nothing to say tonight

I am a girl who has many thoughts but seldomly has anything to say. This is my secret poetry-and-sometimes-other-things blog. Enjoy.

[nothingtosaytonight]

- What are you doing?

- Up until a minute ago I was reading up on how to best explain feminism to men without them getting defensive right away. - Now I’ve made myself a mug brownie with a lot of chocolate ice cream and I’m watching Gilmore Girls..

- Those two messages together are so beautiful :D

- #frustration

I present: the aftermath of finding out that one of your best friends, a person you love very much, is utterly ignorant about feminism.

[nothingtosaytonight]

The Art Assignment #13: Sorted Books

(https://youtu.be/A24MRdNMOIA)

1. Der Mann ohne Gesicht (the man without a face) Der 200 Jahre Mann (the 200 year man) Der Schattenmann (the shadow man) Der Albtraum-Mann (the nightmare man) Der Mann im Labyrinth (the man in the maze) Der Einsame von Terra (the lonely man of Terra) Fremder in einer Fremden Welt (stranger in a strange world) Der heimliche Rebell (the secret rebel) Der Goldene Mann (the golden man)

2. Der Mann ohne Gesicht (the man without a face) Die Tochter des Roboters (the robot’s daughter) Isolierte Welten (isolated worlds) Nach all den Jahrmilliarden (after all the billions of years) Gefangene der Zeit (prisoners of time)

3. Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction Asimov’s Science Fiction Science Fiction Preisträger 2 (science fiction prize winners 2) Short Science Fiction Novels Welten der Zukunft (worlds of the future) Die Zukunft Spinnt (the future is nuts)

4. (bonus portrait) Erde (Earth) Der unmögliche Planet (the impossible planet) Im Zentrum der Galaxis (in the center of the galaxy) Planet aus Stahl (planet of steel) Geschichten des Grauens (stories of terror) Götter (gods) Inferno (inferno) Todesengel (death angels) Das Höllenwrack (the wreckage of hell) Ausgebrannt (burnt out) Klagelied der Sterne (lament of the stars)

When this Art Assignment was first uploaded I was very excited to do it, but unfortunately I had just moved to a new place where I basically had no books at my disposal at all. Now, I finally got a chance to give it a go with my dad’s library. There are two reasons why I really wanted to use his books for this: 1) I don’t have a very close relationship with my dad and wanted to explore that. 2) His library consists almost exclusively of German language sci-fi - not my thing at all, which is why I found it interesting to work with.

The bonus portrait is obviously not a portrait of him, nor of his world view, as far as I know, but I couldn’t resist making use of some of the more dramatic titles to attempt a portrait of our planet instead.

I’ve enjoyed this project tremendously and I expect I will make more of these, with different people’s books, in the future :)

[nothingtosaytonight]

The Art Assignment 9 - Off

(https://youtu.be/Zy7qhRUM1uI)

So this screen wasn’t technically off. It was running homework assignment of mine, a program visualizing a piece of music. But after a while of working on and looking at that project I found myself much more interested in the scene reflected in the background. The moving strips of colour became a passive element; the project was turned off in its function of being a piece of art itself and stepped down to become an enhancement to the image of the lamp and mug, rather than the center of attention. Afterwards I also experimented with making the visualization on the screen the active element by reflecting it in another black screen. Personally I loved how this reframed the project, only showing a cutout of the action involved.

[nothingtosaytonight]

Just Friends

So here we are with you holding me, with our fingers intertwined, with your cheek pressed against mine, and you’re saying we’re just friends? You’ll admit your heart is racing when we’re longingly embracing, and you’re saying we’re just friends?

So here I am, a sister to you, inching closer over weeks, receiving kisses on the cheeks, waiting for the coast to clear; figuring out the signs you’re thrusting at me, watching them combusting, waiting for the smoke to clear.

So here you are, with me again. Clearly I know what you’re thinking when you look at me, unblinking, your decision not yet made. One move could make the tension shatter, make this moment all that matters, but your decision’s not yet made.

So here we are with you holding me in a state of constant waiting between loving you and hating that you’re still saying we’re just friends; and the torture you’re bestowing on yourself, postponing, knowing it’s a lie that we’re just friends.

[nothingtosaytonight]

Grenzen

[This poem is a glosa, which means that it takes four lines from an existing poem and fills in the spaces using a particular rhyme scheme. In this case, the resulting poem is intentionally bilingual. If you don’t understand German, you’re welcome to have Google translate it for you; it turns out accurate enough.]

Grenzen

Ein Netz aus Grenzen von Staat zu Staat, Grenzen aus Dummheit und Stacheldraht, Grenzen des Geldes, begrenzte Zeit Und die Grenzen der eigenen Fähigkeit...

                                    Michael Ende “Der Traum vom Fliegen”

Can you see the borders? They’re everywhere I’ve been here long enough Your thank yous and sorrys and holding of doors My struggling to find a translation for Lexical gaps and cultural gaps Smiling and nodding though I‘m missing a part I’m not quite here, not quite there But I was convinced that right here and now I’d make crossing this net of borders an art Ein Netz aus Grenzen von Staat zu Staat

Naive as it may be to dream of flying I’ve flown across oceans before Left borders behind, but still they haunt me What is a border but a limit to Expression that tells you you’re not at home An arbitrary division to part Reality into opposing forces A fence made of steel, a brick wall, a word A line in the sand, on a map, in a heart Grenzen aus Dummheit und Stacheldraht

Many of you blissfully unaware You stick to your own little sections of peace And barely see us, half-transparent Border people stuck in limbo We tried to cross the borders and failed Halfway through, about to give up the fight Temporary installations in your life At the edge of your vision, always leaving And we could come back, but believe me, I’ve tried Grenzen des Geldes, begrenzte Zeit

No money, no time, that’s our excuse And increasingly also no energy Every place left behind takes a piece of our soul We trace dark wizards’ footsteps all filled with hope But lack ways to reach out for a helping hand There’s a border right here in the words that I write Our different languages may rhyme But they still won’t understand each other And what holds us back may be raw fear and pride Und die Grenzen der eigenen Fähigkeit...

[nothingtosaytonight]

Like

I like poetry because it doesn’t have to make sense to anybody but the person writing it. Scratch that – I like poetry because it doesn’t have to make the same sense to anybody but the person writing it.

I like blue eyes because they remind me of the ocean. I like the ocean because it reminds me of blue eyes.

I like to take my picture when I cry because I feel it is honest.

I like the stars because they are specks of light on an infinite dark canvas and something in my head and in my heart it wired to think that’s beautiful.

I like building circuits because you can wire things to be beautiful.

I like rings because of the confinement and the never ending memory that they provide.

I like the ink marks on my skin because they make something visible: passion and words and love and again confinement and I wish that they could stay.

I like lines because they can turn into anything – snow flakes or fairies or foxes or hands in my hands.

I like you because even though you won’t make any sense of my poetry you understand what it means.

[nothingtosaytonight]

A couple of weeks ago I collected all these leaves to use in a project, except I never got around to that and now they are too dry to use. That's how they ended up on my sad empty wall. Also, hummingbird.

[nothingtosaytonight]

Thoughts on Long-Distance Insomnia

I wish you were here - or that I were with you - so you could silence the noise in my head For it to clear all you'd have to do is be right here with me in this bed And there'd be no thought left on my mind besides how you're holding me tight A fluttering bird caught only to find it could now rest its wings for the night

Sep 16, 2014

[curlicuecal]

Games with English: insert the word “only” anywhere into the above sentence and consider how the placement changes meaning.

[vegetablerightsandpeace-deactiv]

Let me see if this works in Dutch.

Zij zei dat ze van hem hield.

Alleen zij zei dat ze van hem hield.

Zij alleen zei dat ze van hem hield.

Zij zei alleen dat ze van hem hield.

Zij zei dat alleen ze van hem hield - incorrect sentence.

Zij zei dat ze alleen van hem hield.

Zij zei dat ze van alleen hem hield.

Zij zei dat ze van hem allen hield.

[dubbymalin]

Let me see if it works in norwegian.

Hun fortalte han at hun elsket han.

Bare hun fortalte han at hun elsket han. Hun bare fortalte han at hun elsket han. Hun fortalte bare han at hun elsket han. Hun fortalte han bare at hun elsket han. Hun fortalte han at bare hun elsket han. Hun fortalte han at hun bare elsket han. Hun fortalte han at hun elsket bare han. Hun fortalte han at hun elsket han bare.

The last one is the only one that does not work.

[nothingtosaytonight]

German works as well:

Sie sagte ihm, dass sie ihn liebte.

Nur sie sagte ihm, dass sie ihn liebte. Sie nur sagte ihm, dass sie ihn liebte. Sie sagte nur ihm, dass sie ihn liebte. Sie sagte ihm nur, dass sie ihn liebte. Sie sagte ihm, dass nur sie ihn liebte. Sie sagte ihm, dass sie nur ihn liebte. Sie sagte ihm, dass sie ihn nur liebte. Sie sagte ihm, dass sie ihn liebte nur.

The last one doesn't really work. I guess you could use it to make the sentence fit into an iambic pentameter, but it sounds very old-fashioned.

[nothingtosaytonight]

The Art Assignment Ep. 13: Sorted Books (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A24MRdNMOIA)

I really wanted to do this assigment, but I just moved abroad for a year as an exchange student, so I literally have access to three books right now. All the more amazing that at least two of them actually work together so well. It's not a portrait of myself so much as it's a portrait of my journey into this new city (guess which one it is!) so far. And it's a surprisingly matching description.

I actually really like how the photo turned out, too - the reflection in my floor boards, like there's more beneath the surface, and also how the top book has kind of a flyaway look (I cheated and used my sketch book there because it just looked better).

I can't wait to redo this assignment when I'm back home with all of my own, and my parents' and my friends' books! :)

[nothingtosaytonight]

The Place That Isn't Here

Pack your life into a cardboard box or ten and come with me to that place that isn’t here you can be my anchor while I’m lost at sea and I’ll be yours and we’re so far away but still so close

a year out of the line of time a break from everything and I’m the first to go but you’ll be there as well in that place

the place that isn’t here the place that we both fear and look towards excitedly and once we’re back I guess we’ll see what it has left us with and what – by all the stars and all the stories of the world – we’ll be.

[nothingtosaytonight]

Dear neighbour, who is naked

Between windows, I tried to write about you today It didn't exactly go well I got into details, when really all there's to say is: please put on some clothes, that'd be swell! With kind regard, the girl who lives across the yard

[nothingtosaytonight]

Talking About Mosaic Art

"Maybe I could do that one day, put lots of tiny pieces together to make a hole. It'd be humorous."

[nothingtosaytonight]

Lights of the Night

You can hardly see the stars in a city this size but it’s nice – to know that they’re there

A reminder of places where they brighten the sky every night where it isn’t already so bright with 24 hours worth of light

Where the streets aren’t piled sky-high with sound and movement at every hour even around the darkest –

The quiet before dawn never quite as still and forlorn for the sake of a train and a taxi and thousands of feet still stepping in vain to some tireless beat

And the beat of that drum and a heart become one and go on and on... in a city, a life that won’t sleep

No, you can’t see the stars all the time but they’re there and implied in the lights of the night everywhere

[nothingtosaytonight]

Did you know that I am not what I imagine you to need And that sometimes you are what I imagine myself to need? ‘I don’t know’ must be the phrase I’ve said most often in my life even counting the countless times of ‘I’m not stupid, mom!’ Because I speak my thoughts when no one’s around but a mirror So I can hear them and see if they make sense. Did you know that people do that – do they at all? And if you were to be around more and more would my thoughts make sense less and less And would the mirror break?