As Any Night

Because depression is a terrible thing, not just 'being pathetic' but I didn't want to fill my personal blog with sad.

[hoechloin]

[novice-heartbreaker-deactivated]

Taking time to affirm and remind yourself of your value is very important.
Sometimes just saying kind things about yourself out loud can make a difference.

[moved-to-transzoemurphy-deactiv]

me: we have… a Problem

my shit brain, immediately: What If You Died That Would Fix This

[notcuredbutcoping]

Discovered a new way of hurting myself for failing at things - forcing myself to stay awake long past the overtired point. Not insomnia this time, just my brain hating me too much to let me rest

[notcuredbutcoping]

When there's only one member of your family who has any idea you've ever been suicidal but for Christmas they get you a book called '1000 places to see before you die'

...Not sure if I feel supported or judged

...Definitely hit my dark humour button though

[iguanamouth]

a mess

[notcuredbutcoping]

Things I want to do today: stop existing

[notcuredbutcoping]

People say I should be glad I didn’t jump. ‘Look at all the joy you have experienced since then’ they say. But whenever I weigh the joy against the sorrow, it is always the sorrow which is heaviest

[notcuredbutcoping]

For the first time in a long time, I want to die. Not to kill myself but just to cease existing. I feel stuck in a dead end, there's no way forwards and backwards isn't an option. I feel like I'm about to lose everything - love, my job, even a safe place to live because I would have to move back to the toxic atmosphere of my parents house. My life from the outside seems to be pretty great, but it feels like there's only a few weeks til it falls apart and that makes me want to self destruct everything beautiful about it now, rather than drag it out. Merry Christmas to me, I guess

[ughjul-deactivated20201029]

Depression does not always mean Beautiful girls shattering at the wrists A glorified, heroic battle for your sanity Or mothers that never got the chance to say good-bye Sometimes depression means Not getting out of bed for three days Because your feet refuse to believe That they will not shatter upon impact with the floor Sometimes depression means That summoning the willpower To go downstairs and do the laundry Is the most impressive thing you accomplish that week Sometimes depression means Lying on the floor staring at the ceiling for hours Because you cannot convince your body That it is capable of movement Sometimes depression means Not being able to write for weeks Because the only words you have to offer the world Are trapped and drowning and I swear to God I’m trying Sometimes depression means That every single bone in your body aches But you have to keep going through the motions Because you are not allowed to call in to work depressed Sometimes depression means Ignoring every phone call for an entire month Because yes, they have the right number But you’re not the person they’re looking for, not anymore

by “Alexandra” Tilton, NH (Teen Ink: November 2013 Issue)

[infestation-in-my-mind]

[bittersweet-honesty]

The Rules of Social Anxiety 1. Walk with eyes fixed on the ground They are watching, laughing, judging Walk normal Don’t focus on it too much or you will stumble and be made a fool of 2. Look like you are writing and busy in class avoid being called on you know the answer but what if you stutter or mumble What if they tell you “speak up I can’t hear you” 3. Don’t make a noise hold in that cough that sneeze that breathe people will hear you do not draw attention to yourself like that 4. Spend time every night before you go to bed to think Think about all the embarrassing things you have ever done Everyone remembers, that’s all they remember 5. Never enter a room full of people They all look Why are you here? Why are you alive? 6. Your friends all secretly hate you you know why they didn’t reply to your text you know how they all dread seeing you you are only put up with because of pity 7. Always be scared Scared to sit next to a stranger Scared to see someone you know Scared to eat in front of people Scared to talk on the phone Scared to go to social events Scared to order at a restaurant Scared to talk Scared to have a panic attack Scared to be noticed Always scared but don’t worry, you don’t like people anyway, at least that’s what you say, you’re “antisocial” You don’t even care what they think, people are annoying, that’s what you tell them. You play it off as a joke but really you’re always scared.

-Anonymous  (via dharmabloom)

shit this is true

(via oneforbadnews)

[deansass]

I felt I needed to throw this out there. Sadly, most people tell you to go vent to them but only make you feel worse. Please take a minute to read this.

[bloganddice-deactivated20190518]

If I do the latter remember it is by mistake. Please point it out.

[notcuredbutcoping]

My flesh feels like it's crawling and I just want to scrape all the skin off my bones and scream until the noise in my head goes away

[notcuredbutcoping]

Forgot to eat yesterday

Not feeling that hungry today

And the insomnia is back

[lettersto-savemyself]

Depression (119/365)

[vndalism-deactivated20131110]

this actually brought tears to my eyes due to the relevance. my gorgeous. smart, hilarious and perfect cousin told me that she used to cut before i started. lol no one will read this but idc.

[liv-ing-dead-deactivated2018071]

I’m here if you need someone to talk to x

[notcuredbutcoping]

One of the problems with being suicidal is that no one wants to actually talk to you about it. They will 'talk you down off the ledge' until the end of time, but you might not BE on the ledge at that point. You just want someone to listen, someone who will ask you why you feel like that, someone who is genuinely interested in understanding your pain and supporting you, rather than easing their own guilt and pain by trying to make you stop feeling like that.