and I hope I continue to have this drive..
I really really like my professor, a lot.. he is so charming and sweet and cool. He’s weird and dorky but so different... he made me a really nice cup that is sitting behind his desk but he still hasn’t gave it to me. Maybe he’s waiting for me to ask him? But I shouldn’t because it’s a gift (to me).
Also Tom calls me Steven... even though he knows my name is Steve. He makes me feel special but at the same time ignores the hell out of me and doesn’t show as much interests? But also I’m not either. I wonder if he has any idea I’m crushing hard for him? I wish there was a way to tell him without having it be awkward or weird..
Lol...
Still obsessed w my prof... I am crazy lol. I’ve never been more attracted to someone in my life.... he’s not even that good looking but his confidence and charisma is so charming!!! Wtf am I going to do?
I get so weird around him and I don’t know how to act. I wanna open up and be normal but also don’t want to embarrass myself! I heard he has/had a gf and I was like ?? :(
I want him
I’m seriously in love
With my professor.
Last night I was in the studio working on stuff and as I was about to leave my professor whom I am OBSESSED with walks in. He started losing the kiln and I offered to help. While we were loading the kiln we got to know each other a little and he randomly asks me if me and Nicole were dating because were lovey dovey in class.. I responded “pshh no lol” and he then asked if I was into girls or guys.... and I said both.
I am so confused as to why he asked me that and if he’s potentially interested in me. I am really in love with him and I find him to perfect.
Also after that interaction at school I went over Sean’s and slept over. I had a dream that me and Thomas were in class and I was touching his thigh up and down while there were students around. And then in one scene I’m literally on the table with Thomas, making out and getting frisky!!! In! Front! Of! Students!!!
Im spiraling
I think I’m in love.....
With my professor...
Just got news that my mom has cancer... my biggest fear is losing my mom. I love her so much and I miss her. She’s in Korea right now for a check up and the results came back that she has cancer. I don’t know what to do or think. I just want to be with her and hug her.
Haven’t wrote on here in a while
Life has been amazing lately. I don’t feel as depressed and I feel very productive and worthy. Every month keeps getting better and better. I went to NYC couple weeks ago and had an amazing time... kinda wish I went for fashion week. I got major FOMO seeing all the posts from IG. I can’t wait to be back.
I feel like I’m losing my creativity and passion/drive to making art. I write down my thoughts and ideas and never get back to them.
Also I realized I have way to much of things I don’t use/ need. But it’s hard for me to let go of things. I always have the fear of letting something go and never being able to retrieve it again.
Me and Sean are doing well!! I love him so much but I also have thoughts of other people. I would never cheat on sean but it weirds me out that I think of other people while in a relationship.
I’m going to try to record more of my life on here
Our Leader. He is us. We are him.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BaUSjmvBiLh/
iiipoints was 1/2 ok. I had some fun the first day but had an anxiety attack. And same with today. Today I got off work and decided to go to iii last minute and see the xx and Nicolas jaar. They killed ittttt. I took a bigger dose of vyvanse this time and I was v out of it. I feel super tense and awake currently. There was something that threw the vibe off. Idk if it was because of Sean??? Idk what to do. I feel like he's not into me but then the next day he'll text me to see what's up and always keeps me entertained... whenever we're together though I'm always the first to be intimate and touchy. I'll ask him questions but he won't ask me how I feel or even bother for my response. I honestly think he's keeping me around because of my creativity and because of all the projects I'm cheating/working on.
I feel vvvvvvverrrry insecure sometimes when I'm w him. Maybe because I think he's way to good for me and I don't deserve someone perfect like him. I'm ugly and I feel like he's way out of my league... basically I'm trying to keep him around as long as he keeps me around because it's to good to just let go. Half of me is saying to cut it and just move on but he's the first person I've talked to/hook up consistently, and I kinda really like him. As cliche as it sounds, We have so many things in common also.
It's 5:35 and I'm writing all this because I can't sleep bc of he vyvanse I took earlier. I'm wide awake and constantly thinking about anything and everything.... I'm going to attempt to go to sleep now.
so cute 😍
This is the cutest thing I have ever seent