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I think I just have to die!

#screaming crying throwing up why does my brain have EXTREME reactions to being misperceived!!!!#even if it's about the stupidest shit! I feel so stupid!!#I have no reason to feel like I wanna DIE over a lil jokey joke bc someone I love misperceived me in an utterly unimportant way!!#I hate it here I hate it here I hate it here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sentientsky

on leaving

paul revere - noah kahan // dead ends - ike dweck // fatima aamer bilal // quote from one of my unfinished novels // the leaving season - jihyun yun

p3rf3ctcha0s

romessence

professionallyunstable-deactiva

kinda tired fighting for a life i don’t even want

todostoast

every year i reach new lows and wish i killed myself earlier

I had a dream that I needed to run away someplace safe and I ended up in the upstairs bathroom of my childhood home

#I accidentally pavlov trained myself into only being able to feel safe enough to break down in a bathroom #it was the only door I was allowed to lock as a kid and I shared a room my entire life so it was the only place I could be alone #nowhere will ever feel like my parents upstairs bathroom though

givemeantypsychotics

please don't be mean to me bc i can be meaner and i hate being mean

#the things I have never said to people bc it would immediately destroy their psyche

Google if I'd attempted in high school would I be doing better now

#better can mean got better or it wasn't an attempt #is it too late?

Google how do I cope with the fact that I can't have a screaming crying throwing up level breakdown where I beat the fuck out of myself without my roommates institutionalizing me

#life is too hard and I just want to scream #i feel like every decision I've made in my adult life has been wrong and I've been nothing but a complete and utter fuckup #who makes stupid decision after stupid decision because I spent my teens thinking I'd be dead by now #and I wish I was. FUCK I wish I was #but now there's too much at stake. I have 2 roommates who's lives would be completely uprooted by me just leaving like that #and they've already been through so much that I can't put them through.... me. Being exposed to me.#and I don't know what to do.#I just don't. and I'm so tired.

I wonder if my mom knew she was creating a self-fufilling prophecy when she named me after her sister who killed herself

Would it be luckier to keep the friends I know love me more than anything or ruin our relationship and make them hate me so I can die without disappointing anybody

tw pessimism but god fucking damn. one thing they don't tell you about progress being linear is that after making so much progress the lows hit so much fucking worse

#like I was good I was fine why am I NOT #I feel like I tricked people into being friends with me when I was making progress and now they're stuck with me when I crash #my best friend/roommate met me when I was happy (ish) and we moved in together when I was doing okay #and now I'm not. and he's stuck living with me #sometimes having friends while being mentally ill feels worse than being alone bc then I just torture myself over my fucked up emotions-#-effecting their mental health and just makes me a thoroughly unpleasant person to be around #because I DON'T feel pleasant to be around. I feel like a nuisance and a bother and someone who you talk to to be nice and then regret it #I don't know how to stop feeling like this. I don't know if I'm capable of feeling any other way.

0-0-0-untitled

ojibwa

siickangel

just existing

novactis-deactivated20190531

#art

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