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About Me:
My name is Andie! I am 28 and I love writing and listening to Stray Kids. Also an avid video game lover so talk to me about anything 😁
I am big into reading fantasy books and anything that catches my eye. See below for my favorite recommendations!
Book recommendations: Throne of Glass, A Court of Thorns and Roses, From Blood and Ash, Air Awakens, Fourth Wing
MASTERLIST
ACOTAR Stories
The Fourth Verse- There are prophecies that change the world and there are prophecies that destroy lives. Unfortunately, Vespera is living the life of the latter. Abandoned as an infant and raised in isolation to conceal her human nature, Vespera has spent 18 years believing her mother would come back for her and must find out if it was all a lie. Gathering the courage to finally leave the manor, she escapes to the Human lands and winds up thrown into the Cauldron with her long-lost sisters. Vespera must navigate a world where her beauty is a curse and her autonomy is questioned at every turn. Males will stop at nothing to possess her for their own. And there is only one male who can handle her darkness.
1
In the End- Piper had everything that she ever wanted in her family. Hybern ruined that, the King ruined everything about the human life that she held so dear. With help from the Night Court, Piper is on her journey to healing when she finds something unexpected when her revenge is taken from her. What will she do now? (See on Ao3 as well)
1 2 3 4
The Empyrean - Fourth Wing & Iron Flame Stories
When We Meet Again- Being a rider with a powerful signet usually means you are exempt from being a professor at Basgiath. Only a rare few actually enjoy the task of training the young minds and dealing with all the bullshit that comes along with that. So when Niamh volunteered for the open position of Classified and Rare Signet Professor more than a few people were surprised. What they don't know is that seeing Brennan and Naolin die during the Battle of Aretia nearly killed you, too. No one is quite sure how you are alive, seeing as Marbh and your dragon Eilduaine were mated. Brennan's last words down the bond were a plea for you to protect his sisters. And you will do anything to make sure that last promise is never broken.
Cp. 1 2 3 4
SKZ ONE SHOTS
Bang Chan
Ex’s - A request, Changbin and the reader are exs and the reader leans on Chan (Chris) for support in their hard time. Changbin and Chan butt heads until Changbin can’t take anymore.
Changbin
Ex’s - A request, Changbin and the reader are exs and the reader leans on Chan (Chris) for support in their hard time. Changbin and Chan butt heads until Changbin can’t take anymore.
Hyunjin
Skirt Agenda - Hyunjin loves when the readers wears skirts for him, let him show you just how much ;)
I.N.
Let Me Protect You - The reader is getting married today, so what could have gone so wrong that Jeongin runs off with her?
Summary: There are prophecies that change the world and there are prophecies that destroy lives. Unfortunately, Vespera is living the life of the latter. Abandoned as an infant and raised in isolation to conceal her human nature, Vespera has spent 18 years believing her mother would come back for her and must find out if it was all a lie. Gathering the courage to finally leave the manor, she escapes to the Human lands and winds up thrown into the Cauldron with her long-lost sisters. Vespera must navigate a world where her beauty is a curse and her autonomy is questioned at every turn. Males will stop at nothing to possess her for their own. And there is only one male who can handle her darkness.
A/N: This is a dark romance, I mean dark here, people. It is going to take a while to get there, but when we do, don't say I didn't warn you! This fic is fully finished and being posted every 2 weeks on ao3. Please enjoy this first chapter!
CHAPTER 1
The mirror was her enemy.
Vespera had learned this truth the same way she’d learned everything else in her life. Through careful observation, through the weight of Lady Auran’s gaze, through the way her fingers would tighten on her shoulder when she positioned her just so.
“Turn your head,” Lady Auran said, her voice carrying that particular edge it always held when she appraised her. Not quite sharp enough to cut, but enough to remind her that she was being measured and assessed for value like grain at the market.
Vespera obeyed, angling her face toward the window where the spring sunlight poured through the glass in golden streams. The light caught in her hair, and the red tones shone through the deep brown strands, making it look like it was on fire. Hair not as dark as a raven’s wings but with enough mystery to keep it interesting.
Vespera's right hand rested in her lap, and she brushed her fingers across the delicate swirls of the vinework of her ring to calm herself. The ring was silver and delicate, set with a cream stone with veins of moonlight speckled throughout. She had worn it for as long as she could remember. Eighteen years, bound to her finger by the magic set in place by Lady Auran to keep her safe here. Magic she didn’t understand and couldn’t break.
The ring that made her beautiful. The ring that made her fae. The ring that stole her face and gave her the face of no one who had ever existed before her.
“Perfect,” Lady Auran murmured, but the word held no warmth. It never did. “Absolutely perfect.”
Vespera kept her expression serene, her spine straight against the velvet of her dressing room chair. A pose she had to learned perfect over the last eighteen years. Everything about her had been carefully crafted. The demure tilt of her chin, the soft curve of her lips that suggested gentleness without promising anything, even the way her lashes lowered just enough to seem modest while still showing off their hazel coloring.
Or at least, that is what the glamour showed everyone. She had no clue what she really looked like. Who Vespera really was.
She had been transformed into something that would fetch the highest dowry when the time came for her mother to collect her. The only thing Lady Auran didn’t compose of herself was her hair, born with the waves already longer than normal. She must have known it would be worth something one day. She would often spend hours brushing it to get it to shine in just the right way.
“Lord Ashton will be most pleased with you.”
Her stomach twisted at the thought. Lord Ashton was the third suitor this month, fifth this season. Each one wealthier than the last, each more eager to possess the beautiful mystery Lady Auran dangled before them like a jewel on a string.
Each one not her mother.
“Lady Auran,” She spoke softly, keeping her eyes lowered in the way she’d drilled into her for countless hours. “Perhaps we should wait a bit longer before- “
“Wait?” Lady Auran’s hand tightened on her shoulder, nails pressing through the thin silk of her gown. “Wait for what, exactly?”
For my mother… but she let the words die on her tongue. Vespera had learned years ago that speaking of her mother only made Lady Auran’s expression go cold and brittle.
“I had only thought,” she tried again, “that I am not quite ready yet. My harp playing still needs work and last week I was wrong when you questioned her about the customs of the Autumn Court- “
“Your accomplishments are more than adequate.” Lady Auran released her and began to pace, her usual path in the carpet getting deeper with each step.
Vespera watched her move while silently cataloging the signs of decay she’d learned to read over the years. The curtains that had once been deep crimson were now faded to rust in the patches where the sun hit them most. The portrait above the mantle of Lady Auran in her youth, her gown full of hand-sewn jewels that must have cost a fortune, was beginning to crack at the edges. Everything in this manor was slowly crumbling, including Lady Auran’s patience with her.
“You’ve been saying you're not ready for nearly two years now,” she said, something dangerous entering her voice. Something desperate. “Two years of suitors coming and going with your excuses and delays.” Lady Auran increased her pace, and Vespera wondered if it was possible for a fire to start that way.
Vespera rubbed her ring again, and she had moved it just enough that Lady Auran finally noticed. She had hated fidgeting; it was not a sign of a calm and demure lady, she had always been told.
Lady Auran stopped her pacing and ripped Vespera’s hands away, her temper hitting its peak. “Do you have any idea what that costs me?! The preparations, the meals, the gifts to send them away satisfied enough not to come back and take you anyway?!”
Vespera did know, had heard Lady Auran muttering over the account books in her office late at night. Vespera had seen Lady Auran dismiss her servants one by one until only a handful had remained. Watched her sell off furniture and paintings that she no longer cared for. But in the same moments, Vespera would watch her spend the small remaining fortune she had on the finest jewelry dresses and wines for herself because she deserved the best.
The manor was dying around them and Vespera was the cause, but Lady Auran was the real problem.
“I’m sorry,” Vespera whispered, because what else could she say? She was sorry for everything. She was sorry for being a burden, sorry for costing Lady Auran so much, sorry for having to take up space in this beautiful prison where nothing, not even her face, was her own.
Lady Auran stopped pacing and turned to face her. In the afternoon light, Vespera could see every line that bracketed Lady Auran’s mouth, every thread of silver in her brown hair. She had been captivating in her youth. Beautiful and rare enough to capture the attention of a lord in the Spring Court in high standing.
They had been engaged to be married for a year, and it had been the best year Lady Auran had dreamed of. Then the lord had found his mate, and every hope and promise they had made with each other turned to ash.
She’d told her the story countless times, usually when she’d had too much to drink and her bitterness overflowed. How the lord had looked at her one day and seen his future, only to meet a lesser fae female on a day on a trip and know with absolute certainty that she was his destiny instead. How he’d paid Lady Auran off handsomely with this manor and a fortune in gold large enough to live comfortably for several lifetimes.
It should have been enough.
But then a woman had arrived at her door with the same wavy auburn hair as Vespera, with an infant and a promise. Vespera’s mother had worked a deal with Lady Auran to care for her child and teach her how to be the best, that one day when her human child was as sharp and alluring as the fae she would come back to collect her daughter to be married. Her mother had promised a sizable dowry should her daughter be wed, the better the station the more gold she would get for the excellent training.
Lady Auran had been tempted but the deal had been sealed when her mother threw in a trunk of jewels worth more than the settlement from the lord. There was nothing that Lady Auran cared for more than wealth. All she had to do was raise the child, train her to be the perfect female, and wait.
Lady Auran had believed her, had taken the gold and the baby and commissioned a ring made with enough power to glamour the human infant and disguise it as fae. She had the ring bound to Vespera’s finger with a ward that would let the ring grow as the child grew. The ward also kept the ring from being removed unless by Lady Auran herself as a precaution. Anything to keep the child and her future investment safe.
She had waited.
They both did.
Years passed and Vespera’s mother had yet to come back for her. The gold Lady Auran got from selling the jewels was slowly running out. Now there was only Vespera and the desperate hope of a Lady wanting to recoup her losses.
“Lord Ashton is a good match,” Lady Auran said, her voice carefully controlled now. “He is wealthy, titled, and he has estates in three courts. He is willing to pay handsomely for a bride of exceptional beauty and good breeding.”
Breeding. As if Vespera had any. As if the fae blood the ring projected was real or gave her any right to the pointed ears and otherworldly grace that the glamour painted over her human form.
“But what if- “ Vespera stopped, biting her lip. She knew she shouldn't say it, that it would make everything worse. But the small flare of hope in her chest had never been quelled that easily. “What if my mother comes back? She could have been delayed or searching for me, and she arrives back to find that you have already married me off to someone she never approved of?!”
The silence that followed was terrible.
Lady Auran stared at her, and Vespera watched as her calm facade started to crack.
“Vespera, your mother is never coming back.” She spoke slowly, each word precise and cutting.
“You don’t know that!” she screamed towards her, hoping the words would pierce something.
“Oh, child, I do.” Lady Auran moved closer, and Vespera fought the urge to flinch. “It has been eighteen years since she left you on my doorstep with a trunk of jewels and no family name to speak of. Do you think that if she were going to collect you, she would have at least given you a last name? How would you and I even go about finding her?”
Vespera didn't answer; she couldn't. The hope in her chest was beating its wings frantically, trying to escape the truth that she was desperate to close around her. She tries to open her mouth to argue again, but Lady Auran cuts her off before she can think of something.
“She abandoned you.” Her words were brutal and edged, intending to cause the most damage. “Your mother paid me to raise you and train you to be valuable. Then she disappeared, leaving me to shoulder the burden of your upbringing with no support or end in sight.”
Lady Auran was doing her best to destroy the image Vespera had of her mother with cold efficiency. Lady Auran was out of patience and money, and Vespera was out of time.
Vespera stared down at her hands and the glamour that concealed her pulsed softly, and she wondered what she really looked like beneath it. Was she plain? Ugly? Did she have her mother's eyes or her father’s smile?
She would never know. The only piece she allowed her to keep of her mother was her hair, the rest was left to mystery.
“I don’t believe you,” Vespera told her as strong as she could, but within her there was doubt. How could there not be? But even if her mother abandoned her, it would be something she could find out for herself.
“You can believe what you like, it doesn't change that Lord Ashton will be here within the hour and that you will be gracious and charming and everything that I have trained you to be or I will make the rest of your days in this house worthy of the foul beasts that roam outside. Do we have an understanding, child?”
Vespera nodded, not trusting her voice. Her education had been thorough and Vespera was keenly aware at what beasts roamed in the forests surrounding the manor house. She did not want to become their next meal.
“Good.” She turned to leave but paused at the door with her hand on the frame. “I have given you everything, Vespera. A home, an education, and protection from those who would harm a human child in these lands. I have spent a fortune on you, my own fortune and your mother's. The least you can do is help me recover some small portion of what we spent on you.”
The door clicked shut behind her and Vespera was finally alone.
She sat very still for a long time, hands clenched and nails digging into her palms. She took care to measure her breathing so she didn’t begin to spiral out of control.
Growing up, there were several times where Vespera felt the world was spinning to quickly around her. She would lose her breath and panic about whatever set Lady Auran off that day. She was always kept at a distance, it was made very clear to Vespera that Lady Auran did not love her. It was not Lady Auran’s responsibility.
There was a time when Lady Auran had hired a private tutor for some instrument she couldn’t remember the name of and did not want to play it. Every time Vespera would strum the correct cords, without fail, the sound of a dying animal would come out. Gods, even the tutor couldn’t play the damned thing well.
Vespera remembered Lady Auran’s anger that night as the male left and promised to never return to such an ill-brained witch. She had been yelled at and chased up the stairs at only 6 years old because she had called the male vast and that she told him she wished he would leave.
The rest of the night she sat as still as possible, trying not to move or even breath. Every time she did, Lady Auran’s rant would increase in volume. Hours she sat and took the verbal beating. That was one credit Vespera could give to her keeper, she knew to hit with her words and not her fists.
Not only was it unladylike, but it would leave a mark on her precious prize. It felt most times like Lady Auran was a dragon regarding Vespera as the sparkliest jewel in her treasure hoard.
The only comfort that she had most days was reading, and it was something that Lady Auran never punished her for. When Vespera had read of the dragons in her stories as a child, a mental image of a Lady Auran dragon guarding her treasure was seared into her brain. It helped to make Lady Auran more bearable to live with if she compared her to a dragon as well. It is in a dragon’s nature to roar.
Thinking of Lady Auran as a dragon again like when she was a child was nice. It helped her to slow her breathing enough to unclench her hands and Vespera looked down to assess the damage.
A fine set of lines sat red across her palms but no blood was drawn, she had been careful to make sure not to damage her appearance in any way. Soft, demure, porcelain doll that she was.
Lately, her mind had been harder to get ahold of when she started to panic. Vespera knew that her time living with Lady Auran was coming to an end sooner rather than later. Vespera had always imagined that it would be her mother she would live with after here.
She would come in the night just like when she first came and take Vespera back home with her. Her mother would test her on everything that she had been taught and all the pain and pressure and screaming would be worth it in the end. Vespera's mother would be proud of what she had become.
Vespera had imagined her mother to be a calculating person, no one else could have dropped their newborn off to a stranger like she did and expect the best results. Her mother must have taken a good deal of time to select Lady Auran as her guardian, the least that Vespera could do would be to wait for her mother to return.
Vespera had waited her whole life for her mother to come back for her; surely she could wait a little longer. Her mother wouldn’t have put that much money to a baby she would never return to. People cared about their money, that Vespera knew for certain. Lady Auran had made sure she knew it.
Vespera let out a deep breath she didn't know she had been holding and looked to the mirror again, and found the regular stranger staring back at her. She was beautiful, no one could deny that. Her pale skin had always seemed to let out a glow, her features were delicate and symmetrical, the kind of face that made people stop and stare in the street when she passed. Her pointed ears that marked her as fae, belonging to this land of power.
The stranger wasn’t her, a simple creation of Lady Auran and the ring. What a beautiful bundle of lies.
A knock at the door shatters her thoughts, and a servant entered and bows towards her. “Apologies, miss. Lady Auran has requested you downstairs. Lord Ashton has arrived early.”
Of course, he had. Eager to see his prize and assess her to determine if he was being swindled out of his money.
Vespera rose from the chair and smoothed her skirts, checking the stranger in the mirror one last time for any flaws, before following behind the servant.
The manor was quiet as always, our footsteps muffled by the threadbare carpets that lined the stairs. The portraits Lady Auran spent a small fortune commissioning lined the walls and the faces seemed to mock her as she descended. Vespera had walked these halls a thousand times and had memorized every detail they had, but being observant was something she had always excelled at.
Somewhere beyond the fourth set of doors near the grand dining room, she heard laughter. One high-pitched and one deeper, more haughty. Vespera wondered if it was too late to be sick and still get away with not coming, or if that time was behind her.
As the drawing room doors stood open, Lady Auran looked her way and motioned for her to join them. Vespera stepped through the doorway and instantly felt the Lord’s eyes on her like it were a physical touch.
He was handsome, she supposed. Tall and broad-shouldered with the kind of classical features that spoke of carefully selected bloodlines. His clothing was expensive, his posture was perfect, and his smile was practiced. This male lacked any warmth; his gaze looking her like Lady Auran looked at her account ledgers. Another predator trying to determine her value.
“Ah, Vespera.” Lady Auran's smile was brittle. “Come, let Lord Ashton see you properly.”
She moved into the room with the gliding grace she’d drilled into her and stopped in front of Lord Ashton. The closer Vespera got, the more she became aware of some foul odor coming from the male. Disgusting, and likely the reason for Lady Auran’s expression. They both hated a male who sank into drinking.
“Exquisite,” Lord Ashton murmured, and Vespera felt his eyes travel over her body. “The rumors don’t do you justice, my dear.”
She said nothing. What was she supposed to say? Thank you for objectifying me! She was careful not to let her disdain show on her face.
“Vespera has been trained in all the ways expected of a lady of quality,” Lady Auran said, moving to stand beside her, hand settling on her shoulder and she gripping her with a silent warning. Behave. Perform. Don't ruin this. “Music, languages, literature, the domestic arts. She would be the perfect ornament for any court.”
An ornament, not a person. Not someone with thoughts or feelings of her own. Just a beautiful object to be displayed.
“I’m sure she would,” the Lord agreed, still staring at her with those calculating eyes. “Tell me, my dear, do you have any family? Any connections that might complicate a potential arrangement?”
The question was casual, but Vespera heard the real inquiry beneath it: Do you come with obligations? Debts? Relatives who might intervene when he decides he wants to take ownership of you?
“No family,” Lady Auran answers for her, and something cracks in her chest. “Vespera is entirely without connections. An orphan, raised under my care and protection.”
An orphan. The word settles over her like a shroud and she feels herself start to go numb. So long as she held very still, Vespera could keep it together.
“Perfect,” Lord Ashton agrees and his sneer widens. “There is nothing to prevent us from moving forward with negotiations, then.”
Vespera stood there like a phantom, silent and still, while they discussed her. Debating her value and the terms of her sale, right in front of her. Lady Auran’s desperation and Lord Ashton’s clear greed wove a net around her that started to squeeze with every word they spoke.
Her mother would come back; she had to. She had left Vespera here to be sold like livestock, to be possessed by whatever male could afford Lady Auran’s asking price. To live the rest of her life as a beautifully wrapped lie until not even the ring’s glamour could stop someone from noticing how quickly Vespera aged. Her human lifespan likely to be her downfall in the end.
The ring on her finger felt heavier than ever, and Vespera wondered if this was all she would ever be, wondered if she would ever get a chance to be free. She wanted to know if her mother was coming to save her, but she also wanted to know if she despised her.
Anything had to be better than this… festering.
The conversation continued around her, but Vespera barely heard it. The stranger sat and ate and performed just like she was told, and a deeper crack formed in her porcelain.
Have I been absolutely awful at posting lately? Yes. Have I also been cooking up an absolutely insane fic that will be my pride and joy for the rest of my life and has the highest word count yet? Also yes. Have I ever written in this fandom before? NO! Hints in tags 🥳
NOTE: This series contains major spoilers for Fourth Wing and Iron Flame. Read at your own risk.
There is a slight bit of spice to this chapter in the form of a dream/memory. Enjoy.
Being bonded to another rider because your dragons are mated is not something I can recommend. It's not like you can ensure the dragon you bond to isn't mated.
It's just another person that you have to look out for besides yourself. Niamh is great, but I worried more than I want to admit about making it to graduation at all. Don't tell Niamh I said that.
- Page 57, The Book of Brennan
The weekend during the first part of Squad Battles ensures that I have a little free time for once. While the whole college is getting ready, the professors tend to group off and gossip about what squads they think will win that year. I remember when our squad had won, all of the professors let us know they bet on us. Not because I was that strong at that point, no my signet was still fighting back at any chance it could. It was because we had Brennan the tactician, the brilliant. His nicknames went on and on. All they served to do was inflate his already huge ego.
The staff kitchens were far quieter than normal as I gathered my breakfast. I like being able to bring my meals to my rooms so I don't have to interact with the usual group of professors that gather at the tables here. Today they are, thankfully, empty. I grab a seat in the corner with my back to the wall, eating slowly and combing the pages of Brennan's book. Most of his advice has been pretty good so far, I can see why Mira and Violet would succeed here. Being able to glimpse a part of his soul again has been priceless. Eild has let me stew in my thoughts more than usual lately, but I can imagine me being back at Basgiath and reliving all of my closest moments about Brennan and Marbh would be harder for her.
I hear footsteps approach and I just manage to get the book into my jacket before they enter. Devera enters and goes about her business, not even noticing that I am here. I continue to eat quietly and she finally sees me when she looks for a place to sit.
"Major Leannan, I didn't even see you there. How are you?" she asks.
"Captain Devera, I am doing alright. You? How are lessons this week?" I ask her as she sits across from me at my table. Out of all of the riders in teaching positions at Basgiath, Devera has been my favorite by far. She helped me get my footing during the first few months while I adjusted to being a professor. Her companionship during the slow moments has been nice as well.
She grumbles as she stuffs her mouth full of eggs and sausage and I laugh.
"The week of Squad Battles panic setting in hard, then?"
"Absolutely," she grunts, "The only cadets that show any restraint are the third years and Violet Sorrengail. Everyone else is so wrapped up in their thoughts about winning that they don't care about the current events and battles right now. I can't wait for it to be done."
I chuckle, "I can imagine that almost perfectly."
"Listen," she starts, "I meant to speak with you today a little later about something but it is private. Would you have a minute to give me?"
"Of course, would you rather meet in my rooms or yours?" I ask her.
"Mine, not that I don't want to go to yours, but I believe in my sound shield, and my sound shield only."
Well alright, then.
The bells have just sounded 11 at night when I reach Devera's door and knock twice. She opens it and lets me in after looking down the hall to make sure no one sees. I can only imagine that what she has to say is going to be mind-blowing for it to warrant me not being seen by anyone entering her room.
Once inside, Devera locks the door and I turn to her, "Well Devera, if this is your way of asking me to sleep with you I should let you know that my conscious would never allow me to sleep with a colleague."
She lets out a laugh louder than what I am used to and moves to a small seating area in the corner of her room. I take the chair to her right and she hands me a cup of tea. "Leannan, if I wanted to sleep with you we would have done it already and you would have no worries about if we were colleagues or not." We smile at each other and she continues, "No, I wanted to talk with you about something serious and before I start I need to ask you for a secret of your own to ensure that what is said in this room goes nowhere."
"You need one of my secrets? How secret are we talking? What my favorite color panties is level secret or something like where I hide the bodies of the men I eat for dinner?" Secret dealing isn't something new to me. At Samara, it was used as a form of currency for those who were in the business of doing favors.
"Oh men murdering badassery level for sure."
I think for a minute about what I would be willing to share with her. I trust Devera, but not at the level where I would be comfortable with her knowing the extent of my signet abilities.
"The only reason I came to teach here was to honor a promise to Brennan that I made as he died. I would watch after his sisters no matter what and during Threshing this year I almost stepped in against regulation to save Violet Sorrengail from being murdered."
She smiles at me conspiratorially, "Good. I assumed that is why you came and it's good to know someone is watching out for that girl."
Devera reiterates that nothing that is said in her rooms can leave it at any point.
"I understand, Devera. Now tell me what's going on?"
She laughs darkly, "You aren't going to believe me at first, but listen closely all the same." She says and then proceeds to drop the biggest fucking bomb of all time.
Venin and wyvern are real. I sit in stunned silence after Devera talks about what has been happening in the world for thirty minutes straight. I don't want to believe it but I remember Brennan talking about the stories his dad used to tell him when he and his siblings were growing up. I remember my mom telling me that venin were going to suck my soul out if I didn't clean my room. She was a dark woman, but being a rider for as long as she was will do that to you.
It hits me then that all of the lives lost during the Rebellion were for nothing. They were all fighting to get us to acknowledge the venin and the real war we are in. Instead, they chose to sacrifice the lives of so many to protect their stupid fucking secret. To sacrifice Brennan. My blood instantly boils and it takes a good minute before I can calm down enough to form a coherent thought.
"Why now?"
She understands what I mean and says, "Because last night, I overheard Colonel Markham talking about how he finally got clearance for you to let you in on the big news. Only, I knew how you would react when you found out and they kill anyone who doesn't conform to the scheme they've harbored all these lifetimes. I knew that you wouldn't be able to hide your initial feelings about it in the moment. Hell, even I struggled when the bastard told me. I am just thankful they didn't have a truth-sayer with them like they do now. They bring her in when they tell someone new about it so they can't lie their way around it."
Oh shit. If I don't get my shit together before they tell me I am going to be fucked. "Thank you for telling me before they did. You're right. I never would have been able to conceal what I was feeling in the moment. I am not even sure I will be able to when they come to tell me."
Devera grimaces. "I know that half-truths work with truth-sayers. All you have to do is skirt around the answer and you should be fine. As smart as the scribes think they are, they are over-confident when they have a powerful signet around."
That is good to know. At least if I end up having to use my signet on them it doesn't guarantee they will notice. As far as anyone knows, I can only affect up to 10 at a time with my signet and only one aspect of the signet at a time. What they don't know is that there are no fucking limits to it. I trained so diligently that I can hold the minds of one hundred souls and inflict whatever I want on them. If leadership knew how powerful I had trained my signet to be I would have been put to death long ago. All this means is that I am going to have to come up with one hell of a plan if this goes south.
I think she can tell how much I am overthinking it because she offers to be there and vouch for me when they tell me tomorrow. "Are you sure? That is a big risk. I don't want you involved if it is going to get you killed alongside me."
"I think that I have put up with enough bullshit around here that I am jumping ship at the first sign of the next rebellion. If that means I fuck shit up and leave with you tomorrow or whenever it is doomed to happen in the future, it doesn't matter to me in the slightest."
I start laughing so hard at the strangeness of the situation that I can't stop. Must be contagious because Devera joins in and it takes a good while before we are sane again. We talk for a few hours about life and battles and everything in between and it makes me realize that I haven't lived much since Brennan left. All 6 years he has been gone I can't remember feeling this at peace. I know it won't last long but I breathe a little easier tonight.
I know for a fact that Brennan's room in the 3rd year dorms will never see more disrepair than this moment. Clothes and boots and daggers and blades are scattered along the floor haphazardly, I even think my desk chair has been tipped on its side. However, as I look around, I can't bring myself to care. I turn my head to get comfortable again and Brennan grumbles beneath me.
"I'm sorry, Wingleader Sorrengail. Did I disturb you?" I ask him sarcastically.
He chuckles and flips me over onto my back as he positions himself on top of me. It's too easy for me to get lost in the expanse of his bare chest, his defined abs, that v that leads right to what I want most at the moment.
"Getting distracted, Nia?" He asks as he nips at my neck.
"Of course I am, have you seen yourself?"
He meets my eyes before licking up the expanse of my exposed throat, running that damned tongue across my lower lip and biting. His head lowers to mine and we meet in a kiss that is more carnal need than it is sweet and loving. My hands move to reach for the throbbing length of him but he grabs my wrists and puts them above my head, trapping them there.
"This wasn't supposed to turn into sex again," he clicks his tongue at me in disapproval.
"That isn't fair, you started it this time. How am I supposed to control myself when you...well, when you act like you?" It's an honest question, ever since Brennan and I slept together for the first time last year we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other.
"Hmm," he mumbles in agreement, "Good point."
I tip my head back and expose my neck for him, knowing he will take advantage of my weak spot. He doesn't disappoint me as he peppers gentle, open-mouthed kisses across it, leaving me breathless. I think I hear a knock sound in the distance somewhere, and I am about to question it when Brennan wedges his thigh between my legs.
"W-what are you doing? I thought you didn't want this to turn into sex?" I ask him. He needs to get his priorities straight otherwise we are going to be here all night...again.
He meets my gaze and releases my wrists to grip my hips, he tugs me across the length of his thigh and I moan. "Okay, so we're fucking. Got it." I say in a whisper and he laughs.
When he looks at me next, it's almost as if the edges of him are fading. "Don't hold back, Niamh. I want everyone in this hall to know you are fucking your newly-appointed Wingleader on the first night in his new room."
His words are so dirty, but he did earn himself a new title and I will be damned if I don't take the opportunity he's offering.
"Oh, so you think that you have earned a reward?" I ask in as strong a voice as I can manage while I grind my hips down on him.
Brennan reaches down and pinches my nipple and I wake to a very real knock at my door. My breaths are rapid as I try to calm myself from the memory of that night. I open the door and see Devera on the other side, I pull her through my bedroom wards and she laughs at my appearance.
"What the hell were you doing alone that has you all sweaty and bothered? Actually, I take that back, don't answer. I don't want to know." I laugh so hard I snort and she looks at me like I have gone crazy. "But really, are you okay? You look like you have seen a ghost?"
I debate not answering, but not being honest with people all these years has taken a toll on me and I really do like Devera. Plus it's not like I could have said anything to Mira when we were together. There is no way that I was talking to either of Brennan's sisters about how much his death tore me apart. "I don't even know anymore, Devera. I have dreams and nightmares about Brennan constantly and I feel like I am physically in pain when I wake from them."
A look of sympathy crosses her face before she masks it, she knows I wouldn't want her pity. "If you ever need to talk about it, I am here for you. I know we aren't the closest but I hope you know I won't judge anything that you are going through. Losing someone in your squad is painful enough... but losing Brennan, your bonded, I can only imagine how much worse it is." I agree with a nod of my head and feel the crippling grief try to take over but I push it back down. I hate having to use my signet on myself but it is the only way I have survived this long.
We sit in silence for a few minutes before Devera asks me to join her in the Battle Brief room tonight after Squad Battle sparring matches are over and when I agree, she leaves me with my thoughts. I don't want to open up the can of worms that will lead to me bawling in the middle of my room first thing in the morning so I go for a run and ignore it like always. What a way to start the day.
A/N: Hi all! Thank you so much for being patient while life gets some good shots in on me. I know this chapter is a little short but I wanted to put one out there so you all know that I am still continuing this story. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading!
Note: There are major spoilers for Fourth Wing and Iron Flame in this series. Read at your own risk.
Cp. 4
"You're a what?" I have to be going insane. Because there is no way that Xaden just said that.
Xaden takes a step back and debates for a second before explaining how he has a second signet and how he got away with no one knowing. And honestly? I am stunned. It was brilliant for him to conceal how close the family tie was to Sgaeyl, even more clever holding back all aspects of being an inntinnsic. We talk in detail about what he can do and feel from people. It's fascinating, and I have never understood why we kill inntinnsics anyway. Just because they can hear the thoughts of those around them doesn't mean they need to die. Train them to block people out, make it classified, and figure something out so there aren't more cadets than necessary. If it comes from our dragons it can't be wrong, right?
"Alright, it is going to take me a little to figure out how we can best train this signet since no one has done it before. I will let you know when I have a better idea." This is going to be so much work, but just thinking about the help that this training will bring Xaden makes me breathe a little easier. I'm sure this was hard for him, asking for my help on something he knows could get him killed. "Thank you for trusting me with this, Xaden. All I ask is that if someone else ends up knowing in the future, don't let them know that I am aware of it. I am grouping this into the classified aspects of my lessons that do not leave this room in the first place. And in return, the knowledge or any part of you having a second signet will never leave my lips. That is a promise."
Xaden nods and moves to leave, but pauses by the door, "Thank you, Professor Leannan."
Flying in the skies above Basgiath has always helped me clear my head. Brennan flies to my right on Marbh. This is the only place in the world that I feel safe, on the back of Eild with Brennan by my side.
"Don't fly too high, Nia. I'll be lost without you." I laughed at him every time he said that especially knowing that we would never have to be apart from each other.
"And what if I want to fly higher and higher until the sun reaches my fingertips? What will you do then?" My tone is joking, but I am curious what he'll say. He always has had a way with words that makes my heart beat faster.
He laughs, knowing damn good and well that I would never be caught flying that far away from him in the first place, not without him anyway. "Well then, I am doomed to follow you. Burnt and crispy all the way."
Our laughter is the last bit of the memory that exists before I wake.
I feel Eild stirring on the other end of our bond and I open the pathway that leads to her.
"That was a beautiful dream, Niamh. Far better than the last time we saw them." Eild hums to me.
I laugh slightly, "Well it's not exactly like I go to sleep planning for any sort of dream of the time we spent with them, but you're welcome for a good one for once." Being back at Basgiath has made dreams and nightmares appear in greater frequencies. I can feel how difficult it is for Eild when I wake in the morning. I know she appreciates being back near the Vale, though. As the eldest of her den, her responsibilities within the Empyrean have to be easier when we are this close.
I dress quickly and head down to grab food in the kitchens, trying like hell not to think about Brennan and failing.
"Tairn's rider approaches," Eild warns me.
I turn in time to see Violet walking towards me, her slight limp noticeable. She is always injured, Brennan had warned me about how fragile her body is, at least it doesn't seem to be holding her back in the quadrant. She stops in front of me and stares, waiting for me to speak first.
"Hello, Cadet Sorrengail. Can I help you?" I ask her, my tone clipped and short.
Her brow furrows in frustration or anger, I can't quite tell. "Why yes, Professor Leannan, you can assist me. See, I had to get the information about who this new Signet Professor was from Bodhi. Imagine my surprise when I realized that not only did you not sign your letter with your name when you summoned me to a private lesson, but that the same person who was bonded to my brother for 4 years has avoided me the whole time I have been here and only chooses now to let me know that she exists at Basgiath."
I want to laugh at how angry she sounds, not because I think it's funny and I am being cruel, but because she is exactly like Brennan described her. A smile breaks through my facade and she practically stomps her foot. And then I really do laugh a little.
"Violet, I understand your frustration. We will be able to continue this discussion at the time I noted in your letter. I will not speak about this in the middle of the courtyard where anyone might listen in." She looks like she is going to try to fight me on it, which is not smart because I love pulling rank. "Should you seek to continue I will have no choice but to make your lessons harder than they need to be. Who your brother was to me does not give you the right to ignore a direct order. Good day, Cadet." I don't spare a second to see how she reacts. I just turn and continue to get my food and head back to my quarters.
When Violet knocks on my door later that day, Eild reminds me to be patient with her before I let her know she can enter. I am seated at the desk and she makes her way to the set of chairs I have set in front of the room. The majority of the room is empty space with plenty of area to work with testy signets. The professor before me hadn't even moved seating in for the cadets, but in my experience with mental signets the exhaustion they cause isn't best spent on a hard floor.
"Thank you for coming Violet. Have a seat." She sits gingerly and openly stares at me, waiting for me to continue. "I'll start by letting you know that these lessons are private and you will not let anyone, cadet or leadership included, that you are attending them. What is spoken within this room will not leave. Understood?"
"Yes, Professor Leannan."
"Alright, then," I take a deep breath and brace myself, "What questions do you have for me, Cadet?"
She blinks a few times. Did she not think I would keep my word and let her ask her questions later?
"Please... please tell me what happened that day. Knowing you have been out there with Mira all these years has been killing me, and no one will talk about the day he died. I need to know, need to hear it from you." Violet practically begs me.
And even though I know it will kill me to relive it again, I tell her everything. Every piece of that battle, nothing left out, just like I did for Mira when she asked.
"His last words were for me to protect his sisters. And so I am here, just like I was there for Mira. If you had gone to the scribes like you wanted in the first place, we wouldn't be here right now and I would still be out with the riots. But fate does work in interesting ways, doesn't it?
Her tears flow freely as she struggles to compose herself. I wish there was something I could do for her more than just training her, I want to take her pain away. But using my signet to aid her in this grief will only make it worse in the long run. I learned that the hard way.
Once she can speak, she asks a few more questions about the years following Brennan's death. I answer them as best I can without going into too much detail for my own sake. Never processing that Brennan has left me means that this is the hard part of my story. Talking about being without him never gets easier, and that is what people are the most curious about. She runs out of questions eventually and we both take a minute to compose ourselves.
"Alright Violet, let's get back on track. Are your dragons channeling yet? Have you manifested? Where are you at?" I need to know what I am working with before I can even start to train her, some time has passed since threshing so there should be something to work on.
"They are channeling, I can do the lesser magics that Professor Carr has taught us so far but nothing signet-wise."
"And do you believe that you will get a signet from both of your dragons or just Tairn? Has that been discussed yet?"
She shakes her head no, "We aren't sure but are assuming that it will just be one from Tairn when it does happen."
Even that one signet from Tairn should be a strong one. Remembering how strong Naolin was made goosebumps appear on my arms. And then it hits me, Violet is Tairn's new rider. Tairn fought alongside Marbh and Eild in the Battle of Aretia. Tairn almost died that day too. It could have ended with the loss of four dragons and three riders that day, and instead, only Brennan and Marbh lost their lives. How fucking cruel.
Violet clears her throat, pulling me from my morbid thoughts. "I am sorry, Niamh. That you lost him, too."
Talking about Brennan always makes me want to cry. Being a rider doesn't exactly encourage having such visible emotions. I hold back the tears and nod in thanks. "Let's not waste any more time, Cadet. Show me what you can do and we will go from there."
"Think of your mind like a fortress, you need to learn to control all emotions that you have to protect it fully." Violet comes every other night to my room to work on her private training. Her shielding is excellent, far better than it should be for a first-year cadet. When I change her emotions, things start to get shaky. The only strong emotions she can shield through are anxiety and disappointment, a big surprise there. While we train her shielding and her lesser magics we talk. She tells me all about her life leading up to being in the Rider's Quadrant without issue, with shields maintained fully. When she talks about her time at Basgiath her shields start to falter. Hearing that her time here has been made harder than necessary makes me want to kill this Barlowe kid myself, I am even more tempted knowing Brennan would fully encourage it.
"Professor Leannan, can we take a break? I feel like I am going to melt from over-exertion." Violet begs after our fifth drill.
I chuckle at her clear exhaustion but nod and she takes her usual seat by my desk. "Are you getting enough sleep? You seem more tired today than normal." Violet grimaces at my tone, she does not appreciate when I show sympathy towards her. She thinks I take it too easy on her, little does she know that I am barely holding back when I use my signet on her. I will be damned if I am the one that fails in her training. Brennan would never forgive me.
"I'm. Fine." Her clipped answer makes me narrow my eyes at her and she sighs dramatically before slouching so far down in the chair I am sure she actually did melt.
"Your patience with the young rider is admirable, Niamh. If she doesn't show the correct amount of respect again I will be taking it up with Tairn." Eild's relationship with Tairn and even Sgaeyl always startles me.
"With how grumpy you are I forget you have friends, Eild."
Her growl is her only response and it makes me laugh internally. Even though she likes to play the big grumpy green elder, I know that she would never do anything that put Brennan's sister in any sort of trouble. Her former connection to Marbh would never allow it.
"I just... I am training hard with Imogen to make my body stronger and I am training with Xaden to make my fighting better and I am training with Carr on lesser magics and training with you on everything else. Every day I train and train and train to make my body something that it was never meant to be... I was never meant to be perfectly healthy and strong and it all seems kind of pointless because I feel like I will never manifest a signet and then I will explode and all this training will have gone to waste." Violet is panting by the time she is done with her rant and I take a moment to let her breathe before I respond.
"Violet, there is nothing wrong with your body. Just because you were made differently does not mean that you are not healthy," I can tell she doesn't believe me even though she nods her head slightly. "Did you know that I didn't use to be able to hold my seat on Eild?"
Her head whips in my direction so quickly that I think she is going to give herself whiplash. "What?! Why didn't you tell me before?"
I laugh, "Yeah because riders are so good at letting others know that they struggled." She snorts with me and I continue, "Eild is the largest of the green dragons on the continent, not as large as Tairn but right up there with Sgaeyl in size. She held me in the seat for a few months and I was getting tired of pretending that I was alright and told her to release me. I was so done with being a rider at that point that I just wanted it to end. Eild told me she would not allow me to die by falling but she scared me shitless when she let me drop in the middle of flight maneuvers my first year." I smile softly to myself, lost in the memory. "Brennan and I had just started getting along since we were forced together by Eild and Marbh, I thought he hated me. But when he saw me fall from Eild's back he screamed, he thought Eild was going to let me die. I still hear him screaming my name sometimes... And then she caught me in her foreclaw and threw me back into the seat. When we landed Brennan was so worried you would have thought that we were far closer than we were at the time. He stared right into Eild's eyes and told her she would never do anything like that again," I laugh remembering the stupid look on his face. He had been so angry with her. His anger outshined his wit as he stared down a dragon that was not his own, all to make sure that I would be safe. It was probably the first time I looked at him and thought that I could love him.
"What did he do after?" Violet asks in a near-whisper.
I turn around and meet her gaze. "He started training me. That very same night he marched me to the weight room after dinner and worked me until I melted just like you were. Every day was harder than the last, he was always adding things to the training. It started with just weights, and then it was sparring, then working on the practice seating that Kaori has. And I would yell at him that I couldn't take anymore and he would just smile down at me from whatever blob I morphed into and tell me that I could take it, that he would never trade the pain for what he had learned and I wouldn't either."
A single tear rolls down my cheek as I remember and I wipe it away before it gets too far. Violet smiles at me sadly as she picks herself up off the floor.
"Do you have anything of his?" Her words jar me.
"No, Violet. As far as I know, all his things were burned."
She pauses for a minute before continuing, "Did you know that Brennan wrote a book for Mira when she entered the quadrant? Mira gave it to me after Conscription Day so that I could still have his advice with me... It's the reason I have made it here so far. Did you...Did you want to borrow it for a while Niamh?"
My whole body goes cold as I stare at her. "You... you have a book that Brennan wrote? Do you have it with you?"
She nods and reaches into her pack to hand me a small leather-bound journal. I hold it close to my chest as I let my tears flow freely for once. I wish I could open it and read every single page, right now. But I know that the second I see his handwriting I will break completely, and as much as I am comfortable around Violet I would never subject her to seeing that.
"Thank you, Violet. You have no idea what this means to me. I promise to keep it safe," I manage to croak out.
"Good. No rush on giving it back, I have already memorized every page," Of course, she has. Scribe brain for the win as she likes to say. "Let's get back to work, I'm ready."
Violet trains for another thirty minutes until we are done for the night and I finally make my way to my room, Brennan's book tucked into the jacket of my leathers so no one can see it. When I am inside I double-check my lock and sound shields before sitting on the floor and wrapping myself in my blanket. It takes a solid twenty minutes before I can work up enough courage to open the book, and when I do... I break all over again.
Note: There are major spoilers for Fourth Wing and Iron Flame in this chapter. Read at your own risk.
Cp. 3
"Good morning, Wingleader Riorson, I assume you have had a good morning so far?"
Xaden sits across from me in my classroom with a glare that is half general dislike and half disbelief almost. I have gone out of my way to schedule this time with him to get a read on where he is at with his signet abilities and to let him know I am aware of his deal with Violet's mother. I made it a point to ensure my name was left off of the letter that was delivered to him with his breakfast this morning. The note only stated that the new signet professor wished to meet with him. It seems like it was a good idea, I have a feeling that if he had known that it was me he never would have come.
It is no secret that Brennan's and my dragons were mated. People are generally surprised when they see me, knowing that while they are both passed on to be with Malek, I still stand. There is usually a bit of shock that comes with someone meeting me for the first time. But Xaden's expression is more than a little bit strange. It's times like this I wish I knew what people were thinking, thankfully it is the one thing my signet seems to be lacking.
"You were bonded to Brennan Sorrengail."
Really? That's all he has to say?
"Yes, I was." I only let my thoughts stray on the pain briefly, the anger I let simmer for a second longer before I turn off those feelings mentally.
"Are you not going to attempt to kill me?" He seems surprised that I am not running him through with my shortsword.
"And why exactly am I supposed to be murdering you, Riorson?"
He cocks his head to the side, genuine shock showing only for a second before he masks the emotion.
He takes a deep breath before stating the obvious, "My father killed your... killed Brennan. You were close. I am my father's only child. It doesn't take that big of a leap to assume that you have called me here for some form of revenge."
I let out a laugh before I could shut it down. Xaden's eyebrows shoot up in shock. Good to know I am not doing what people would expect of me. I hate expectations.
"Let's get some things straight, Riorson. I couldn't give two shits about who your father was. Unless you had been the one to kill Lieutenant Sorrengail, I have no score to settle with you. I need to enact no big revenge plot. The blame should lie solely with the one who dealt the blow. I called you here today to let you know that I will be taking over your signet training sessions instead of Professor Carr as I am better suited to training classified and rare signets. Where I am sure that he has done a fine enough job so far, the positions of regular and rare signet training should have always been separate. General Sorrengail gave me a list of the people who will be switching to my class and I am setting up meetings individually to get a basis on who needs to be where and what level of help each rider will need." Xaden relaxes slightly in his seat, "Secondly, General Sorrengail has also made me aware of the bargain that you two made with each other and let me know that I am personally responsible for you upholding your end of that agreement."
The shock that he lets rest openly on his face is a surprise considering he tends to conceal most emotions.
"And what exactly do you know about the agreement that has been made, Professor Leannan?"
"I am aware that in exchange for all marked ones going into the Riders Quadrant at a chance at survival, you will ensure that outside of challenges Violet will not be harmed. Is there more that I need to be made aware of?" If General Sorrengail left anything out, it would be for a very good reason.
"No, there is nothing more to it." He says almost too quickly. "And what makes you so qualified to certify I will behave?"
I smile at him widely. With my signet being classified, not many know what I can do. Only cadre and upper leadership are aware, and now those who attend this class will get the pleasure of experiencing it firsthand. I stand and walk towards the door, securing a sound shield in place and making sure that the door is locked.
"My signet is only to be known to those who have been granted permission. You, along with those who will attend my classes with you, will be the only students who will know. If I find out that you have discussed it with anyone outside of this room, Wingleader Riorson, I will have to turn you over to the cadre. Do you understand?" Xaden nods in agreement and waits for me to continue speaking.
"Good. Now, stand up." I feel the presence of his soul in my mind and tug.
Xaden shoots to his feet.
"Lift both arms above your head."
His arms fly above him.
"Tell me how you are feeling right now," my signet demanding his cooperation.
"I am feeling vulnerable." He grits out, fighting the words that flow.
I release my hold on him and he lets his arms fall to his sides. He adjusts himself into a ready stance in case I decide now is the moment I am going to make a move to end him.
"My signet is mind control. I have the ability to influence your behavior, your motor function, your emotions, and your conscious state of being, among other things. I have honed my signet to be intensely effective. I will work with you to train your signet to be just as effective if you cooperate and work with me during your lessons. They will be difficult but fair and I will never push you too far. I expect total trust in this room with the expectation that I will return that trust. Did you have any questions?"
"No, Professor." Xaden shakes his head.
"Excellent, now show me what you can do. Don't hold back."
Xaden doesn't hold back, he shows me what he can do with his shadows. He has good control for the most part, using my signet while he wields I change his emotions and watch how each one affects his movements and abilities. I work with anger and happiness the most, they seem to cause the greatest changes. Thirty minutes pass and he is out of breath by the end of it.
"Good work today, I think I have a pretty solid idea of where I will put you. I am not structuring between the first, second, and third years since I have been given only two class hours to work with. You will be in my advanced lessons, though that should be no surprise to you. I do have a good amount of private study hours available that I am going to request you work into your schedule as well. This will be a one-on-one opportunity that I need to you take advantage of twice a week. Let me know what hours work best for you. Other than that, you are free to let Bohdi know he can come in now."
Xaden grabs his pack and moves to leave.
"Oh! And Xaden, one more thing." I say before he can reach the door.
I smile brightly, "Have fun guarding Violet. I will be watching. If you make any sort of move to end her life, I will fry your brain from the inside out." I remove the sound shield and unlock the door, ushering him out.
By the end of the day, I have the two classes fully assembled. Xaden, Bohdi, Quinn, and an illusionist make up the advanced class while the beginner lessons have Dain and Imogen. While they are small groups for now, as the first years manifest after threshing they will hopefully fill up a bit more. It does, however, give plenty of time for personal training sessions.
The months that follow allow me to gain the trust of the riders. Xaden and Bohdi are the most receptive to the lessons with Quinn following close behind. Xaden has been able to control more shadows lately and have them attack objects more precisely. Bohdi worked tirelessly to attempt to counter my signet and has succeeded more often than not. Quinn is projecting for longer periods and incorporates more movement into her astral body.
Before I realize it threshing arrives and I find myself in the field marking Violet's movements. As a professor, they allow me to monitor the grounds to make sure there are no interferences. Little do they know I only give one shit today, and that is to make sure Violet survives or bonds. There is no other option anymore. Watching her grow stronger these past months makes me want to interact with her finally. I have kept myself out of her direct path for longer than I would have wanted, but my position here demands a level of secrecy that even I understand. And with how often General Sorrengail has checked in on me to guarantee I am heading her warnings makes it impossible to bend any rules.
I catch sight of Violet after way too fucking long, only to find her heading towards the golden feathertail in the distance. Knowing Brennan made it easy to assume that she would make moves to protect it. The three first years currently hunting it made their intentions loud and clear. They would not bond until they exacted their culling of the weak. And Violet would not bond until she protected it.
I move to the wooded area 15 feet behind the feathertail, hiding in the bushes.
"You have to get out of here!" Violet whisper-shouts at the feathertail, pleading with it to leave so it doesn't get killed.
She is still begging it when I notice movement to my right. I have my dagger out and pressed to the throat of Xaden before I realize it's him and move away.
"Don't you know not to sneak up on people like that?" I hiss at him. He only smiles and points towards the commotion in front of us.
"You going to step in?" He asks.
I had been debating making my presence known but now that Xaden is here...
"Actually, that will be your job, Riorson. Go make sure she doesn't die. Step in if you need to. I will ensure that you are not found out."
He scoffs, "And how exactly are you going to make sure that happens?! If someone sees me they will report it, Professor Leannan."
I sigh deeply. I trust Xaden with the secret of my signet, yes. But the parts of it that not even the cadre know? The only person that has ever been privy to it had been Brennan. There was no point in hiding them from him when he and I were supposed to spend the rest of our breaths to the end. It only takes one more deep breath before I am sure that I can let him know.
I let my senses reach out to Xaden's soul, seeing it in my mind as I speak directly to his mind. "I am going to let you know two big fucking secrets right now and I expect it to stay between us. Nod if you understand."
His eyes open wide but he nods subtly.
"Good. First, as I am sure it is quite clear, I have telepathy. It comes along with the whole total control of the mind thing. You are the only soul in this world who knows this. Second," I take another deep breath to steady myself, "I can manipulate the memories of any soul I encounter. So believe me when I say that should you need to step in and help Violet, no one will speak a word of it."
Xaden's mouth hangs open in genuine shock.
"As much as I would love to sit here and discuss this big moment with you, you need to get your ass over to Violet. I will remain here. Do not let me down, Riorson."
"Understood, Professor." He says and moves forward, Sgaeyl moving forward from my left to shadow him.
I watch as Violet holds her own against the other first years. I hope to the Gods that Jack Barlowe doesn't survive or bond so that there is no chance of him being in my classes. I'll kill him myself if I need to. Fuck the rules. Xaden looks back at me and taps his temple.
"Are you trying to signal me to speak to you?" This is so fucking weird.
"Yes, since I don't know how it works I figured it would be the easiest way to let you know that Sgaeyl has called for Tairn and you are probably going to want to get out of here before he arrives. I have this handled. Go observe somewhere else, Professor." His tone almost mocking at the end.
"Alright, I will leave. Thank fuck for mated dragons."
I leave before Tairn lands and I make my way to Eild and mount.
As we fly, she is suspiciously silent.
Alright, spit it out. What is it? I ask her.
She scoffs at me. What? I have said nothing. I only think that you are going to have your hands full of questions later when that child comes for his private lesson.
Eild, that "child" is a grown-ass man. And he can ask all the questions he wants. It doesn't mean I have to answer all of them.
Xaden does ask far too many questions later that night during his lesson.
"The memory thing, can you pick any memory or just the most recent?" He asks.
"When I was untrained it was only the most recent memory, and I had to have been within close distance to effectively erase or replace it. Now I have trained it to be within 100 feet of the person and I can do memories from a few months passed."
"And no one knows? How have you kept this from leadership?"
"It isn't exactly hard, especially seeing as how there is no other rider who has ever had mind control. They have no idea, and my other abilities are so strong that they have no reason to believe there are other aspects still left hidden."
Xaden pauses. "If I... does this same level of trust you have given me regarding your signet apply to me as well?" He asks nervously. I don't think I have ever seen him be anything close to nervous before.
"Yes, of course. I meant what I said at the start of the year. Trust goes both ways, I keep all aspects of your signet a secret. I am not required to report developments in great detail, given the secret nature of this classroom. The most detail I go into is that signets are progressing or getting stronger or other vague sayings. They trust that should there be something worth reporting I would let them know. I just don't give enough of a shit to actually do it."
Xaden relaxes and thinks for a minute while he forms his next question. "If... I need training on a specific set of skills that absolutely will get me killed, are you going to report it to the cadre?"
"Never," I answer quickly and confidently. It's none of anyone's business anyway. I wasn't hired to be a spy. I was hired to train.
He takes the first real deep breath I have seen him take in all the months of knowing him.
Being a rider with a powerful signet usually means you are exempt from being a professor at Basgiath. Only a rare few actually enjoy the task of training the young minds and dealing with all the bullshit that comes along with that. So when Niamh volunteered for the open position of Classified and Rare Signet Professor more than a few people were surprised. What they don't know is that seeing Brennan and Naolin die during the Battle of Aretia nearly killed you, too. No one is quite sure how you are alive, seeing as Marbh and your dragon Eilduaine were mated. Brennan's last words down the bond were a plea for you to protect his sisters. And you will do anything to make sure that last promise is never broken.
Notes:
Please note that this is a slow burn and will have raunchy chapters and themes. There are also themes that go along with The Empyrean series, death, harm, and really bad shit to come.
I have taken the time to generate an image of Niamh, Brennan, and Smachd as I have aphantasia and can't see shit up here. The images of these characters are shown for those who would like to see that visual. If you do not support people using AI to generate images of characters please do not give me any grief about it.
This is cross-posted to my Ao3
Niamh is pronounced NEEV.
Eild is pronounced Aisled.
Eilduaine is pronounced Aisled-Wayne.
Chapter 2
I dream of him often.
I thought that Brennan and I would be together until our last moments. Eilduaine seems to echo the sentiment down our bond. Living without the one person who knew me inside and out is nothing compared to what Eild lost. Mated dragons are supposed to die together, one life lost for the other. The riders follow with them, that's the cycle.
The Battle of Aretia was cruel and hard-fought. More lives than necessary were lost. The sounds of war echo around me as Eild dives for another soul. The only thing I hate more than the fucking griffin riders is having to kill those that were fellow students at Basgiath with me. It makes me sick. But the orders were given.
Brennan fights alongside me, a rock of resolution flows along our bond. He is there one minute and gone the next but I know he will be fine.
"This bond we share will be a great asset in battles to come," Eild's words were always a comfort. I will know if something goes wrong with him. I found so much comfort in the knowledge that I would never have to exist without him in this world.
"We will follow each other to the next life, I promise Niamh."
Fucking liar.
The dreams make me relive them too often for me to ever forget.
Me holding Brennan as Naolin works to funnel life back into him. Eild snapping at anyone who attempts to get close to Marbh as he fights for his own life. Brennan being too weak to say anything out loud. Him solely using our connection to speak those blasted last words.
"Nia, please look out for my sisters. Mira and Violet will be crushed, but you have to make sure that they survive. Don't let them do anything stupid."
My tears flowing uncontrollably as I watch Naolin's work fail him slowly.
"Let my family know I love them. Don't... don't ever forget how much I love you, Nia."
Feeling that bond go dark and then sever, Eild's scream of loss, there are no words for that moment. Or the ones to follow.
Naolin dying. Tairn's roars. Eild fading.
No one paid enough attention to the rebel behind me, getting knocked unconscious by the pommel of a sword is the last thing I remember, that last flicker before I wake time and time again.
I wake in a sweat. My body aching, no doubt from the tossing and turning that nightmares bring. 6 years have passed since that awful fucking day. Every day since has been hell. I wish I were dead with Brennan more often than I would care to admit out loud. If I am honest, I don't even think I have had time to grieve his loss. Upon waking after the battle I was told of the outcome and that I had been in a coma for weeks, recovering at Basgiath with the aid of the healers. As soon as they had deemed me recovered, they shipped me off to Samara. Being sent to the front was hell in itself, but it did allow me to be able to rise in the ranks quickly. There was nothing else on my brain other than being there for Mira when she graduated and got sent to her station. The only way that leadership would listen to my requests was if I was high enough in rank to even request to transfer.
So I worked hard, determination pushing me past limits that should have existed for me. But I was extremely successful. And I followed Mira from station to station.
God did she hate me for "babysitting" her, as she liked to put it. But I knew that she was secretly grateful for the company, the small reminder of Brennan that shadowed her. We had finally gotten a good rhythm when we got word that Violet was to go into the Riders Quadrant. Mira and I had been so sure that everything would be fine and she would be safe with the scribes.
Wrong again.
Leaving Mira was hard. She was so much like Brennan that it gave me a small bit of peace when I was around her. She was a great person once you got to know her. Her secret heart of gold that she only showed to those she was closest with.
The Professor of Classified and Rare Signets position being open was great timing. Being a Major made me a shoo-in for the role, that paired with my signet and they were practically salivating when I put myself in for it. The only one who questioned anything was General Sorrengail, thank god it wasn't in front of leadership. Being back at Basgiath for the first time was surreal. The General caught me right as I was dismounting Eild, escorted me to my quarters to drop my things, showed me to the classroom that I would be teaching in, and then locked us inside.
"I want you and I to be on the same page when it comes to this position, Major Leannan," she said, "You are here because your experience in this position will be invaluable. You, however, have not fooled me as to your true intentions in returning. I am aware of your need to shadow Mira wherever her duty might take her. I am aware that you are doing this for Violet so that you might be able to uphold some sort of vow that you have made. And I will make you aware that should you attempt to remove Violet from this quadrant to spare her, you will no longer be required to hold any future vows. You are smart, so I am sure you understand what I mean. I have made an agreement with Xaden Riorson that he will ensure Violet is well-guarded this year. You will make sure that he is held to this. Do not interfere in her education or training here before threshing. Should she survive and manifest, I expect you to personally train her. You will not let her know what I have said. Do not disappoint me, Major."
And then she turned around and left. It was not surprising that she would know what I was doing. Nor was it a stretch that she would want me to train Violet should she bond a dragon and manifest her signet. It just meant that there were now conditions for my survival again.
And after watching Violet cross the parapet, it was going to be one hell of a hard year not intervening.
Hi all! I have been wanting to do more writing lately and I got an idea for a short series of absolute smut. Hardly any plot. Many big o's. These pairings are with my four favorites from my favorite books, these groups answer the question, "If you could put four people in a room and do whatever you wanted with them who would you pick?"
A Trial of Lust- Rhysand, Azriel, Cassian, Lucien X Reader
You find yourself wandering the streets of Velaris at night on your way to Rita’s. You never expected to run into the inner circle, let alone find them on their free night.
A Banquet of Lakes- Rowan, Dorian, Manon, Fenrys X Reader
It's a beautiful time of year in Terrasin, you can't help but want to find a lake to take a swim in. It becomes an even more beautiful day when you are found by those who want to picnic near your lake.
A Game of Kings- Ruhn, Ithan, Aidas, Tharion X Reader
Playing card games in small towns has always made you happy. When a card game goes wrong, what will you do to distract your opponents?
A Lesson in Riding- Xaden, Sawyer, Liam, Dain X Reader
You had always heard that Dragon Riders know how to ride well. You couldn't help but want to venture out of the Healers Quadrant and experience it for yourself.
A Taste of Obedience- Casteel, Kieran, Delano, Reaver X Reader
You knew that being good was something you were not good at. One day your friends decide they have finally had enough and decide to give you a taste of the good life.
The morning came faster than I anticipated it would. I wasn't exactly nervous to be training alone with Azriel, but I was nervous about what we would be training. Did that mean I would hold a blade or something to that extent? I wish I had thought to ask more questions in the moment. I thought that there had probably been a lot of questions I should have asked as I paced my room anxiously looking for something remotely appropriate to wear. There were so many different things that could go wrong. So many things that, if I had just taken a moment to pretend that I cared about my safety, I could have asked so that I would be less anxious about this.
Did it even matter what I would be wearing? Or would what I chose to wear somehow make Azriel judge me? It makes no fucking sense that he would offer to train me in the first place, let alone offer and then not give me any other information?! What do you even wear to a training session that you have no idea what it will contain? Delving into my closet proved more difficult than just picking the first thing that my eyes came across. I tried outfit after outfit, all of them more ridiculous than the last. By the time there was a slight knock on my door I had decided on a pair of loose pants and a matching top, both in a soft gray color. Both felt equally wrong but I was done trying. All of the other items in my wardrobe made it look like I was attending fancy dinner parties nightly and being wooed by strangers that would compliment the smooth lines of the bodices or some shit like that.
I made my way to the door to let Azriel in and motioned to my outfit.
"Is this okay? I am not sure what to wear." He nodded slightly as his shadows swirled around my ankles, ruffling the fabric that gathered there.
"It is fine for today. If you want to keep this up after what I put you through we can acquire you more appropriate clothing." Well, that is a fucking relief.
We walked towards the front of the house in silence. Azriel paused just outside of the front door and turned towards me.
"To get where we need to go I will have to fly us there. Rest assured... I have never dropped anyone by accident."
I flinched even though I knew the joke was made to lighten the mood. I wouldn't do much in the way of fighting him to get where we needed to be. The idea of flying with him had never crossed my mind. Heights never appealed to me like it did to some of the others in my village. Growing up, kids would throw themselves off of the tallest tree branches they would dare to climb just for a hint of the wind on their faces. Just for that small glimpse at flying. I couldn't even climb to half of the places they would go to without shaking so badly I would fall out of the tree.
The realization that we would reach a height that would have made me weep before did not shake me. No, I flinched because I came to the realization that I would not weep if I was dropped. I flinched because I almost wished that getting to death that quickly would be easy. Flinched because, if I had my way, in my head Azriel would drop me. And I would fall and come to be with those I desperately wanted to see more than anything. And Azriel or some other sorry asshole would have to clean me off of the street below. And I couldn't picture the person being particularly happy to perform that action.
Azriel seemed to process where my train of thoughts had led and his eyes seemed to darken. I expected more preamble, but he simply scooped me up into his arms and took off.
I had to shut my eyes with how quickly he flew. The wind seemed to aim directly at my eyes for some fucking reason. Fuck you too, wind. I was seriously tempted to make a crude gesture into it. I was in the process of lifting my hand to do just that when Azriel burst into laughter.
Not the small huffs of breath laughter that I had heard from him before. No, this was full-on rumbling laughter. I wanted to look up at him and see what was so funny but I couldn't see through my watering eyes.
"Please let me know what has you cackling as the wind has its way with my eyeballs. I would love to know."
But he couldn't answer. He was still laughing when we landed a few moments later. He set me down gently and took a step back to compose himself before he spoke, "I apologize. I thought it would be entertaining to see your genuine reaction to flying and forgot to put a shield around you so that the wind would not affect you. I hadn't realized until I looked down at you and you had tears streaming down your face about flip off the wind with the most hated look I have ever seen grace the face of someone."
The retelling must have painted the picture in his mind again because he started chuckling as he spoke.
"And what exactly is so funny about being assaulted? I thought that would be a serious offense in this court." I didn't like that he found such amusement in this. I wished for that fire to appear at my fingertips for a moment, just so I could wipe the smile off his pretty face.
"Oh, most certainly. Would you like me to call the High Lord so you can make a full report? I, for one, would love to witness it."
The smart mouth on this male had surely been the cause of fights before. I don't know what it was about him, but it made me want to sass him right back. I wanted to pick a stupid fight over the wind and just forget for a minute. Forget where I was, and forget what had happened. But even the thought of wishing for that fight had me sobering back into a morose mood.
Sensing the shift again, Azriel took a breath and I could almost see the cold mask of the shadowsinger sliding back into place. I am glad I didn't need to explain. Our eyes met and he motioned toward the middle of the training area, the message was clear. Playtime was over.
Azriel showed me simple stretches and movements to "warm up my body" before we started. I was panting before we had half-finished. If these were the warm-ups, surely he actually meant to kill me today. What a relief.
But when we had completed this routine of his, he had me sit on a mat facing him with legs crossed. He mirrored the position in front of me, only four or so inches between our knees. I was not prepared to be sitting after what he just put me through. I had almost resigned myself to finally ask all of those nagging questions from earlier this morning when he finally spoke.
"I know that you want to be able to fight with blades and fire and everything in between, and you can. Myself, nor anyone else in this court, will take that away from you if that is what you wish to do. But this training between you and I will not contain blades or armor." He paused a moment, seeming to need strength before continuing, "I come here every morning, rising before all others, and meditate. There are demons that will never leave for me. Things that have occurred in my past that will not allow me to forcibly remove them. And so I meditate here, daily, so that I can be around my friends without wanting to end myself out of spite. I can see that you feel the same way. I want you to be able to have the tools that you need to be able to make it through a day without wanting it all to end. I will not force you to continue after today if you do not want to. But if you will let me, I can help you learn to meditate and work through your thoughts on your own without involving others the way that I wish I had learned to."
I wasn't sure in what way, exactly, he had involved others in the past. Being the spymaster and leader of interrogations for this land gave me a clue though.
I shuddered inwardly as I contemplated that. Was I going to let this consume me to the point of turning it on others? I had never wanted to harm beings in the past, but I could imagine how this grief could fester. Could see what I would be years from now, totally removed from myself, going town to town looking for those who would cause others pain. And I could see exactly how much pleasure I would take in causing that same pain to them that was caused to me. Did I want that?
It almost terrified me how easy it would be to let it take over. How simple it would be to take those lives and move on with my own. Pain for pain. Suffering for suffering.
I knew that I had been quiet for far too long when Azriel nudged my knee with his own, just hard enough to jolt me from my train of thought.
"And what... what if I like the idea of involving others? Does...," I almost didn't want to continue but the words forced themselves from my lips, "Will that make me a monster?"
He mulled it over before speaking, "Do you think I am a monster?"
"No!" I responded quicker than intending to. "Of course not, you saved me and I am sure have saved others when you did not have to. You let me stay in this court essentially dead for a year so that I would be safe. What you do as your job for this court does not make you a monster. You are protecting it."
Azriel smiled briefly and just nodded, "So you have your answer, then. But humor me first. Meditate with me today, learn the techniques I want to show you. We can talk about your lust for bloodshed after."
As much as I didn't want to agree, I knew I needed some sort of outlet. Something to channel my rage into, my sadness. My shoulders sagged slightly as I agreed.
And so Azriel showed me how to meditate. Told me how to clear my mind and breath in a certain way. How to stay silent and listen to my surroundings and let every thought wash away as soon as they came. We sat still for so long at one point without speaking that I could have been convinced that I was alone on this rooftop. Eventually, my eyes opened of their own accord and I met the gaze of Azriel. He looked more peaceful than when we had started. He asked me if I was ready and I agreed.
When he returned me to my room, I agreed that I would want to continue meditating with him. I still wanted to learn to wield blades and fists at some point, but I could see how this was an important first step. I did not want to end up hurting Azriel or anyone else before I even became useful in a fight. And with my thoughts and temper rising to the forefront of my brain at any given moment, I would be distracted. I would hurt someone who didn't deserve it. Azriel mirrored my thoughts and told me that he would be back for me tomorrow at the same time.
And so we continued. Every morning I would rise early and train with Azriel. Sitting in companionable silence as we both battled our inner demons. And I realized that even if I couldn't let myself die, at least I had someone like Azriel who understood that I was not okay. Understood and didn't need me to explain why I had wanted to die in the first place. I didn't need to explain to him the reason why I diligently worked towards some sort of handle over myself. Because he was right there with me. And that was okay.
A/N: Hi all! Sorry for the long delay between chapters. My household has gotten absolutely swamped with sicknesses. I am finally feeling better and will resume my writing!
I also wanted to make a note about the writing style starting in this chapter specifically. Piper has been through some serious trauma and the first couple of chapters did not have much depth into her feelings and thoughts simply because she was "shut off" so to speak. I hope that you will start to see a little bit more of Piper's personality (*cough cough* and cussing) come out to play starting from now on as she learns to process.
Also sorry for the short ending to this chapter. Be prepared to meet friends next chapter!
Warnings: mentions of self-harm, past and present, talks of loss and pain
Cp 4
The weeks were really starting to blend together.
Azriel and Feyre had taken me from the healing ward after my meltdown. Something about wanting me to be around more fae so that I could get used to it. What was the point? I didn't even know what type of fae I was. It seemed everyone had theories though. Theories and ideas that they kept attempting to tell me about, which I promptly ignored.
They gave me my own room in a townhouse. A room that only myself and the shadows in the corner seemed to know about. I planned to not move from this room ever again.
The loss of my family was almost overshadowed by everything else. I am fae. The King of Hybern and his armies are dead and gone. No one to punish. Nothing to dull the fucking rage.
So I sat. Angry at everyone. Angry at myself.
There was nothing but that anger in my veins.
The fire.
My entire body would vibrate with it at times. Begging for an outlet. Something to unleash the flames upon.
I picked myself eventually.
Weeks into my vigil I noticed the slightest of flames at my fingertips. It startled me so much that they winked out of existence. Those small flames seemed to reawaken part of me that had died inside. Everything changed that day. Instead of the monotonous routine of sitting by myself in a room that I did not consider my own, thinking about all that I was owed and would never be granted, I just stopped thinking about it all. The flames took my thoughts of the pain and channeled them into hope.
If I could wield flames then nothing could hurt me again. Nothing would stop me from hurting those who would seek to damage the rest of this shell of myself beyond repair.
And so I tried everything I could think of to conjure those flames again. Nothing worked. I wasn't sure that I hadn't imagined them at this point. With all of the thinking I was doing and not much else I had probably just created it as a distraction for myself to ruminate on. Something to dull the emotions pouring from me.
It was in one of those moments, utter silence surrounding me, my brain solely focused on trying to summon fire to my hands, that Azriel found me.
I had migrated from my room for a change of scenery for once. I heard him walking towards me long before I saw him or felt his shadows. Just another fae adjustment that I was struggling with. Or just another struggle in general. I had my hands raised in front of me with my eyes trained on them for over an hour now and still no progress. I was sure that Azriel thought me insane. He just stood in the doorway watching me. Not in the way that someone watches something that they pity, with sorrow crinkling the corners of their eyes. But with honest curiosity. His face was open and strangely bright for what I remembered of his expressions.
He must have finally decided to grace me with his presence because I heard him walking towards me again. He took a seat next to me on the sofa and turned my way.
"Are you waiting for something?" he asked me.
"Would you like to take your pick? I am waiting for a miracle of ash. I am waiting for the start of growth. I am waiting for everything."
My words confused the male. He stayed silent for a minute before speaking again.
"Would you like to walk with me in the city? There is something that I would like to show you."
I agreed. He had caught me in a rare moment of simply not caring. If I hadn't created the fire now, it would likely never show. Why not waste a day with a walk? I felt safest with Azriel out of those I had met. His shadows warded off those who wanted to ask me questions. Questions to things that I was no longer thinking about at all now for the sake of my health.
For the first time since coming to this place, I left the townhouse. Azriel stuck close to my side as he led us down the streets. For the first time since coming here, I felt curious about my surroundings. This city was beautiful. The cobble of the roads was well-worn but cared for. The trees and plants were swaying in a light breeze. The air was crisp for spring, slightly water-kissed in the scent.
I looked at Azriel as we walked, mind blissfully blank for the first time in a while. His dark hair had a slight wave to it. His eyes were pure hazel with deep shadows underneath as if he hadn't slept in ages. Maybe just as long as me.
"Where are we going?" I finally asked.
He chuckled as if he had been waiting for me to speak.
"We are going to a place that is somewhat of a secret to me. Somewhere safe that I can think alone without feeling that way." Although his answer was short, it piqued my curiosity even more.
We walked for another twenty minutes before his steps slowed. He walked us along a bridge until we reached a small dirt pathway concealed by trees. He looked back at me and offered his hand to help me over the rocks at the end of the trail. As our fingers met, his eyes softened slightly. I was tempted to ask why but he pulled away before I could, walking ahead as if nothing was off about that at all. It didn't matter much anyway, I thought as we walked on, even though I was curious.
We were along the shore of a river when we emerged from the tree cover. Azriel lifted his hand and pointed towards a small cave entrance by the water's edge. When we reached it, I was surprised at how large it was inside. Although the top of the cave walls were only a few heads taller than the male beside me, the depth of the cave stretched so far that I could not see its end. Several sections across the sides had rocks with flat tops as if someone had carved them that way. It was to those rocks that he led me, sitting down with surprising grace, and motioned for me to join him.
I sat and looked towards the river. We were far enough into the cave that I could only see a little way into the water before it became obscure. Enough of a view to feel accompanied by a presence but surrounded enough by the darkness to feel secure.
I'm not sure how long we looked at the view before Azriel broke the silence.
"I hope you know I didn't bring you here to get information out of you," the thought had not even occurred to me, "and I hope that you know that I, nor anyone here wishes you harm."
I sighed before answering, "I am aware."
"Good. I thought that I might tell you about myself. Maybe answer any questions you might have about your situation, however, there is no obligation to ask any if you do not wish it. I would like to talk with you though if you would allow me."
I debated that. He seemed kind enough to want to help drag her from her thoughts. Kind enough to pull her from those males who wanted to rip her to pieces as slowly as they could. Kind enough to offer a hand when I was clearly struggling. I nodded to him, hoping that he would see. He did, thankfully.
"I grew up in a very hateful environment. The male who fathered me was cruel. I lived locked in his basement, only allowed to see my mother for short periods every so often when I had earned it. He and my half-brothers took to torturing me at every available moment, never allowing me a moment of peace unless it was one of the rare times I was with my mother." He took several deep breaths before continuing. "It was just after one of those moments with her that the worst of it happened."
He held up his hands for me to see. They were covered in scars. Burn scars from the look of it. My eyes shot to his as I made the connection.
He nodded and continued, "When his sons were done burning me I had all but screamed the small settlement that we lived in to shreds. I don't remember his warriors coming to help. But I do remember they stopped the flames. It was the worst pain I have experienced. They took far longer to heal than other injuries because my father refused to seek medical attention, regardless of his warriors and my mother's pleas. I remember looking at them for the first time after the bandages were removed and being thankful."
His voice had dropped into such a hushed whisper that it was difficult to hear, but he continued still.
"I was thankful that there was a part of the outside of my body that matched how broken I was inside. Thankful because there was something just as ugly as the hate that burned in my soul for my father and brothers."
He was silent again as he let me absorb this truth of his. The silence felt louder than the past few months. Louder because his admission had brought back some of what I had tried to hide from myself. Louder because my head was screaming at me that I felt the same. I wish there was more of me that could show the scars of my loss. I wanted it so badly in some moments as I sat in my room that it scared me. I had never thought about harming myself before then. But the longer I sat in that room and thought, the more I wanted it. Wanted the flames to appear at my fingertips so that I could burn away at myself slowly until there was nothing left at all.
The pieces of this story that he had shared with me were deeply personal. So deep that I wondered what it cost him to share it with me. Why he picked that specific story to tell. I wondered for a while before it finally made sense.
"Your shadows can see things even when you are not around." It wasn't a question and yet he nodded his agreement anyway.
I felt self-conscious as I finally asked one of the questions he was waiting for.
"Did...did you see the flames, too?"
Azriel nodded again and looked into my eyes as he spoke.
"It was just the once that they appeared, but they were there. You are not crazy." His voice was low but not threatening, almost a comfort.
It was because of that comfort he offered that I decided to offer a bit of myself to him as well.
"I wish that I were dead like my family, too. I sit in my room, or the den, or the kitchen and wish for those flames. Beg for them. I told myself that it was because I wanted to be able to defend myself against people, but that was a lie. I beg for the fire because if I had it... If I had it I could make my outsides match my insides too."
As I let my words settle in the cave, I wondered how harshly he would judge me. How badly it would hurt to feel the sting of the words of that judgment. As I felt his hand grab my own, I wondered what the words would be that would finally finish destroying what left I had.
But the words never came. And slowly, the silence began to feel comforting again. The weight of the truths leveled here finally letting me breathe a little easier. I knew that as time passed he and I were the same in our truths. Knew that he still was thankful. Knew that I still wanted to match.
It was sunset before he spoke again. His voice soft but firm as he asked, "Would you like to train with me in the mornings? I can't promise to bring the flames but sometimes the pain from working your body is a welcome feeling to those like you and I."
"And exactly what time is this training in the morning? I have tons wallowing to do in my schedule and I don't want that time interrupted."
He smiled even though my tone made it clear it wasn't a joke, not entirely.
"Early enough that you will have to wake up before the sun if you want to avoid Cassian and the Valkyries. We can start tomorrow if you want."
It was easier than I cared to admit to agree. And we were silent once more as we sat on our rock. The security of our cave brought more darkness as the sun finally set. It wasn't until we went to walk back that I realized he never let go of my hand.
This is a slow-burn, eventual smut romance with angst. There are themes of child loss and husband loss (loss of life not written), grief and suffering, self-harm thoughts (thought about, not acted upon), and other themes that could be triggering. If anything mentioned above is something you don't want to read please skip this series.
Chapter Warnings: loss of life mentioned, self-harm mentioned
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Cp. 3
You want to know what is annoying?
Death is not nearly as peaceful as I would have fucking hoped.
There was no blissful void. Just a fucking headache that wouldn't go away and the most annoying crackling sound.
Why did it even matter anyway?
I must have made some sort of noise, though. Because something was coming closer to me.
"Miss, are you awake?" a male voice asked.
My eyes shot open faster than I could have anticipated. My eyes locked onto the male who spoke, the leather of his wings looked familiar somehow.
"You probably scared the shit out of her, why don't you back up a bit?" said a woman.
My head was spinning as I took in the room, sitting up as he backed away from the bed I was on. The room was large. Only two people were inside with me. Tons of medical flasks on the shelves.
I summoned my voice as curiosity got the best of me.
"Where am I?"
It might as well have been a croak from a frog with how hoarse my voice was. It also might as well have been a siren's call for help with the way a glass of water appeared before me in a flash. I downed the glass without even blinking.
"You might want to take it easy. You have been out for a while." the woman spoke again. Her voice was soft but firm. Sure of herself and her surroundings. Was this a healer, then? "You are in the Night Court in our healing ward. I am Feyre, the High Lady of these lands."
Fae? High fae? Me? In their healing ward?
I must have spoken out loud because the expression on her face softened.
"Do you know that I was once a human? I lived just on the border of the human lands, too." She took a small break before speaking again, gathering her words. "Please do not fear us, we just want to help heal you from those who have hurt you."
It was honestly unbecoming how loud the snort I let out was at her words. The male seemed to shift anxiously at the sound, Feyre only tilted her head to one side in silent question.
"Hard to take that in considering the last time I heard those words the Queens were opening the floodgates to Hybern's assholes and letting them murder my fucking family."
The room stayed silent for a while. My rage seemed to be the only thing that I could hear. Could feel it burning through my veins almost as if there was actual fire fueling it. I took several deep breaths to calm myself before I hurt someone.
The male slowly approached the side of my bed. Was this the High Lord of the Court then? I didn't know much about the courts here. The only familiarity of these lands was the brutality of their people if you could even call them that after what they had done.
"Who are you, then? Mr. Silent and Broody?" It didn't register in my brain that I should hold my tongue. Nothing matters anyway.
"You may call me Azriel. I am Spymaster of the Night Court. I am also no threat to you."
Azriel. Spymaster.
As if they had been waiting for the introduction, shadows seemed the breathe behind him.
"And those?" I made a gesture to the shadows, "What are they called?"
His lips turned up in a half-smile.
"They have no individual name. My power is that of a shadowsinger. They will also not hurt you."
"So they hurt others?"
A grim shift of his chin was my only answer.
Fucking great.
"And you?" the High Lady spoke again, "What is your name?"
"My name is Piper. Piper...P-Piper Kelrie."
My husband's family name was the hardest to get out. Thinking of my husband hurt...
"Could you tell us what happened, Piper?" Azriel asked.
"Well, to be perfectly blunt with you, Azriel, the King of Hybern's band of murdering cock-wads stomped through my village as my husband, two daughters, and myself were attempting to get away. They caught us. They slaughtered the ones that meant the most to me in the whole fucking world. And they had almost gotten to the part where they were going to keep me for a while when a giant bat came and I passed out."
The room was silent for a long time after I spoke. Too quiet. So lacking in sound that I could almost hear the flames roaring inside me again, so I broke it.
"Would you like to fill in the rest for me? You said I have been out for a while. How long? Has Hybern conquered these lands yet? Is that prick still alive so that I can murder him myself?"
My questions prattled off like lightning, no real breaks between sentences.
And again the silence stretched. I rolled my shoulders in frustration. Azriel shot a look at Feyre, not something that I could decipher. She nodded and stepped forward.
"Piper, you have been out for a year. Azriel was the one who found you that day. He killed the males that were attempting to take you and brought you back here. You... you needed extra care after what happened and our healer said she would give you something to help. It seemed to affect you in a particular way, hence sleeping for so long. The King of Hybern did attempt to take Prythian, and he was stopped. He no longer lives."
My rage stalled. This was too much. If the war is over, then who am I going to make pay? If every last fuck that killed them is gone, where does that leave me?
"Piper, please sit down," I hadn't even realized that I was standing. "There is more."
"MORE? What fucking more could there be?!"
Azriel was the one who decided to grace me with his questions next.
"Do you know who your parents are, Piper?"
Not what I was expecting in the least. It threw me off guard so much that I did sit back down.
"No, I was told they passed when I was a few months old. My mother's friend raised me until she passed. What does that have to do with anything?"
"The tonic that was given to you, you can think of it almost like a reset of your body. There was so much healing that needed to be done it cleaned the slate, so to speak," Azriel continued, "When your slate was cleaned, it revealed that you had been glamoured."
A glamour?
"So I am ugly now, then? It wiped away some pretty face or something and now I am beastly?"
This is all one big fucking joke. Apparently, the biggest fucking joke of my life.
Feyre's next words hit worse than the blow to the head that knocked me out.
"Piper, you are fae."
Notes:
Hello! I am so excited to be writing my first ACOTAR fic. I am not new to the fanfic writing community but this will be my first on AO3. I am excited to finally get this brain thought down somewhere. Please enjoy!
Also: I do have a busy life so I don't know how often I will upload but I will do my best to be regular.
A/N: Hi friends! I know this is not a normal post for me but I thought I would branch out into writing fics for one of my favorite things! This is cross-posted from my Ao3. I hope you enjoy it!
Summary:
Piper had everything that she ever wanted in her family. Hybern ruined that, the King ruined everything about the human life that she held so dear. With help from the Night Court, Piper is on her journey to healing when she finds something unexpected when her revenge is taken from her. What will she do now?
Notes:
This is a slow-burn, eventual smut romance with angst. There are themes of child loss and husband loss (loss of life not written), grief and suffering, self-harm thoughts (thought about, not acted upon), and other themes that could be triggering. If anything mentioned above is something you don't want to read please skip this series.
Cp.2
No one really knows what the human Queens were thinking allying themselves with Hybern. Hell, I would give good money to find that out myself. The Queens let in Hyberns' soldiers to give them access to the Spring Court. At least, that is what we're told.
"Everything will be alright, there is no need to fear. The soldiers are going to aid us in the cause of bringing justice to those who hurt our people so long ago."
Bullshit lies, that's what they were. The armies went town to town from the coast to the wall slaughtering and doing what they wished to anyone who didn't bow to their presence. By the time they reached my village, about two hours away from the wall, we had all heard what they were doing. We tried to hide. We needed to be quicker.
We weren't.
They left my village in shreds. The crops... the homes... my family.
We were in the middle of attempting to flee when they found us. My daughters and husband were fighters. Not trained, just in spirit. I didn't have a fighting bone in my body. Well, back then anyway. As their necks were snapped I felt the fight find me. Too little too fucking late.
And when they came for me, they laughed. They could see just how far they had broken me. As they beat me, they taunted.
"You aren't going to see your pretty babies for a while, whore."
"We're going to take our time with you. Any number of things we could do with a face like yours."
"Shame she has the body of a mother though, not firm like she once was."
Their taunts were the last thing I heard before the noises started. I thought I had finally gone mad. Just mad enough that I wouldn't have to hear them as they hurt me. Death wasn't coming swiftly enough.
Why would death wait? I am here. I am ready. Please take my soul, Mother.
The last thing I remember before the blackness finally took me was a pair of leathery wings. Guess the demons finally have come for me.
↳ Part 5 of Loveless. See Part 1 for story description.
↳ Female reader x Changbin, female reader x Hyunjin
↳ 6.8k
! Strong language, angst and tension, arranged marriage, soulmates, references to sex and procreation, jealousy and desire, a fake relationship, a confrontation, themes of unrequited love and devastation, developing relationship, themes of cheating, estrangement and divorce, adult themes throughout !
Since arriving at the Chambers, that’s all you’d done.
Taken one step towards your consort, only for him to take two back.
You had danced around each other in a game of deceit and threat, and while it was true that Changbin had set the hostile precedent for your relationship, you were more than willing to return the sentiment.
You’d had no desire to get to know him. None to see past the frosty exterior he wore as he marched to the beat of the Imperator drum, carrying their murderous reputation on his broad shoulders.
Until a few hours ago.
Until you’d taken a tentative step towards him, to find he didn’t retreat.
In fact, he’d stood his ground, stalwartly and without so much as a grimacing flinch as he held your hand tightly, seemingly unwilling to let go.
You found yourself wondering if that moment was something of a breakthrough. If you could be branded a fool for thinking that, maybe, an emotion that didn’t denote hatred or resentment had slipped through the cracks of his stony demeanour.
It didn’t need to be anything profound. And indeed, it wasn’t.
But contrary to the ideals of romantic grandeur you’d always subscribed to, you found it to be enough. More than enough.
A moment of weakness in a darkened room. A clasping of hands, a lingering gaze that hitched a breath and brought impossible thoughts to life, ones that you’d never have ventured to indulge in before that moment.
That’s all it had been.
A moment where he hadn’t stepped back.
And then came the glaring lights of the helicraft.
Blinding both of you to the fantasies you dared to creep into, you were drawn back into reality with a slap to the face, a punch to the gut, a kick to the teeth. It was a veritable assault on all that you were, as you looked out the bedroom window and saw the face of the one man who had never, not for fear of being caught, taken a single step back from you.
One step forward, two steps back.
Looking at Changbin from across your shared bedroom, you feel the space between you more than you ever have.
You know a storm of emotion looms on the horizon, and you see it in his face, as his eyes stung red and glistening meet yours.
He feels it too.
And neither of you are prepared.
He clears his throat, swipes the back of his hand over his eyes as he pulls himself back together, positioning the scraps of his usual calm and collected persona back in place.
“Looks like there’s a new couple,” he speaks, his voice hoarse.
You cock your head at him, disbelief runs amok.
Is he trying to play this off? Trying to act like he doesn’t know the girl that just disembarked?
You saw her face when she spotted him, saw the state he got into that he’s still trying to recover from. You saw her lips move and the word leave her mouth…
Romeo.
The very same nickname he got so upset over leaving your lips only several hours ago.
You wonder what it says about him that he’s prepared to try and lie to you still. Is he going to treat that moment between you the same way? Like it never happened at all? Fleeting though it may have been, those minutes still need to be accounted for. Recognised.
The thought of dismissing it all makes your chest hurt.
“Who is she?” you ask him quietly, over your thudding pulse.
He blinks at you, opens his mouth to say something.
