@notfern - Tumblr Blog

i need to stay away from twitter for awhile ,i feel as if my insecurities affect my friends insecurities. i don’t want to start something like that. i shouldn’t say anything. i have nothing to complain or be sad about. other people have actual problems and issues and mine are barely real. mine don’t matter because i have nothing to actually be sad about. i’m fine. it’s all fine, i just need to get it in my head that it’s fucking fine

i get that i’m a bad person , i understand i’m a shit person . i don’t want to make people sad , it’s the last thing i want i’m sorry

i also hate that i feel fat if i eat anything. i always feel like when i eat i'm being looked at like "he's eating too much" or "oh someone's hungry today" i hate my body so much. i wish i could be happy with myself , even slightly. it just won't happen. i'm miserable. no matter what i'll always end up miserable. and i'll always end up making others miserable too . i hate myself.

i wish life wasn't so complicated , i wish i could be happy. i'm always back to square one. always.

confused , upset, sad , not happy , blah

sad and everything sucks

i'm so sick of being depressed. i'm so sick of not understanding my body. i'm so sick of being stressed out. i'm getting grey hair, my eye bags are awful. i'm 92 fucking pounds. i'm sick of all this. i wish i could get better without having anxiety. the only life i know is when i feel bad. like it's a comfort thing. if i'm happy or Ok it's weird and i don't know how to handle it and i go back to bad. i wish i wasn't like this. i wish i could be ok.

god my relationship with my ex was so bad. at the time that was all i knew, but when i think about it now i feel sick.

i wish i didn't feel so fuckin horrible and ugly. i wish i was tall and skinny. i wish my face was nicer looking. i wish my body wasn't the worst. i wish i wasn't jealous of everyone around me

this is cute

#emillyyyyyy

god i have the worst feeling in my gut and i hate myself i could throw up

i'm so dysphoric right now what the fuck

i hate being upset all of the time but being upset all of the time is all i know and all i’m used to it’s like a part of me it’s weird to Not be sad ya know

having an existential crisis about my weight lmao

i know this is stupid too but i saw my gfs ex and he is a lot taller than me and you know , probably better looking idk i feel so fucking ugly and small . like i felt so embarrassed with how i look. which sucks. i hate feeling embarrassed to exist lol i feel like it's so obvious that i'm trans , like if people know i feel like they look at me and are like oh yea it's obvious now that i'm looking here's me rambling about nothing

just trying to hang with emily last night and then i remembered i had to do my shot like lmao that sucks i know it's not that big of a deal but it still sucks

yo like it fucking sucks being small and looking like you're 15 being trans is so dumb everything is dumb i hate myself

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