where ya at? where u been?
In case you haven’t already noticed, or been told in some sickening cliche manner, there is no destination in life. It is just a journey. It is all about the journey. Even if you’ve always wanted to be a doctor, ever since you were a little girl, and you actually grow up to be a doctor (honestly you’re probably some kind of alien if this is the case) there is still an unforeseen journey to be had. Life never goes as planned (remember my post about Murphy’s Law?)
I often find myself pondering whether or not I ever actually knew what I wanted to do with my life. I’ve never been more sure than I am now that I never actually had a plan to begin with.
When I first started being asked “what I wanted to be when I grew up” it was a photographer. My mom’s “job” was buying and selling things on Ebay... in other words my mom didn’t have a job. My dad was a teacher but he often came home emotionally distressed and that really turned me off from the idea. My big sister was a photographer. I always wanted to be just like her, plus “ I want to be a photographer” worked as an easy answer to that daunting question adults are always pressing onto young adolescents...
One day I discovered I could sing, and pretty well at that. I loved the sound of my own voice in a microphone. My friends and I started a band. We were pretty good for a couple of 12 year olds and kept the band together until we were about 16. After discovering I could sing I was convinced that I would get discovered and my musical career would take off, launching me into a pop star, paparazzi life full of glamour and fame, and lots n lots of money. Well, by the time I was 16, smoking pot and looking into college, I realized I wasn’t a Disney Tween Sensation and that I had to figure something else out for my future.
By the time I was ready to graduate high school I had come full circle and decided that perhaps teaching was my passion, but so was music. I was going to be a music teacher! I entered University and declared my major in early childhood education and shortly after starting the courses realized I was not interested in any of it... like.. at all. And so, as most college freshmen do, I became undeclared; aimlessly wandering through college in hopes that my dream occupation would jump out and capture me like a creep in the night.
And it did... at least I thought it did. And so the story goes, I was walking down the fire lane of my college when an older college student hands me a pen and demands I scribble something down on the “free speech board”. “You can write anything. Anything you want!” so I took the dudes pen and scribbled down the deepest and most meaningful words that yearned in my heart... “smoke weed every day” -e. cook, Freshman.
To my surprise the same quirky young man who handed me the sharpie offered me a job writing for the school newspaper, just moments after I declared my stonerism to the world. I had never considered a career in writing before, but it was for the night-life and entertainment section and it was money. And so I took a leap of faith and I did it, and loved it. Soon there after I declared my major in journalism.
Maybe I just give up too easily, but after graduating with a bachelors in journalism and being turned down for countless journalism jobs, my heart (or whateva) told me that I didn’t want to be a journalist bad enough to keep fighting for it. I really didn’t. I didn’t want to work for a news station at wee hours of the night or day. I wanted to write but I didn’t want to conform to the rules and restrictions of somebody else’s news agency
Back to square one.
I got my first waitress job after having this realization. It didn’t take me long to realize that I didn’t want to do that either..
Fast forward 2 1/2 years and now I’m a healthcare professional, assisting patients to navigate their Medicaid health benifits. I can’t say this is exactly what I want to “do with my life” forever either. But I do know I like helping people. I like the rewarding feeling I get when a patient says “thank you for all that you do for me”. I like being respected and I like having a sense of power.
So, what was the point of this story again? Oh right. It’s about the journey. It’s about letting go of the idea that you need to figure out what you’re going to do with the rest of your life. sometimes I feel uneasy at the thought of working so hard for a degree that I’m not necessarily using. But I rest easy in the idea that every little turn I’ve taken in life has lead me to where I am today. Where I am today: I’m happy, I’m healthy, and I’m employed. As long as you don’t stop pushing yourself, don’t worry too much about having a plan.
Plans change. So do we.
