[nottsrs]

I'm seriously debating killing myself. I don't want to be a girl, and I never want to become a woman. I don't want to suffer, to be seen as less than, to risk being raped, to risk being abused. I don't want to live in fear of men. I don't want to be a woman when being a woman means having to fight to be seen as anything else. iIdont want to be anything else, but I would happily be anyone else. I don't want to be a thing. I don't want to be a "female" something. I want to be someone. I don't want men coming into my anonymous asks, threatening to rape me. I don't want to fall in love, and have to act like being abused is normal, just because he's inside me while he hurts me. I want to be a human, and every day, it feels like the only way I can be treated as a human is if I were reborn as a man. But I do not believe in rebirth, therefore, I must simply die. I see no way out of this. Teenage boys fuck teenage girls and leave them. Young adult men go to clubs to fuck young women. Grown men commit horrible crimes, abuse their wives, and it all happens so often. I'll never be safe. I have to die.

[camomileapplesyrup]

one of my biggest gripes with bdsm & "taboo" kink discourse was the overused "coping mechanism" defense that i hear oh so much. especially on twitter, from women in heterosexual relationships.

i won't go into the "not all coping mechanisms are good coping mechanisms" argument, but i will propose this;

when you are allowing a man to engage in a non consensual fantasy, or incest fantasy, or otherwise violent and abusive fantasy, what trauma is he coping with and relieving?

is he getting off to helping you re-contextualise a situation where you lost all control, in a controlled and safe environment? or is he enjoying the power to hurt & abuse you that you are offering to him on a silver platter?

and do you think, that at the end of the day, your safety & healing is what turns him on? or the fact that he can freely abuse a traumatised woman, under the guise of "fantasy" and "sexual liberation"?