Never underestimate sublte inspiration.
A single quote changed me. It struck a chord that hadn’t been strummed in weeks. But before I start there, let me say this: Since starting college in 2014, I’ve taken this pesky Math 1001 class at least two times. If I’m not mistaken, it was on my scheudle during my very first semester of college. I hate to say it, but I flunked that class so fast, I never even knew what hit me. I remember trying desperately to cheat my way through homework because I had no idea what I was doing. Once I spent the entire morning and afternoon at the Smyrna Library trying to study. Back then, I was in a toxic relationship with small white circles of Rx named M. M made me so sleepy, I was nodding in and out, absolutely struggling to understand Conversion Analysis. Eventually it all looked like mandarin and I ended up failing the course. During my second attempt, I dropped the class and took a W that wouldn’t count against my GPA.Â
I ran as far and as fast as I could from my required Math courses, completing any and every course I could EXCEPT Math. Courtney, an ex-friend of mine admitted she did the same thing. Finished everything except Math then dropped out to become a stunt double. However, I never intended to give up on getting my degree. I knew it my destiny to thrive in the field of academia. So, after a stressful stint at the Atlanta Campus and a long hiatus from school altogether, I re-enrolled into GSU for the Spring semster of 2021-2022 to compelete my final Math class, remotely online. (I was also taking my last SCOM class remotely.) Theses classes are the only things standing in the way of me getting my A.S. in Communications. I was blessed to get a wonderful Math teacher named Tosha Lamar. The woman is wonderful! For the first time, I understood EVERYTHING! Conversion Analysis became my favorite thing! I was a true Bright (my true maiden surname) at that moment with a shiny 97% (plus extra bonus points earned from extra credit). I was so proud of myself!Â
Then came Spring Break. I got a well-deserved week of no school. It was great. Slowly but surely, my sights zeroed in on the Big Pun project blooming in my mind. Producing a docuseries with about Liza Rios consumed my free time. I even taught myself how to use Adobe Premiere. Needless to say, I was inspired. My plan was to use Liza’s story to shine a light on domestic violence and the more I learned the more consumed I became. At the same time, I started to prioritize working on my novel and conducting research necessary to ensure historical accuacy. Got friendly with a plant called W. Seemingly much sooner than later, Spring Break was over and it was time to start school again. But did I go back? Sadly, no.Â
I completely ignored my school work daily for 2 straight weeks, focusing only on Big Pun, Liza, the novel and my duties as a house wife. Even taking less shifts at work. It shames me just thinking about it. Then that innocent comment from my daughter. I started to realize that I’m practically a slave to procastination. And then a miracle happened: I realized that I’m not a slave anymore. God has given me free will!! [I think i’ll make my next post about free will]. And with my free will, I must must must model the correct thing to do for my daughter’s sake. And for my sake. When I read Dr.Charlotte Hawkins Brown’s quote, “You must live with yourself and so...” - something activated in me...it said... If you end up broke, busted and disgusted at the age of 55, you can’t just hide your head in the sand in shame. You’ll have to look at yourself, live with yourself and endure other people looking at you with pity. And you’ll only have yourself to blame. Charlotte’s quote TOOK ME THERE! Took me to that 55 year old woman..my worst nightmare.
Since having that revelation, I made a decison...a promise to myself that I will do everything I can to keep that nightmare from happening. Here I am with the blessing of having a valuable education. #Maritcha had to convince a judge that she was worthy of education. Kids in Africa must walk multiple miles for a decent education. I get to sit on my ass in bed and get an education. Only a fool would allow herself to fail when it’s so easy to succeed. And I’m nobody’s fool. There’s no more time for slacking. I made sure all of this week’s assignments were turned in. Going above in beyond in my SCOM class. The simple act of reading about Brown transformed my thinking and helped me break free from the bondage of procastination. Never underestimate sublte inspiration.
Sincerely, Mrs. L.M.M. “The Archive Digger”
Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown:
