[notefrommyjournal]

#164

The flirting between us always felt so clumsy and shy but oh god was it effective.

[notefrommyjournal]

#163

We are both so scared of getting hurt. So I thought for a while that we could be each others safe place.

[notefrommyjournal]

#162

I wanted to believe that good things will come if i let them.

[notefrommyjournal]

#161

It is so humiliating to feel so much and even more humiliating now that you know about it.

[notefrommyjournal]

#160

I hate that I need others.

[notefrommyjournal]

#159

You always sound so sure about everything. I guess I liked that about you. But now I can't believe anything you say anymore. I want to but I can't.

[notefrommyjournal]

#158

I showed you my soul. And you said it wasn't enough.

[notefrommyjournal]

#157

You broke something in me that was almost healed.

[notefrommyjournal]

#156

You said it will get easier. But eventually the guilt of not getting over you will eat me alive

[notefrommyjournal]

#155

It has never been this easy to be honest. To speak my mind. That's why you were special. And that's why it hurts so much.

[notefrommyjournal]

#154

You said that nothing happened between us. That's an understatement of the year.

[notefrommyjournal]

#153

I don't think we can be "just friends".

[notefrommyjournal]

#152

I still feel okay next to you

[notefrommyjournal]

#151

I know you don't want me to but I do hope that you will let someone in one day. Not only for your sake but for your loved ones too. Because until then this pattern will repeat itself. And you will get hurt. And you will hurt others.

[notefrommyjournal]

#150

I'm used to people not wanting me. But this is the first time someone told me that they want me but don't want to want me.

[notefrommyjournal]

#149

You hurt me. Hurt me deeper than anyone has ever hurt me. And I can't forget it. The pain will disappear but it teaches. It teaches me to protect myself better. And I'm afraid of that happening. Because I've already protected myself too much in life. And I've suffered so much because of it.

[notefrommyjournal]

#148

I'm scared of becoming bitter. That anger consumes me. Because I know that the sadness might be too much for me. And to survive the sadness I replace it with anger. And that is something that I've always tried to avoid. I don't want to lie to myself. That I'm not hurting. And I don't want to hurt others just because I'm hurt. But is the anger necessary if I want to survive? That either I become angry or I don't make it. I don't want either.