you bat your lashes innocently as your hand slips beneath the table, palming sunghoon through his slacks while you manage to keep up casual conversation with your friends sitting right across from you.
sunghoonโs lips twitch as he feels your fingertips play with the zipper on his pants, tugging the cold metal down smoothly as you run your digits across a fat protruding vein on his shaft.
in all honesty, you didnโt always tease him like this. itโs not your fault you were all hot and bothered from the steamy makeout sesh in the bedroom earlier, which โ sadly โ did not lead to you getting fucked by your handsome husband due to running late to these dinner plans.
sunghoon tried โ clearly not hard enough โ to pry your hands off of his aching crotch. but that only resulted in you giggling mischievously, a noise heโs grown to love in all of his years spent with you.
yeah, you were fucking wild.
you see, sunghoon loves you in a way that feels unshakable. being high school sweethearts never dulled the spark between you โ if anything, it gave your relationship a foundation with roots strong enough to weather each version of yourselves that you became.
years of marriage only taught him new ways to adore you, new reasons to look at you like you were still the girl who first turned his world upside down.
you never lost your adventurous spirit. youโre still bold, still chasing new experiences with the same light in your eyes, and sunghoon, the ever so quiet one, has always been in awe of it.
where heโs been introverted most of his life, youโre fearless โ pulling him out of his comfort zone and coaxing him into moments he never would have chosen on his own. you challenge him, not by force, but by simply being yourself.
surely, had it not been for you. . . would he have ever discovered his dominant side during sex despite his usual quiet demeanor?
had it not been for you, would sunghoon have ever experienced being handcuffed to the bed while you wrap your plump lips around his fat cockhead wearing a damn cop costume?
he recalls the way your tight tunnel would contract around his length everytime your nose bumped his pelvis. the way you would dip your tongue into the slit and scoop out his salty precum while your thumb played with the sensitive ridge on his head. the way his red tip would smack your uvula repeatedly while he writhed uselessly beneath you โ cuffs clanking against the headboard each time.
and had it not been for you, sunghoon definitely would not be in the restaurant bathroom right now with his tongue down your throat as he bends you over the porcelain sink and presses his hard on into your ass.
โfuckโ why are you teasing me infront of them?โ he groans between sloppy kisses, his cock growing so hard in his pants he was sure that it would burst right through the fucking zipper.
you giggle into his lips, โwhy not, hoonie?โ you purr as you push yourself back against his crotch, rubbing up and down his length as it slides between the fabric, the friction eliciting a low groan,โwouldnโt it be fun if people watched?โ
the fantasy is enough to pull a feral growl from his throat as he pushes up your mini skirt and lands a hard slap onto your ass, his other hand snaking around to wrap around your throat firmly. his sharp canines graze the top of your ear as he whispers, โoh yeah? want everyone to know how well i fuck my wifeโs sweet cunt?โ
โah! y-yes want them to see you fill me upโ,โ you are quickly cut off by another harsh smack, your warm flesh ricocheting off his hand and turning a bright red, โsunghoon!โ
โfuck that. mโ never letting anyone else see you that way,โ he grunts as his hand slides down from your neck to hook onto the the bottom of your blouse, lifting it up above your chest and letting your tits fall out with a soft bounce.
sunghoon hums, cupping your tits in his large hands. his thumbs roll your perky nipples, causing you to whine and throw your head back against his shoulder as you lock eyes with him in the mirror, โmine.โ
you smirk at him, gaze hooded as you click your tongue softly โhahโ possessive much?โ sunghoon releases your tits almost instantly, his hand fisting in your hair roughly and pushing you back down against the cold tile, earning a soft whimper from you.
โshould i not be? stop being a fucking brat,โ he nibbles at your neck, leaving a fresh bloom of marks down the side of your skin that your friends would surely notice once you return โ not that you cared much.
โmake me,โ you challenge.
โtchโ just couldnโt wait till we got home, huh?โ sunghoon wastes no time as he pulls down his zipper. he doesnโt even bother undoing his belt nor pushing down his pants. no. he just pulls his long veiny cock from between the hole of his pants, already leaking beads of precum in anticipation.
he presses his hand against your back, making you arch perfectly into him as he pushes up your skirt, only to reveal a lace black thong. but not just any ordinary thong. sunghoon freezes almost immediately as soon as he notices your juicy pussy lips hanging out of the fabric from below.
sunghoonโs eyebrows scrunch together as he lowers his face towards your cunt. thereโs a deliberate hole cut into the center of the panties. well shit. sunghoon has never seen anything like it, at least not until now. his cock twitches as he inspects the lewd way your folds stare back at him from between the fabric.
โwhatโs the matter, hoon?โ you tease lightly as your small hands slide down your tummy to spread your puffy lips, exposing your throbbing hole in a silent invitation.
โyou like your surprise that much?โ
โmhm fuckโ i love it babe, youโre killing me,โ his hand runs through his bangs while the other aligns his pulsing tip at your entrance and pushes the mushroom head in ever so slightly before pulling out with and rubbing his veiny shaft between your slick folds.
your puffy lips part around his cock so perfectly, hugging the thick flesh as it slides back and forth, creating a wet noise that echoes off the walls.
โyou wore something this slutty to a double date?โ he chuckles, bumping your clit with his cock head, causing you to clench down on nothing, โwith your pretty pussy hanging out of these panties, practically begging for my cock to fill her up isnโt she?โ
as much as sunghoon wishes to take his time with his pretty wife, he knows that this has to be quick given you are both about to fuck in a restaurant bathroom.
so he wastes no time grabbing onto the panties and tapping his tip against your weeping hole, teasingly. he smears his milky precum around the tight ring before finally sliding back home and bottoming out in a single thrust.
you bite your lip to contain the moan threatening to spill out, remembering that you are in a public setting and anyone could easily walk by and catch you both in the inappropriate act.
โkeep quiet, you asked for this,โ sunghoon grips the fabric tightly, using it like a joystick to bounce you on and off his cock. he watches his slippery length slide out until only the pointy head is submerged, and then disappear back into you over and over again, your slick making it easy to fuck open your tight hole.
his free hand snakes around to tap his middle and ring fingers against your swollen lips. you donโt hesitate wrapping around them and sucking generously. the material from his wedding band leaving a metallic taste in your mouth as you trace your tongue around it.
โgonna mold this sweet cunt to my cock,โ thrust โtill it remembers my shape forever, babygirl.โ sunghoon is ruthless as he plunges into your hot cunt at a near animalistic pace. loud, wet, slapping sounds fill the tiny bathroom from his pelvis smacking your ass along with your slick making a complete mess of him as it drips down his balls.
sunghoon slips his fingers out of your mouth with a soft pop, a string of saliva connecting them to your lips. he wraps his wet digits around your throat once more and makes eye contact with your utterly fucked out expression through the mirror. you smirk at his look of awe, eyes rolling back into your head when his tip hooks onto that spongey patch and abuses it repeatedly.
the pure sight of your expressions alone makes the familiar thread holding sunghoon together unwind fairly quickly, and itโs no help that your tits are boucing so wildly with every thrust he delivers.
such a treat.
โuh-huh, you feel like heaven, babyโ he groans as he throws his head back, his tip spearing your cervix with every thrust.
โh-hoonie, fuck youโre so deep, hnghโ feel like your cock is gonna split me in twoooo,โ you moan, dragging your words as you begin throwing your ass back against him, taking him impossibly deeper.
โoh yeah? c-come all over it then baby, milk me dryโ its all fucking yours,โ he grunts, hitting that sweet spot hidden within your gummy walls that makes your knees buckle.
โah ah ah, yes! cumming, cummin! hoon, baby!โ you cry, falling forward onto the sink in attempt to keep yourself upright, which thankfully, your husband has no problem doing for you. your warm liquid gushes all over his length and down your legs as you begin to shake uncontrollably.
he takes the opportunity to hook his bicep under your knee and lift one of your legs into the air, diving back in balls deep at the new angle and using your cunt like his personal pocket pussy to finish as he pushes all of your juices back inside of your spasming love tunnel.
sunghoon can feel his cock swell with his seed as he listens to the borderline pornographic moans you emit. his eyes roll back as his grip on your skimpy panties tightens, โshitshitshitโ mโ gonna cream this needy cunt till it drips all the way back to the table.โ
โyesyesyes, please!โ you plead, pussy fluttering around him and squeezing so damn tight he swore youโd tear his dick straight off.
his cock twitches with a final thrust as he shoots ropes of his sticky semen deep into your womb, making sure to pump into you slowly and flood you with every last drop of his pearly milk.
โyeah yeah yeah, keep squeezin,โ he babbles as his dick empties all of his cream into your overstimulated hole. he pulls out his half-hard cock before heโs fully finished his nut so he can spurt a few ropes onto your pretty panties.
โhahโ so so so beautiful,โ he pants as he leans down and places an open mouthed kiss on your ass, spreading your cheeks as he watches a fat glob of his thick cum ooze out of your stretched hole and slide down your slit. his fingers rub his milk up and down your folds, before shoving it back in, making you whine due to the overstimulation.
โyou okay, baby?โ he grips your waist, turning you to face him only to be met with your beautiful smile, all wide and content. he grins, kissing the corner of your bitten lips and then pecking them softly.
you hum in response, nodding your head weakly as it falls against his shoulder. your legs tremble slightly โ still feeling like jello โ but sunghoon notices and easily lifts you, sitting you on the counter. he slides between your legs, resting against your chest as you run your fingers through his tangled locks.
after a moment, he finally manages to speak. โwhereโd you even get these from anyway, hm? you freak.โ he jokes, hooking his finger onto the side and snapping it against your skin gently.
โmm? just some sex store i drive by near the house,โ you laugh tiredly.
โyeah?โ he smirks, โwe should go and pick something else out tomorrow.โ
โ finally (k.th) โก PART 2 of phone sex with bestfriend!taehyun
pairing: kang taehyun x fem!reader
rating: nsfw, mdni
wc: 3k
warnings: unprotected sex, rough sex, mean dom / soft dom tyun combo, brat taming??, pet names (baby, good girl, princess, baby girl, angel), daddy kink, degradation (reader receiving), humiliation kink, slight dumbification??, spanking, pussy slapping, light choking, mention of riding his abs, mention of oral (m receiving), fingering, creampie, dirty talk, squirting, lmfao damn wtf
a/n - cranked this out in one sitting just like the first one ๐ please read part 1 here first~!
tagging those who requested this 2nd part: @fallingclose2u @mitchko11 @antoncyng @/nonnie
you sit there staring at your now-blank phone screen for what feels like an eternity. your eyes are wide. your mouth hangs open in disbelief.
heโs gonna WHAT?
as if it wasnโt crazy enough that your best friend just brought you to an insane orgasm with his filthy words alone, heโs now coming over to FINISH THE JOB?
itโs like an invisible string is tugging you forward as you snap back into reality and instantly scramble off of your bed to the bathroom.
โholy shit, should i shower? should i put on makeup? i already did my skincare.. fuck, no, i canโt shower, heโll know.. he said not to move, oh fuck, heโs gonna know-โ you ignore the fucked out look in your mirrored eyes and rush back out of the bathroom, frantically throwing the clothes laying scattered around your floor into the closet and straightening out your desk.
โthis is so fucking stupid.. this is your best friend, y/n, heโs here all the time, youโve never cleaned for him before..โ youโre mumbling to yourself, but when you feel your own wetness that still coats your naked thighs, a deep blush rises to your cheeks.
โbut this is different!โ
a nervous glance at your phone shows that heโll be arriving in 2 minutes if his math was right, which it always is, and with a squeal you dash back to your bed. you wince at the soaked, now-cold sheets and push your long-ago-discarded shorts and panties to the floor as you situate yourself. you contemplate removing the little cropped tank top youโre wearing, but with another blush, you remind yourself that he said not to move, which means the shirt should still be on.
i canโt believe iโm doing this.
you lower yourself onto the spot where you laid before, this time on your stomach, and slowly position your ass up as you press your face into the sheets with a groan. this is humiliating, embarrassing, belittling; and yet your pussy clenches wildly around nothing when you hear the beeping of the passcode on your door being entered.
thereโs only one person who knows it.
your heart is thrashing against your chest as you hear his footsteps, fresh arousal leaking from your cunt as your bedroom door clicks open.
from where youโre laying, youโre forced to make eye contact, forced to face the humiliation as he steps into the room and shuts the door behind him; his gaze is burning, an intensity like youโve never seen from him before, even on stage. but despite the controlled manner that he holds himself with, heโs still your best friend after all โ and you can tell how he must have thrown himself out the door from the disheveled state of his clothes.
his sweatpants hanging low on his hips as if heโd pulled them up in a hurry; his zip-up hoodie wide open and slipping down one shoulder as if heโd tugged it on without stopping; his brown hair slightly tousled, as if heโd gotten up out of bed and left without bothering to style it. all of which you know to be true.
the realization that he is just as desperate for this as you are makes your thighs tremble.
you can tell heโs trying to keep his labored breathing under control as his eyes rake down your body, and when they stop on your dripping pussy and stay there, you canโt take it anymore. you squeeze your eyes shut with a humiliated whine.
โt-tyun..โ you whisper, shamefully, desperately. you need him so bad that you donโt even care how pathetic you must seem.
you clench the sheets in your hands and shut your eyes even tighter when you hear his painfully slow footsteps approaching the bed.
โass up and everything,โ he hums appreciatively, a low murmur, as if to himself; a gasp escapes you at the feeling of a warm palm sliding over your ass.
โstill so fucking wetโฆ like the desperate little pervert that you are, huh?โ
you whimper loudly, pathetically, at his words โ and when a second hand follows the first and he spreads you apart, your pussy clenches hard before you can stop it. taehyun chuckles.
โpoor baby, doesnโt even know what to do without a cock to fill her upโฆโ his hand slides slowly, leisurely, up along your spine. โcould barely even get herself off without my help.โ
you can feel the bed dip and the warmth of his body hovering over yours as he leans down, his breath ghosting across your cheek and making you shiver. โwithout my voice in her ear.โ
there it is. that deep, raspy, sexy voice that had brought you to the edge only 15 minutes ago, and this time, the man that it belongs to is actually here. you canโt take it anymore as your eyes open and you moan wantonly at his words, rutting your ass back against his clothed hips as you beg, โtyunnie, please, just stop teasing and fuck me already, i canโt-โ
you cry out as his warmth disappears and a firm smack to your ass shuts you up. you try to look over your shoulder at him, mouth already opening to complain again, when another smack has your head dropping right back into the sheets.
โyou really donโt know how to be patient, do you? tsk - youโre talking back a whole lot for someone who wants to cum so bad.โ
all you can do is whimper, gripping the sheets with watery eyes. โmโsorry,โ you whisper, โjust want you so badly.โ
he coos at you, hands massaging over your ass to soothe the reddened skin. โi know, baby. but brats donโt get to cum. understand?โ you nod vigorously, sniffling, โyes, daddy.โ
his hands pause for a moment and you can hear the deep breath he takes to steady himself at that. โgood fucking girl,โ he utters lowly, and you jolt at the sudden feeling of his fingers sliding up and down your slit. โalways so eager for daddyโs cockโฆ you think i donโt notice the way you look at me?โ you swallow hard. have you really been that obvious?
โthink i donโt notice the way your pretty thighs squeeze together when i sit too close to you?โ you moan loudly as he slides two fingers into your sopping pussy, and he hisses at how easily heโs able to move them in and out. โso fucking wet for me, princess.. think i havenโt noticed all this time how much of a nasty perv you are.โ
the degradation has you trembling, and when he picks up the pace of his fingers your legs canโt help but buckle as your hips fall to the mattress. immediately he takes his hand away and youโre crying out at the empty feeling. โass up.โ he orders firmly, and you scramble to re-situate yourself as you babble, โmโsorry, mโsorry, iโm- iโm fucking crazy about you, taehyun, just need you so so bad, couldnโt h-help myself whenever i heard your v-voice-โ
โshhh, shh, i know..โ he leans down to pepper kisses along your spine as you wipe at your teary eyes. โyouโre all mine, now, baby. wonโt leave until this pretty pussy is fucked beyond what it deserves.โ
you spasm at the contradiction of his filthy promise and soft touch, moaning out โplease, donโt want anyone but you, only you!โ
the last of taehyunโs resolve seems to crack at your words, because with a muttered curse heโs backing off the bed in seconds and throwing his clothes to the floor.
you drink in every inch of his body, not caring about the drool that threatens to spill from your lips at every ridge of muscle; his collarbones, his biceps, his chest, his abs โ โwanna ride your abs,โ you mumble shamelessly, and for the first time tonight he laughs, eyes twinkling. โoh yeah? maybe we can arrange that if youโre not too dumb on my cock.โ
you open your mouth to protest, right as he hooks his thumbs around his waistband and pulls his sweats and boxers down in one go.
you donโt think your jaw has ever dropped so fast.
the thick, veiny shaft that comes up to slap against his stomach is more mouth-watering than you could have ever imagined yourself.
itโs hard and leaking and long, and you lift your head weakly as he once again approaches the bed.
โw-wanna.. tyun, w-wanna suck on it..โ you can barely form a coherent sentence and he knows it.
he tsks. โcanโt even speak properly and i havenโt even fucked you yet, princess. you wanted it in your pussy so bad โ so thatโs where youโre gonna get it.โ his hand coaxes your head back down as he positions himself behind you, and it takes everything in you not to buck your hips back impatiently when you feel the head of his cock teasing at your entrance.
โgood girl,โ he murmurs. โnice and patient for me..โ
you moan softly as he rubs his tip up and down along your pussy, collecting your wetness achingly slow, making you shake when he catches it on the hood of your clit before bringing it back up to your waiting, dripping hole.
his hands find purchase on your hips and before you can even blink, he thrusts his cock in to the hilt. your legs spasm as you shriek in surprise and he holds you up as you fight to keep from sinking down to the mattress; a deep groan rips from his chest as you clench tighter than you swear you ever have, his hips pressed to your ass as he begins to grind them experimentally.
โso.. so fucking tight, fuckโฆ keep squeezing me like that and i wonโt last,โ he breathes.
he seems to adjust must faster than you, however, as not long after heโs already picking up into a firm rhythm, skin slapping against yours as he pumps in and out of you.
โf-fuck, slow down, t-too much-!โ you squeal, gripping the sheets tightly in your hands, mouth hanging open as he hits particularly deep, jolting you up the bed, and youโre seeing white as he only angles his hips further and fucks you harder.
youโve never felt so good in your entire life โ and taehyun knows it.
โnah, you fucking love it, donโt you?โ he pants, โwould cry and complain if i actually listened to you.โ you can hear the smirk on his lips. โwant me to listen to you?โ
โn-no, no!โ you blurt without thinking, heat rising to your cheeks at the fact that you just proved him right. he laughs, patronizing. โthatโs what i thought. so fucking take what you begged me for.โ
he pounds into you until you feel like nothing more than a ragdoll, your body going limp from the pleasure, almost too fucked out to even hold yourself up anymore as he pulls you back and forth on his cock. โgot me doing all the work here, baby. canโt take it any more?โ thereโs a taunting lilt to his voice that has you shaking your head weakly in protest. โc-can take it.. promise..!โ
suddenly a strong arm is wrapping around your middle and youโre being tugged upwards, and you yelp when your back meets taehyunโs chest as he sits you firmly on his cock. โhold onto me,โ he says in your ear, and you reach back for the nape of his neck just in time for his hands to rip your little tank top open, clean in half and quickly discarded.
โt-taehyun-!!โ
โiโll buy you a new one.โ
you donโt even have time to stay shocked as his arm wraps across your front and his large hand grips your bare breast, his other arm draping over your hips as he wastes no time slamming his own back into you again.
your head tips back onto his shoulder as you moan wantonly, gripping onto him so you donโt fall forward from the force of his thrusts.
โiโve got you,โ he says breathlessly in your ear, as if reading your thoughts.
and heโs right; you obviously knew taehyun was strong, knew that heโs constantly in the gym, but damn-
youโre taken out of your thoughts at the feeling of his fingers sneaking down to circle your clit, and you tug desperately at his hair in response as your hips jump. โyeah? need me right here, baby?โ
his voice is low in your ear โ fuck, that damn voice โ and youโre complete putty in his grasp as he tweaks your nipple with his other hand, pinching it as his fingers work your clit faster and faster.
you know youโve taken too long to answer when suddenly he delivers a slap to your pussy, nearly making you cum on the spot as you jolt and gasp, and the overstimulation leaves you dizzy as right away he continues his previous ministrations.
โf-f-fuck.. p-pleaseโฆโ you stutter dumbly, eyes rolling back. your entire body is on fire.
โplease what? hmm? tell daddy what you need.โ
a moan rips through you as the hand that was teasing at your tits slides up to your throat and squeezes; your tongue lolls while the head of his cock is hitting spots inside you that you didnโt even know existed and youโre convinced heโs gonna fuck you right into another dimension when his other large palm presses down on your lower tummy, and you feel every inch of him, every vein and ridge, the pressure too much as your legs turn to jelly and you swear youโre about to explode-
โneed to CUM, fuck, please let me cum please let me cum please let me-โ
โcum.โ
what happens next is a blur; your orgasm hits you so hard that youโre jerking forward, taehyunโs strong arms holding you against him as your whole body spasms, the pressure releasing, his hot cum pumping into your cunt as you soak the sheets, soak his thighs beneath you, soak everything, holy fuck you just SQUIRTED โ
you think you black out for a moment as he gently guides you down to the mattress, faintly aware of the way heโs so easily able to manhandle you as he moves you to a spot on the sheets that isnโt as wet โ turning you on your back and smoothing the hair out of your face as he takes the wet patch for himself when he cradles you to his chest.
โdid so good, baby girl, so good, just relaxโฆโ
both of your chests are heaving as you try to catch your breath. you lift your teary gaze to find deep brown eyes searching your face, your best friendโs eyes, comforting and strong and full of an emotion you canโt quite place right now in your disheveled state.
โso proud of you, baby,โ he murmurs breathlessly as he presses kisses to your forehead, wiping away the tears that you didnโt even realize were there, your orgasm apparently that intense.
โtyunnie,โ you whisper blearily, โwanna kiss you..โ
is this okay? is it too much? what if he doesnโt want it, what if he only wanted sex-
his lips melt into you, slow and sensual and warm as you moan against him; his tongue slipping between your parted lips and swirling with your own as his hand smoothes up and down the curve of your waist.
he sucks lightly at your bottom lip before nipping it gently, pulling away with a small smile as you catch your breath again.
โy/n,โ he whispers, reaching up to trace his thumb along your lip, โyouโre my best friend. but i want more.โ his eyes move across your features before finally meeting yours. โiโve wanted more for a long time.โ
your breath catches in your throat. am i really hearing this correctly?
โand i know that you have too. iโm just grateful for that little stunt you pulled earlier on the phone,โ he smirks, and your eyes widen as you smack his chest.
โt-that wasnโt on purpose!โ you squeal, heat instantly rising to your cheeks, and his head tilts into a laugh.
โoh, believe me, i know. this is just the first time i decided to do something about it.โ
you pause.
what? wait. then does that meanโฆ.
โw-wait. you- you knew? you knew i- before tonight, you knew that i-โ your sputtering has him rolling onto his back in another laugh, and you shoot up in disbelief.
โtaehyun!โ you whine loudly, covering your face in sheer embarrassment, his laughter making you want to crawl in a hole and die.
โbaby, you really think i wouldnโt notice you touching yourself right in my ear like that?โ
despite your humiliation, your heart flip-flops at the nickname.
it feels different when itโs not during sex.
โgod, the amount of times you left me rock hard to fend for myself when i had early schedules in the morningโฆโ
you look down at him incredulously. has he really felt the same way this entire time?
youโre stuttering again, which gives him enough time to pull you back down into the pillows, effectively shutting you up when he hovers inches over your lips.
โyou have no idea what youโve been doing to me,โ he utters, voice low. you shiver.
โno idea how hard iโve had to restrain myself since i realized your little secret.โ
you bite your lip to stop a whimper from escaping โ why does it turn you on so much when he points out how nasty you are?
โitโs only been for you,โ you whisper sheepishly. โi-i donโt know when it started, but i- i just canโt get you out of my head, tyun. everything about you. i just- fuck.โ you groan. โi want to be more too.โ
his eyes flicker between yours for only moments before heโs closing the gap to kiss you again, and your hands fly to his soft hair when he tilts his head to a deeper angle. you suck on his tongue eagerly when he parts your lips with it, and youโre addicted to the taste of him, to the feel of his body pressing into yours, the scent of his cologne that youโre so used to smelling on your sweatshirts now wrapping all around you.
โyouโre mine,โ he whispers against your lips.
you smile giddily when he pulls away to meet your eyes. โyours.. fucking finally.โ
he scoffs, sitting up and pulling your tired body easily along with his as you grip his strong shoulders.
โalways a brat, huh? cโmon, princess. letโs get you cleaned up so i can taste you some more.โ
โwhatever you say, daddy.โ
you pause.
โwait- MORE?โ
taehyun chuckles as your smirk falters from your face. he scoops you up into his arms as he heads for the bathroom โ โif i recall, youโre the one who wanted to- what was it? ride my abs... suck on my cockโฆโ
you shiver at his words, at his breath fanning over your ear, warmth filling you as you picture it. your aching pussy throbs against your will.
โpromises, promises, angel. donโt bite off more than you can chew.โ
SUMMARY: park jongseong is the kind of guy who likes to put his back against the wall to observe everybody before him and he likes the calm high only marijuana can provide when jake forces him out of his bedroom to socialize. enter you: a beautiful enigma in a black mini skirt and the only person who could get him higher than his favorite drug.
NOTES: a purely self indulgent fic. happy birthday jongseong ๐ค
WORD COUNT: 23.8K
WARNINGS: marijuana use, extensive dry humping, jay being equally obsessed with ass and tits, oral (m & f receiving), reader has a rack and a big ass, confident & slightly bratty mc, jay is a walking green flag, unprotected sex, plus some other stuff I donโt think I need to tag and donโt want to spoil. I wrote most of this while stoned so maybe that should be a warning in itself...
๐ง kiss it better โ the playlist
Jay doesn't have to announce that he smokes; his clothes smell earthy with the faint scene of leaf and smoke that lingers on all of his shirts and jackets. He always keeps a lighter on him in case there's an opportunity to get high or help someone else achieve that euphoria. Most times, Jay smells of vanilla and sandalwood from his favorite cologne that he intentionally sprays on his body for the longest lasting effect. It masks the scent or marijuana and wafts through his jet black hair, which has been cut short as of a week ago. He keeps to himself mostly, often preferring not to mingle with people who don't know how to carry a conversation. Jay hates unnecessary small talk. He'd rather people call him recluse than subject himself to people who only talk to him out of obligation.
Despite his quiet and introverted tendencies, he's friends with Jake, who is almost always the loudest person in the room. Jake is the type of person who can crack a smile and start a conversation with anybody. He doesn't mind if the small talk is bland and boring, unlike Jay, who counts the seconds until it's over. Jake loves it when the attention is on him like any other twenty-year-old something who's just gotten used to leaving home for the first time.
Their apartment on the outskirts of Seoul is less of an apartment and more like a small house, courtesy of Jay's exceptionally rich parents who dropped an unprecedented amount of money into his bank account despite the fact that he has a job. They don't particularly love that he works at a guitar repair shop or that he occasionally teaches people how to play the instrument when he has a free weekend, but Jay's never been the kind of person to care about what other people think of him as long as he's doing what he loves.
Well, that's how he's been ever since he started smoking.
Some time back in high school during the summer before his third year, he'd somehow met a freshly graduated student looking to sell off the rest of his marijuana before moving away for college. No way he could pack that shit in his luggage and fly halfway across the world with it in his possession. The plug was a friend of a friend. On a hot Thursday summer night, Jay smoked from a bong for the first time. He coughed and coughed, grateful that neither his friend nor the plug laughed at him for too long. The high didn't kick in until the third try when Jay had learned how to properly inhale.
If he could describe that first taste of euphoria, Jay would probably say it felt like walking on cloud nine with his head feeling heavier than a rock while the rest of his body felt as light as a feather. He could finally focus on one thing at a time instead of his brain running with a million thoughts. This was what it meant to let loose and be in the present moment. His friends thought he spent too much time worrying about the future instead of basking in the here and now. Jay finally understood what they were talking about.
When you first catch his eye, it's in the basement of his apartment. You arrived forty minutes prior along with your friends, some of whom he knows from around campus, and he looks at your exceptionally short black skirt that hugs your curves. The weather is starting to warm up with summer approaching beyond the horizon, even during the nighttime. Jay's red, bloodshot eyes rake over the expanse of your exposed legs and stop at the hem of the fabric before he peeks at your top, which is surely too small to properly cover your chest. It's a wonder how you haven't noticed him blatantly checking you out, but then again, the music is loud and there's far too many people in this room to make him stand out.
You look at Jay when the rest of your friends start to gather around the couch he's sitting on. Jake, who has migrated towards the coffee table with bottles of beer and soju, puts the drinks on the surface and starts pouring shots like the alcohol will give everybody enough courage to fly if they tried hard enough. He watches as you take a look at him too. Jay wears loose fitting black jeans and an old grey t-shirt he's worn one too many times. He's ditched his signature leather jacket because the apartment is warm with all the bodies that move before him and because it's his place. There's no use putting one on when he can walk upstairs to his bedroom if he gets cold. He never does. Several silver necklaces adorn his neck accompanied with matching silver jewelry that somehow makes his fingers look much longer than when his hands are completely bare. The callouses on his fingertips wrap around the joint in his handsโwhich is halfway finishedโby the time you walk around the coffee table and look down at him.
"Is this seat taken?" Jay shakes his head.
"All yours."
He hears your polite thank you amidst noise. There's far too much for him to focus on, namely the chatter of multiple conversations and Jake's twenty-seven hour long playlist he puts on shuffle every time he hosts a party. Now he has to add in your perfume into the mix, which smells something like almond and cherries. Jay doesn't mean to inhale your scent, but it's kind of hard not to when you're sitting so close to him. The couch is only so big, anyway. Your thigh might as well be pushing against his if you weren't so polite.
"I like you what you did with your hair," you say, turning your body to look at him.
"Hm?" Jay hums.
"You hair. I like what you did with it," you repeat, using your index finger to point at his gelled hair, which he styled last minute thanks to Jake's suggestion. "It looks good on you."
"You think so?" You nod a few times. Jay can tell you're drunk from pregaming and the drinks his roommate and your friends have been passing around for the last hour or so.
"You lookโฆedgy."
"Edgy?"
"Like, way too cool to be here."
Jay nearly scoffs at that. Too cool. Nobody's ever used that phrase to describe him before. Most people think he's too quiet for his own good or that he's a bit of a snob because he refuses to be part of the crowd that goes along with anything for the sake of looking like he has friends. Jay is the kind of person who keeps to himself until he feels comfortable enough to open up. Being vulnerable is not his forte. He'd rather keep everything to himself until he's given a reason to spill his guts. People tend to compare him to Jake and always wonder how the two of them are so close despite being so different. His best friend's loudness complements his quiet nature, even if it gets to be too overwhelming sometimes.
You, on the other hand, are the epitome of cool. Jay's never spoken to you in his life, but he's seen you around before. You never walk around campus without somebody trailing after you and on the rare occasions you're alone, he's seen you call out to somebody as they pass by. Jay doesn't know if you're a natural socializing magnet or if people seek you out on purpose. He doesn't know if there's much of a difference. Jay has never found the appeal of having a large friend group because he'd rather find a few people who he can trust than entertain people who don't really care about him. He doesn't know you well enough to make any assumptions beyond what he's witnessed, but you're friends with the girl Jake is talking to, which means he's been seeing you more than he ever has.
With his joint still lit, Jay laughs and the sound vibrates deep within him as the high continues making him feel like his head is much heavier than the rest of his body, just how he likes it. "You flatter me."
"You're Jay, right?" You ask. You tell him your name, which he already knows, but he chooses not to tell you that.
"Yeah, I am. Jake's roommate."
"I've heard a lot about you."
"Have you?"
"Good things, I promise," you tell him with a sweet smile. Jay's eyes barely flicker to your lips. You'd notice if you were sober, but you aren't. "Jake told me you play guitar. I think that's really cool."
"Do you play too?"
You shake your head. "Nope. I grew up playing piano. My parents never let me learn guitar because they wanted me to become a pianist."
"How's that going for you?"
"I can play Tchaikovsky without sheet music, but I really like learning about astronomy."
"You're either a disappointment or an exceptional daughter."
You giggle. Jay doesn't think he's made anyone make that sound before.
"Maybe a little bit of both. I crushed their dreams of seeing me in Carnegie Hall, but they're happy I chose a hard science as my major. I'm planning on going to grad school after taking a gap year."
"You'reโฆvery confident."
"Is that a bad thing?" You ask with the tilt of your head.
"Not at all. I'm just surprised."
"You are the cute guy with a joint and enough jewelry to last a lifetime. You look pretty confident to me." Your eyes rake over his hands, which are adorned with an assortment of silver rings before passing up his neck and to his ears, both of which are tastefully decorated. Jay looks at you and notices you're decked out in jewelry too. The gold tones complements you well.
"I think people shouldn't be afraid of accessorizing," Jay says.
"Fuck the clean girl aesthetic." You laugh. "I'm just kidding. People can do what they want. But I don't feel like myself unless my eyes are caked in eyeliner." Your makeup looks expertly put on. It's messy in a tasteful way, like you didn't try too hard even though you probably took your time getting ready.
"It looks nice on you."
"You think so?"
Jay nods. "Makes you look like a rock star."
"You're one to talk," you say, letting your eyes fall again.
The joint burns quicker than he'd like and in lieu of a response, Jay takes another puff and hopes he doesn't come off as socially awkward. He inhales and holds it in his lungs as casually as he can before turning his head away to blow the smoke anywhere but in your face. Jay can feel your eyes watching his lips as he brings the joint to his mouth and feels his neck start to warm up.
"Do you want to take a hit?" He asks, holding the joint out for you.
"Do you care if I get lip gloss on it?"
As if he'd pass up the chance to taste it.
He pushes the joint closer to you until your nimble fingers take it from him and he watches intently as your lips enclose around the opening. You've already got your lip gloss on it, something he can only describe as cherry cola, but he doesn't really care. Maybe he's high or maybe he knows a thing or two about pretty girls who like to make their lips look real kissable, but Jay takes note of your brown lip liner that makes you look even more delectable than when you were standing across the room from him.
Like the polite girl you are, you turn your head away to blow the smoke out of your mouth. You take it like a champ, too. You inhaled quite a bit and he was sure he'd have to get up from his spot on the couch to grab you a glass of waterโor make Jake do itโbut you cough only once to clear your throat before turning back around and inspecting the lip gloss that's managed to taint the paper. You smile and laugh when you notice it, flicking your eyes back towards Jay as you pass the joint back to him.
"Sorry," you apologize. "I really tried not to get any on there."
"S'okay. It happens," he mumbles, trying not to become too transfixed with the way you rub your lips together.
"Do you always offer your joints to strangers you see at parties?"
"Only if they're pretty."
Jesus. He's never this bold when he's sober. Jay sees a flicker of bashfulness in your expression when he says it, though. He isn't used to talking to girls like Jake is because he's got more things to worry about than wondering when he'll get his dick wet. He's the kind of guy that likes to take things slow and only jumps in on opportunities if they happen naturally. Jake's tried to introduce him to a few girls in the past but it never felt right.
Something about you smoking the joint he rolled twenty minutes before this party began is making him feel differently.
"Do you think I'm pretty, Jay?" Caught between embarrassment and bravado, he chooses the latter.
"Very pretty."
"I think you're pretty too."
"Do you?"
You nod. "Always have. I've seen you around campus before. You've got this mysterious thing going on. It works for you."
"Did Jake put you up to this?" He asks, shaking his head before inhaling a small puff.
"He didn't," you tell him. "I'm not really friends with Jake. Well, we know each other because we've shared a few classes and because he's talking to my best friend. No colluding here."
You move closer to him only slightly, but Jay's high and the only thing he can focus on is your exposed thigh inching closer towards his own. Your skirt has already ridden up so far because of the position you're sitting in and because it's hard to fix your clothes when you aren't standing up. If he looked down, Jay would see your tits practically shoving themselves in his face because of the tight, low cut. But even when he's inebriated, Jay is a gentleman, so he maintains his composure and keeps a respectful distance.
"Can I have another hit?" He gives the joint back to you and tries his best not to gawk at your lips again. "This isn't your scene, is it?"
"It is if Jake asks me to come," he answers, watching you tilt your head back to exhale. "I'm not a party guy, but it's my house and it'll be just as loud in my bedroom."
"I see," you say with a hum, looking at the group of people that have gathered near the table at the far end of the room. "It's not really my scene either."
"It's not?"
You shake your head. "I go to these things because my friends like to and I like them. Don't get me wrong, I like going out, but I think I'd rather smoke with a few people in my apartment instead."
"What would you rather be doing?"
"Depends on my mood. Right now I'd rather be high on my roof stargazing. I also like watching anime a lot. I'd rather be doing that alone in my bedroom."
"You must really like your friends to come out tonight." You laugh and Jay thinks it sounds like his favorite melody.
"I have my moments where I want to go out. I think my introversion comes out sometimes, but it's my last year of university and who knows when I'll be able to see all my friends in one place. What about you? What would you rather be doing?"
"Is it obvious that I'm bored?"
"Well, you look like you'd rather hide in your room than stay down here."
"I don't know anyone well enough," Jay tells you. "Not bad company, everyone's just a stranger tonight."
"But not me, right?" You ask, leaning in closer to him.
His eyes flicker down to your lips before looking back at you.
"No. Not you," he murmurs. "I know you now."
"Come play beer pong!" Jake shouts, interrupting the conversation from halfway across the room. When Jay turns his head to look, everyone has migrated to the table with red solo cups perfectly aligned on both sides. Your friends call out for you and Jay assumes you must be really good at this game if they're this adamant about you playing.
"Come with me?" You ask him, standing up while outstretching your hand to him. He only hesitates for a second before putting the joint in his mouth and putting his hand in yours.
Already, he notes how soft your palms are and the long, pointy shape of your nails that have been painted a dark shade of purple. Jay tries not to stare at your joined hands for too long because he doesn't want to seem like he's gawking, especially when he's surrounded by people you know. You lead him towards the crowd as Jake pours beer in the remaining empty cups.
You don't drop his hands immediately. Instead, you turn towards him and look up, batting your eyelashes. "Can I have another hit? For good luck?"
"Won't that make you loose focus?"
"I'm really good at beer pong."
Instead of giving you the joint, Jay holds it up to your mouth and watches you envelope the tip into your mouth. He doesn't hide the fact that he's staring, nor do you hide the fact that you're looking at him as he looks at you. He can hear your friend telling you to hurry up but you don't, instead choosing to inhale as much as you can before pulling away, holding it in your lungs, and blowing the smoke behind you.
"You know the rules," Jake says, standing across from you with a ping pong ball in his hand. "No pushing or blocking. I want a clean, fair game."
"Until the next round," your friend says.
Jake smirks. "Until the next round."
You finally let go of his hand to stand next to your friend and Jay can't help but trail his eyes until he looks at your ass. Fuck. You look exceptional in that skirt. He pulls his gaze away to avoid looking like a creep checking you out while you're bending over, but can anyone blame him? With every move and every stop, your skirt rides up your incredible thighs and he almost wishes he could push the fabric up just to see what you look like underneath it.
True to your word, you're really good at beer pong. Jake is far more drunk than you and your friend and his partner is barely carrying his weight. You, on the other hand, manage to sink the ping pong ball into the cup every single time you throw it. Jay relishes in Jake's defeated expression when he has to drink out of a cup, partially because his best friend wouldn't allow him to hole himself in his bedroom all night, and partially because Jay finds your hand-eye coordination really attractive. He finishes the remainder of the joint and finds a spare ash tray somewhere behind him.
The game ends eventually. Jay watches you and your best friend share a celebratory embrace and he can't help but let a ghost of a smile adorn his lips when he sees how happy you are now that you've won. Half of your drinks are still on the table while Jake's cups are nearly empty. Your friend walks to the other side of the table to console his best friend, who asks to team up for the next round as an excuse to be close to her, when you grab a two of the red cups and lift one to his mouth.
"Drink with me?"
He doesn't say no. Jay's knees nearly buckle when you maintain eye contact over the rim of the cup until you finish yours, which prompts him to finish his own. He doesn't particularly like the taste of warm, cheap beer, but he'd drink the rest of it if that meant staying by your side.
"Congratulations on the win. Jake's really bad at beer pong and hasn't improved in the four years I've known him," Jay says somewhat awkwardly, too high to find the confidence to act like he's sober enough to have a proper conversation with you. You're faring much better than he is, but he thinks it's probably because you're naturally good with people.
"I've played him a few times and you're right, he's terrible at it," you say with a short laugh. "What about you? Are you any good?"
"I'm decent, but I prefer staying on the sidelines instead of playing."
"That's okay." You smile up at him. "You can be my cheerleader from now on."
"Yeah?"
"Mhm," you hum. You hold your hand up in front of him. "Give me your phone."
"My phone?"
"I wanna give you my number, silly."
Jay nearly chokes. You're really pretty. He'd have to be an idiot to deny your request.
He fishes his phone from his pocket, grateful for his past self that decided to bring it downstairs instead of leaving it in his room like he usually does. After unlocking it, he hands the device to you and watches the way your fingers wrap around the case as you type your number. He's surprised when you take a picture of yourself in front of him to have as your contact photo before you hand it back. Your contact name is simple, spelled in all lowercase with a singular black heart right next to it.
God, you're something.
"Don't be a stranger, okay?"
โง๏ฝฅ๏พโโโโโโโโโโโ โง๏ฝฅ
It's been two weeks since then.
Sober Jay from the morning after somehow convinced himself that you weren't serious about him texting you. It must've been the weed, right? Or maybe it was the atmosphere at the party. Things like this happen to Jake, not him.
But here you are, walking towards him with a big smile on your face.
Lee Heeseung cocks his head and looks between the two of you. He watches Jay notice you from the corner of his eye, slowing his gait as if to check if it's really you, before looking ahead and taking another step forwards. Heeesung raises an eyebrow and pulls Jay by the arm.
"You shouldn't ignore a gorgeous girl who wants your attention," says Heeseung, clearly giving you a once over. You don't seem to notice because you're too busy trying to get Jay's to look at you. "Do you know her?"
"Barely," Jay mutters.
"It looks like she knows you."
"We met at a part a couple of weeks ago, is all. We barely know each other."
"I'll come over after work," Heeseung says, effectively patting Jay on the shoulder before he leaves.
"Heeseungโ"
"Jay!" You say from beside him. He looks down at you, giving Heeseung the chance to slip away without saying a proper goodbye. "Who's your friend?"
"Nobody important," Jay mumbles. "What are you doing here?"
"In the public quad?" He tries not to let a blush form atop his cheeks. "You didn't text me."
There's no use in trying to come up with a cohesive answer. He opens his mouth like he's a fish out of water, but you keep looking at him like you're amused.
"I didn't think you were serious."
"I even added a contact picture."
It's a fucking good one too.
"Here," you say, pulling your phone out of your pocket. "Put your number in my phone."
"This feels like dรฉjร vu."
"I thought about finding your Instagram or asking around for your number, but you could've ignored me there too. I figure I'd find you and ask you myself."
Jay's never had anybody this interested in him. He's had girlfriends in the past, but they always felt like placeholders. He's pretty sure his ex-girlfriends felt the same way about him too. You, on the other hand, have been bold and forward ever since the first time you laid your eyes on him. Ever since sharing that joint a couple of weeks ago, Jay's felt this strange sense of his heartstrings being pulled involuntarily.
The truth is, he hasn't stopped thinking about you since that night. In the evening, when Jake is asleep or gaming with his noise cancelling headphones, Jay would pull up your contact and stare at your image for hours. He'd fantasize about seeing you again before feeling embarrassment for conjuring such an image. There have been to many times where he'd draft a text message just to delete it altogether. Jay can't pinpoint why he refrained from reaching out to you, but deep down, he knows it's because he's scared of being rejected by you.
And yet, here you are, asking for his phone number.
you: hi jay!!
"Don't be a stranger. I mean it this time," you tell him as you pocket your phone and walk away.
"Fuck," he whispers. He's never felt such exhilaration in his entire life.
Jay does text you back. He texts back approximately four hours later (after conferring with Heeseung on what he should say) and settles on being just as direct as you. He figures dinner and a movie is a safe bet, especially since he doesn't know you well enough to know what you'd be interested in. Heeseung tells Jay he's overthinking and fuck, he knows that, but it's hard not to when he really wants to impress you and make you believe he's more than just some guy you got high with at one of Jake's parties.
Sometimes Jay wonders if he jumps off of the deep end too fast. He'd never purposely make you feel like you need to rush into anything with him right off the bat, but he can't deny that his feelings towards you compile into something that feels like a crush. Smoking with you didn't feel like a one-time thing, especially since you held his fucking hand and told him to join you during that beer pong match. You let everyone see you drag him to the group. You didn't drop his hand for the sake of not wanting to be seen with him, but because your teammate needed you to be laser focused to win against Jake and his partner.
He'd never admit that you're on his mind at every waking hour. Perhaps he's been such a loner for so long, but Jake and Heeseung both would argue that Jay isn't a loner per se. Rather, he's someone who takes his time and has impossibly high standards because he wants to be completely sure about a decision before he goes all in. He's always been a bit indecisive like that, even in childhood. But it's not his fault that he's a careful person. Jay's careful with his mind, body, and soul.
You came into his life like a fucking thunderstorm. You've unarmed all of Jay's senses and made him forget being cautious like he usually does despite having only spent a few hours with you a couple of weeks ago. There's no rhyme or reason for your existence in his life and all you've done is share a joint and talk to him like you've known him all your life. He loves people like that. Jay's first encounter with Jake was at orientation during their first year of university and the latter had struck up a conversation because he simply didn't know anybody at the time. It was alarming in the best kind of way and Jay decided to take a leap of faith to befriend Jake. The rest is history, as they say.
Is it pathetic that he's thinking about making space in his life for you when he barely knows who you are? He knows you're beautiful, you like to get high, and you're exceptional at beer pong. There's not much he can go off of when he allows himself to fantasize about what it would be like to call you his girlfriend. God, Jay must be truly fucked in the head to think that far ahead when he's only hung out with you once. He'd never call himself a hopeless romantic or the kind of guy who believes in love at first sight, but something about your wondrous self makes him think otherwise.
Eventually, the two of you sit across from one another in a late night diner after seeing The Drama.
"This whole movie was bullshit," you say, dipping french fries into a mixture of ketchup and hot sauce. "I mean, Emma didn't go through with her original plan. Her belief system was completely shaped after finding her friend group. Shouldn't that count for something? Everyone else at that table did some fucked up shit, but Emma was the only one who didn't."
"Rachel was a terrible friend," Jay says with a definite nod. "Her husbandโwhat was his named again? Mike?โwas useless the entire time. All of this could've been avoided if Emma and Charlie postponed the wedding to talk about it."
"I couldn't help but notice how everyone except for Emma showed their true personalities. Rachel locked that kid in a closet and didn't help him. She got spooked and let left him to the wolves, which is exactly how she treated her best friend. Mike was a pussy who used his ex-girlfriend as a human shield and he did that again by hiding behind Rachel, no? And Charlieโฆhe didn't even know what happened to the kid he cyberbullied and wrestled with that until he got over it. All three of them repeated their mistakes but Emma was the only one who didn't."
Jay can't help but look at you in awe. Underneath the awful diner lighting, you look beautiful as you dive straight into your analysis and your late night dinner. He can get talkative too, something his parents used to scold him for, and part of him thinks they're the reason why he feels conditioned to keep his opinions and feelings to himself. There are a few people, like Jake and Heeseung, who naturally bring out his loquacious tendencies. Jay feels that way with you and he loves that you aren't afraid to tell him what you think, even if it isn't pleasant.
"How did you feel about the ending? When Charlie and Emma met up at the diner and pretended everything was okay?"
"I honestly don't even know," you say with an exasperated sigh. "If that were me, I would've advised both of them to postpone the wedding and get extensive couples therapy. You?"
"I would've done the same thing," he replies. "They didn't seem like a great fit to me from the start. I mean, why didn't Charlie just read the book before their first date?"
"Men are the worst," you say, rolling your eyes. Jay nods in agreement. Men really do suck.
"Hopefully our night will end better than theirs."
You raise an eyebrow. "With me in a wedding dress and you bloody and bruised?"
Picturing you in a wedding dress makes his heart skip a beat.
"No," he said with a slight blush. "I hope we enjoy our food and maybe you like me enough to want to do this again."
"Let's see how the night ends first," you say coyly. "But I'm having a great time, if that's any consolation. The movie might've been bad, but the company isn't."
Jay laughs and looks down at his plate. "You say things that make me think you're flirting with me."
"What if I am?"
He looks back up at you. "Aren't I the one supposed to make you blush?"
"We still have the whole night ahead of us, Jay. There's plenty of time for that."
"I was surprised when you came up to me at the party," Jay confesses. "I'm not the type of person to justโฆgo up to people the way you do. I thought that was cool. I didn't want to fuck tonight up."
"You could've texted me sooner," you tease, grabbing a fry from his plate. "But it's fine. I'm the kind of person who believes in fate, or whatever you want to call it. Whatever happens is supposed to happen."
"That's a beautiful way of putting it."
"Do you remember what I said to you? I could've looked you up on Instagram or ask Jake but you could've ignored me there too." Jay blushes, shutting his eyes closed. You laugh when you see him and take a sip of your chocolate milkshake.
"God, I don't know why I convinced myself that you were joking."
"Well, I actually told myself that if I saw you in person, that would mean it's worth trying again."
"Really?" You shrug.
"Yup. Simple as that. I desire many things and let fate handle the rest."
"You areโฆextremely poetic."
"I'm not afraid to say what's on my mind," you tell him. "I think you could learn a thing or two from me."
"I think you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen," Jay says without missing a beat. He holds your gaze, which makes his fingers twitch, but he doesn't relent. It's your turn to be bashful now and he relishes in the sight of you breaking eye contact first.
"You really flatter me, Jay."
"I'm only saying what's on my mind. It's all I've been thinking about for the past two weeks, actually. I can't seem to get you out of my head and I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing."
"It's a good thing," you say. "Definitely a good thing."
Jay pays the entire bill. Your apartment isn't very far from here, just a short seven minute drive. With you sitting in his passenger seat, he has the itch to put his palm on your thigh as some kind of silent claim, but he doesn't because the two of you haven't even kissed.
The short drive ends quickly and you make a passing comment about how the night is still young because it's Friday and you don't have anywhere to be tomorrow morning. Jay decides to push his overthinking tendencies to the side, asking if you'd want to keep hanging out while he drives aimlessly all over down. You say yes and make a joke about how much gas he'd be wasting, but he tells you he doesn't mind it if you're the one he's driving with, and that makes you blush.
It's unfathomable how comfortable Jay is with you already. It's only been one date (two, if you count when you first met), but he's already falling in deep. You talk about life like you're excited to be alive and make him feel like there's something at the end of every tunnel. He learns so much about you by listening to all the things you aren't saying and asks question after question. You do the same, making him feel like he's part of the conversation instead of focusing solely on yourself and Jay gets the sense that you really want to get to know him too. Sometimes he thinks he can talk for hours without anyone interrupting and he feels like this habit of his annoys people around him. But not you, apparently. You hang onto every word and don't interrupt him.
After a near hour of driving, Jay finds himself back at your apartment and walks you to the front door like the gentleman he is.
"I had a really great time tonight," he says, looking down at you. It's unfair how beautiful you are underneath the moonlight.
"You surprised me, Jay."
"I did?"
"Mhm. I always thought you were the lonesome, brooding type. You're intimidating, you know that? Especially when you're smoking. You lookโฆuntouchable." He laughs at that.
"I don't know if that's a good or bad thing." Jay looks at the way your eyes travel up and down his body. His neck feels warm all of the sudden.
"It's a really good thing," you say, pushing yourself closer to Jay. "You're too cool to be in most places."
"You're one to talk. You know exactly who you are. That's intimidating."
"I don't go out with just anyone, you know. I made an exception."
"For me?"
"For you."
His eyes flicker down to your lips. He can barely believe his life. Jay must look like he's fighting some invisible urge to remain the gentleman you deserve, but you aren't having that. "Kiss me, Jay."
He does.
God, your lips are so soft. The lip gloss rubbed off an while ago but he still tastes the remnants. Jay's already lost in the feeling of your mouth on his, carefully putting both of his hands on your hips. The feeling of pure adrenaline becomes more intense when he's kissing you with his eyes closed and Jay can only feel an exhilarated jolt in his body when he realizes you're kissing him back. The kiss is as polite as it can be for two semi-horny twenty-year-old-somethings making out in the dead of night, right where anyone could see the two of you. Jay doesn't care, though, and he doesn't think you do either.
It's short-lived because you drop your keys, startling the two of you until you both pull away.
"You taste incredible," Jay says without fully thinking.
"Come upstairs with me?" You ask him in a rush, bending over to pick up your fallen keys.
"Only if you want me to."
"I do, Jay. Come in."
Jay doesn't have time to look at the decor in the living room because you're hauling him past the dark kitchen and up the stairs. You drag him in such a haste that he stumbles as he takes his shoes off, unable to place them neatly by the door. For a second, Jay's worried that the two of you will wake up your roommate, but you open your door and pull him inside with brute force that he stops thinking with his brain and starts thinking with his cock.
Your room is cute. It's very you, dark with red and purple accents with posters and artwork covering every inch of you wall in a tasteful manner. Your desk is littered with makeup, your headphones, and other miscellaneous items Jay can't make out in the dark. The window by your bed provides a bit of moonlight for him to see and he's grateful for it because he's watching you take off your shirt. Your bra is midnight black. A push up, most likely, making your chest look like a cardinal sin. Jay can't help but let his eyes drop to your tits, his eyes watching you breathe heavily.
"Fuck me," Jay whispers. It cuts through the silence of the night and he's about to apologize when you pull him by his neck until his lips are back on yours.
The two of you tumble onto your queen sized bed, effectively pulling Jay's chest to fall flush against yours. He feels you try to push off his jacket, to which he pulls his arms out before tossing it somewhere behind him, while his lips chase after your plush ones. Your hands are all over his body and Jay's horny brain prevents him from holding back like he was when the two of you were outside your front door. You're kissing him just as enthusiastically, fingers clawing at his clothing as your hands explore his chest and abdomen, making Jay recoil at your sensitive touch.
He doesn't know what to focus on. Your voice is breathy and light and your mouth tastes like an invitation to sin underneath the moonlight. Jay can barely register your tits pressing up against his chest because his dick is starting to harden in his jeans with every second that passes. Your mouth leaves his own and he holds back a pathetic whine because he wants to keep kissing you while you're underneath him, but your wet lips attach to his hot neck. He almost forgot how good it feels to be touched by somebody he's actually excited about. Sex isn't always just sex to him and he thinks there must be something fundamentally wrong with him for being unable to truly live in the moment if he isn't completely attracted to the girl he's with. Hovering above your semi-naked body with your mouth sucking on his warm skin makes him feel like his soul is on fire burning with unashamed desire.
It's hard to keep still when you're kissing him like you're desperate for him too. His fingertips itch to move your bra and panties out of the way, but he doesn't want to ruin a good thing by acting out of haste. When you pull your head back, presumably from the discomfort of craning your head at an uncomfortable angle, Jay sees his opportunity to make you feel as good as you make him feel. His mouth presses long, wet kisses along your jawline until you're moaning straight into the air and right next to his eardrum.
God. You sound divine.
You sound like a siren luring him into the deep end. He's a sailor braving the storm when he hears your song echoing from the distance, turning his ship from the traveling course to sail wherever you are. Your breathy voice and rolling hips makes his dick impossibly hard and Jay never imagined he'd ever get like this over dry humping, but you seem to take him out of his element and reward him for it.
Jay has long since stopped asking for verbal permission because he keeps getting cut off by your eager lips. Your hands have found their way to the back of his head, tugging on his soft strands the more he travels down your neck. His mouth sucks on the spot just underneath your earlobe and the euphoric tension makes your legs wrap around his body, effectively trapping him right where he wants to be. Jay would never complain about you clinging onto him like this. In fact, he wants to be as close as he possibly can with you.
Tugging on his roots causes him to groan against your skin. Your silent room makes the combination of your moans sound like something out of an amateur lewd film and it makes Jay's senses go haywire. The more you tug on his hair, the more he pushes his covered dick against the fabric of your panties. He can feel you. Jay notices the way you push your lap straight into his like you're trying to feel his cock through his denim. He savors the way your body arches deeply when his tongue licks your earlobe, making your entire body shudder to the point where Jay's arm catches you before you roll over.
"Take your shirt off," you moan with an opened mouth, moving your hands from his head to underneath the hem. Jay grunts when your manicured nails scratch down his toned abdomen. Fuck, your touch might as well send him in a spiral.
The shirt comes off and it'll live on your bedroom floor for the foreseeable future because the only thing on Jay's mind is the pure desire that emanates from your gaze. You resemble that of a hungry feline ready to pounce on your prey and Jay doesn't care that your eyes are raking all over his body. In fact, he finds it incredibly sexy that you're objectifying him like thisโis it objectification if he allows it?โbecause it turns him on. Knowing you want him as badly as he wants you is the very on top. When it comes to you, getting his dick wet means absolutely nothing if you aren't into him too.
He's caught off guard momentarily, allowing you to push him until his back hits your mattress. Jay follows your body, watching and feeling the way you climb onto his lap like you're its rightful owner. This moment is something out of his wildest wet dreamโyou in a black lace bra with panties pasted onto your pussy because of how wet you've made them. Jay could only guess how turned on you were but now that he has a clear view of you, he almost can't believe you're letting him see you like this.
Jay doesn't think when he brings his thumb to nudge at your wet center. You buck your hips at that and let out this soft, airy moan that makes his cock twitch. He's sure you can feel it but he doesn't particularly care, not when you're grinding again his thumb that's rubbing you right over your covered clit.
"You're so wet," Jay groans, pushing the pad of his thumb harder against your swollen bud. "Your panties are soaked."
"You turn me on," you confess unashamed, hands coming to the button of his jeans as you try to take them off. Your long nails prove to be troublesome, though. Jay chuckles at your frustration and unbuttons his pants as you lift off of him until he's able to push them down far enough to reveal his boxers and the hardened outline of his dick.
His jeans sit uncomfortably halfway down his legs but Jay can't bring himself to care when you're looking down at his lap like his cock is a piece of mean. Did you mean to lick your lips or was that a natural response? You marvel at it for a short moment before crawling your way back up until your clothed core drags along his boxers and for the first time in a while, he doesn't have to rely on his hand or a spare toy to get him off.
Feeling your warmth is enough to get Jay's blood pumping even harder. He feels the metronome that is his heartbeat pounding in his ears when your hands roam around his naked chest, feeling every ridge and dip his abdomen and pecs have to offer. You run your fingertips over his nipples and Jay visibly shudders at that, to which you smile wickedly and laugh like you find him amusing. Your hips don't stop moving either, slowly grinding your panties over his boxers as if you've decided to take your sweet time with him compared to when you latched your mouth onto his neck like a leech.
Every drag of your hips brings him closer to Heaven. Jay's grateful he's sober for two reasons: he'd probably cum in his pants the second he saw you in your bra and the feeling of your hand repositioning his dick in your boxers so that your clit can rub over his tip is sensational. Jay's never fucked a girl who was so intentional before. He's familiar with putting on this persona of the guy who wants to take care of every girl he sleeps with (that's true for the most part) but his heart isn't in it half the time. But youโฆyou know exactly what you want and you aren't afraid to take it. It's what he's grown to like about you over the course of his date with you and Jay's experiencing what that's like right now.
"Drag your pussy over me like you mean it," he grunts, bringing his hands to your body as if to guide you in a steady rhythm.
"Fuck," you curse. "This feels so fucking good."
"Your body's phenomenal," he groans like it's a confession he wants you to hear. "Why have you been hiding these pretty tits from me?"
You laugh at him, arching your back to give his face a full view of your chest. "You like these?"
"I love them," he replies, digging his fingertips into your flesh. "Makes me wanna see them with your bra off."
You comply like the deviant you are, expertly unhooking your bra and tossing it somewhere onto your bed. Jay almost drools at the sight of your erect nipples, licking his lips involuntarily. You look like a beautiful, demonic succubus straight from the deepest pits of hell meant to seduce Jay. He'd gladly sell his soul if that means he gets to be the only one to experience you like this.
Watching you from below might as well be the last thing he sees before he dies. Your tits look phenomenal as they bounce the more you drag your covered pussy over his lap. The soiled fabric must feel so good against your bare, wet pussy because you're moaning like your life depends on it. Your vocal moans bring him closer and closer to the edge he's trying not to peer over, but you make it hard when you look and sound like that. Sexy beyond compare. Jay's pictured this exact moment every single night as his hands cup his dick without him realizing it most times. He finds that his body responds to yours in ways it's never responded to anyone before and at this rate, he's let his cock do the thinking for him. Every single rational thought he's had about being a gentleman tonight has been thrown out of your window, never to be seen again.
Jay yanks you down by your neck and pushes your lips with his own until your tongues collide and smash against one another. The wet spit makes the whole affair that much more erotic, especially when Jay's bending his legs and lifting them up and thrust his covered dick right against your panties, paying no mind to the fact that his jeans are technically caught at his ankles. You two must look like two desperate people rutting your laps against one another, if he had to guess. Fuck it. It feels so good. Grinding into you like this makes him feel like he's in a quick haste. He wishes he could do more, like peel your clothes off and kiss every inch of your skin until he memorizes what your body tastes like, but you're both too far gone to think about that right now. You moan hotly against his lips and push your tongue against him harder like you're trying to get underneath his skin. It's working and Jay grabs your ass cheeks, gripping onto your meaty flesh while he moans and thrusts his hips like a wild bull.
"I'm close, Jay. Fuck, keep doing that and you'll make me cum," you moan, grinding your ass back onto him. The way the tip of his cock hits your wet patch is indescribable. He wishes he could feel that with his raw cock instead.
"You feel me like that? The way my dick pushes against you?" Jay grunts, bucking his hips. "This is just a preview. I'm going to fuck your pussy until you crave me when I'm gone."
"Yes, fuck!"
"Gonna fuck that drooling pussy of yours." Something about one particular thrust makes you yelp, making you cling onto him like your life depends on it. "Cum for me," Jay moans, gripping your ass tighter until you're moaning louder. "That's so hot. You're so hot."
"Cumming, cumming!"
"I'm cumming too," he grunts in short breaths.
Your covered pussy pushed against him when you come and Jay follows soon after. He feels the way his hot seed shoots straight from his slit and onto his boxers, the sticky substance rubbing against his skin with every thrust. Jay feels like a teenager coming like this but it's worth it when he looks up to see your eyes closed shut, mouth hanging open as you catch your breath and relieve yourself from the incredible high. The sweat on his forehead starts to cool when his hips thrust haphazardly against you and Jay spills the last of his semen into his pants when you drop your head to his shoulder.
The sounds of your heavy breaths fill the quiet room. Jay strokes your back when you breathe against his neck in a silent attempt to calm you down from the dirty affair, readjusting himself to let you lay your head completely on his chest. He kisses the crown of your head as you curl your fist against him and the feeling of your mouth littering soft kisses on his naked body makes his heart flutter.
However, the moment is cut short when you receive a call on your phone, startling the both of you. You yelp in his arms and his heart rate skyrockets until you're both looking at each other and laughing at the absurd juxtaposition having made each other come to an orgasm before your phone rang. Jay reluctantly lets you go, but he watches the way you turn back to look at him before answering.
"Now?" He hears you say. "What? I'm not out of breath. I just ran up the stairs, though. Okay sue, fried rice is fine. I'll see you in fifteen. Drive safe."
"Who was that?" Jay asks when you hang up the phone.
"My roommate," you reply. "I thought she was gonna be out until tomorrow, but her plans changed and now she's coming home with takeout."
"Great roommate, awful timing."
You smile at him apologetically, walking towards him until you're standing in between his legs. He sits on the edge of your bed and places his hands on your hips to draw you in closer to him, neck craning to look up as you bend down to give him a kiss.
"I'm sorry, Jay," you apologize. "I don't want to kick you out, but she's going to question you like she's my mother. You remember the girl Jake's talking to, right? That's her."
"She seems nice, though."
"She's the best," you say with a smile against his mouth. "She's my best friend and she's really protective over me. I don't really want her first time meeting you to be like, wellโฆthis."
"We've met before, though?"
"Yeah, but not as the guy I'm seeing." Jay feels his heart bounce against his chest. He likes the sound of that.
"Don't worry about it," he says, rubbing the pads of his thumbs over your skin. "I had a great time tonight. The date and the sex."
"I can't believe we dry humped on my bed," you giggle, looking down at his naked torso. "You're really hot, Jay."
"You're hotter," he says, kissing you again. "I should probably get dressed, huh?"
You pout. "I don't want you to go."
"I don't want to go either, but your friend is coming back." Jay pecks your lips and pushes you to the side to grab his discarded clothes and to fix his pants. His come is sticky in his boxers but there's no time for him to clean himself up, so he decides he'll brace the uncomfortable drive home.
"Stop being such a green flag," you grumble cutely, eyebrows furrowing like you can't believe he has the audacity to be respectful.
"You're so cute," he admits without thinking, leaning down to kiss you again before kissing your temple.
The two of you put your clothes back on and he stumbles back down the stairs, pretending like his legs aren't jello from humping you ten minutes ago. Jay becomes a happier version of himself when you walk him to his car and he kisses you one last time, his hand cupping the back of your neck to keep you in place. He leaves soon after that, watching the way you touch your lips and smile to yourself in the rear view mirror.
You're so cute.
โง๏ฝฅ๏พโโโโโโโโโโโ โง๏ฝฅ
Despite that incredible night, exams get in the way of spending alone time together.
The two of you hang out on campus more than not after realizing the pathway to your classes overlap. Jay doesn't mind these innocent run ins (that have turned into intentional dates spending time with one another) because he learns more about you the more you talk. And the more you talk, the deeper he falls.
There's something about the way you carry yourself. You embody confidence that makes Jay want to kiss you all over and let everybody know you're with him. They probably do, since the two of you have graduated to holding hands in public (so much so that Heeseung and Jake have since started teasing him for it). Life feels better with you in it. Jay's never been the kind of person who lives for other people, but you're a welcome presence that feels like a steady addition to his life instead of a burden. He wakes up in the morning looking forward to hearing your every thought until your lungs burn from talking so much. He could listen to your voice forever. And you listen to him too, letting him drone on and on about everything and nothing at the same time. The conversations don't feel forced or make him feel like he's supposed to be interested for the sake of being polite.
Everything happens for a reason, right? People fall into place when the universe aligns or some shit like that. That's what Jay thinks when he's high out of his mind, sitting on his bed as he watches anime on his TV. He's been having more of these sentimental epiphanies lately. It's like his mind focuses on the positives instead of what obstacles he has in front of him. He used to think you were a welcomed distraction, but now he thinks you're actually a perfect complement.
There's no stress with you. Jay lets himself fall deeply through your intuitive nature and all the subtle things he picks up. He loves that you're more considerate than you give off, always taking the temperature of the room and thinking before you speak. You're loud, animated, and entirely too whimsical to ever peak in university. You've got a million stories to tell him and he learns so much about you with every anecdote that passes through your lips. Jay notices how guarded you are and can't help but feel so special that he's an exception to this condition. It almost feels like he's in the inner circle, but the payoff has less to do with access to you and more to do with the fact that he's watching you grow softer. It's as if you're allowing yourself to fall for him too.
He'd never rush or make you choose him when you aren't ready. Jay's the kind of person who adapts and takes things for what they are instead of trying to find the deeper meaning when there is none. You're so delicate in Jay's eyes. He's stopped overthinking with you and started taking initiative for things like holding your hand or suggesting things to do when the two of you aren't getting stoned or studying. He tries not to look at you when he sees you blushing, but it's hard to ignore how cute you look when you're trying (and failing) to pretend you aren't affected by Jay's ability to read your mind. He's developed this canny ability to read you like an open book. It's adorable to see you opening up to him in ways you don't with other people.
The four-day weekend is exactly what Jay needs.
Something about a student-led event followed by a national holiday. It doesn't matter. Jay has no interest in keeping up with student life nor did he care about it in the first place, but he's grateful for it this year because that means getting to spend more time with you. On Thursday, the two of you spent the entire day at the aquarium whilst high on edibles. On Friday morning, he paid for breakfast. Now it's Saturday evening and your excuse for knocking on his door at nine in the evening is because apparently, your best friend and Jake were planning on hooking up at your place and forgot to tell you.
You come to Jay's apartment naturally. You say this to him like it's a no-brainier before he could ask you why Jake hadn't invite your friend over instead because he hates making people feel like they have to go the extra mile to get what they want. But you laugh, already a bit high from an edible you had taken earlier, and ask him to roll a joint to share. Either way, the two of you will be alone and it doesn't really matter the location, your place or his. It starts to make sense the second Jay's high kicks in because he's noticing the fact that you're wearing a shirt that lets him know you aren't wearing a bra.
His mind wanders and he thinks about all the selfies you've sent him where your tits are clearly on display. Somewhere along the way, you've graduated from sending photos of yourself to pictures of your body like you're trying to entice him. It always works, especially when the photo is just shy of a proper nude. He thinks it's sexier that way and he's grown enough confidence to send you things as a thank you, including shirtless photos, dick prints, and pictures of himself after getting out of the shower. He'd like to think you're using these to get off, imagining what you'd look like shoving your fingers inside of your pussy. Jay pictures your toes curling and eyebrows pinching when that final thrust makes you come, your free hand scrolling through all of the suggestive photos he's sent you as you orgasm.
It comes to a head one night when he received a picture of your ass when he asks you about the color of your nails since you had mentioned an appointment earlier that day. God. It looks just as plush as it does in real life. One of your hands cups your ass cheek, your perfectly manicured nails on display right next to your perfect ass. Jay grows rock hard in record time, his dick swelling in his sweats until he pulled it down just enough to reveal himself. He sat in the middle of his bed with his back against the headboard, one hand stroking himself as the other holds his phone so that he could stare at the image. Tugging on himself wasn't enough. Jay wanted you to be the one to do it. Dry humping can't be how far the two of you go. Imagining himself burying his face in your ass is what compels him to record a video of himself finishing, angling his dick towards his chest as he comes everywhere as he moans your name. He sends it to you without thinking and you call a minute later. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize the two of you ended up having phone sex.
And well, Jay is a man after all. This is all he can think about as you're sitting next to him on the very couch you sat on when he first met you. It doesn't help that he's high, which is making him laser focused on the image of you grinding on top of him.
With the ceiling fan turned on and Jake out of the house, Jay doesn't bother stepping outside to light his joint. Not that Jake would mind. Matter of fact, it does something to Jay's psyche knowing you're smoking his stuff and getting high off of it too. It makes him feel like he has some invisible claim on you, even if you're getting high with other people. He'd rather not think about that.
"What do you wanna watch?" Jay asks after blowing out a puff of smoke. He passes the joint to you as you sift through the abundance of movies and television shows, aimlessly scrolling past them without giving it too much thought.
"I'm in the mood to watch something supernatural," you say. He watches you look at his TV intently. "Have you ever watched Castlevania?"
"Can't say I've ever heard of it."
You turn your head like what he's said is completely outrageous. "You're lying."
"Sorry to disappoint."
"I need a hit after hearing that." You laugh, making Jay want to physically melt into the couch as if his skin and bones are made of butter. You inhale the smoke like a professional and tuck your legs underneath your body to make yourself more comfortable on his couch.
"Is it that good?"
"Jay, it's like, the best show I've ever watched. It's about this guy named Trevorโwho comes from a long line of monster hunters, fighting Dracula because his wife was accused of being a witch and burned at the stake. Everyone's a vampire. It's sexy."
"You like the dark and supernatural, don't you?"
"It's only the best genres ever, Jay." You take another hit from the joint. "What kind of things do you like to watch?"
"Sports, mostly. I could get into a thriller every now and then. I'm more of a music person, honestly. I don't watch a lot of movies or TV."
"Hm," you hum. "You'll have to show me what kind of music you listen to someday."
"Yeah," Jay replies with his eyelids focusing on your pretty lips. "You should come over when I'm not stoned out of my mind so I could show you my records. I feel like a limp noodle right now."
"I'd really like that. I have a few vinyls but I don't have a record player. I should bring some over."
"I'll bet you have great taste in music."
"Duh," you say playfully, smoking from the joint. "We don't have to watch Castlevania if you aren't into it. I'm sure I can find something else."
Jay shakes his head. "I'd love to see what kind of things you're into." You turn towards him and cock your head to the side.
"Yeah?" Jay nods and you smile at him like you're amused. Maybe the marijuana is making him lost his mind more than it usually does. In actuality, this is how Jay feels when he's with you, stoned or sober.
It's really hard to focus on the screen in front of him when you're sitting so close. It started at a respectable distance with his arm resting by his sides. The last thing Jay wants to do is make you uncomfortable in any way, especially because he knows you're high. It's the first time you're hanging out at his place without a bunch of other people here too. The two of you are alone with nothing but the sound of Castlevania echoing in his living room and the lingering scent of marijuana in the air despite an opened window and the fan above.
Halfway through the episode, you make a comment about how cold it's gotten since you first arrived and Jay's quick to get on his feet and retrieve a spare blanket from his room. He drapes it over you like you're something precious he wants to tuck into bed, which makes you laugh, and Jay swears he could listen to you make that sound every day without getting tired of it. Just as he's about to sit down, you open the blanket and tell him it's big enough to share, and Jay's smart enough not to tell you he's actually overheating like a furnace because his body runs warm. He'd gladly let trickles of sweat collect on his forehead if that means getting to be next to you without a barrier holding him back.
It's difficult to pretend he hasn't been half-hard ever since he watched you take your first puff. Jay was somewhat grateful that you got cold enough for him to throw a blanket over you and even more grateful that you insisted on sharing it with him. You must be doing this on purpose, right? Or is this all in Jay's mind?
It doesn't really matter. Not when you're sliding to the floor, kneeling in front of him.
Jay almost feels sorry for you. Your favorite show is playing but your back is turned to it in favor of staring at the tent that's forming in his pants. These cursed grey sweats. Yeah, maybe he chose to wear them because he knows girls go crazy for dick prints. His mind wandered to the night you bounced yourself on his clothed lap until you came and didn't seem to mind that he was rutting himself against your covered pussy. Driving home was pure torture for him but he didn't want to overstay his welcome, especially with your roommate coming home.
So, yeah. Sue him. Jay isn't so naive to think you wouldn't have paid any attention to him with these particular pair of sweatpants on. In fact, you seem to look at him like you're hungry, barely paying attention to the way he's staring down at you like he's nervous for what you'll say or do.
You catch him off guard when you nuzzle yourself straight into his lap. He nearly jumps at the contact of your nose against his dick, feeling the way you drag it up before using your lips to feel him beneath the sweats. You're slow with your movements, kissing your way from his base to the tip, feeling the way he twitches against your touch. He's caught halfway, somewhere between embarrassed and shameless as he watches you push your face right into his lap. Jay's imagined what you giving him a blowjob more times that he can count and he's had so many wet dreams of you jerking him off with your hands instead of his own. But he never quite pictured you to be the kind of girl who truly savors her time. Maybe it's because you're both high or maybe, just maybe, you like him, but Jay can hardly believe you're pushing your face into his cock without taking his pants off.
He's starting to think you're way freakier than he could've ever imagined. It's making him horny.
Eventually, your fingers hook on the band of his pants. Jay gets the hint and lifts himself off of the couch just enough for you to completely pull the fabric off of him, letting them pool to his ankles before helping him step out of them completely. He doesn't know what you do with them as he's far too excited, if that isn't completely evident by the way his dick starts to stand at attention. He's on his way to being the hardest he's ever been, he thinks. You eye him like you're hungry and you might as well be drooling because you're licking your lips at the sight of his flushed tip.
Jay doesn't know what to expect. It's been a while since he's been this turned on and watching you arch your back and pucker your lips just to press the softest kiss to his tip makes his entire body shiver. He's masturbated while high a million times before and knows what kinds of things make him tick and reach his orgasmic peak quickly. It's different with other people, though, and much different with you.
You've managed to catch Jay by surprise in more ways than one. He's confident when it comes to his music and walking through life without thinking everybody who remotely looks in his general direction has it out for him, but when it comes to girls, he doesn't think he's as experienced as Jake. Yes, he's had sex and short flings before, but they've never held any merit to what he wants in life. Jay doesn't see the use in wasting his time having mediocre hookups or entertaining people because they clearly think he's the hot loner who looks sexy when he's high (which was the case of his last hookup and the reason why he swore off of sleeping with random girls he meets at parties Jake forces him to go to).
You seem to be the complete opposite of anyone he's ever met before. You're like him in some waysโpaying no mind to outside opinion. Even prior to meeting you, he's seen the way you carry yourself when you walk and how you treat people like they're a close friend even if you've just met them. He felt that way the night he properly met you for the first time and it caught him by surprise when you admitted to being serious about wanting him to text you. In a way, it's almost like you're pursuing him, even though you aren't. All you're doing is asking him to hang out and he's saying yes like a puppy who follows its owner wherever she goes. In fact, Jay wants you more than you could ever imagine. It's just that, well, you're very fucking beautiful and he's afraid he'll mess it up if you found out how often he imagines you laying in his bed stuffed full with his semen.
That, and he's scared of what you'll think if he ever admits that he'd like to take you out for breakfast after he fucks you.
"You're bigger than I thought," you say in a near whisper. Jay twitches at that and you let out a breathy laugh. It hits his skin and he tilts his head back as it teases him.
"You can't just say things like that," says Jay, looking back down at you. "You're going to kill me someday."
"Death by orgasm. Doesn't sound too bad."
"You don't know how good you look right now."
"Oh, I think I do," you say confidently, pushing your head forward to lick his slit, to which he hisses. "I know I look good sucking dick, Jay. I'm really good at it too. Do you want to see what I can do?"
"You're an evil person," he says without thinking. But you laugh like you enjoy seeing him in such agony, knowing your warm and wet mouth is almost where he needs you the most.
"Give me the joint." Jay hands it to you, watches as you inhale some of it, and feels his eyes nearly roll to the back of his head when you exhale right on his cock.
Your mouth follows soon after. Without using your hands, you dip your head until your mouth catches his tip to envelope it into your mouth, letting his velvety texture become familiar with your tongue. You're intentional with your movements as if you're really trying to savor the feeling of his hardening dick as you push him inside little by little. Because the apartment is empty, Jay can be a little louder with his moans than usually. When he knows Jake's home, Jay shoves a pillow over his face to drown the sound of his deep, breathy moans to avoid an awkward encounter with his best friend once he's finished. He should be embarrassed that he's already making all kinds of sounds the more you get his dick wet, but he doesn't care. Not when this feels so fucking divine.
Curse your shorts. When he looks down and past your mouth on his dick, he looks at your plush ass as you arch your back to fully grasp him. Jay wishes he could reach down and take that stupid fabric off of your body and he supposes he could if he really wanted to, but the tone you've set is far more sensual than how he'd like to have you. He isn't picky, though. He'd rather endure your slow, sensual torture than scare you off by putting his dick inside of you right off the bat.
Your tight mouth takes him inch by inch at a snail's pace, but there more be a method to your madness because you make him wetter with each push and pull of your head. You periodically remove yourself from him to smoke from the joint before the leaf completely burns until you become tired of not being able to use your hands. Jay takes it from you and inhales a long, satisfying puff. It settles into the depths of his lungs and when your free hand cups his balls, his head tilts back and the smoke rises as he blows it out.
You're the devil reincarnate. Or you're a demon who's wickedly good with her tongue. Maybe you're some kind of angel whose sole purpose is making him come. Jay doesn't really know what you are, but he knows you know exactly what you're doing with his mouth. He doesn't want to think about how many people have experienced this side of you before because he'd rather pretend he's the only person you've ever treated like this.
The high is pure ecstasy. Jay looks down to see your beautiful mouth wrapped up in his cock, head pushing yourself down on his long, girthy dick until your mouth stretches around it. He loves that you aren't neglecting his sack either, rolling them between your fingers until it makes his toes curl. You hum in pleasure when he moans after your index finger traces the seam, making something shoot up his spine when you do. His thighs flex underneath your touch and he sees himself glistening with how much drool is coming from your lips. It makes the glide easier and he feels the way your throat constricts around him every time you push yourself further down.
The sight of his dick completely disappearing inside of your throat is fucking sinful. You push your nose against his pelvis until your choking around him and the gagging sound makes his balls tense up. Jay tries not to drop the joint and considers finding a nearby ash tray to put it out just to avoid accidentally dropping it onto the couch or, God forbid, you. Spit completely falls from the corners of your mouth but you don't give up either. He groans loudly and uses his free hand to stroke your head as if he's using you as an anchor.
"Oh my God," Jay moans. "Your mouth is so fucking tight. Fuck, you like to deep throat?"
You pull yourself off of him, not bothering to wipe any of the drool from your mouth. He watches the way the spit connects from his tip to your tongue before you break the chain to stroke him some more and it nearly puts him into a coma.
"I can do a lot more than that," you tell him. It's like you're trying to remain playful while simultaneously wanting to show him just what you can do. And fuck, Jay's more than willing to let you do whatever you want to him.
"Oh yeah?" Jay asks coyly. "What else can that mouth of yours do?"
You don't answer him with words. Instead, you lift his cock with your hands and bow your head until you're spitting leftover drool from deep throating him right onto his balls. He hisses when the warmth hits his most sensitive area and his next moan comes somewhere from deep within him. The surface of your tongue licks it up until you're lapping at him like a kitten drinking milk. He feels the pass of your wet muscle over and over again while your hand has started to move in tandem with your mouth, stroking him while you work on his balls.
He doesn't think he's ever experienced a girl pleasing him like this. Jay's has blowjobs in the past, but it always felt like the girls he'd sleep with viewed blowjobs like it was a chore to thank him for going down on them first. With you, Jay gets the sense that you like giving blowjobs and playing with his dick because it turns you on, not because you think it turns him on. God, he's so attracted to the fact that you don't really care about anyone but yourself. That's not completely true, and he knows it, but your ability to chase after what you want without caring what other people thinks turns him on more than seeing you sucking him off (which is a lie, Jay is so fucking horny).
"Holy shit," Jay curses under his breath. He shoves the tip of the joint in his mouth and savors the feeling of that initial inhale. He groans when the smoke leaves his mouth. "You're so fucking good at this. Treating my dick so well. Fuck."
You moan against his balls, rewarding him by pushing against him even harder and squeezing his cock at the same time. Your hand is so wet and the sound that echos the room sound better than Jay could've ever imagined. His own hand doesn't do him justice, not even when he gathers enough spit to pretend his palm is your warmth mouth as he fucks into his fist like his life depends on it.
His moans seem to motivate you to make him come faster because your mouth trails from his wet and swollen sack right back to his cock. Your hand hold him by the base before angling your mouth right over him and pushing his dick past your lips. Unlike before, you aren't slow with it. Instead, your head's moving at a faster rate until he feels the gentle scrape of your teeth along his sensitive veins and the way your tongue moves in a circle every time your reach his hip. He grunts every single time it passes against his slit and feels the pressure building in his balls as if he could finish at any moment, but he tries his best to keep going steady because he wants to draw this out for as long as humanly possible.
It's beautiful how your throat accommodates his cock. With your mouth completely stuffed the more you push your head down onto his exceptionally hard dick, you choke and gag without stopping. Jay feels fucking invincible right now.
"What a good mouth," he moans, legs widening as he slouches from how good you're making him feel. "You feel so fucking good around me. Your mouth is so tight and wet, fuckkk. Squeeze my balls tooโyes, just like that. Shit, you're gonna make me cum soon. I'm so fucking close."
You moan around him and renders Jay completely fucking useless because of how good that vibration feels. He bucks his hips until the tip hits the back of your throat involuntarily but you don't stop your ministrations. You keep your fast pace as you squeeze his sack in your hands, letting the drool coat them as you push him closer to his climax. He thinks about cumming straight down your throat but thinks that might be a little too much for the first time you're blowing him. Would finishing on your face be more appropriate? Every single open seems more lewd than the next, but he can't deny that he'd like to see what you look like with his semen splashed all over your pretty cheeks and lips.
"I wanna cum on your face," he moans, fighting the urge to fuck your throat like he'd fuck your pussy. "I want to drown you in my cum."
You pull off from his mouth and use both of your hands to jerk him off with his tip angled right at your beautiful face. "Cum for me. Make a mess on my face."
"Fuck, you'd let me?" You nod rapidly.
"Cum on my fucking face, Jay. I want it so bad."
You don't have to tell him twice. When he feels his balls twitch for the last time, Jay's cum shoots from his slip and hits your cheek first. His semen splashes everywhereโyour lips and across your noseโas he moans, holding tightly onto the joint to prevent it from falling. It's a wonder he's able to preserve it as he comes, his hips jerking as a consequence to the intense high as he climaxes all of your face. You take it like a fucking champ, too, smiling with your eyes closed as you feel his warm come seep right onto your face. You truly are a freak if you love this feeling. You're even laughing. Jay's never seen anything hotter in his entire life.
"Fuck me," he curses as his cock softens. He takes a short drag from the joint and stares at the beautiful mess on your face, nearly choking on it when he sees your tongue dart out of your mouth to lick the cum that has landed on the corners of your mouth. "You're a fucking fein. A fein for my cum, or something." You laugh again, scooping what's on your cheek with your fingers before sucking on them. "Yeah, you really know how to make a guy feel good. Stay right there. Let me clean you up."
Jay feels terrible and leaving you in his living room on your knees with his come all over your face, but he'd rather soak a wash cloth in warm water than let it dry all over you. He comes back quickly after having cleaned himself up in a haste and gentle swipes the fabric until you're clean.
"I have face wash if you want to use it," Jay says as he wipes the corner of your eye. "I don't want my come staining your gorgeous face."
"You're so thoughtful, Jay," you reply. The sincerity in your voice is a complete turnaround from your lewd acts just a few minutes prior. It makes something swell within his soul because he's suddenly picturing his future looking like this domestic, wonderful bliss with moments of eroticism.
You take him up on his offer and make a comment about how this expensive the face wash is. Jay's mom got him an entire line of skincare for Christmas and he's a bit reluctant to admit that his skin looks so much better now that's he's actively taking care of it. You reassure him, letting him know that there's nothing hotting than people being self sufficient and caring for themselves before swiping the face wash all over your face. It takes you a good minute to completely rid yourself of his come. Jay leans against the door frame with his hands crossed over his chest, smiling like an idiot at how domestic this all feels.
Call him crazy, but Jay's the type of person to fall fast. He's learned lessons the hard way, which typically entails falling for people who don't feel the same way about him, but spending time with you makes him think otherwise. Jay realizes you enjoy getting to know him too and you never silence him when he apologizes for talking so much. There's an equal balance of talking and listening on both ends, something Jay wishes he could achieve with every person he meets. He hates getting his hopes up just for things to fall through. It doesn't matter if it's a friendship or a relationship because it's mostly the same to him. He hates people who aren't honest and deceptive. College is the time to experiment and figure out who you are, sure, but Jay has always known that he's the kind of guy who values loyalty and transparency above all else.
Despite his best efforts, Jay manages to fall for you every time he holds himself back. Vulnerability is a hard thing to come by and he's more scared of being honest about himself than he lets on. It's scary to open his heart and share parts of himself to people who aren't guaranteed to stay forever. That's part of life, but it gets to a point where being vulnerable means getting his heart stomped all over in the name of having "fun." But it's not fun for Jay and he's as honest as they come. He'd rather be alone for the rest of his life than entertain people who don't have his best interest in mind, especially when they tell him they care about him but don't mean it.
Perhaps his general nonchalance about what other people are doing intimidates those who have deep seeded insecurities that can only be fixed by pretending to be someone they aren't. Jay has this crazy theory that probably isn't true aside to feed his own ego, but his friends have said he's a mirror. He reflects every beautiful and ugly trait right back to others, forcing people to confront who they are in the midst of standing right next to Jay, who accepts himself for who he is, faults and all. He's learned that people don't typically like it when they're reminding of things they'd rather forget. Jay is as open as they come, willing to experience things for a good story to look back on or learn from past mistakes. Learning how other people aren't as keen on growing into a better version of themselves made the world look absolutely bleak and meeting new people makes Jay weary from the get go.
Despite his brain telling him to be extra cautious, he can't help but give all of himself to you. Every conversation pulls him deeper into dangerous territory but for the first time in a while, Jay isn't so scared of the unknown. Even if, God forbid, this ends in heartbreak, Jay doesn't think he'll crumble into a hollow version of himself. He'd be sad, but he'd be content knowing he gave it a shot. The act of trying is better than being held back by fear.
The two of you smoke some more and restart the first episode at Jay's request and when his hand inches towards your lap to return the favor, you intertwine your fingers with his and kiss him on the lips. We've got all the time in the world, but I really want you to watch this first. You can eat my out afterwards, you say, smiling against his mouth before kissing him again. How could Jay say no to that? Besides, his brain is short-circuiting after receiving the most mind bending blowjob he's ever had in his life. A guy needs to recover from such an experience. The fact that you, someone who refrains from physical touch, is actively clinging onto his arm and cuddling against his side is far better than anything he could've ever hoped for.
He becomes engrossed in Castlevania and the two of you end up watching another episode. Jay glances down at you every once in a while and can't help but play with your fingers the more he watches the television. All of this feels so incredibly domestic and Jay has to force himself to stop smiling because he thinks you'll view him like a lovesick idiot. Maybe he is.
โง๏ฝฅ๏พโโโโโโโโโโโ โง๏ฝฅ
"Do you want me to pick you guys up?" Jay asks on speakerphone as he fixes his hair with a little bit of styling gel.
"No, we're gonna split an Uber. No use coming when I'll see you anyway."
"You know I don't mind," he says casually.
"I know, baby. That's real sweet of you, but don't worry about it."
"You could spend the night and I can drive you back tomorrow morning, if you want. So you don't have to spend more money."
"Oh, Jongseong, do you want me to spend the night?"
"Of course I do," he says with a smile on his face as he hears you laugh. "I always want to spend time with you."
"YouโฆAre such a little shit. Don't make me blush on the phone."
"Let me pick you up so I can make you blush in person."
"You two are disgustingly cute," your friend says from beside you. "Like, I've never seen her act so cutesy before."
"She's so cute when she's trying to be tough."
"That's true," says your friend. "But remember, she was mine first, okay?"
"Of course," Jay replies, "I'd never get in the way."
"Good! We'll be at your place in thirty."
"See you soon, Jay," you tell him before hanging up the phone.
You come in wearing the most gorgeous dress with golden accents all over your body. Jay can hear you before he sees you because your bracelets smack against one another every time you move and he thinks that's the sexiest thing a woman could ever do. Unlike the first time he met you, he isn't afraid to pull you by the waist and join your little parade as you walk around to greet every person you know, taking shot after shot along with the joint Jay's passing around to anyone who asks.
When you finally register Jay's presence beside you, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the way you're eyeing him like a piece of meat. His biceps are on display along with a nasty stack of rings that make him look like walking sin. There's something about Jay tonight that makes him look extra delectable and you're looking at him like you'd pounce if there weren't so many people around. You almost parade him around like he's arm candy or another accessory for your outfit. Even Jake, who usually has to force Jay to put a little effort into coming out of his bedroom, nods in approval.
You only leave his side for ten minutes when a girl you know is asking you to help her redo her eyeliner in the bathroom, apologizing to Jay before skipping off to help her. He doesn't mind, though. In fact, he loves that you're eager to help others and make yourself available for people who politely ask for your help. You're considerate and generous like that.
"You guys look cozy," Jake says, bumping his elbow against Jay's forearm. "I can't believe you actually wanted to come out of your room tonight."
"I only come if the company's good," Jay retorts, bringing his cup to his mouth.
"Hey!" The two of them share a laugh. "She's good for you, Jay. You light up every time she walks in the room."
"That's the corniest thing you could've ever said to me."
"It's true though. I know you, man. You need to get to know somebody before you like them and you like her. You'd be crazy not to ask her out officially."
"I was planning out asking her to be my girlfriend on our next date," Jay confesses. "She loves mini golfing and she's extremely casual about a lot of things. Hates fancy dinners and making a big show of things. I wanted to ask her when we get food, or something."
"That doesn't sound super romantic."
"Trust me, it is," Jay says. "She's the kind of person who can appreciate big gestures, but I know she loves it even more when people pick up on the small thing. She hates being the center of attention even if that's where she ends up, so I know she'd appreciate if I asked her casually. I mean, it's not casual, but it's not over-the-top, you know?"
"I totally get it," Jake says with a nod. "What's meaningful to her is more important than looking 'romantic.'"
"Exactly. Don't get me wrong, though. I'll wine and dine her as long as she lets me."
"I'm sure she'd appreciate that."
"But for now, I know she's got a lot on her plate and the last thing she needs is something to stress her out even more. She'd probably say no if I made a whole show of it."
"You're so attentive and I think that's probably why we're friends," Jake says, patting his friend on the shoulder. "You'll be a great boyfriend."
"This is oddly mushy."
"Yeah, it feels weird not to bicker with you." Jay tilts his head back and laughs when he sees you walking out of the bathroom.
"Are you boys up to no good?" You ask, leaning against the wall to look at the both of them.
"Depends what you mean by 'no good,'" Jake teases, raising his eyebrows at Jay before snickering to himself.
"Does he know something I don't?"
"No."
"Yes."
"Okayโฆ" You trail off, squinting your eyes before laughing. "Whatever it is, I don't want to know unless I need to know."
"You're in good hands," Jake says, nodding at you before making an excuse to leave. He winks at Jay when you aren't looking and leaves to find your friend.
"Jake Sim is a weird motherfucker," you say against your cup. "But he's harmless, right?"
"As harmless as they come. I think he likes riling me up."
"We all do."
Jay laughs too. "You look beautiful tonight.
"I look hot, don't I?"
"I'm trying to be respectful here."
You kiss his cheek. "You are such a gentleman, Jongseong. But you don't need to be like that thing me all the time. I think we've crossed that line ages ago."
Well, shit. His cock might as well be stirring in his pants now that you've given him the mental image of all the times he's seen you naked.
"You look hot and I'm going to fuck you when you're ready to leave," he says in a low murmur, his voice steady like it's something he's something he's been thinking about all day. You press a small kiss to his jawline.
"I can't wait."
The two of you could technically make a break for his bedroom, but you're clearly having a lot of fun drinking with your friends and sharing Jay's joint with everyone who wants a hit. Jay, too, is enjoying himself for the first time in a while now that he recognizes some of the party goers. It's easy to have fun when the people he's surrounded with seem to want to talk to him too. You clue him in on inside jokes and he has the time of his life playing bartender, mixing drinks for strangers with the very limited knowledge he has after one summer bartending because he was bored. He's a hit with everyone who wants alcohol and he gets extra bonus points for having a stack of joints readily available in his pocket when the one he smokes runs out. It pays to be a man with marijuana and a lighter.
Jay's newfound role has garnered a lot of attention. From girls specifically, since tonight there seems to be double the amount of people than usual. Jay doesn't really pay much attention since he's too busy peeking at you from the corner of his eye, sending a wink your way with every drink he serves. You, however, have gravitated closer towards the bar station every single time a girl comes up to him to strike up a conversation or worseโtouching his arm while trying to play it off as something casual. He'd shrug it off, of course. The only girl he wants is you.
You make haste and appear by his side in record time, handing off drinks like you're being paid to do it. Jay doesn't miss the way you squeeze your way in between himself and a stranger trying to fish for attention. It's kind of hot that you've pushed her away with the touch of your hip, barely intruding while smiling politely like you've done nothing wrong. He would've said something before you got there. It's not like the two of you haven't been draped all over each other all evening, so really, everyone here should know he's off limits.
Jay isn't oblivious to the sudden switch of your mood every time a girl comes up to him.
It's funny to think that a month earlier, girls usually pursued Jake. Jay knows he comes off as this aloof, barely-there kind of guy, like someone too intimidating to pay attention to for the fear of failing. He's the embodiment of the classic rock star: wickedly good at guitar and an attitude that screams do not fuck with me. Jake is an easygoing, open kind of guy. He'd take any chance to make a new friend. It's part of him charm, but it's not one he shares with Jay.
You're a very sweet person. Blunt? Yes, but you always say it like it is and don't coddle people to make them feel better when there's no use. Jay loves that about you. He doesn't have to guess where your head is at or question your intentions because you're upfront and honest. He can count on you to tell him the truth, which is a skill most people lack. It's refreshing to meet somebody who can put her heart on the line while maintaining integrity. People tend to say one thing but disregard it's meaning until it becomes something new entirely, but not you. You're Jay's safe space whether you realize it or not.
This new emotionโjealousy?โis something new for Jay to see in you. You both have breached the threshold of being touchy the first time you dry humped in your bedroom. You've been much bolder now, but it's only escalated to grabbing his hand and letting him hold yours. There's an unspoken line that has yet to be crossed, never mind the fact that you gave him the best head of his life not too long ago.
But tonight, you're clinging onto his arm like a koala and pressing your body against his side. It's because you're wearing a tank top, you muttered in disgust as you watched yet another girl cower away underneath your gaze. They're looking at your fucking biceps. And you're letting them.
Jay is thoroughly amused. You have an edge to you, even if this is a side you don't show anybody else. From the beginning, he got the sense that you were the type of person to keep vulnerability at arm's length. But the way you're acting tonight tells him you're jealous. You, the independent and secure girl he's crushing on, feel protective of Jay and his body. Entitled, even. But it's so fucking sexy to be desired by you. It boosts his ego, sure. He's a man who thinks with his cock sometimes and you're no exception. Mostly, Jay's turned on by how much you desire him too. It isn't the attention. It's you.
He wouldn't stoop so low to exploit that. Jay would've told these girls to fuck off if you hadn't said it on his behalf. It's kind of cute, honestly. You resemble a baby lion trying to roar for the first time. To these other girls, you bark like a guard dog. He doesn't even think you know how intimidating you look when girls lower their gaze to the floor and back away from the two of you cautiously. Serves them right, honestly. Can't they see that he clearly isn't interested?
"Freaks," you mutter under your breath. "They're all freaks for coming up to you when I'm right here."
"I probably should've worn a different shirt." You shake your head, hands running from his bare shoulders down to his bicep. You give him a squeeze and he feels the tips of your nails digging into his skin.
"You look really fucking good, Jay," you all but moan.
"Did those girls bother you, baby?" Jay asks, turning to face you. He sets his drink down on the counter and cages you in between his hands.
"They should know better than to talk to you," you say without stuttering, your lips barely touching his own. "I hate that they had the audacity to think they have a chance when I'm the one you want."
"You're the one I want," Jay whispers against your lips, stealing a soft peck. The innocent sound of lip smacking makes his cock ache and he can't help but pull you closer to try and relieve even an ounce of friction.
"These freaks can go fuck themselves." God, you found so sexy when you're jealous.
"You know what I think?"
"What do you think, Jay?"
"I think that we should ditch this party and go back to my room," he says, caressing your covered ass. "We can light a joint and smoke a little. Get away from the crowd. How does that sound?"
Your eyes dart from his lips to his eyes. "Take me to your bedroom, Jay."
He's grabbing your hand without another word and hauling you off upstairs. Jake sees the two of you pass him by and gives his friend and encouraging two thumbs up, to which Jay can't help but roll his eyes but he laughs anyway. The noise from the party subsides but a little bit, but he can hear the music and the murmur of the crowd even with the door closed.
There you are, looking like absolutely devious in your short and tight dress all up in his bedroom. You've been up here a few times and take perch on his bed like you always do when Jay walks towards his nightstand and opens his drawer to pull out marijuana and rolling paper.
"I was going to do this on our mini golfing date," Jay says, busying his hands with preparing another joint. He hears you move across the bed after having kicked off your heels, knees padding until he feels you right behind him. It calms his nerves to feel your arms wrap themselves around his shoulders, mouth pressing against his ear as you little his skin in soft little kisses.
"What were you going to do?"
"Ask you out. Properly, I mean."
"Are we not already going out?"
He stills, dropping the materials from his hands to turn around and face you. God, you look so gorgeous like this. By now, he's already learned that the black makeup around your eyes make you look like a sexy feline and the scent of your almond and cherry perfume make his senses go crazy. Jay would be absolutely crazy to think you'd stick around forever if he never communicated his feelings to you. With his hands now free, Jay pulls you close by your waist.
"I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend on our mini golfing date," he admits. "I know you're not into big gestures because it puts you on the spot and I know you hate being put on the spot. I wanted to do is casually. Maybe after the last round or whenever we left to get food. I don't want to make you feel like being with me is just sex or getting high. Or anything other than dating, really. I like you a lot. I think I have since the night we met and I don't want you to think I'm interested in other girls because I'm not. I want you."
For as much as Jay thinks he knows you, his heart pounds in his chest like a beating drum that refuses to stop. Part of being vulnerable and putting himself on the line means being honest about his feelings and to his delight, a beautiful smile graces your lips until you're leaning forward to put your mouth on his. It's a soft, simple kiss that makes his head spin and you pull away with his lovesick glint in your eyes he's never seen before.
"I'm not the best with affection but it's different when it's with you, Jay." Your arms come to wrap themselves around his neck, pulling his face impossibly close to yours. "Being with you feels right. Like I never saw you coming, you know?"
"I know," he murmurs, softly pecking your lips. "I'll make up for this shitty confession, I promise. Be my girlfriend?"
"You're so stupid, but I think you're really cute," you whisper with a smile you can't seem to contain before kissing him again. "You were right by assuming I'd want you to ask in the most casual way."
Jay lets out a strained sound from his throat. "Yeah, but a bunch of girls tried it with you tonight and basically ruined my entire plan."
"Mm okay, I'm still mad those girls clearly couldn't see we're together. But I think being honest is more important than how you ask, you know?"
"You are a fucking dream, baby," Jay says, pushing his lips harder against you until you giggle into him. "It's real cute how you got so jealous."
"I wasn't jealous."
"Territorial, then."
"Mhm," you confirm with a single nod, smiling against him. "People need to know what's mine. That's all."
"Yours?" He asks with an amused grin. "I like the sound of that. I'll be your trophy husband."
"Husband," you say, testing the word on your tongue. "Awfully sexy of you to imagine me as your wife."
"I've been imagining taking a wedding dress off of you since our first date," he confesses without shame. "I don't mind being your trophy husband."
What starts off as an innocent kiss turns into something erotic quickly with your back resting comfortably on Jay's mattress while his body's on top of yours, reminiscent of the time he first saw your apartment. The kiss grows hungrier with every moment that passes by and the inebriated haze has slightly worn off because of the stone cold, sober truth of Jay's confession. He doesn't spare you another pass at being a gentleman because he's learned that you trust enough to allow him to take whatever wants. Jay knows you'll tell him to stop if it comes to it. And in turn, he's learned that it's okay to desire someone so much that he loses control.
Jay pulls away to catch his breath and the whine that escapes your lips makes his cock jump in his pants. He laughs at your neediness and laughs again at your immediate silence when you realize he's grabbing the marijuana to roll a joint for you.
"I wanna roll one on your body," Jay says, eyelids growing heavy the more he visualizes it.
"Fuck," you moan. "I think that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me."
"Can you take your clothes off for me, baby? I want to see that gorgeous body of yours."
The music thumping from downstairs serves as the soundtrack for tonight. You make haste and get off of the bed as Jay sits on the edge with his legs open as you face him. Jay's dick hardens during his own personal strip tease and he watches the way your soft hands run all over your body like you're the devil trying to seduce him. Your fingers catch underneath the hem of your short dress but you don't take it off like he thinks you will. No, instead you reach underneath to pull off your black thong until you pull it down your legs at an agonizingly slow pace before tossing it in his lap.
What's a guy to do? Jay grabs your panties and hears that melodic laugh of yours he loves so much. He squeezes it in his handโis that a wet patch?โwhile the other palms himself through his pants the more you twirl around for him, making a show out of jutting your ass out the more you sway your hips to the muffled bass from outside. When you do finally take your dress off, Jay intently watches the way you slowly expose yourself to him. His eyes rake over the first peek at your bare pussy, your torso, your tits, and finally your face as you toss the dress somewhere behind you.
"Come here," he beckons, throwing your panties to the side when you take a step closer to him. He makes room for you in between his legs, using his hands to spread your own apart until he has a view of you from the front. Jay lifts his finger to run a single digit over your folds and relishes in the way you moan from above. "Have you been wet this entire time?"
"I've been wet since our phone call."
"My poor baby," he tuts, letting his finger slowly glide against your wet lips, occasionally grazing over your clit. Jay doesn't want to miss a single thing and looks at the way you struggle to maintain eye contact with him. It's so cute and hot at the same time. He lifts his finger to show you the wet glisten before licking it clean, groaning at the first taste. "Delicious as always."
"Fuck," comes your whine. Jay feels you trembling between him.
"Come lay on the bed for me. I want your ass facing me so I can use it as a table, yeah?"
You make haste and Jay hums in satisfaction, standing to grab his materials before making his way over to you. He feels the way your eyes watch him and looks at the way you're laying comfortably on his mattress, arms tucked underneath your head like you're in some kind of blissful state of mind. You look delectable like this. Jay has half a mind to pull his cock out and push it inside of you right now since you're wet enough, but he holds himself back because in his opinion, there's nothing better that drawing out orgasm after orgasm while high.
He doesn't immediately put the paper and marijuana on your body. He lets curiosity get the better of him and allows his fingertips to drag along your upper back, tracing an invisible line down the curve of your spine before he reaches your ass. You part your legs instinctively and Jay mutters a quiet good girl that makes you clench against absolutely nothing. It's so hot. He bends down and presses a kiss to your slit and licks your arousal right off of his lips before pulling back to grab his materials, letting them rest on your back as he gets to work.
You crane your neck to watch as he focuses on rolling the joint without spilling. Jay's done this a million times, but he's never had the pleasure of fixing one on the prettiest girl he knows. It's clean and quick. He's managed not to spill any of the marijuana as he grinds it, expertly placed the leaf inside of the rolling paper, then uses his fingers to push it into place until it's snug. Jay folds the tip of the joint before pushing the excess paper down and presents you the most gorgeous, fat joint you've ever seen in your entire life.
"You can do whatever you want to me," you blurt out.
"Whatever I want?"
"If you fuck me within the next minute, yes." Jay laughs and grabs his lighter, holding it up to the end of the joint until it lights up. He takes the first hit to ensure the joint burns properly before passing it along to you, happily watching as you eagerly inhale.
"I'll fuck you real good," he promises, taking his shirt and pants off the longer you smoke. "I want to do it my way. I want you to feel that aching burn between your legs until you can't think of anything but cumming on my cock. I want you needy and desperate for me."
He takes his clothes off and feels his dick throbbing when he watches you smoke on his bed. It's a sight right out of a wet dream and he's probably thought about this exact moment a million times over, using this exact fantasy to get himself off more times than he can count. You've maneuvered onto your back and Jay marvels at your gorgeous tits when you bring the joint back up to your lips. He puts both of his knees on the bed and knocks your legs open to put his body right where it belongs, stealing the joint from your hands before smoking it again. Your mouth welcomes his exhale when he leans above you. Like clockwork, the smoke travels from his mouth right into yours and Jay feels your chest arch right against him just as your lips touch. He's careful not to drop the weed as he watches the way your eyes become more red by the second. Jay's positive his eyes look exactly the same.
"I'm gonna eat you real good," he mumbles as he drags his mouth along the column of your neck, trailing wet kisses down your skin.
The cool drag causes goosebumps to arise, making you gasp right into the open air. Jay takes his time, stealing another smoke when he makes his way to your chest and he makes a pit stop, handing you the joint before using both of his hands to cup your tits. They spill over just the way he's always pictured and he brushes his thumbs against your perky, sensitive nipples. Jay marvels at the sight the more he toys with them. He becomes entranced from the high, zeroing in on the way your tits move and spill from his fingertips. Jay pinches your nipples and relishes in the way you gasp at his touch, which makes him laugh and lean down to lick one of them.
"Perfect tits, perfect body," Jay moans, attaching his mouth to your hardened bud. His tongue rolls right over it as he makes himself comfortable between your legs, his own body relaxing with his cock sandwiched between his torso and his mattress. The sound of his lips sucking on your nipple and his hands squeezing on your chest like they're his own personal stress toys makes you moan in deep pleasure, letting the high consume you like never before.
He moves onto the neglected bud with his eyes closed, moaning around your most sensitive area. He loves how responsive you are with your quiet moans and your chest pushing against his face. Jay's mind is in a haze the longer he has his mouth on you, dick swelling with every breath he takes like his life's purpose is to kiss every inch of your skin.
Jay doesn't stick around your tits for very long, especially not with the way you're accommodating his body by spreading your legs open for him. He kisses down the valley of your breasts and reluctantly lets go of your chest to venture down your torso, dragging his lips and leaving messy wet kisses in his wake. He grabs the joint from your hands and inhales before tapping it hard against his ash tray to kill it before gripping your thighs and blowing the smoke right against your wet hole.
The sound you make is indescribable. It's somewhere between primal and desperate, especially when the forced air makes contact with your wet lips. Jay watches the way your hole twitches in anticipation and sees the way your hands grab onto your chest for stability from the corner of his eye. Your arousal drips from you like a waterfall and he hastily licks a strip up your slit. When he reaches your clit, he lets the surface drag slowly with the kind of pressure that makes your legs shake in their place, allowing his tip to flick over the sensitive bud. Jay witnesses you throwing your head back like you're starring in your very own pornography film and the view of from below makes you look like walking sex.
Jay descends with his tongue lapping at your eager pussy. He tastes every crevice and fold you hide while gripping onto your thighs to keep your legs open for him. He feels your resistance and laughs against you like this whole affair is for his entertainment only. But really, knowing he could get you to fall apart on him like this is the cherry on top. You're the most put together person he knows. Watching you lose your mind on his tongue feels like his greatest accomplishment.
"I love watching you fall apart," Jay moans against you, pushing his tongue inside of you. He hears you cry out his name and grip his hair as you tug in response to the sudden intrusion, keeping his tongue stretched out to thrust it in and out of your wet hole. It's a tight fit and he can only image what it would feel like to slide his engorged cock inside of you.
Your arousal slips and falls from the corner of his mouth along with his spit when Jay starts to grind his dick against the bedsheets. Your hips start to roll against his tongue like you're chasing your own high too. It's so hard for you to keep still and for your legs to remain on the bed, that much Jay can tell for sure. You're writhing underneath his touch despite his best efforts to keep you in place, but his pride swells with every cry and moan. Jay pushes his mouth harder against you, sucking and slurping on your folds like he's trying to eat you alive. He doesn't care if spit dribbles down his chin nor does he particularly care about keeping this ordeal clean and tidy. Unlike rolling a joint, Jay wants sex with you to be messy. He wants the nasty, filthy, horny affair to feel raw.
The high makes his skin buzz and his body feels like it's at an all time high. It feels so good to rub his bare dick against the bed, listing to the loud moans escaping from your mouth. Never mind the fact that his room isn't technically sound proof, but the music is going a great job at drowning out the sounds from his bedroom. Not that Jay would mind, of course. He doesn't think you'd care either. In fact, you'd be happy knowing other girls could hear the way Jay's making you feel.
"Fuck Jay, your tongue feels so good. How did you learn to eat pussy like this?"
He chuckles, dragging his tongue to kitten lick your clit. "You like it when I have my mouth on you?"
"Yesโfuck!"
"Mm yeah, love it when you make that sound," Jay says after he spits directly on your clit. He lets his digits trace your folds, dipping the tip of his pointer finger tip into your hole. You tense up against him but he tuts, shaking his head. "I won't have that. Open up for me, baby. Relax and let me feel you."
"S-So sensitive," you mutter.
"Already? How are you gonna take my cock?" Jay mocks, pushing his finger inside of you until you adjust around him. He can feel your pussy squeezing around him already. "I need to make sure you get a taste of what's to come. Need to watch you fall apart on my mouth and fingers."
"Fuck!"
"Yeahhh. That's right, honey. Make those pretty noises for me." The pet name makes our eyes roll to the back of your head and your grab a fistful of his blankets the faster he pumps his finger inside of you. Jay adds another finger and fucks you faster, relishing in the way you're moaning like your life depends on it. He bends his head down to lick at your clit at the same time and the sensation is overwhelmingly euphoric for the both of you. From here, Jay watches your mouth hang open and your hands clutching his bedsheets like that'll give you stability. It's so hot the way you're falling apart on him.
Your orgasm completely washes over you the longer Jay laps at your clit. He stares at you as best as he can while trying to keep you still before him, but your rolling hips make it difficult for him to focus on helping you feel out your high. He tries, though, removing his fingers from your pussy to grip your thighs so hard that you buck against his face and rut all over him.
"You taste so good," Jay moans when your body finally subsides. He keeps licking the remnants of your orgasm, catching every last drop on his tongue before it gets the chance to escape him.
"I don't think I've ever had anyone eat me out like that," you say, catching your breath. "You're eager."
"Eager for you, yeah."
"So cheesy." Jay watches you hide your face in your arm like you're too shy to admit how much that turns you on. He laughs at your bashful nature and kisses his way up your body, temporarily stopping at your breasts to lick around your nipple and tug at them with his teeth. You reach down to grip his cock in your hands after you've spit directly into your palm, twisting your writ to jerk him off when he removes himself from your chest.
Jay looks down and watches your smaller hand around his girthy, thick cock. He can barely register his reality because of the marijuana and remembers he still has half the joint left. With the flick of his lighter, he's smoking once again and pushes his head back to blow the excess smoke towards his ceiling, moaning when you squeeze him.
His attention resumes on your hand when he feels you press the underside of his cock against your wet slit, watching the way your hips grind against his bare dick. The tip is just shy of breaching your hole every time you grind yourself against the head and Jay bucks his own hips in response. He gets a preview like this, watching exactly how far he'll disappear inside of you. It makes him crazy to see you like this, too. Pre-cum leaks from his slit the drips down your onto your pussy to make an ever wetter mess, the sound of the splash ringing in his ears the more the two of you grind against each other. He passes the joint to you and you eagerly accept, inhaling a long puff and expertly holding it in before exhaling.
You nearly drop it when Jay angles his dick to press the entirety of his cock into you. He catches you by surprise as he's able to grab it from your fingers before it falls onto the bed. The stretch is already unimaginable and he takes his sweet time pushing himself into you, allowing his gaze to fall where the two of you connect. Jay witnesses as your tight, velvety walls make room for his thickness and you're taking him like the champion he knows you to be. Jay drags his cock out and thrusts shallowly to let you get comfortable with his impressive size. His eyes roam across your body until they land on your plush lips and he bends down to steal a kiss while keeping the joint steady in his hands.
You eagerly kiss him back as if his mouth distracts you from the initial pain of his dick. Jay keeps fucking into you little by little, letting the sound of your shared arousal echo within the room. "You hear that? Baby. That's all you. You made us this wet." You tense around him and clench at his words, lips chasing his own in a messy kiss the more he pushes himself inside of you. "Your pussy's been aching for me, hasn't she? All the times we've fooled around prepared you for this, honey. Feel my cock. Feel it go in and out."
"It feels so good."
"I know it does," he says, kissing the corner of your mouth. "Feels so good when you're high, doesn't it?"
"Yes," you moan. "I'm so fucking horny, Jay."
"I know you are, baby. You're so wet."
He kills the joint for the last time before tossing it on the ashtray to focus on you. The last push of his cock feels like pure heaven as his balls hit your ass cheeks the second he bottoms out, and his tip hits the deepest part of you. Maybe it's the high or maybe it's because sex with you is no longer a mere fantasy, but Jay can feel every movement from your twitching hips to the way you're constantly clenching around his dick.
Fucking you is insanely different than fucking his hand at the thought of you. Your walls enclose around him like a vice meant to keep him addicted to you forever. Every single drag and thrust of his hips makes Jay lose his fucking mind because his dream girl is underneath him with her legs spread wide open for him to fuck. Jay collapses right on top of you the second your arms pull him by his neck. He doesn't fight, his body already soaring through his high like he has the ability to fly. The combination of Jay's attraction and the his inebriated state contributes to how his arousal that seems to be never ending.
Your hole is so slippery. How can one person be this wet? Jay thanks whatever god is listening to him the more he ruts himself against your lap like a crazed sex addict. Or, he sure feels that way since you're gripping him with your pussy and your arms, pulling him impossibly close to you like you're trying to become one with him. Jay doesn't mind feeling your sharp nails down his back. He grunts at the mental image of the red lines decorating his skin when he gets the chance to look at himself in the mirror. He'd do anything to see you get off on his cock.
Jay buries his face inside of your neck and lets his warm breath fan over your skin. The entire room smells like weed and sex, two very important things to Jay. He can't remember the last time he was so horny that he thought his dick would fall off the longer he fucks himself into a tight hole, but your wetness paired with your angelic moans continue to push Jay closer and closer to his first orgasm. He's determined to keep himself from coming too quickly, though. He kisses along your neck and doesn't care that he's probably moaning too loudly against your ear.
"Harder," you croak, voice dry from the marijuana and from the constant moaning. "Fuck me harder."
You don't have to tell him twice.
Jay positions your legs on both of his shoulders, admiring the way your tits look. They're big and round and they jiggle every time he moves your body to put you in the exact spot he wants you. The way your nipples move at every slight movements makes Jay kiss the back of his teeth and slot his cock right back into you before he pushes his cock and his chest forward, effectively bending you in half.
His cock reaches a whole new angle the more he's able to push himself down. You cry out a broken moan when his dick pierces a new depth and he silences your cry with a kiss to your lips. Spit falls everywhere the more your mouths mash together, tongues fighting like the two of you are locked in an intense battle. Jay repositions himself until his legs are spread wide, the balls of his feet planted on his mattress before lifting his hips just thrust into you with a newfound strength that makes your eyes squeeze shut.
He drinks up your moans like it's liquor. Jay's abdomen tenses as he holds this position, feeling the burn in his legs the longer he uses his strength to push and pull himself in and out of your body. The drag is delicious. It's so good that he hisses and closes his eyes to focus on the feeling of your wet cunt gripping onto him like you're afraid he'll leave if you aren't tight enough. Sweat has formed along his forehead and your bodies are slippery from the sexual workout, but it adds to the intensity of it all. Jay has never felt enamored with a girl like he is with you and the sheer magnitude of his attraction outweighs any drug he's tried in his lifetime. He'd happily quit smoking marijuana if you asked him too. But lucky for him, you can keep up.
"Tightest pussy in the world," Jay groans, slamming his cock into you and holding your body underneath him until you're pinned between the mattress and his chest. His cock is lodged deep into your pussy with no signs of letting up and the way you squeeze him from the inside out is enough to make Jay feel like he's seeing stars. "Are you always like this? Do you always make people feel so fucking crazy?"
"Just you," you say, barely able to speak from the intensity of the position.
"Just me," he repeats, grunting through his nose. "Only me, baby. Only I can make you feel like this."
"Only you."
"Only I can get you high like this," he grunts, lifting his hips to slam them back down onto you. You cry and it sounds like a fucking hymn. "I want you to cum like this. Can you do that for me, honey? Cum right on my dick."
And you do. It's like a command, almost. He knows you've been holding out and waiting for him, but you deserve to come as many times as you want without asking for his permission. He loves knowing he can get you to feel as free as you do without worrying about other people. It's so sexy that you're as considerate as you are, but as far as Jay's concerned, you could come on his cock a million times over and he wouldn't care about getting off it you were satisfied.
He feels the tension in your body as you focus on your orgasm. Jay moves in tandem with you, letting his cock impale your pussy and pushing past your hole when you clench around him. The tightness squeezes him until his tip is hitting the very spot that makes you scream out his name like it's a prayer, and you come like you've never experienced such an orgasmic high before. He feels you come. Jay savors the way your body arches as you reach your peak and it takes everything in him to stay as still as he is, his abdomen aching and his legs burning from holding this position. But it's worth it to watch the way you fall apart on him completely.
"You're so hot when you cum," Jay mumbles against your lips, letting your legs fall from his shoulders and allowing himself to break from his previous hold. He kisses over your lips to soothe you as he slowly rocks his hard cock in and out of your pussy, using your orgasm as lubricant. "It makes me wanna fuck you within an inch of your life."
"Do it," you taunt, smiling up at him with a fucked out grin that makes Jay think you're a succubus. Your lack of a refractory period is pure insanity. He can barely believe your pussy doesn't ache from his mouth, fingers, and his cock. Or maybe it does but you aren't saying anything. You're taking it like a fucking champ.
"Bend over," he instructs, pulling his cock out to stand while you turn your body over. He strokes himself in the meantime, watching as you spread your legs and arch your back like a feline waiting for its reward. Your pussy is on full display in front of him and he can't resist getting on his knees to shove his face in your lap again.
There is no rhyme or reason to it anymore. Jay has turned into a dirtier, hornier version of himself the more his high climbs up an invisible mountain. His tongue licks over your delicious folds and licks up every drop of your come like it's syrup spilling from a maple tree. Jay makes a complete mess of his face and slurps at your wetness, drinking your sweet nectar like it's the only thing he could ever imagine in his mouth.
He lets go of his cock to grip your ass cheeks and moans straight into your pussy when he ruts his cock against the side of the bed, thrusting every single time he pushes his tongue deeper into your wet hole. You moan before him and push your ass right against his face, making him bury himself deeper into your hole as though he never wants to leave. He doesn't, really. He'd be perfectly happy if he died with your pussy on his tongue.
Jay removes himself from your pussy when he feels himself get closer and closer to the edge. The soft material of his bedsheets would be enough to throw him off the deep end if he isn't careful. He gets back on his feet after licking up a stripe and pushes his tongue up your slit until he licks your wrinkled hole. Your body tenses at the strange sensation but you aren't completely turned off by it. In fact, Jay notices your legs spreading even wider as your back arches deeper like you're in some kind of trance. He takes his chance and spits directly into your tightest hole with a slow drip, listening to a moan that comes deep within your chest the second it hits you. He brings his thumb to gently rub it in, temporarily neglecting your pussy to watch the way you're writhing as he brushes his finger over your asshole. It's incredible how responsive and trusting you are. If he was a worse person, Jay would put the very tip of his cock right against your hole. But he isn't and he figures if you liked it enough to endure his curiosity, you might let him try putting his dick in there one day.
He lines himself with your pussy again, flicking the head across your folds to gather enough slick. Jay lets his tip pass over and over again until you're whining like you'll die without his dick. The desperation in your voice turns him on so much that he feels his balls twitch when you let our a particularly high-pitched noise. It's enough to make him sink back into your pussy, hands gripping your hips for stability. He feels his own legs shaking from the new angle and the sight of your back arching in front of him.
Without a single warning, Jay fucks you. It's the kind of pace that only occurs when he's so horny that he can't think about anything other than finishing himself off. You claw at his bedsheets and manage to grab one of his pillows to hold against your chest. His blunt nails dig themselves right into your meaty flesh as he brings his right hand to smack your right ass cheek. The sting is incredible and he must assume you love this kind of pain because the long, drawn out moan rings in his ears like it's Christmas. He smacks your ass again while he bucks his cock into you like a madman, spanking you over and over again until he feels a bit sorry for the pain he's causing you.
Jay's sack bounces against your puffy clit with every thrust and he's positive you've started whining because you feel another orgasm approaching. He wishes he could hold himself out longer too, but the two of you are higher than a pair of kites in the sky and your incredible moans and tight pussy push him to his limits. He clenches his ass to prolong this feeling, hissing at the intensity of your walls gliding against him every time he drags his cock out of you just to push it back inside your hole.
"One last time," Jay grunts, reaching one hand to toy with your clit and making you moan into his pillow. "Come for me one last time, yeah?"
"C-Come together," you barely manage to say.
"Yeah, baby. Let's come together. Fuck, give it to me and I'll give you my cum too."
Lost in the chase for his own orgasm, Jay's knees nearly lock when he's about to come. He braces himself at the very last second and falls until his cheek hits your upper back, feeling the way you clench around him before finishing for the third time. Jay follows soon after, spilling his seed directly into your hole without ceasing his hips from fucking it back into you. He doesn't care that the mixed cum starts to seep from where you're both connected, nor does he care that it's starting to drip down onto your thighs. He keeps thrusting until he's managed to overcome the peak and ruts into your hole.
When all is said and done, the only thing that registers is his heart beat and your breaths. Jay kisses the back of your neck with such tenderness that it pulls a satisfied moan from your throat. He can't help but laugh and twitch inside of you as his cock grows soft. You eventually push him out with a single clench, feeling the way his dick falls to your thigh as leftover semen seeps from his slit and onto your skin. The room is hot, wet, and far too overwhelming to properly come down from the insanity of tonight.
"You did so good, honey," Jay murmurs against your shoulder, peppering sweet kisses as you close your eyes. "My good girl. My sweet, sweet baby."
"I'm your baby," you whisper in a fucked out bliss.
"That's right." He nods and brings his face to yours, kissing you once before turning your body over to face him. Jay brushes your hair out of your face and cups your face, his thumb caressing your cheek. "Are you okay? You sounded a little dehydrated."
"It was the weed," you say with a quiet giggle. "So worth it, though. But I could go for some water."
In record speed, he's able to clean the both of you up and fetch some water from the kitchen without making too much conversation. He avoids Jake, who looks at him and whistles as he walks back to his bedroom. To his surprise, you're up on your feet and digging through his closet with one of his shirts draped over your body.
"Aren't you beautiful," he says, bringing the water up to your lips. You laugh at the absurdity but drink from his hand anyway.
"I can drink by myself, you know. I'm a big girl."
"Yeah, but I like the idea of taking care of you."
"Are you still high?"
"Yeah." Jay laughs. "But I'd tell you that sober too."
He beckons you to climb into bed next to him after he's opened all of his windows. After the intensity of sex, the softness of your head resting on his chest pulls a smile out of Jay. Your leg rests atop his own like a needy koala, but he doesn't mind. He loves it, in fact. He's positive you can hear how fast his heart is beating.
"Breakfast tomorrow?" You whisper already half-asleep. Jay kisses the crown of your head and pulls you closer to him.
"Sleep. I'll be here in the morning."
โง๏ฝฅ๏พโโโโโโโโโโโ โง๏ฝฅ
please condsider reblogging and leaving a comment (or two!) x
SUMMARY: it's been six years since heeseung stopped being your friend and the thought of him tagging along an annual camping tradition makes you feel like the world is crashing around you. one misunderstanding and one trip later makes heeseung re-evaluate all he knows, and it makes you believe there might be life after love.
NOTES: first full length fic!!!!!!! enjoy :) x
PAIRING: heeseung x fem!reader (featuring enhypen)
PLAYLIST: added march 17 - find it here
WORD COUNT: 34.1K
WARNINGS: fluff, angst, mentions of poor relationships with parental figures, mentions of infidelity, bad friendships, smut in the form of: fingering, oral (f. receiving), creampie.
***
โPlease donโt make me go.โ
โY/N, you already said yes. Weโre only gonna be gone for a week.โ
โI donโt think this is a good idea, Jungwon. You just said that Heeseung is gonna be there.โย
Your best friend sighs and sits down on your bed, inspecting the duffle bag you have thatโs half-packed. Your clothes are haphazardly strewn all over your bedding while you plead with him to no avail. Youโre so desperate that you consider getting on your knees to beg.
โIโm sorry for telling you now, but he was able to get people to cover his shift last minute and paid for a spot on the kayaking rental.โย
โIf heโs going, Iโd rather save us all the trouble and stay at home.โ Jungwon watches you cross your arms over your chest. โEvery time weโre in the same room, itโs just a matter of time before things become awkward.โย
โWeโll be outside in the suuuun,โ Jungwon says, tilting his head to the side and giving you those amused eyes that he always gives you when heโs trying to convince you to do something with him. You scoff and look away. It almost works.ย
โI bet that itโll be worse since we have a few things planned with the guys already.โ
โSo what? You two donโt get along. Big deal. Weโve already made reservations to secure a spot on the campsite and set a deposit for kayak rentals.โ
โWon, I think you and I view Heeseung very differently. He doesnโt just not like me. He hates me.โย
โHate is a wrong word.โย
You huff. โI donโt think you grasp just how weird it is every time weโre together. You could cut the tension with a knife.โ
โSeriously, Y/N. Itโs one week. Iโm sure you can survive that. Youโve never missed a camping trip and itโs the first time all of our friends are coming.โ Jungwon deadpans and throws a shirt towards your chest, which you hastily grab after being startled by his sudden movement. You know better than to argue with him when he gets like this. โJust help me pack your clothes, dude. Jayโs gonna be here to pick us up tomorrow morning, and you donโt want to be under-packed.โย
You relent and grumble. โAre you still staying over?โ
He nods. โMy apartmentโs in the opposite of where weโre going, and I didnโt want to make him drive an extra twenty minutes since he needs to pick Riki up. Just need to drop Maeumi off at my momโs before coming back here. โ Your eyes fall for a flat second before you squash that feeling down.
โI didnโt invite you over, you know.โย
โNo, but donโt pretend like youโre not excited,โ Jungwon says with a laugh as he pulls your clothes out of the bag and starts to readjust the clothing youโve folded poorly. Seeing your best friend smile tugs a bit at your heartstrings and you canโt say that you arenโt happy to have him with you. โWe should get you packed now so you donโt stress out later.โย
Begrudgingly, you allow Jungwon to sort out your clothes for you and pull last minute items youโve yet to pack. It annoys you watching him be so calm when youโre simmering with worry. But you know heโs rightโyouโve invested some money into this getaway, and itโll be the last big outing before you move away from Korea for a year-long job opportunity in Okayama before pursuing your Masterโs degree. Jungwon knows you a little too well, and sometimes it irks you.ย
The end-of-summer camping trip is always one for the books. For as long as you can remember, the two of you have been going camping just before everyone goes back to school to celebrate the beginning of a new academic year with your families. But this time, the trip wasnโt just about continuing an annual tradition. It was also to commemorate a new chapter in your life.ย
Youโre a year older than Jungwon. Heโs known you since you were obsessed with learning how to double dutch, and youโve known him since he first learnt how to ride a bike. The two of you started out as neighbors when you moved into the house next to his, and his family had adopted your own like old friends, eventually inviting you and your parents into their annual camping tradition. Even when dynamics changed and people left, the tradition was the only thing that remained a constant for you.
This is the first summer that your loved ones announced they wouldnโt be coming along. They all thought it was time for you to embark on new traditions with new people, and nobody seemed to mind the change that much except for you. Jungwon had been ecstatic about it since he invited his friend, Jake, to the camping trip last year. Youโd been wary at first since Jake is friends with Heeseung, but he never brought up your confusing arch-nemesis and chose to have a great trip before you all started university again.ย ย
Sure, you had a lot of fun. You might even consider last yearโs trip as one for the books. But your mom pulling out of the camping trip and everyone around you agreeing that it was for the best made you feel like your world was crumbling around you.
When you graduated university three months ago (Jungwon swears he didnโt cry, but you know better than to believe him), the weight of leaving your home started to sink in. In the blink of an eye, Jungwon wouldnโt be a twenty minute drive, and hanging out with all of your friends wouldnโt be as easy as it once was. Youโd be in Japan all alone.
This past summer has been a whirlwind as you tried to do everything under the sun, savoring each moment until you wouldnโt be able to anymore. Jungwonโs been a good sport about it, never once complaining when you drag him to your latest adventure. He deals with your sudden shift in mood from happy to sad, letting you cry on his shoulder and braving the cliche words you say when telling him youโll miss him a lot.ย
Unlike past seasons, this is the first summer you havenโt seen Heeseung very often. Lee Heeseung, who usually keeps his head down and minds his business, always seems to have a bone to pick whenever his eyes settle on you. It confuses you to no end, and he keeps his quips to a minimum when your mutual friends are around, but it doesnโt stop you from wondering what you mustโve done to make him act like that towards you. Itโs a shame because that small childhood crush you always had on him was squashed the first time he ignored your presence.ย
None of your friends comment on it much. Theyโre used to the dynamic between the both of you because it's been years of this. Elementary school saw the two of you become friends for the first time and middle school brought more friends into the group. It was in high school that things changed and Heeseung started ignoring you out of nowhere until one Thursday afternoon when heโd told you to leave him alone after pestering him about his change in behavior.ย
The odd tension followed you into university and continued to seep into your life. You donโt think youโve ever been in a room with Heeseung where heโs been anything but nonchalant towards you, often acting like you arenโt there to begin with. You do your best to put up with it and plaster a smile on your face, but six years have gone by, and you donโt think you can handle a seventh. All of your friends seemed to have moved past it. You donโt know why you canโt.
โDonโt think about Heeseung,โ Jungwon says with a sigh. โIn fact, donโt think at all. Let me handle everything and enjoy this trip before you move to Okayama, okay?โ
โOkay, fine. But I want to see Maeumi.โ
Jungwon snorts. โSheโs gonna be real pissed when she doesnโt see you for a year, you know.โ
โDonโt remind me.โ
Jungwon knows you like the back of your hand and has seen what you bring on these trips enough to know what you like to have in your duffle. He packs things you neglected to pull out because your mind has been elsewhere. As much as he wants to flick your head and tell you to quit overthinking so you can help him, he did tell you to let him handle everything.ย
Your best friend makes you triple check that the two of you didnโt miss anything before heading back to his apartment to fetch Maeumi. She jumps into your arms when you squat to pick her up and wonโt allow Jungwon to pet her white fur body while sheโs nestled against you. This fondness and the familiar jab of Jungwonโs elbow to your ribcage make your heart ache despite the sweet moment. Youโre really going to miss home.ย
Ever the concerned mothers your mom and Jungwonโs are, they send you with a tray full of sweets for the road. They make you tell them exactly when youโll be picked up and by who (โJongseong, Eomma,โ Jungwon says for the umpteenth time) and when you plan to come back. His dad gives you a spare bucket hat for when youโre on the water and an old sweater from his college days when Jungwon complains about how you never pack enough layers. The gesture feels warm since you consider his father to be somewhat of your own.
Leaving them to go back to your house feels a bit bittersweet. A lot of your belongings sit in storage boxes in the garage from when you moved out of your campus apartment upon graduating. Jungwon decided to get an apartment for himself with the money he saved from his part-time job as a busboy at a local chain restaurant. Staying over with you makes it seem silly when you remember he used to live next door.ย
Itโs nine in the evening when the two of you get ready for bed. Jungwon puts your bags by the front door so neither of you would forget while you finish brushing your teeth. He grabs extra blankets from the linen closet and settles onto your L-shaped couch, pulling the fabric just underneath his chin. Your heart feels like itโs sinking in on itself when you think about how this might be the last time youโre able to be so casual around him.ย
โStop overthinking,โ he says in the quiet of the night, as if he can hear the thoughts in your head. The living room lights are off and the moonlight is whatโs responsible for illuminating the space.ย
You refrain from throwing your pillow at him. โIโm not overthinking. Youโre overthinking.โย
Jungwon snorts. โWe both know thatโs not true. I know youโre scared about Okayama and I know thatโs why youโve been on edge about Heeseung. Youโre usually never this loud about it.โ Like always, your best friend is right.ย
โItโs hard not to.โ Your meek voice makes Jungwonโs heart lurch. โEverythingโs changed so fast. I feel like I didnโt get enough time to properly say goodbye to everyone.โ
โYouโll be in Japan, not America. Itโs not like weโll never see you.โย
โYeah, but I wonโt be able to annoy you for boba and you wonโt be coming over to have dinner with my mom and me." Jungwon frowns. Too caught up in making sure you were happy this summer, he hadnโt given it that much thought. โI know I wonโt be far, but Iโm scared that things will change too much.โย
For the first time today, Jungwon doesnโt know what to say to make you feel better. โIโll miss you a lot.โย
โI know that, dummy. I guessโฆI feel like Iโve been dealing with a lifetime of shittiness and the universe wanted to throw another curveball at me.โ Jungwonโs heart softens at your confession. Heโs used to your quick jabs and sarcastic humor. Knowing youโve more afraid than excited makes him upset.ย
โThe universe sucks,โ he says, happy that it pulled a laugh out of you. โIโll always be a phone call away and youโll never have to worry about me ignoring you because we both know Iโm gonna blow up your texts anyway.โย
โI can always count on you to annoy the hell out of me.โ You canโt see his face, but no you already assume Jungwonโs sporting a shit-eating grin. Even if you both know the main reason why youโre afraid of living in Okayama, neither of you say it. Youโre grateful that Jungwon doesnโt bring it up. โStill, though. You know how I am with change. Iโm really scared that Iโm going to hate it there and not have you to keep me company.โ
โLife is crazy and unpredictable but that doesnโt mean youโre going to be miserable. I mean, you did a pretty good job of making sure both of us had happy childhoods even though I know you were hurting when we were younger.โย
โItโs really hard not to have expectations or think badly about the future when I feel like I took everything for granted.โย
โI know, Bug,โ Jungwon says, using a nickname from your childhood he reserves for when he thinks you need an extra bit of comfort. โBut youโre the best person I know. You didnโt do anything wrong. Life justโฆgets in the way.โย
โYeah, I know.โ
Jungwon is quiet for a moment. โJust please promise me youโll try to have fun, okay?โ
โI know Iโll have fun, Wonnie. Iโm scared that Iโll have too much fun and be a sobbing wreck when we get back.โย
The two of you share a laugh. โAlright, fair. Promise me you wonโt let Heeseung get under your skin.โ
You groan. โIf he doesnโt like me, thatโs fine. I donโt need everyone to like me. But why go out of his way to act like Iโm scum of the Earth?โ
โJust ignore him, okay?โ Jungwon pleads. โI know itโs uncomfortable but he paid for a last minute spot. Iโll tell him to be mature about it too.โย
And, well, part of you believes Heeseung will listen to Jungwon. Despite being on the younger side in your shared friend group, everyone seemed to listen to your best friend most of the time. Jungwon has an authoritative aspect to himself when heโs refrained from being the silly, happy-go-lucky guy you all know him to be.ย
Itโs quiet for a brief moment with the wind gently tapping on the windows behind you. โI donโt know why he doesnโt like me.โย
Truthfully, neither does Jungwon. โIโm sorry heโs putting you in a tough spot.โย
โWon, sometimes I really wonder if he hates my guts. He doesnโt talk to me and he never replies to my messages in the group chat. Itโs like I donโt exist to him.โ
โI think that might be a little extreme.โย
โItโs not and you know it.โย
Jungwon hums. โWell, at least youโll get away from him when you move to Okayama.โ Just like that, all of your worries come flooding right back.
โYeah,โ you say meekly. โIโll have Okayama.โ
You donโt see him, but you know Jungwonโs smiling since you agreed with him for the first time tonight. โThatโs more like it. You have your whole future ahead of yourself, dude. Heeseung is just a blimp. In three weeks, he wonโt matter because youโll be having fun in Japan. Just think about that.โย
You try not to think about the fears and hesitations you have about starting anew. This time, you wouldnโt be going back to university after the camping trip. Youโll have a week and a half back home before youโre boarding your flight and saying goodbye to the place youโve called home for the past two decades. Thinking about the future keeps you up until you hear Jungwonโs snores from the other side of the couch.ย
Unsure of when your mom will be coming home, you snuggle further into the cushions and curl yourself into a ball before falling asleep.ย
***
The next morning, Jungwon wakes up just before you do and you see him and your mom talking before they see you sit up. Barely noticing their hushed tones, you find yourself yawning more than normal and force the blankets off of your body. Your mom fixes you a cup of tea while Jungwon finishes packing, leaving you to freshen up and do the same.ย
โYou know, this trip will be good for you. I can feel it,โ your mom says when you sip on your tea. Itโs hot and nearly burns your tongue, but you donโt mind. Somehow, that sharp pain makes you feel even more alert than the strong brew.ย
โYou say that every year.โย
โYeah, but this time I wonโt be with you.โย
She laughs when she hears you huff. โBaby, I know you love it when I come on these trips but weโll always have other ones. Weโll have next year too.โย
โI just donโt get why you and Jungwonโs parents donโt want to come on this one.โย
โLike we said all those months agoโitโs time for you guys to break tradition and spend some time with your friends before you move to Okayama. Next year, we can rent out the whole campsite if it means we can accommodate us, the Yangs, and your friends.โย
Frustration bubbles within you but youโre quick to shut that feeling. โI guess. It wonโt be the same.โ
โJakeโs going this year, right? You guys had a lot of fun last summer.โย
Well, she isnโt wrong. โSure, yeah. I had fun with him.โ Motherly instincts kick in and she bumps your hip with hers.ย
โI know youโre scared about moving and seeing Heeseung. But youโre much braver than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes people are meant to be lessons and maybe Heeseung is the biggest one of all.โ
You throw a fake-disgusted look at her. โDid Jungwon put you up to this?โ She laughs and shakes her head, bringing you into her arms. Her lips on the crown of your head feel warm and you donโt shy away from her embrace.ย
โNo, but I carried you in my stomach and brought you to term. I like to think I know you pretty well.โย
You chuckle. โYeah, I guess you do. Iโll try not to let Heeseung bother me too much.โย
โJungwonโs pretty worried, even if he wonโt say it. I told him to relax a little. This trip isnโt supposed to stress anyone out. Itโs supposed to be a nice getaway before you go back to your normal life.โย
โI feel guilty for making Jungwon worry about me. I know heโs still friends with Heeseung, somewhat, even though nobody can figure out why he doesnโt like me so much.โย
โThat old saying about boys being mean to their crushes is bullshit.โย
You pull away and gasp when you hear her swear. โEomma!โย ย
โI used to swear like a sailor before I became a mom, you know.โ Her eyes light up when she watches you giggle and from the corner of her eye, she can see Jungwon walking back into the living room.ย
โJayโs almost here,โ he says, shoving his phone into his back pocket.ย
โDoes he want a cup of tea?โย
Jungwon shakes his head. โI think itโs better if we head out as soon as possible. We still have to pick up Riki and then we have a four hour drive to the campsite.โย
She looks at the two of you like she has stars in her eyes. Wordlessly, your mom pulls Jungwon underneath her other arm and kisses his forehead before kissing yours. โWhen did you two become so grown up, huh? It feels like just yesterday that Y/N stopped crying whenever she got papercuts.โย
Jungwon snickers. โShe still does.โ
โHey!โ
โAnd it feels like just yesterday that Jungwon stopped needing to sleep with a nightlight.โ Jungwonโs cheeks turn pink and you snicker at him.ย
โTime flew by fast,โ says Jungwon. She lets the two of you go and the doorbell rings. โThat must be Jay.โย
Indeed, Jay is standing behind the door and bows at your mom before she offers to help you both carry things to his car. They make small talk while the two of you put them into the trunk (he loves to cook while she loves to bake. Likewise, they enjoy talking about this with each other). Jayโs Jeep is far too expensive for you to wrap your head around, but you donโt complain when he offers to drive you in it. A yellow rubber duck sits on his dashboard and it never fails to bring a smile to your face whenever you see it. You wave goodbye to your mom and stick your body halfway out the window until youโre restricted by the seat belt.
โCan we get coffee on the way?โ you ask, yawning into your palm. Itโs eight oโclock and everyoneโs agreed to arrive around noon for lunch and to relax before sleeping.ย
โYeah, good idea. Letโs pick up Riki and then stop somewhere.โย
Jay plugs his phone into the aux cord at a red light and turns on some music. You like driving with him because you always discover new songs you obsess over for the next few days. It brings a pang in your heart when you think about how this will have to stop when you move to Japan. The two of you have created many playlist blends and heโs curated a few for you. While youโre not as musically inclined like your friends may be, Jay is the only person whoโs willing to break things down for you in depth so that you can understand them too. Itโs nice, especially when he talks about his own musical talents. You can see why he loves music so much and you donโt mind if he sends you a million songs to listen to. He turns onto the freeway and you know youโre about to see Riki soon.
Heโs about to be a first-year in the university you graduated from. He moved to Korea from Japan a few weeks prior to get a lay of the land and become more comfortable in his surroundings. Originally planning on enjoying your summer until he reached out to you, your mother chided your decision and told you to help Riki move into his new dormitory.ย
It was the least you could do for your half-brother.ย
Begrudgingly, you spent a lot of time making sure Riki felt comfortable and settled in when you couldโve been soaking up the sun. Maybe thatโs why you were so adamant about hanging out with Jungwon whenever you could. Being around Riki made you feel drained because his mere presence was enough to remind you of why you started losing faith in people.ย
The dorms arenโt too far from your house. The drive there is silent, save for the music coming from Jayโs stereo. It gives you plenty of time to think about what the next week or so might look like. Avoiding Heeseung is out of the question since there will be eight of you participating in the same activities together. Youโre not worried about having to watch over Riki too much either. Before moving to Korea, he met Jungwon the first summer he spent a few weeks vacationing here and they instantly became friends. He introduced Riki to the people youโd be camping with too. Without fail, the seven of them were always up to no good when he was in town.ย
Spending three weeks with him in your neighborhood felt like someone was trying to set your life ablaze. He was so young back then, barely speaking Korean until you had to translate conversations into Japanese for him. You tried to mask disdain for having to help him, but even then, Riki understood why you were hesitant to have him in your life. If he were in your position, heโd probably feel the same way about you.ย
He didnโt come to Korea very often but started to when he had school recess for the holidays and summer breaks. Since he expressed an interest in attending university in Korea, it felt like the right decision to send Riki whenever school wasnโt in session. Heโd stay with his paternal grandparents and saw you every so often when you were both invited to the same place. Neither of you made a real effort to keep up with each other on social media or over the phone. At this time, Riki followed you on Instagram and you hadnโt bothered to follow him back. In all honesty, you didnโt see the point.ย
You held a lot of resentment over Riki for things you know you canโt blame him for. But with new life changes that came your way, Riki seemed like the perfect scapegoat. He feels it sometimes, the way you pull him in just to push him away when the moment gets too familiar. He shoves down his feelings, choosing to treasure when you laugh with him.ย
The two of you are doing somewhat better nowadays. You followed him back on Instagram the night after you dropped him off at the airport at the behest of your grandparents. They insisted Riki arrive at the airport four hours early despite the flightโs duration equating to two and a half hours. You suspected they wanted to force you into spending a little bit of alone time with your half-brother and get to know each other.ย
To your surprise, the two of you got along pretty well. Riki was a dweeb trying to mask himself as cool. You bought him ice cream (pretending like you didnโt see him smiling so hard that he forced it off of his face) and sat in your car for two hours to talk. He found out you were a genius when it came to mathematics, a subject he did not excel in, and you found out heโs in a hip hop dance crew and wants to study dancing in Korea. Riki showed you a few clips of him dancing and from the corner of your eye, you could see how happy he was to be sharing this moment with you. It made your heart twinge and guilt crept up your spine when you think of all the times youโve blown him off. You said goodbye to him at the gate and he surprised you with the first hug heโs ever given you.ย
Still, itโs a bit awkward when the two of you spend any time together without your friends acting as buffers. It irks you that Riki and Heeseung get along so well because they share similar interests and are often awake at the same time, especially during the midnight hour. Part of you wondered if Heeseung would tell you all about your โrivalryโ and how the two of you didnโt get along. If he did, Riki never let you know it because heโs been the same Riki youโve known since you first met him three years ago.ย
You can tell Heeseung is a bit irritated, too, that your half-brother still chooses to be nice to you. In fact, you realize heโs annoyed at everyone about this, especially Jungwon. You donโt call him out on it because you know itโll spark a useless argument that makes you and everyone else feel upset. How Heeseung has the energy and stamina to avoid you for hours on end is strange to you.ย
You and Jungwon meet Riki at the front door while Jay gets out of the car to make room for his belongings and the lawn chairs his grandparents dropped off for this specific trip. Thereโs exactly eight of them and they somehow all fit into the rear with all of the other cooking gear heโs packed. You assume the other car has everything needed for pitching tents and fishing.
โHi,โ Riki says before you can acknowledge him. He steps forward like heโs about to throw his arms around you but stops himself. โGood morning.โย
โMorning, Riki,โ you say while grabbing the duffle bag from his shoulder. โLet me put this in the car. You and Wonnie can load the chairs.โย
โAye, aye, captain.โย
Itโs Rikiโs first time on the camping trip and you find yourself a bit more nervous with him coming. Heโs not someone whoโs been camping before and you wonder if any of the other guys are going to look out for him. Jungwon, for as responsible as he is, tends to turn into a younger version of himself when heโs with your half-brother. You furrow your eyebrows when you put his duffle bag in Jayโs trunk as he rearranges and waits for the two boys to load everything in before settling back into the car.ย
Riki and Jungwon immediately hop in the backseat and youโre quite pleased that you donโt have to call shotgun. They talk about things you donโt understand while Jay starts the car and resumes manning the aux cord. That strange feeling of nervousness creeps back into your stomach. You turn around and startle Riki when you look at him.ย
โDo you have everything you need?โ you ask him.ย
โYes,โ Riki says with a nod. โI have my water bottle, my Swiss army knife, and sunblock.โย
โBug spray?โย
โJungwon says heโs bringing a few bottles.โ
โSwimming trunks?โ
โCโMon, Y/N. Weโre gonna be camping by a lake. Thatโs the first thing I packed.โ
โToothbrush?โ
โSecond thing I packed.โ
โEnough shirts and socks?โ
โOkay,โ Jay says, pulling your wrist to get you to look at the road. โRikiโs got everything he needs and if he doesnโt, Iโm sure someone else would let him use or borrow it.โ
โIโm just making sure heโs got everything so we donโt need to stop somewhere,โ you mutter, slinking into your seat while Jay sighs. You donโt catch it, but Riki sits behind you with a happy smile on his face.ย
โRelax. Weโre trying to make the most before summer ends. You deserve that too.โ You know Jayโs right. He smiles when you fix your posture and hands you his phone. โYou know my passcode. Queue up whatever you want.โย
You do just that, especially since Jungwon and Riki are engrossed in a conversation about God knows what. You think of interrupting them to ask what they want to listen to but ultimately decide to play a few songs you and Jay could jam out to and some from Jungwonโs playlists. You also try to remember the songs Riki has danced to in his Instagram videos and the musicians he posts on his stories and add them to the queue too.ย
โThanks for letting us come on this trip,โ Jay tells you with chatter in the background, not once taking his eyes off of the road. โI know itโs a thing you and Jungwon do with your families.โย
โEh, it was bound to happen anyway. Jake was the only one here last summer and I knew it was a matter of time.โย
โStill, I know how youโve been feeling lately and it must be overwhelming to have so many people around you right now.โ Damn. Jay is almost as receptive as Jungwon is.ย
You donโt bother lying to him. โYeah, I think Iโm just scared about starting my life in Okayama. I know a few people but itโs not like here. I thought it was what I wanted to do when I accepted the position but now I canโt help but feel like I made a mistake.โย
โItโs not a mistake if you believed in it enough to do it all those months ago. I mean, thereโs a reason why youโre moving.โย
โI guess.โ
โYou donโt give yourself enough credit, dude. Youโre like, a fucking wizard when it comes to numbers and even Jake is speechless. You know how he feels about math and physics.โย
That makes you laugh. โIt feels kinda nerdy to love math so much but fuck it. It got me a paid yearโs worth of employment before I earn my Masterโs.โ
โSee? Not so bad, isnโt it?โ You suppose itโs not. โJunwon, can you please tell the others that weโre about to stop for coffee then be on our way?โ You see the notifications on your phone.ย
wonton: we just picked up riki
jaeyunnie: whoโs we
wonton: me jay and yn
jaeyunnie: AYOOOOOOO YN
you: JAEYUNIE :DD
jaeyunnie: idk why i thought jay was driving alone. whatever this is about to be the best camping trip of my Life. even better than last year
sun sun: is it just me or is jake always really fucking dramatic. also iโm lowkey offended i wasnโt invited last year โฆ
jaeyunnie: shut Up u know nothing about me sunoo. and u were in bejing how tf could you have gone with us
sun sun: so much attitude ๐
fanghoon: yn save me PLEASE. iโm in a car filled with animals
sun sun: HEY
jaeyunnie: who are you calling an animal big guy ?
you: sunghoon what makes you think i can do thatย
you: jk come over here ~i will protect you~
fanghoon: Thank You. Itโs Literally 8am
jaeyunnie: u guys need to become morning people
you: pass
sun sun: PASSย
sun sun: noona we are the same ๐โโ๏ธ
you: i know thatโs right
wonton: weโre gonna stop for coffee before heading to the campsiteย
jaeyunnie: oh shit we should make heeseung stop for coffee too
wonton: jay says to stop blowing up his phone in the group chat. weโll text you when we stop for gas and when weโve arrived. bye!!!
***
After one stop to fill up Jayโs gas tank (you paid for him as a thank you) and a snack run (Jungwon and Riki split the cost), the four of you are at the campsite in no time. Youโre all somewhat grateful that itโs a little bit cloudy outside because the sun was killing you on the two-hour mark of your road trip. The weather is a little cooler and you tug on the sweater that Jungwonโs dad gave you.ย ย
You see your other friends park just after you do. Jungwon and Riki are first to get out of the car and greet them like they havenโt seen the group in years while you and Jay take your time getting out of your seats. Since when did your joints become so stiff? You blame it on the fact that you woke up from a nap just a few minutes before you arrived.ย
โThis place was hard to find,โ you hear Heeseung say from a distance. You try not to let it dampen your mood.ย
โWhereโs Y/N?โ Youโre sure that was Jake.ย
โWaking up, probably,โ says Jungwon. โShe took a nap in the car and we just woke her up.โย
โThe drive wasnโt even that long.โ You assume your best friend gives Heeseung some kind of reaction before the latter apologizes quickly.ย
Jake is by the passenger door as you open it and looks at you like a dog who wants to be taken out on a walk. He holds the handle to the door and bounces in his shoes until you push yourself out of the car. The loud slamming of the door behind you makes you wince. Jake pulls you into a hug faster than you can process.ย
โI missed you dude,โ Jake says. He puts his arm over your shoulder and slowly leads you to the group. โDid you have a good summer?โ
โYou know, despite the incredibly hot weather that made me feel like I would sweat to death, summer wasnโt so bad. How was Brisbane?โ
โI missed the heat,โ Jake says with a pout. โBut it was pretty good to be back home for a month. I really missed my parents and my brother.โย
โIโm sure they missed you too.โ
Jungwon spots you. โYour eyes are so puffy.โ He takes his thumbs and tries to put more color underneath your eyes and onto your cheeks. Riki, Sunoo, and Jay have slipped away to start setting up camp.
Jake laughs beside you when you swat Jungwonโs hands away and lets his own arms fall when you lurch forward to give him a taste of his own medicine. He always liked that Jungwon was able to bring out a childish side to you because heโs always seen you carry yourself like you had to shoulder the weight of the world. Watching you chase Jungwon as he tried to escape your pinching fingers made him a bit more happier knowing youโd have friends like him to return to when you came back from Japan.ย
Heeseung, however, rolls his eyes and speaks low. โSheโs so childish.โย
โDude,โ Sunghoon sighs in exasperation. โWeโre gonna be with her for a week. You need to quit making those comments.โย
Heeseung shrugs. โWhat? Itโs not like she can hear what Iโm saying.โย
โYeah, but we can. Weโre friends with her too, Heeseung.โย
The eldest tries to hold in his disdain. โYeah, whatever. Iโll keep shit to myself.โย
โJust for now,โ Jake encourages. โY/N never starts anything with you but sometimes you say something that goes a little too far. No one is asking you to be her best friend.โ
โJust remember it was Y/Nโs mom and Jungwonโs parents who invited all of us,โ Sunghoon reminds his friend. โWe wouldnโt be here without them and if I recall correctly, you really wanted to come when you found out we were all planning to go.โ Heeseung wants to argue and justify why heโs annoyed but canโt find a good enough reason.ย
โYouโre right,โ he relents. โIโll make nice but do not expect me to do shit for her.โ
โWe arenโt.โ Sunghoon pats Heeseungโs back. โYouโve got this. Itโs supposed to be a fun trip before we all go back to reality. All we want is one week where you two donโt create tension.โย
โI can do that.โ Jake and Sunghoon share a look between the two of them when Heeseung isnโt looking and pray that he means it.
When Jungwon decides heโs out of breath, he accepts his fate and runs into Sunghoonโs arms when you outstretch your arms to pinch his cheeks and pull them apart like heโs made out of dough. The broken laughter coming from your best friend makes you laugh too. Everyone, save for Heeseung, laughs when Jungwonโs face becomes distorted due to your fingers.ย
Eventually, you pull away from him and he starts to grab his duffle bag and the lawn chairs. The three of you follow suit once you realize youโre missing a few people. You lift your duffle over your shoulder and put on your hiking backpack while trying to hold more lawnshairs than you can carry.ย
โWoah,โ Sunghoon says as he catches a falling chair. โLet me help.โ
โThanks, Hoon. I donโt know why I thought I could carry two chairs at once.โย
โYouโre strong but youโre also carrying a fuck ton of things.โย
He smiles at you and it makes you laugh. You havenโt seen much of Sunghoon over the summer because heโs been working nonstop at a local ice rink, teaching kids how to skate in back to back summer classes. Sunghoon is sometimes too tired to hang out after work or falls asleep on your couch whenever he hangs out with you to watch movies. Your mom thinks itโs a bit endearing and never has the heart to wake him up. Between Sunghoonโs impromptu sleepovers, Jungwon and Sunooโs unannounced visits, Jayโs cooking and baking sessions in your kitchen, and Jake appearing out of nowhere every few nights for dinner, youโre starting to think your house might have an unspoken open door policy.ย
Heeseung is the only one who doesnโt frequent your house if you donโt count Riki, who doesnโt spend enough time in Korea to become a permanent fixture. The only time Heeseung has been to your house is when he dropped Jungwon off after he had one too many to drink and heโd been adamant about going to your place because it was closer to the bar in comparison to your apartment. One awkward conversation later and Heeseung was out of your driveway. Jungwon woke up with a hangover the next morning and you were grateful your mother chose that weekend to take a girlโs trip with her best friends.
You donโt invite Heeseung over like you do with the others. The only reason why you havenโt deleted his phone number is because of the big group chat youโre in to discuss plans. He never responds to your texts in it and you donโt respond to him unless absolutely necessary. Sometimes you catch him laughing at your messages only to retract it when he realizes itโs you who sent it. Itโs been six years of dealing with this and as much as it confuses you, part of you has learned to tune out this behavior and focus on the other friends you do share.ย
Sunghoon must know youโre thinking about his friend because he looks at you like heโs been trying to get your attention. โSorry,โ you apologize. โWhat did you say?โย
โI said thanks for letting us crash your trip. I know this is something you and Jungwon do with your families every year. Canโt help but feel a little special that we get to come along.โย
You coo at him. โDo you remember when you could barely look me in the eye, let alone tell me something as sweet as that?โ Sunghoon rolls his eyes.ย
โOh, shut up. You know Iโm an introvert.โ You bump your hip with his.ย
โIโm just messing with you. But in all seriousness, itโll be fun having you guys around.โ
โIโm excited to see what you and Jungwon do every year.โย
โNothing too out of the ordinary. Swim, eat a lot of food, kayak, hike, the usual. But thereโs one spot we usually go to, just he and I, thatโs away from the main spot on the lake.โย
โHowโd you find it?โ
โJungwon found it by accident when we were younger. He said it was gonna be our secret spot and told me not to tell our parents. I think the whole campground panicked for an hour or so until somebody found us in the clearing.โย
Sunghoon snorts. โYeah, that sounds like you two.โย
โThey told us to tell them where weโd be and promised to leave us alone if we gave them a heads up. Itโs not really noticeable if you donโt know where to look, but itโs so beautiful. It leads to another part of the lake and itโs always so peaceful and quiet.โย
โIn that case, Iโm honored that youโre showing us.โย
โEh, itโs about time we add new members to the club.โ
โOh?โ He raises his eyebrow. โThereโs a club now?โ
โMhm. Gotta pay me two fish to join.โย
โLike you know how to fish.โ You bump your hip with his again.
โThere are things you guys donโt know about me, Park. Just wait and see.โย
Sunghoon lets the conversation end when he finds himself at the campsite where Jay and Riki have started to organize things and make spots for tents. Itโll take a few trips for all of the supplies and camping gear to be fully unloaded so you each take turns until everything is sitting in a big pile, waiting to be sorted.ย
โOkay, Iโm a bit out of my depth,โ says Sunoo, who kicks around a rock as he speaks. โI, for one, will need help pitching a tent.โ
โIโll help you,โ you say, nodding for him to come over.ย
โYou can pitch a tent?โ Heeseung asks like he doesnโt believe you.ย
You nod and pick up a bag. โYeah. I do this every year.โ You donโt say it with any bite in your tone but Heeseung, who forgot this fact, feels like an idiot for making a fool of himself in front of his friends. He chooses to look away from you for now.ย
โWe have three tents we need to put up,โ Jay says. โIโm thinking we pitch those now, have a snack and water break, and then start to organize before we eat lunch.โย
โSounds good.โ You agree. โIโd rather have everything set up so we can enjoy our evening. Besides, we should do this before it gets dark.โย
โRight.โ Jungwon clears his throat and hands out each bag, assigning your friends based on the size of the tent. Everybody gets to work, clearing the flat ground of rocks and debris before deciding where your tents will go. You all hammer the groundsheet into the dirt before assembling the poles.
You teach Sunoo the basics and give him pointers when he struggles to connect the joints. Heโs learning much faster than he gives himself credit for because in no time, heโs jumping for joy when he finally manages to grasp what heโs supposed to be doing. Itโs nice to watch him be so happy over this, as Sunoo originally declined the invitation to go camping since he isn't a huge fan of the outdoors. But now itโs like you wouldโve never guessed that because heโs pretty quick to pick up your lessons.
Your tent is pitched up in no time. You roam around like a camp counselor to see if anybody needs help. Jake, Heeseung, Jay, and Jungwon seem to know what theyโre doing and have the biggest tent halfway set up. Sunghoon and Riki look like they need a bit of assistance. Sunghoonโs figuring it out quickly while Riki fumbles with his fingers.ย
โYou have to do it slowly,โ you say from beside him. Riki hands you the attachments when you beckon him to hand it over and show him slowly. โLike this. See? If you do it slowly, theyโll catch easier and itโll be smoother when we feed them into the tent.โย
โOh.โ Riki nods when your trick works. โThanks, Y/N.โย
The three of you pitch up your tent too, with Riki handing you the pegs to hammer them into the ground after zipping the door. Sunghoon dusts off his hands on his shorts and takes a big gulp from his water bottle. Sunooโs mom packed enough fruit and onigiri for a midday snack, and all eight of you feast quietly after exerting more power than anyone anticipated. You really need to start working out again.ย
โBefore we clear out and organize everything else, we should probably figure out who sleeps where,โ Jungwon says. โThat way, we can put our stuff in our respective tents and have that out of the way.โย
โGood idea,โ Jake says. โHow should we do this? Rock, paper, scissors?โย
โSure, but I think Y/N and I should share a tent.โ Heeseung rolls his eyes at Jungwon and you see it from the corner of your vision.
โWhat?โ Riki asks. โWhy?โย
โBecause all of you get too comfortable around her and forget she doesnโt want to hear you snore or see your boxers in the morning.โ Jungwon laughs. โItโll be easier since weโve been camping together anyway. Sheโs used to rooming with me and Iโm used to waking up next to a Zombie.โย
โI hate you.โ Jungwon merely smiles at you.ย ย
โYou just want to get out of sharing a tent with three people,โ says Sunghoon. Jungwon nods.ย
โThat too.โย
โRock, paper, scissors it is,โ Sunoo says, getting his hands ready.ย
They all battle one another until the rooming situation is sorted. You and Jungwon will share a tent while Sunoo and Jay share the other smaller one. That leaves Jake, Sunghoon, Riki, and Heeseung sharing the big one. You all throw your belongings in before helping Jay organize the portable stove, chairs, and other things that need to be stored properly.ย
When all is said and done an hour later, Jay and Sunghoon start a barbecue. All of you are spent, sagging your bodies in the camping chairs that are positioned around the campfire. You know youโll need to fetch some wood from the outpost if you all want to have a bonfire. But that can be a task for later.
โYour mom makes the best onigiri,โ Riki groans as he shoves another bite in his mouth. โIt reminds me so much of home.โย
Sunoo smiles proudly. โSheโs the best, isnโt she?โ Jake, who is busy stuffing his face with sliced watermelons, agrees. They pick at the leftovers from snack time and Jay chides them for it.
โDonโt spoil yourselves too much or you wonโt have an appetite for lunch.โย
โHeโs so bossy,โ Riki says as he leans over towards you. โBut itโs kinda nice having someone who does shit and takes charge.โย
You nod. โMhm. Usually Jungwon and I are the ones spearheading everything but Jayโs got some camping experience. Iโm fine taking the backseat.โย
โDo you camp a lot? Besides this tradition, I mean.โ Riki watches you shake your head.ย
โNo, not really. This is as much as I can handle. Itโs more like a gigantic lake house with hot showers and a few convenience stores miles away to replenish food if we run out of anything.โ
โIt looks like you know what youโre doing.โ
โThatโs because I do, Riki.โย
He blushes. โRight. Thanks for helping me with my tent earlier.โย
โDonโt sweat it. Youโll be able to do it without my help in no time.โ That brings a shimmer of hope to the younger boy sitting next to you.ย
Heeseung avoids looking at you when Riki purposefully sits beside you on the empty lawn chair. He doesnโt completely understand why the younger boy likes you so much. Heeseng thinks youโre a nuisance and that you overstay your welcome at hangouts. But Riki clings to you like youโre his lifeline and he gets that youโre his half-sister and all, but you werenโt the most welcoming to him when he started hanging out in Korea more often. Riki would never tell Heeseung the details about his past and he never tried to pry past what the youngest would reveal. Six years of avoiding you made him forget every single detail he once knew about you when youโd both been somewhat friendly towards one another.ย
There were some days when you wouldnโt make room in your schedule to see Riki as often as heโd wanted you to and he lamented that to Heeseung. But every time heโd start to talk about how unfair it was for you to pick and choose when you got to see our younger brother, Riki would defend you every time. He didnโt get it, feeling the frustration bubble to the surface before realizing that it wasnโt his place to question why Riki acted the way he did. Sure, he was younger than Heeseung, but he respected family matters and didnโt care about you enough to figure you out anyway.ย
He keeps these feelings to himself mostly. The friends you share donโt really understand why he has a distaste for you and he refuses to elaborate because the memory is too painful, and instead chooses to bury these feelings. Itโs nobodyโs business anyway. He certainly doesnโt want to start anything with Riki involved because he would feel guilty for putting him in an uncomfortable position, and because he knows heโd defend you regardless. Even though youโve made progress to open up yourself to Riki, Heeseung still scoffs whenever he sees the two of you together.ย
By the time lunch is done, all eight of you are crowded around a table built into the ground, feasting on meat and vegetables. Everybody thanks Jay for cooking and the seven of you agree to clean up after every meal so Jay doesnโt have to work twice as hard. Youโre not sitting too far from Heeseung (to both of your dismay). Sunghoon purposely sat in between you both when he realized the other empty spots were filling up and didnโt want to chance an uproar during mealtime.ย
โSo,โ Sunoo starts to say after closing the bottle cap on his cola. โWhatโs on the agenda for today? Personally, I think we should take it easy until tomorrow.โย
โI agree.โ Jungwon nods. โWeโve done a lot and drove for a while. I say we relax and do whatever until dinner.โย
โIโm going to nap, thatโs for sure.โ You all snicker at Jay. Typical.ย
โMe too,โ says Riki.ย
โIs anyone up for walking around the lake?โ Jake asks.ย
โI could go,โ Sunghoon says from next to you.ย
โSure,โ you finally say, โwhy not.โย
โI think Iโll hang back here.โ Heeseung says it almost immediately and it stings a bit. โIโll probably nap too.โย
โI want to read.โ Sunoo changes the direction of the conversation before anyone can pick up on the awkwardness and you throw him a smile.ย
โI think Iโll join you.โ Jungwon pulls a book from his backpack and the pair begin to brainstorm where they should sit. Natural chatter falls back into place and you focus on eating, as your stomach has been grumbling pretty loud.ย
Heeseung breaks the silence. โCan someone pass me the pineapple?โ You donโt register that your arm has moved on its own accord and pass the container to him. Heeseung gives you a look you canโt decipher and itโs only then you realize what youโve done. Sunghoon gulps.ย
โThanks,โ Heeseung mutters, taking the pineapple from your hands. Youโre pleasantly surprised he doesnโt make a comment about how he isnโt craving it anymore and watch him eat some from the corner or your eye.ย
By nightfall, all of you are too exhausted to sit around the campfire. The hot shower stalls provide the kind of warmth you would go crazy without and you find yourself contemplating underneath the water longer than youโd like to admit. A plethora of thoughts run across your mind and they drift from the events of today, Riki, Heeseung, and moving to Okayama. Your friends donโt bring up the move and youโre grateful for that.ย
When you return from the shower and from brushing your teeth, Jungwon asks if youโre okay. You lie and say youโre fine but exhausted and he lets it go, too tired himself to pry the truth out of you. The last thing you think about is Heeseung. You send a silent prayer out into the universe and ask that the two of you are able to make nice during this camping trip. Then, you fall asleep.
***
Everybody is up bright and early after a good nightโs sleep. All of you agree todayโs the best day for a short hike to get used to the terrain before you explore harder trails. You and Jungwon know the hike like the back of your hand and lead the group expertly through trees and dirt pathways. All of you have a backpack for your essentials, and each of you has packed a portable lunch for when you reach the top of the peak at the end of the trail.ย
Halfway into the hike is not as uphill as you recalled it to be. The scenery is still breathtaking and you temporarily forget that Heeseung is burning eyes in the back of your skull. Last nightโs prayer seems to be working, as he hasnโt said a word to you or argued with you when you started leading everybody towards the start of the hiking path. Youโre not sure whether his feelings about you changed or if he knows youโre the literal expert since you grew up here, but you donโt think you care either way.ย
Heeseung makes a false step and twists his ankle. You hear the commotion behind you and turn around. He stumbles and a sharp edge of a branch catches his thigh, creating a gash that starts to bleed. Everyone crowds around him when they realize it and make him sit on a large rock and he feels like shouting at you to back away when you start to walk towards him.
โGuys, Iโm fine. Itโs not that bad.โ He feels more embarrassed than hurt.ย
Jake looks concerned. โDude, your leg is bleeding.โย
โItโs just a cut.โย
โLet me inspect it.โย
You pull your backpack off of you and take out your water bottle and first aid kit. You drop to your knees to inspect the wound and Heeseung refrains from coughing at the awkward position from where heโs sitting. You donโt seem phased by it, however, as you push up the fabric of his shorts and use your water bottle to clean the dirt from his wound.ย
Your face is somewhat close to his leg and he jumps when your hand touches his thigh. The guys mistake his sudden movements as pain and rush to help stabilize him. Heeseung insists that heโs fine and brushes them off of him. He wonโt admit that his fidgeting is because the last thing he expected you to do was patch him up. He figures Jungwon would be good at that kind of stuff, not you.ย
Heeseung winces at the sudden contact of water in his wound. โOkay, maybe it hurts a little.โ
โYou wonโt need stitches or anything, but I should get you cleaned up and put a bandage on it.โ
Heeseung watches as you do your best to clean it with the wipes you have and ointment that will keep any debris out. The wound isnโt too gnarly but itโs no small papercut either. He watches as you expertly deal with the wound and keeps quiet, even though he feels uncomfortable and wishes he could turn back time to avoid any of this. Itโs awkward to know your hands are on him because he feels like ants are crawling up his leg.
โI think we should probably go back and rest a little,โ says Jungwon. โWe can eat lunch there and maybe hang out for a bit.โ
โGood idea,โ Heeseung mutters when youโve stepped away from him. Sunghoon and Riki each help him up and allow the eldest to use them as crutches as he limps back to the base. He mutters a quiet โthank youโ in your direction and doesnโt pay attention to see your reaction. You feel like you got your hopes up for nothing because he turns his back towards you before you can smile at him. Defeated, you try to put your best self on display and follow everybody back to your tents.ย
Heeseung decides to rest on the chairs and eat his lunch there. You arenโt particularly eager to spend any time with him and figure heโd appreciate it if you werenโt around while he recovered. You take your sack of lunch and tell Jungwon youโll be walking around the lake like you did yesterday. He tells you to be safe and then youโre on your way.ย
โHey, wait up!โ You turn around to see Jake running until heโs caught up with you. Itโs a bit unfair how he barely runs out of breath when he jogs. Itโs definitely because heโs an athlete, but itโs still unfair.ย
โCare to join?โย
โCanโt a guy accompany his friend on a nice, brisk walk?โย
That makes you laugh. โYeah, sure.โ You fall in a quiet tandem enjoying the silence and the environment for a while. โI had a lot of fun camping last year. I think my favorite part was kayaking or when Jungwon accidentally dropped his entire sโmore in the fire.โย
You snicker at the memory. โHis mom was so mad that he kept eating the marshmallows.โย
โYeah, it was pretty funny. I still feel kind of embarrassed that I managed to flip over in my kayak somehow.โย
โEh, it makes for a good story.โ
โItโs not my fault Jungwon slammed into me!โ Jake defends when you begin to laugh. โSeriously, Y/N. How the fuck do you put up with that menace?โย
โThe same way you do, dummy.โ
Jake bites into his sandwich. โI love Jungwon.โ
โMe too.โย
โOur parents loved having you come too. Jungwonโs dad loves fishing with people.โ
โI still canโt believe how many we were able to catch. Iโm sad the guys werenโt there because they keep shitting on me for not being able to catch any when we go together.โย
You bump your shoulder against his. โThey donโt know what I know. Iโm sure my mom has pictures somewhere.โย
โHow is she, by the way?โ Jake asks.ย
โEommaโs doing alright. She just got a huge bonus at work for managing a really difficult client and completing this campaign sheโs been working on. It stressed her out for months but Iโm happy if sheโs happy.โย
โThatโs awesome. Iโm happy for her.โย
โHow are things with your family? Howโs Layla?โย
โMy parents are actually on a trip to the States to see some family and my brother just got promoted at his job. Iโm super proud of him. He worked really hard for it. Laylaโs doing okay too. Sheโs staying with my cousin until I come back.โย
โI miss her.โ
โShe probably misses you too.โย
The two of you settle into a comfortable pace and eat your lunches. There are no awkward moments with Jake. Something about his personality makes everyone around him divulge their deepest secrets and he always seems to know what to say, too. You havenโt been close to him for very long but you know him well enough to know that heโll keep anything you say between the two of you.ย
โI know you probably feel a little awkward with Heeseung around but youโve been handling it really well.โ Jakeโs tone softens and he looks straight ahead as he talks, breaking the temporary silence. โI donโt know what goes on in his head half the time.โย
โI just wish I knew what I did so I can apologize and fix it. He gets mad every time I ask and accuses me of bringing up bad memories for him. I donโt know what to do, Jake. It feels like he gets along with everybody in my life but me.โย
โWe all know Heeseungโs been through a lot and has trouble talking about them sometimes. Heโs been in therapy but we had to really convince him to set an appointment.โย
You scoff. โSounds like him.โ Jake doesnโt disagree.ย
โI guess I understand that having to deal with shitty cards makes a person go insane.โ
โSure. I just wish I wasnโt the scapegoat.โ Jake winces but tries not to let you see.ย
โSorry youโre going through this. Sunghoon and I made him swear to be on his best behavior.โย
โItโs a little awkward still but at least he isnโt picking a fight with me. Although, who knows how long thatโll last.โ
โHave a little more faith in him, Y/N.โ You deadpan and he holds his hand up in mock surrender. โOkay, next topic. How are you feeling about Japan?โย
Your shoulders slump. โAwful.โย
Jakeโs head quirks like he doesnโt understand. โWhat do you mean? You were really excited when you got the job offer.โย
โI know butโฆit doesnโt feel right anymore. My whole life is about to change and I donโt know how I feel about that.โ
โYou donโt have to know anything. In fact, Iโd be a little worried if you had your shit figured out.โ You punch his arm. โItโs really cool that youโre leaving Korea to pursue your dream. I know how hard it is to leave everything behind for a better opportunity.โ
You look at him softly and nod because you know he empathizes with you. Back when you first met him, heโd moved from Australia to Korea because your university had one of the best physics programs in the world. He knew how to speak your native Korean but wasnโt confident in conversing back then, and you had your fair share of mentoring him in formal greeting and the basics when it came to interacting with people. Jake definitely understands where youโre coming from and doesnโt want you to feel alone.ย
โWeโll always be here for you too,โ he reassures. โWe wonโt be too far away and you can come home whenever you have the time and arenโt working.โย
โI know, but it feels like everything in my life is changing at the same time and thereโs nothing I can do to stop it. I wish I was a freshman again. I wish I could turn back time and really enjoy my life before I make a life changing decision.โย
โYouโre really torn up about this, arenโt you?โ
Nodding, you look at the ground beneath you. โThere are so many things Iโve been dealing with over the past few years or so and it feels like Iโm giving up on things if I just leave. Everything feels so scary, you know? I feel like Iโm being suffocated every time I open my eyes.ย
โOn top of starting a new job in a place Iโm not that familiar with, Iโm leaving my mom behind. Iโve never lived farther than an hour away from her and I hate knowing that I wonโt be able to see her whenever I want. Not to mention Riki studying in Korea means Iโll be spending even more time with him.โ
Jake chooses not to comment and nods with his lips pressed into a thin line. He doesnโt know whatโs going on between the two of you but has his suspicions after hearing your hushed conversations with Jungwon. Even before the two of you became as close as you are, Jake has always looked out for you because he knows Jungwon loves you like a sister. It was easy to tell that youโd fallen into some sort of depression as you graduated high school and barely managed to pull yourself out of it before graduating university.ย
Riki has always been a sore subject for you. Jake doesnโt bring him up unless you do, no matter how much he adores the younger boy. The relationship you have with him is complicated but it tears him up inside to see Riki longing for you when the two of you are together. Jake knows thereโs a great deal of tension that follows both of you too. He could feel it the first time you brought up having a half-brother and started to put the pieces together.ย
โI love that Rikiโs more comfortable in Korea. I really do,โ you confess. โI love that my friends get along with him too, but part of me is scared that youโll all forget about me since heโll be here to take my place.โย
โYou are not replaceable.โ Jake looks at you when he says it. โYouโre about to chase your dream, Y/N. None of us will throw our friendship down the drain just because we wonโt be able to see you everyday. Riki is great but heโs not you.โ
Heโs pleased when you lift the corners of your mouth into a small smile. โThanks, Jake. I donโt know where this fear came from.โย
โYouโre dealing with a lot. Itโs understandable. I donโt know much about whatโs going on between you and Riki, and you donโt have to tell me, but you should know that he loves you a lot and would never think about dishonoring you while youโre gone.โย
โI know. I have a lot of pent up emotions and therapy feels like it isnโt working. I guess I should give myself some more time. But with the move, itโs been hard to focus on anything. I donโt want Riki to feel like I donโt want him in my life but itโs hard to make room for somebody you didnโt know existed until a few years ago.โย
Jake nods. โYeah, I get that. It feels a bit weird making space for someone who calls himself your brother, isnโt it?โย
โHe has every right to. I mean, heโs my half-brother. But I donโt knowโฆI want to be at a place where I can look at him and not see how much my life has changed for the worst. Heโs such a talented kid with a bright future and I hate that I project my feelings onto him.โย
โBaby steps,โ Jake reassures. โYouโve been through a lot of shit. Both you and your mom have and you've both handled it really well.โย
โIโm glad it looks that way because I feel like Iโm hanging on by a thread.โย
โWell, thatโs what it means to be in your early twenties.โย ย ย
The two of you decide to head back to the campsite when it starts to get warmer. You throw your trash in garbage bins before trotting back and see that Sunoo and Jay have left to go back hiking on the trail that you were on earlier in the day. Heeseung seems to fare better with his wound, which you see heโs managed to replace (thanks to Jungwon, no doubt). But his mood seems to worsen when he sees you and Jake walking side by side towards the group.ย
โHow was the lake?โ Jungwon asks, sipping on a cola.
โPretty,โ Jake replies. โThere werenโt that many people there so it was a little empty.โย
โWe should probably discuss what we want to do for the rest of the day and plan some stuff for later this week. Itโll be a little warmer later in the week so I think we should save that. Thereโs a great spot where Y/N and I go fishing. We could do that later in the morning.โ
โY/N, fishing?โ Heeseung laughs. โIโd pay to see that.โ
โWhat, you donโt think I can fish?โย
He shrugs. โI didnโt know you were a fan of the outdoors. You always had a nose in your textbooks so I thought that was it for you.โย
โWell, Heeseung, itโs not like the two of us know each other well enough to know these types of things.โ He doesnโt seem to like that answer.ย
โFishing tomorrow it is!โ Jake interjects.ย
โI havenโt gone fishing in a long time,โ Riki laments. โItโll be nice to have trout for dinner.โย
โI think Jay brought a lot of seasoning and sides,โ Jungwon says to the group. โWe can always go to the market a few miles down for anything else.โย
You tune out the rest of the conversation, feeling a bit tired from the walk and the heat thatโs starting to make you sweat. Youโre eternally grateful that your tent is covered in shade and contemplate on taking a nap when Jungwon waves at you.
โYou good, Y/N? You seem a little out of it.โ You nod at Jungwon and take a seat next to the closest camp chair. You can feel Heeseung watching you and try not to slip as you sink down into the seat, crossing one of your legs over the other.ย
โYeah, Iโm fine. Just have a lot going on in my head. I think Iโm a little tired, tooโ
Heeseung scoffs quietly. โWeโre camping. What could you possibly be thinking about thatโs making Jungwon worried?โ You curl into yourself as Jungwon chides his friend.ย
โIโm moving to Japan soon,โ you tell him. Youโre not even sure that he knows this about you, figuring that one of your friends would tell him to you at some point. Neither of you communicate with one another unless you absolutely have to. You didnโt see the point in telling him. โIโve been thinking a lot about that, I guess.โ
An array of emotions seems to wash over him and, as always, you have a hard time trying to figure out what heโs feeling and thinking. โOh. So youโll be out of Korea?โ
โYup.โย
โWhen are you leaving?โย
โDonโt seem too excited,โ Sunghoon says underneath a cough.
โIn a couple of weeks. I leave a little after we get back home.โ Heeseung merely nods. He doesnโt ask you why youโre moving or what part of Japan youโll be living in and you donโt offer that information, feeling awkward with the tension ever since you and Jake arrived back at the campsite. Riki finishes eating and stands up to throw his trash away, providing something to look at in order to forget that Heeseung keeps trying to look away from you.ย
โY/Nโs gonna be an engineer,โ Jungwon brags on your behalf. โSheโs taking a year off to work before getting her masterโs degree.โย
โDamn,โ Riki whistles. โYouโre so smart.โ You try to hide a smile.ย
โWhat are you gonna be working on?โ Sunghoon asks.ย
โIโll be assisting other researchers in software development, particularly for space and aeronautics.โ You nod once, feeling tense underneath everyoneโs stare. โI donโt know what Iโll be doing specifically but thatโs why Iโm moving to Okayama.โย
โThatโs so cool!โ Jake exclaims. Heseung rolls his eyes at his excited outburst and tries to avoid your eye. โYouโre gonna be amazing.โย
โI hope so. Itโs a great opportunity to work in my chosen field before I decide to continue in this career when I go back to school. I have so many interests within mathematics but this seems like the right place to start.โ
โShit,โ Sunghoon says as he slowly claps for dramatic effect. โI knew you were smart but youโre a fucking genius.โ
โI wouldnโt say geniusโโ
โYou are, though.โ Jungwon smiles at you and gives two thumbs up. โYouโre the smartest person I know, dude. This company is lucky to have you.โ
โSo cool,โ Jake says again. He bumps Heeseungโs shoulder with the back of his hand. โIsnโt that right, Heseung?โย
โYeah, totally,โ he says carelessly, giving you a half-hearted smile. His mouth doesnโt quite reach his eyes and you refrain from audibly sighing.ย
โDonโt you think Y/N was always the smartest person in our year?โ Heeseung nods. Jake nudges his friend again.ย
โYes,โ Heeseung says with a great amount of venom in his tone. He shakes off Jakeโs hand from his body abruptly, causing the younger boy to take a step back in shock. He looks at you and musters an insincere smile when he notices the rest of your friends watching. โY/N is so smart.โย
His sarcasm deafens your ears and makes your blood feel like it could be boiling beneath your skin. The atmosphere around you changes. Riki and Jungwon try to pretend like everything is normal while Jake and Sunghoon give Heeseung wide eyes as if to tell him to knock it off. You look at your lap, uncomfortable with the silence that washes over.ย
โWhyโs it so quiet?โ Sunoo asks from behind you. The group collectively sighs and youโre all thankful that he and Jay returned from their hike to cut the tension.ย
โWe were just talking about what we wanted to do for the rest of the day,โ Jungwon says before anyone can speak. โLetโs take it easy tonight and go fishing tomorrow.โย
โSounds good to me.โ Jay takes a seat and takes a big gulp of water. โLetโs heat up some kimchi jjigae for dinner because I don't feel like cooking. Jakeโs mom made enough for all of us to have seconds.โย
None of you disagree. Feeling yourself grow more tired the more your friends converse with one another, you manage to catch Jungwonโs eye and nod at him before heading inside the tent.ย
***
Itโs not unusual for you to wake up with what feels like a heavy heart but youโre having a hard time pushing yourself off of the uncomfortable ground to get ready for the day. Jungwon is asleep beside you with his knee digging into your side but even that isnโt enough to motivate you to leave the tent.ย
You mourn the loss of your mom and his parents accompanying youย on this trip. As fun as hanging out with your friends are, having Heeseung constantly avoiding eye contact and muttering things underneath your breath has you feeling more on edge than you anticipated. It always feels like heโs waiting for you to mess up so he can get a word in or wait for the perfect moment to drop a subtle insult that only you can catch. Sunghoon and Jake in particular try their best to restrain him but that doesnโt do much. Eating dinner was awkward and you blamed your quiet nature on sleeping too deeply.ย
Finally, you sit up in your spot and rub the sleep out of your eyes. It doesnโt seem like any of the other guys are up and you pull a clock out to read the time. Itโs still early and the people around you are still waking up as well. Your movements seem to have woken up Jungwon, who yawns when he opens his eyes.
โMorning,โ he croaks. โDid you sleep okay?โ
โIt was fine. Woke up a few times because of people stepping on twigs, though.โ
โYeah, same. I think Jake got up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. Woke up to him walking by the tent.โ Jungwon sits up and brushes the hair out of his eyes. โIโm so hungry thinking about all the trout weโre about to eat tonight.โย
โIf you catch any.โ He swats your arm.ย
โI alway catch more than you.โ
โNuh-uh. Last year I beat you by two fish.โ
โY/N, Iโve caught more fish than you every year before that.โย
โShut up.โย
You hear Jungwon laughing as you exit the tent to freshen up at the bathhouse. There are a few people milling about when you walk towards the structure. Your mouth feels a bit grimey from your morning breath and the cold water that hits your face wakes you up immediately. When you turn around after youโve finished your morning routine, you collide right into Heeseung.
โWatch it.โย
โI didnโt see you. Geez.โ Your heart continues thumping as you grip your toiletry bag. Heeseung rolls his eyes and slips past you. Anger rises within you but you decide that itโs not worth getting so worked up over at this hour.ย
As time ticks by, the rest of your friend group emerge from their tents and gather around the campfire. You all wait for everyone to wake up and prepare themselves for the day, enjoying a nice breakfast with a cool breeze until youโre all ready to go fishing. You secure the bucket hat Jungwonโs dad gave you until it fits snugly over your head and forego a jacket, only packing the necessities while you wait for everybody else to gather their belongings before youโre all walking to the boathouse.ย
The instructors are the same from last year. You and Jungwon make small talk and explain that neither of your parents are here on this trip and you tell them about Japan when they ask you about life after college. Each of your friends introduce themselves and after a quick introduction, theyโre leading all eight of you out onto the dock.ย
There are enough boats for two pairs of three and one for two people. It seems as though you were too preoccupied talking to the employees because you realize the only boat left is one shared with Heeseung and Riki.ย
โOh,โ comes your meek voice in realization as you watch the two step onto the boat.
โYou should man the engine,โ the employee says as the two men get on before you. โYouโre more familiar.โ
โI can steer,โ Heeseung says. โIโve done it before.โย
โIโve watched Y/N steer these boats for a decade, son. Youโll definitely want her to do it.โย
Heeseung relents. Itโs a small victory, but a victory nonetheless,ย
You step onto the boat. Heeseung sits at the far end while Riki sits in the middle, holding onto the seat as you get your bearings. The three of you wave goodbye to the employees at the dock and you start to drive the boat out into the lake to catch up with the rest of your friends.
The open clearing away from the port is more beautiful than you can describe. With open waters and enough room to roam around, thereโs an array of directions to catch the most fish. The water is fairly calm with the exception of the ripples your boat makes. Riki and Heeseung donโt say a word as you steer them towards a clear path with minimal boats and see the other guys scattered around the large body of water.ย
Neither of them argue with you about where to go, even though Heeseung is holding himself back. Bitter over having you steer, he knows itโs the logical answer since you know this place like the back of your hand. He instead chooses to bask in the sunlight and welcomes the spray of water on his face and body. The cool splashes are a nice contrast to the warm sunlight.ย
When you start to slow the boat down, the water around you becomes still as well. You turn the engine off and wait for the contraption to settle beneath you. The sound of water rippling against itself is enough to make you feel more at ease and you donโt mind it when you see Heeseung start to assemble bait on the fishing poles.
โWhyโd you pick this place?โ Riki asks.
โI caught a lot of fish here last year. I hope we can catch more this year.โ
โMore than Jungwon?โ
You smile. โYeah. He and I have this unspoken competition.โ
โWhatโs the prize?โ
โThereโs not really a prize. Itโs just something we do.โ
โWhatโs the point of competing if thereโs no prize?โ Heeseung interjects. You shrug.
โDunno. Itโs fun for us.โ He doesnโt say anything after that.ย
Itโs quiet for a while. The sound of birds chirping and faint chatter in the background fill the atmosphere but the three of you silently agree to refrain from talking once youโve all casted your reels. Riki, who is a bit excited to catch some fish, anxiously peers at the water below him every few minutes or so. He pulls back with a pout when he doesnโt feel a tug on his line. The awkward tension somewhat dissipates and youโre able to forget that Heeseung is a few feet away from you. He angles his face towards the water and seems to be in his own bubble as you hold your fishing rod.ย
Growing up on this campsite means learning the virtue of patience and willing yourself to become more in tune with your surroundings. It was your father that first taught you that the most important rule to fishing was patience. Heโd tell you the fishes could sense urgency and impatience from underneath the water, and therefore they knew not to take your bait. It made sense to you at a young age. Every time youโd be on the water with him, youโd force yourself to slow down and calm your thoughts until the silence felt like a welcomed embrace.ย
That mantra of practicing patience seeps into your life now that your dad isnโt in it anymore. Jungwonโs father had volunteered to go fishing with you the first year your own chose not to go on the annual camping trip. Everyone could tell how difficult it was for you and your mother to attend, but despite hardship and the change in dynamics, she didnโt want either of you to lose any semblance of normalcy. Youโd argue that was the hardest week of your life. Jungwon, who is usually very organized and detail oriented, chose to let you lead the trip activities between the two of you and didnโt complain once.
The two of you were in high school when your father left and Jungwon swears it was like somebody stole the sun from your eyes. Your studies became the sole focus of your life and even Heeseung was barely at the forefront of your mind anymore. Heโd watch you become detached from everything that didnโt have to do with academics and extracurriculars. Focusing on college applications was the most important thing for you back then.ย
Of course, Jungwon and all of your friends gave you a bit of space to process new feelings and the change in household. Your father moved away and wasn't living in the house anymore. It started to become an empty shell, where neither you nor your mother could stand eating at the dining table because it brought up unwanted memories. Your dad wasnโt here to help you with homework anymore and you could no longer hear your parents talk outside of your door until you fell asleep. The complete silence startled you. It still does sometimes, but youโve learned that grief is about facing your hardships until it isnโt so scary anymore.ย
These trips are bittersweet every year. Fishing is a reminder of everything youโve lost. But lately, youโre starting to think about it as everything you could gain and then some.ย ย
โThe more you look down, the more the fish are gonna be scared,โ you say, breaking the quiet atmosphere. Riki looks at you quizzically.ย
โReally?โ
โNo, but youโre not gonna catch anything faster just by looking down.โ His shoulders sag.ย
โWeโve been here for so long and nothing has tugged on my line.โย
โFishing is a game of chance. The fish choose to take your bait if it feels enticed enough.โ As if on cue, your fishing rod starts to move. Riki watches you latch onto it while Heeseung turns back when he feels the boat rock underneath him and observes you too. You wrestle with it for a short while before reeling the fish above water and proudly hold it beside you. โPatience is the most important part of fishing. The fish finds you when you least expect it.โ Heeseung snorts when you put the fish in the bucket. It takes a great deal out of you not to roll your eyes.ย
โYouโre so wise,โ Riki mutters.ย
โI donโt think Iโm wise, per se. I just think thereโs nothing else you can do when youโre in open water with nothing to distract you.โย
โIโm working on my patience. Moving to Korea made that pretty difficult for me.โย
โWell, youโre moving to a new country. Itโs something youโve never done before, you know? I bet packing was stressful.โย
โI hated every second of it,โ he says as he rolls his eyes like youโve brought out an irritating memory. โI triple checked everything before leaving. I hope I didnโt forget anything back home.โย
โAre you scared to start the semester?โ
Riki thinks about it for a second. โKind of. My Korean is okay, but I still have trouble saying certain words. The culture is different, too. I need to get used to that more. I guess Iโm a bit sad that I had to leave my friends and family behind but itโs for the best, isnโt it? I wanted this.โย
You find yourself nodding in agreement. โYeah. Itโs hard to leave everything you know behind.โย
โI cried when I said goodbye to my dance teachers,โ Riki admits with a laugh. โI think it was the first time I did that in front of them. We kept bowing to each other until I had to go. Itโll be weird finding a new studio in Seoul but Iโm excited about it.โย
โYouโre an incredible dancer, Riki. Thereโs no doubt in my mind that youโll thrive here.โย
He tries to hide his blush. โThanks. Iโm happy that I know some people already but itโs not the same, you know?โย
โThatโs how I feel about moving to Okayama. I know itโll only be a year, but it feels like Iโll be there for a lifetime.โย
โDo you ever get scared that everything back home will change?โ Heeseung, too, is curious about your answer.ย
โHonestly? Yeah. Sometimes it feels like everythingโs gonna change completely the second I step on that plane. I feel like everyone will forget me and move on.โ
Riki looks back at the water. โI wonder if people back home think of me.โย
โThey do.โ He looks back at you.
โEveryone here will think about you too.โย
A beat passes between the two of you and you start to see Riki for what he is: a smart, sensitive person who disguises himself as somebody who can mask his feelings. What you learn is that your half-brother wears his heart on his sleeve but is careful about who he gives himself too. Itโs something youโve noticed in the time youโve known him, but this trip is starting to make you think you two are more alike than not.ย
โWhat about you, Heeseung?โ Riki asks, turning to look at the eldest. โWhat are you gonna be doing now that you graduated?โย
โI, uh, start working at a record label pretty soon.โ He clears his throat. Knowing youโre looking at him makes this boat feel smaller all of the sudden.ย
โYou majored in music production, right?โ Heeseung nods.ย
โYeah. Iโve always had an interest in music so I learned how to produce during freshman year and started taking it seriously.โ
โIโll bet your perfect pitch helps you a lot.โ Heeseung whips his gaze over to you when you speak and you feel your skin burn. You donโt know if you shouldโve contributed to the conversation or not.ย
โSure does,โ he says awkwardly, looking at the fishing rod between his legs. Heeseung remains quiet when Riki doesnโt prod him further and looks back at the water in front of him. Even in the forced proximity, you still canโt figure out why he chooses to be avoidant.ย
Heeseung, on the other hand, finds that thereโs much to contemplate about. His life has barely begun and yet he feels the weight of his future hanging in the balance. Heโs just moved into his first apartment and will need to furnish it when he gets back from the camping trip. Heโs got a mattress with no bed frame and a single loveseat his parents gave him. Aside from his gaming setup, Heeseungโs one bedroom apartment is completely bare.ย
Looking at it makes him worry for his future and being around you. You, someone heโs always assumed had it easy because you were academically gifted, makes Heeseung feel like heโs got to step up his game. He hasnโt liked you ever since high school for reasons he justifies as perfectly valid. But high school was years ago and some of his anger has subsided. All thatโs left is a faint annoyance and he'd rather be anywhere than next to you. He only said yes to this trip because of the other people who were going as well.ย
Heโs kept his feelings simmering beneath the surface and chooses to focus on anything but you when he hears you talk. Itโs frustrating enough knowing you share a lot of mutual friends, even worse when some of his best friends are people you consider family. He hates that Jake is comfortable enough to hang out with you without anyone else present and loathes that Sunghoon actively wants to become closer to you after he realized the two of you share the same taste in cinema. He especially despises the fact that Riki looks up to you even though, in Heeseungโs eyes, youโve done nothing to earn it.ย
The young teenager met the eldest of the bunch at a bonfire the third time he came to Korea after your mom had forced you to bring him along. You told him absolutely no alcohol no matter if anyone else was going to be drinking and to say no if your friends offered him a beer. He watched you that night, the way you periodically looked at your half-brother but made a lame attempt to include him in conversation. Riki found fast friends in Sunoo and Jungwon after messing around in the shallow waters of the ocean. Heeseung decided that you didnโt deserve that type of respect from Riki at that moment.ย
Itโs been years since then and heโs seen the two of you grow, albeit slowly. Even in his blind hatred for your existence, Heeseung has always wondered why Riki vies for your attention. In fact, what is it about you that makes everybody fawn over you? Why do you always seem to be the center of attention? Does nobody care about what you did to him all those years ago?
It keeps him up at night to know that nobody around him understands why heโs so angry at you. Above the root cause, you have everything you could ever want. You were the smartest girl in high school and university, and it was no question about what your future would look like. Youโd accepted a job opportunity right after graduating and it seemed as though things were merely handed to you without you working that hard for it. You didnโt have to ask for anything. It always seemed as though people could read your mind and always gave you what you wanted.ย
Maybe coming to the camping trip was a mistake. Heโs been walking on eggshells around you this entire time and feels like heโs suffocating every time his friends laugh at your jokes. Heeseung bites his tongue when he feels himself getting worked up and finds that nothing can get his mind off of you no matter how hard he tries.ย
He wonders if you remember that day all those years ago. He wonders if you know just how hurtful words can be and how awful it is to be on the receiving end of utter despair and desperation. Heeseung has always known you to be somebody who knows exactly what you want, too. Teenage angst never stopped you from pursuing higher education. It seemed like you threw everything you had into academics and everyone rewarding you for it made Heeseung want to crumble. Nobody else thought of you the way he did.ย
But this is something heโd rather keep to himself. For as much as he refuses to be your friend, he knows nothing good will ever come out of trying to convince everyone you arenโt someone who they should be friends with. After all, youโll be working in Okayama and with any luck, youโll make a permanent residence out of Japan.ย
Heeseung is distracted from his thoughts when Riki manages to catch a rather large fish. With your help, heโs able to reel it in and watches the younger boy become awestruck at its sheer size. Heeseung watches you congratulating Riki and celebrates this excitement with him as you put the fish in the bucket for safe keeping. It should warm his heart to see a friend of his so happy, but seeing you smiling next to him makes Heeseung feel all the more irritated. The three of you head back to the dock after another couple of hours and a few more dishes later.
Jungwon catches more fish than you do. All eight of you manage to acquire enough for dinner and breakfast in the morning. Jay and Jake have volunteered to help with cooking while the rest of you prepare side dishes and talk about fishing adventures from your time apart. You smile at the group halfway through the conversation, fondness blooming in your chest when everybody is laughing after having eaten dinner.ย
โGod, I swear I almost fell into the water trying to wrestle with the trout!โ Jake shouts amongst the chaotic laughter. โIt felt like I was about to become one with the fish.โย
โI almost pushed his ass into the lake,โ Jay snorts. โIt was so fucking funny.โ
โIโm surprised Sunoo caught the most fish out of all of us.โ Jungwon shrugs and bites into his sโmore.ย
โYouโre telling me,โ Sunoo replies as he wipes chocolate from his lip. โThatโs my quota for this trip, though. Donโt expect me to go fishing again.โย
โIโm not ready for this trip to end,โ Riki says with a mixed sigh. โWeโve already been here for a couple of days and it feels like time is going by so fast.โย
โI start that consulting job the Monday we go back and Iโm excited for it, but Iโm also nervous. It hit me on the way back from the lake.โ Jay rubs his face with his hands. โThis adult shit is scary, man.โ
โDo you guys remember when we were all freshmen and had that awful orientation leader?โ Heeseung asks. Those who were in the same year as him nod. โThat felt like just yesterday and now weโre about to be real adults.โ
โJayโs going to become a financial consultant, youโre working at a record label, Sunghoonโs going to open up his own cafe someday, and Iโm about to start a fellowship at a research lab.โ Jake shakes his head like he canโt believe it. โNot to mention Y/Nโs moving to Japan for work. If you told me four years ago we would talk about the future like this, I wouldโve laughed.โย
โIt feels a bit weird knowing we arenโt going back to school.โ Sunghoon looks at the younger boys and laughs. โWell, sorry to you guys.โย
Sunoo speaks up with a pout. โItโll be weird not seeing you guys around campus. Iโll miss running into you on my way to class.โย
โSometimes I wish we could stay in college forever.โ Jay reaches over and picks out another marshmallow to put on his stick. โIt sucked ass but it was nice living close to you guys.โ
โIโm scared to go out there alone.โ You tug at the zipper on your jacket and stare at your hands. โI feel like Iโm going to mess everything up and fail. Iโll come home and have nothing to show for myself.โย
โCouldnโt have said it any better.โ Sunghoon finishes off his sโmore and wipes the crumbs off of his lap. โI wish everything was simple and easy. We really had it good back then, didnโt we?โ
โDonโt get too caught up in growing up too fast,โ Jake says as he pinches Rikiโs cheeks for dramatic effect. The latter tries to dodge his touch but fails. He points to Jungwon and Sunoo. โYou guys need to make every minute count.โ
Jungwon laughs. โYou sound like a Hallmark card.โ
โYeah, but one day youโll be saying the same thing. Youโll go back to campus and you wonโt see us walking around.โ Jungwon remains quiet after that.ย
โYouโll all be fine.โ Sunoo nods once and it feels like heโs smiling at everyone individually through the fire. โLife is scary but thereโs a reason why we believe in you.โ
Jay nudges Sunoo with his knee. โSince when did you get so wise?โ
โYou could learn a thing or two from me.โ
The tension dissipates. Everyone finishes up their desserts and helps tidy up the campsite. Jake and Sunghoon put out the fire while the rest of you put the chairs away and throw out any leftover trash in the nearby garbage bin. One by one, the eight of you start to grow sleepier as time ticks by. You all let your younger friends wash up first as you stifle yawns and prepare your makeshift bedding while you wait.ย
It feels like forever to wait with Heeseung close to you. Everybody else bids you goodnight as you brush your teeth in the wash station and rinse your face of dirt and debris from earlier in the day. Heeseung is standing just a few feet away as he waits for you to finish up but knowing heโs watching you makes your heart rate increase. Your hands tremble as you turn the faucet off and itโs just your luck that you trip over yourself and hold onto Heeseung when you turn around to exit the washroom.ย
โWatch where youโre going, Y/N,โ Heeseung snaps. He shrugs your hands off of him and pushes you away from his body.ย
โWhat the fuck is your problem with me?โ If Heeseung is surprised by your sudden outburst, he doesnโt show it. Your typically calm, non-confrontational demeanor is nowhere to be seen.ย
โWhy canโt you walk properly?โ he mocks.ย
โYou have been so passive aggressive towards me this entire trip. Hell, youโve been that way since we were in high school. What the fuck is your deal and why canโt you man up and tell me why you hate me so much?โย
His expression sours. โYou have some nerve asking me that.โย
โWhy?! You wonโt tell me what your deal is and I canโt fix it if you donโt communicate that with me. We have so many mutual friends who want us to get along and itโs fine if weโll never be friends, but really, Heeseung, youโre acting like a child.โย
Heeseungโs nostrils flare and it feels demeaning the way he has to look you down in order to meet your eyes. The twinge in your heart flares when he makes no effort to talk to you further. The tension in his shoulders rises and falls with every second that passes by and youโre starting to wonder if thereโs any way you can leave the trip early.ย
He doesnโt say anything, though. Heeseung pulls away from you and enters the washroom, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the sound of water running. Years of pushing aside your feelings for the greater good of preserving the peace feels like theyโre suffocating you with every step you take as you talk back to your tent. The cold chill of the night bristles through your hair and your watery eyes make you stumble before unzipping your makeshift bedroom.ย
โY/N?โ Jungwon asks, half-asleep. He sees you wipe your eyes as you turn away from him and put away your dirty clothes and toiletries. โWhatโs wrong?โย
โNothing.โย
He pushes himself up and hears the clip in your tone. With his eyes softening, Jungwon gently touches your shoulder and realizes that your eyes are red before you shut your flashlight off. โCome here.โย
Itโs somewhere between a command and a plea. Jungwon doesnโt force you to speak as he pulls your body into his. He doesnโt care that your tears are falling onto his arm and he doesnโt mind that youโve settled your weight onto his chest. Your silent hiccups make his heart lurch and the best he can do is let you cling onto him in your time of need.ย
You donโt get like this often. The last time he remembers you letting him hold you like this was a few days after your parentsโ divorce had been finalized. The tangerine-shaped pillow you had was the only thing keeping Jungwonโs back from aching as you spent what felt like hours sobbing between his arms, dirtying his shirt with your hot tears. His heart broke back then, too. Heโs not used to seeing you without a smile on your face and every crack in your demeanor lets him know youโre a dam thatโs about to burst.ย
It canโt be easy to live knowing your father willingly left and chose to leave you behind. Nearly two decades of saying โI love youโ and championing his only daughter to be the best version of herself felt like it was all for naught the night he told you he wouldnโt be living with you anymore. You could barely stand watching him pack his belongings and take everything valuable with him. You were unusually quiet during this period of time, too scared to make a sound and make things worse than they already were.ย
Jungwon knows you keep your heart locked away in a cage these days. Your friends know you like the back of their hands but itโs been getting harder and harder to coax you out of your shell. He knows it hasnโt been easy with Heeseung within your main friend group and wishes he could do more to quell your anxieties about spending time with him, even if your other friends are there to shield you from his silent torment.ย
Your best friend softens a bit when you cling onto his arm, holding him like heโs your lifeline. He pushes his fingers through your hair the way heโs seen your mom do countless times and rocks your body back and forth until youโve started to calm down. He hears your shallow breaths and holds onto you for the fear that youโll think he doesnโt want to comfort you if he lets you go.ย
โSorry.โ Your voice is brittle and it makes his heart break.ย
โYou never have to be sorry, Bug. Are you okay?โ You shake your head. โIs it something one of us did?โ You nod. โWas it Heeseung?โ He hates that you start to tear up again. โIโm sorry, Bug. Iโm so sorry.โ
โI donโt understand why he doesnโt like me,โ you hiccup. โI donโt know what I did. How can I apologize when I donโt know what Iโve done?โย
Jungwon sighs. Heโs with you on this one. โYouโre right. I donโt know whatโs gotten into him recently but Iโm fed up with it too.โย
โWe donโt need to be friends but I want him to stop pretending like I ruined his life.โ Your best friend nods against you and pushes his cheek against the crown of your head. โSorry that I woke you up. I feel like a mess.โ
โYouโre not a mess, Bug. Youโve been tied together with a smile for so long. Itโs only natural that you break down every once in a while.โ
โYouโre very smart, Wonnie.โย
He laughs. โI know. Do you want to cry some more or go to sleep?โ Jungwonโs tone lacks any humor tonight. Heโs concerned about you in a way that makes you feel like a porcelain doll and while you appreciate it when he pokes fun at you to show how comfortable he is with you, this feels just as nice.ย
โIโm ready to sleep.โย
You pull away from him and settle in your sleeping bag, welcoming the calmness that washes over you. Jungwon chooses to stay up just a smidge longer until heโs certain that youโre asleep before he closes his eyes, wishing for better days ahead of you.
***
The trees always seemed taller when you were younger. They stretched for miles and touched the sky from your point of view, almost as if theyย could reach the heavens above. You always wondered what it must be like to have lived as long as nature around you. The leaves and branches see all walks of life, from humans to animals, and keep many secrets hidden underneath its shaded areas. It almost feels like they whisper stories back to you when the wind shakes the weakest branches. You always try to listen.ย
When you find yourself hiking on another path around the lake, it becomes easier for you to clear your mind and think about all that lies before you. The sounds of birds chirping amongst the blue sky make the environment around you seem picturesque. In all of your ears camping here, you donโt think youโve ever appreciated it the way you are at this very moment.ย
Your friends are scattered in front and behind you, each of them wrapped up in their own conversations. You can feel Jungwon look at you periodically but you silently let him know that youโre doing alright. He worries about you a lot and he has every reason to. Sometimes, you wonder if any part of you is holding him back because he spends so much time looking after you. It used to be the other way around with you watching after him at playgrounds and on your walk home from school. But with your father leaving as soon as you started trying to figure out who you were, it was like a switch had flipped.ย
Your best friend has had a few girlfriends here and there but none of them ever lasted long. He reminds you that heโs young and isnโt looking for a life partner at this stage in his life, but you know he worries about you ever since the news of your dad leaving and Riki entering your life turned your world upside down. You wonder if youโre causing him too much stress.ย
He always reminds you that youโre the reason he has so many people that he loves. You introduced him to the majority of your friends on this camping trip. You were the one who introduced him to his first girlfriend and why he finds so much hope in all of the small things. Jungwon admires your resilience and ability to stand on your feet after youโve been knocked to the ground by an unseen force. Your tenacity pushes him to be a better person towards others and to himself, and heโll remind you every chance he gets. Jungwon believes that youโre okay for now. You know heโll be there to pick up the pieces if you need him to.
It brings you back to your future and how Jungwon wonโt be physically present when you move to Japan. Youโve spent so much time with him and it made you happy when he was accepted into his bachelor program at your university. The two of you have always been close, whether it was because neither of you had siblings and found solace in each another or because of forced proximity from being neighbors, you donโt know. It feels like youโll be saying goodbye to somebody who youโve always leaned on. It feels like youโre leaving him the way your dad left you.ย
Dealing with the overwhelming guilt of moving to Okayama, the city your father moved to when he left you and your mom, digs a hole deep inside of your chest every time you think about it. Itโs probably why you push off discussions about moving whenever you can and change the subject when other people bring it up. You try not to get too irritated whenever your mom talks to you about packing and everything else thatโs important when settling in a new country, like a work visa or financial burdens. But every conversation with her about your eventual move feels like a million needles are slowly pricking your skin. Every step feels heavier than the next.ย
Thereโs Heeseung, too, who has been plaguing your mind ever since you awoke. Itโs not unlike him to be cold towards you. In fact, youโve dealt with tuning him out and learned to ignore his quiet scoffs, paying attention to anyone who would give you some of their attention. The accumulation of life stress and the inevitable move has made it so your heart rate canโt seem to be still at any time in the day. Heeseung doesnโt make it any better by snapping at you for treading carefully. This feeling reminds you of the time you tiptoed around your father when you found out about his infidelity being the reason why he chose to leave you and your mother for Okayama. It feels like anticipating a bomb going off. Itโs never a matter of if, but when.ย
You donโt remember when things changed but you remember it was abrupt and unannounced. One day, the two of you were laughing with bologna sandwiches for lunch and the next, Heeseung was ignoring you like the two of you had never been friends. His stare was just as cold as his tone when speaking. You could never catch his eye when you were with your group of friends and he refused to be alone with you. The hurt that came with his actions felt like a punch in the gut with all you were dealing with back home.ย
The reason why it was easy to tune out his friendship was purely because of prioritization. Dealing with empty rooms and the house feeling like a ghost was haunting the walls was by far a greater sadness than losing a friend. But even so, seeing Heeseung laugh with your friends and watching him excel in everything you used to support him in made you feel like you were being left behind. It hurt to attend his basketball games because he no longer looked for your eyes in the stands. He didnโt acknowledge you when your group of friends would head to the nearby diner for a celebratory meal, and he didnโt call you to say goodnight and to thank you for coming to his games and open practices anymore.ย
The ghost of your friendship lingered over you like an unwanted guest. It followed you into university after you committed to the same one and it seemed like neither of you could escape one another. Seeing him live a life that you werenโt a part of made your reality sink inโthe few years he spent distancing himself from you wasnโt merely a fluke or teenage angst. Heeseung wanted nothing to do with you. You had to learn how to be okay with that.ย
Still, you wish you were as tall as the trees around you. Maybe then Heeseung would tell you why he didnโt like you anymore.ย
โY/N, watch out!โย
The warning nearly comes too late. You donโt register a hissing sound until you see a reflection of scales and stumble backwards into somebody who seems to be caught off guard as much as you are. Jakeโs warning saved you from a nasty bite from a snake that has slithered away back between the trees but your heart stammers in your chest as you curl yourself further deeper into the person behind you.ย
You hate snakes. Youโre petrified of themย
Heeseung, to his misfortune, is the person youโve bumped into. He saw the snake just before Jake said his warning and felt his body freeze in the way yours didnโt. He didnโt have time to move aside and let Sunoo, who he was talking to, move to grab your body and pull you out of harmโs way. He feels your beating chest against his and looks down at you. Heeseung doesnโt think heโs ever seen you like this before. It makes his stomach fall.ย
โY/N is really scared of snakes,โ Jungwon says as he walks up to the two of you, offering a quick explanation before Heeseung could say anything about you clinging onto him. โShe got bit by one as a kid and it scared her pretty bad.โ Heeseung doesnโt push you away. Instead, he lets Jungwon pry you off of his body until youโre able to blink and come to your senses.ย
โSorry.โ You throw an apology his way when Jungwon rubs your back. The rest of your friends, who seem to know about your fear, try to give you some space instead of crowding around you. A part of him wants to scoff. The other part of him feels bad for you. It almost makes him feel guilty for being so short with you last night.
โWeโre almost at the end of the trail anyway,โ Jungwon says. โLetโs finish it and get some lunch.โย
When you all arrive back at the campsite, Jake pulls your water bottle out of your backpack and stands with you while Jungwon lets you stand right beside him in an attempt to calm yourself down. Jay and Sunghoon, not wanting to impede and make things uncomfortable, decide to go on another short hike and let you rest. The sight is a bit unnerving for Heeseung, who has generally only ever thought of you as this self righteous, confident person, to see you in such a state of shock that you could barely look him in the eye like you did the night before. Heโs used to you avoiding and ignoring him but he isnโt accustomed to you scurrying away from anything or anyone.ย
Heโs a bit confused as to why he feels a little guilty for how he spoke to you last night. You were his friend before he decided you werenโt and that feeling of concern is starting to creep back in. Heeseung watches the way you flinch when Jake tries to rub your shoulder and how Jungwon is the only person who seems to know how to get you to relax after the snake incident.ย
โIs she really that scared of snakes?โ Heeseung asks Sunoo, who stands away from you to give you space. He pretends to be busy picking at his nails to let you have peace and not make you feel overcrowded with two of your friends already by your side.ย
โIf I tell you, are you going to use that against her?โ Sunoo doesnโt typically question Heeseung like this. It startles him but he shakes his head anyway.ย
โNo,โ says Heeseung. โIโm not. Iโve never seen her act like that.โ
Sunoo must think the elder is telling the truth. โWhen Y/N was very young, a snake bit her ankle when her parents werenโt looking. She got scared and tripped over a rock or something, and her entire leg started to bleed and got a pretty bad gash from it. They rushed her to the emergency room and panicked because her leg was covered in blood.โ
โThatโs it?โ
Sunoo glares at Heeseung. โIt might not seem like a big deal to you, but that kind of stuff leaves an impression on you when youโre a kid, Heeseung. Sheโs been pretty terrified of snakes and blood ever since.โย
โHuh. I never knew that.โ
โDonโt go barking up that tree. Itโs bad enough that you hate her for no good reason.โย
Heeseung looks at Sunoo quizzically when he hears his friendโs harsh tone. โWhatโs the matter with you?โย
Sunoo scoffs. โMe? Whatโs the matter with you? I heard you and Y/N last night. You were an ass to her. Sheโs right, too. How can she apologize for hurting you if you never talk about what she did?ย
โSunooโโ
โSave it, Heeseung.โ He straightens his posture. โYouโre my friend and I love you, but youโve been really harsh on Y/N for the past few years. I thought the two of you drifted apart but you clearly have a vendetta against her.โ
โI do not have a vendetta against Y/N.โย ย
โSure. Whatever you say. Just remember that Y/Nโs the reason why youโre on this trip. One veto from her and Jungwon wouldโve kicked your ass to the curb. Youโre lucky she doesnโt say this shit to anyone.โย
Heeseung looks at his shoes, feeling the heat in his body creep up his neck. He knows Sunooโs somewhat right. Youโre half the reason why this trip exists at all. Even if Jungwon brought the friend group along, itโs you who this campaign tradition belongs to as well. Heeseung bites his tongue and tries his best not to argue with Sunoo. Deep down, the elder knows that heโs been a bit harsh to you and sometimes finds himself regretting the venom he aims directly at you. But then he remembers that incident from all those years ago and feels his anger bubble up inside of him. He pulls his friend away so that none of you hear him.ย
โI have a reason not to like her okay?โ Heeseung whispers through his teeth.ย
โWhat reason could you possibly have that justifies how shitty youโve been?โ
Heeseung looks around like heโs afraid someoneโs listening in. โSecond semester, sophomore year of high school. You and Jake were with me doing homework right outside the front gate. We were waiting for my brother to pick us up from school when Y/N told Kim Chaewon that I would never amount to anything because I didnโt have any talent and had to flirt with girls to get them to listen to my music.โ
Sunoo looks at Heeseung like heโs sprouted a second head, who looks at the younger boy like heโs waiting for confirmation or validation of sorts with his eyebrows raised as if expecting a certain outcome. Instead, Sunoo slaps him on the back of his head with his palm and scowls.ย
โYou are so stupid, Heeseung.โ
โWhat the fuck did I do?!โ Heeseung soothes the spot where Sunoo hit him. โIt was messed up for her to say that. Why are you calling me stupid?โ
โY/N didnโt say that about you. Chaewon did.โย
Heeseungโs eyes grow comically wide. โI know what I heard.โย
โNo, you donโt. I remember the moment youโre talking about. You left so fast and didnโt stop when Jake and I called out for you. Chaewon couldn't get another word out because Y/N tore her a new one. Why do you think they arenโt friends anymore?โย
โWellโฆBecause Y/N said that about me. Chaewon was my friend, too.โย
Sunoo shakes his head. โChaewon said that about you. Not Y/N.โ
โThatโs not possibleโฆโ
โHow would you know? You werenโt there. You left before you could hear the full argument.โย
โSunoo,โ Heeseung says, voice quivering from a mixture of guilt and embarrassment. โPlease tell me thatโs not true.โย
โDo you know how stupid you look knowing you blew off Y/N, the person who defended you, and still talked to Chaewon?โ Sunoo shakes his head at Heeseung. โYou ended your longest friendship over a misunderstanding and then got closer with the person who actually said those things about you. Imagine how Y/N mustโve felt.โย
Heeseungโs mind starts to recount the days after your argument with Chaewon and how heโd gone out of his way to ignore you in the aftermath. He never gave you an explanation about his absence and why he pulled away, citing that incident as the reason why you didnโt deserve to know in the first place. He thinks about Chaewon and how he didnโt think twice about it because his mind had already been made up. He was still friends with Chaewon, taking pictures with her at parties and talking to her whenever their friend groups hung out together. Not once did he spare a glance to you.ย
As his mind starts to wander into nostalgic territory, Heeseung feels his stomach plummet. The sudden urge to rectify his actions overwhelms him and heโs fighting tooth and nail not to cry on the spot.ย
When he looks at you now, quiet and hidden within your shared friends, Heeseung canโt help but feel a bit guilty. He suddenly remembers the few moments where you showed a vulnerable side of yourself and allowed him to see you cry after a bad grade or when your middle school friends were being mean towards you. Heeseung recalls all the times heโs ever thought of you as somebody who puts on a brave face and stands back up after feeling the weight of the world crush you to the ground. He thinks about all of the times heโs ever made you feel insignificant to him and feels pins and needles in his footsteps. Heeseung finds himself walking towards you as heโs contemplating his feelings and Jungwon guards you, pushing you behind him.ย
โHey,โ Heeseung says awkwardly. He tries to peek at you but doesnโt like seeing you look so helpless. Pathetically, he offers a meek apology. โSorry about the snake.โย
โItโs fine. Sorry I grabbed you.โ For the first time in a long time, Heeseung doesnโt feel annoyed by the thought of you latching onto him.ย
โItโs okay. I, uhโฆwanted to know if you were fine.โ Heeseung clears his throat. โIs there anything I can do?โ His unfamiliar kindness confuses you and it confuses Jungwon too.
โYou know, maybe it would be a good idea if you left the campsite for a while,โ Jake suggests from beside Heeseung. โYouโre a bit shaken up and you could probably use a change of scenery.โย
โThatโs not a bad idea, actually,โ Jungwon agrees. โYou could leave for a few hours and come back once youโve calmed down, Bug.โย
You pick at your fingernails. โI feel so stupid for being so scared.โ
โItโs not stupid, Y/N.โ Jake tilts his head and looks at you with a pout. โItโs something youโre scared of and with good reason. I wouldโve been scared shitless if it was closer to me.โ
โYou could go into town and get some ice cream,โ says Jungwon. โYou should go to the beach by the highway for a little bit and get your mind off of it.โย
โI-I donโt really want to go alone.โ
Heeseung speaks before he can even think about what heโs saying.
โIโll go with you.โ Jungwon and Jake whip their head to their friend.ย
โHeeseungโโ
โI can drive us,โ he says, mouth moving faster than his brain. โI wonโt say anything, I swear. Iโll take her to the beach and ice cream if she wants to.โย
Jungwon hesitantly looks at Heeseung. โAreโฆAre you sure?โย
โYeah.โ He lies straight through his teeth. He doesnโt know if he can sit with you when his whole life has been turned upside down. But itโs too late to backtrack. โIโve been feeling a little restless here anyway.โย
โI donโt knowโฆโ
โJay isnโt here and he has his keys.โ Jake looks at you and nudges your shoulder. โWhat do you want to do, Y/N?โย
You look up at Heeseung for the first time and he sucks in a breath. Itโs like youโre devoid of yourself, fear and anxiety clouding your eyes like youโre petrified to even speak. He watches you lick your lips slowly as if contemplating carefully. โI want to go.โ
โBug, you donโt have to.โ
โI know, Wonnie.โ You touch his arm and he relents. โI think I need to leave for a little bit and calm down. I should walk on the beach, or something.โ
โI can come with you guys.โ Riki, who has been silent during this ordeal, speaks up and appears to the other side of Heeseung. โI saw the beach just before we got here. It looks pretty.โย
โThatโs a good idea,โ Jake nods, looking at you. He softens his tone. โWould that be alright with you?โย
You hum .โMhm. Yeah, thatโs fine. Let me get my wallet.โย
When you leave for your tent, Jungwon looks at Heeseung and stares at him with an expression he canโt read. The silence is deafening and he awkwardly coughs, looking away from his younger friend.ย
โDonโt fuck this up,โ says Jungwon with a clipped tone. โYouโve been a dipshit and sheโs been putting up with it for the sake of everybody else. The last thing she needs is for you to make fun of her and make her feel even worse than she already does.โย
โI wonโt, Jungwon. I swear.โย
โIโm choosing to trust you because youโre my friend too, despite everything you feel towards Y/N.โ He nods at Riki. โYou, keep an eye out for them.โ
โI wonโt do or say anything,โ Heeseung promises for a second time. You come back a moment later, oblivious to the tension.ย
โBe safe, yeah?โ Heeseung hears the change in Jungwonโs tone when talking to you. โCall me if you need anything. Your phoneโs charged from the portable, right?โ
โYeah.โ You hold up your phone to show him. โIโll let you know when weโre coming back.โย
The beach itself is nestled towards the end of the highway where the sand meets the trees. The small shops around it bring a sense of nostalgia, especially when Heeseung parks in front of a large, tattered orange sign that says โICE CREAM SOLD HERE.โ The three of you walk inside and Heeseung watches you look over the flavors.ย
โThey change the flavors all the time based on the season,โ you say absentmindedly. The three of you are the only customers and he figures the employee must be in the back.ย
Itโs a bit strange to be spending time with you apart from everybody else. Even though Rikiโs accompanying the two of you, he hasn't been alone with you like this in years. You seem to be doing a little better with distance put between you and the campsite. Heeseung hopes the drive wasnโt too terrible. His knuckles turned white with the grip he had on the steering wheel, too afraid to look into the rearview mirror for the fear of catching your eye. He wonders if youโd be able to read his mind in the way you once did.ย
You make small talk with the owner of the shop who recognizes you before ordering. Riki and Heeseung follow too, the youngest trying a few flavors before settling on one. You go to pay for your own until Riki pulls out his wallet and pays for the both of you. Heeseung watches the two of you argue before the owner accepts Rikiโs card. Heโs pulled out of his thoughts before paying for his own cup.ย
The beach is right next door and the three of you leave your shoes inside Heeseungโs trunk before stepping onto the warm sand. The sunโs high in the sky and Heeseungโs grateful that he chose to put on extra sunblock before leaving his tent. Riki follows you towards the water. He chooses to stay behind and give you both space even though his heart is telling him not to.ย
Heeseung has always believed in telling the truth because itโll always see the light at the end of the day. Heโs a fan of honesty and itโs something he values in all of his friends. He thought heโd found that in you ever since the day the two of you started becoming friends and felt his world shatter around him when he thought you were making fun of his aspirations to become a music producer. Youโd spent countless hours in his bedroom with him as he learned how to use proper equipment and went so far as to buy him a few things here and there disguised as birthday and Christmas gifts. You spent so much time listening to him grow as a musician in the comfort of his bedroom. The thought that you were pretending to care about him made Heeseung feel sick to his stomach. It wasn't hard for him to cut you off when he thought you betrayed him.
But now, life feels like itโs at a stand still. You stand before him and Heeseungโs throat closes up like heโs lost the ability to breathe. You might not even know that youโre the reason for his inner turmoil. You probably donโt care. Why would you when heโs pushed you so far from armโs length? Heeseung sighs to himself and replays every single interaction heโs ever had with you after deciding to cut you out of his life. The guilt piles up on him before he can stop it from stacking until it eventually makes his skin feel like itโs been set on fire. Heโll have to sit with the fact that heโs made you out to be a cruel, terrible friend instead of the person who would defend him to hell and back.
What must you think of him now? For a long time, it took Heeseung great strength to push you into the far corners of his mind and stop seeking you out whenever you were near him. He trained himself to look away from you, the weight of your alleged words playing in the back of his mind whenever he felt the urge to talk to you like old times. Heeseung stopped communicating with you altogether, unfollowing you on all of your social media and physically removing you out of his life so he wouldnโt have to see your face when he least expected it.ย
But now it feels like the last six years of his life have been a lie. Heโs been living in his own world, wrapped up in a delusion that only he was able to clearly see. The memory was too painful to say out loud let alone tell a soul. Heeseung kept his heart guarded and offered a brief explanation whenever your mutual friends asked why the two of you werenโt close anymore and heโd shut you down if you tried to talk to him until your efforts ceased.ย
When he looks at you now, all he feels is regret.ย
Riki walks back towards Heeseung, whoโs perched on a bench right on the sand. His ice cream is discarded in the nearby trash can and Riki eats whateverโs left in his cup before tossing it away. The two of them sit in silence. Riki basks in the salt air and relishes in the sound of birds chirping and waves crashing onto the shore. Heeseung can only hear his heart beating in his ears.ย
โSheโs doing okay,โ Riki says, breaking the silence. โI think her shock and adrenaline are wearing off.โย
โI could tell she wanted to be left alone after a little while. I hope sheโll be fine when we go back.โย
โIโm sure she will be.โย
Riki nods and looks back at you. โHave you ever seen her get like that?โย
โMaybe once or twice. We stopped being close in high school.โย
โOh, yeah. Right.โย
โBut she always bounced back,โ Heeseung adds quickly. โLike you said, sheโll be fine.โ
โI didnโt even know she was scared of snakes.โย
Heeseung laughs. โMe either.โ The silence permeates until Heeseung speaks again. โCan I ask you a question?โย
โSince when have you ever asked me if you could ask me something?โย
โFair point.โ Heeseung rubs his palms against his thighs. โI donโt really know where to start.โ
โThe beginning is usually the best place.โย
โYou know how I feel about Y/N. How I felt about her. I told you so many times to stop expecting people to treat you the way you want to be treated if they didnโt put in the effort to make you feel welcomed.โ Heeseung looks at the younger boy. โWhy did you keep defending?โย
โAre you asking me because youโre worried about Y/N or because you have some weird thing with her?โย
โIโm asking because Iโm starting to think I was wrong about her.โ Riki must think Heeseung is telling the truth because he nods after a moment.ย
โHow much do you know about Y/Nโs family life?โ
โI know she has a mom and that Jungwonโs parents are like her own. I also know her parents got divorced and that her dad left just before she graduated high school.โย
โRight.โ Riki coughs nervously. โHow much do you know about our relationship?โย
โYou two are half-siblings.โย
โThatโs all?โย
Heeseung shrugs. โI never questioned it.โย
โOkay, yeah. That makes sense.โ Riki looks down at his lap like heโs trying to figure out what to say. โI donโt really know if this is my place to say it but I want you to know so you can stop thinking Y/Nโs the Devil.โย
โI donโt think sheโs the Devil.โย
Riki chuckles. โSure. To put it simply, she's my half-sister because her dad cheated on her mom with mine. Heโd go on business trips to Japan a few times a year and they hit it off after they met. One thing led to another and they started meeting up whenever he was back in town.ย
โThey had me a year after they first started their affair and I guess he was able to keep his life in Japan a secret until Y/N found pictures on her dadโs laptop. She saw pictures of us on vacations when her dad was supposed to be on work trips. I think she told her mom about it and thatโs around the time I found out he had another family too.โย
โWhat was going through your head back then?โย
โWell, my mom told me my dad had to live in Korea for work. I believed it until I was seven, maybe? Iโd always ask her questions as I got older but she either brushed me off or told me things that didnโt add up. Heโd come more frequently the older I got. We didnโt talk on the phone much when he was over in Korea, though, so seeing him in person used to be extra special.ย
โThen I found out that he had an affair because he came to live with us full time when I was twelve. My mom told me everything when he moved in and I felt like my entire life was a lie. I couldnโt look at either of them the same.โย
โWowโฆI canโt imagine going through that.โ Heeseungโs words hang in the air.ย
โYeah. It was hard. I hated Y/N for a while. I hated that she got to see my dad more than I did when I found out. My friends used to make fun of me because he wasnโt around for my dance competitions and showcases. I always defended him and said he was working in Korea to make a better life for us. Itโs what I believed at the time.โย
โAnd your mom let you believe all of that?โ
Riki shrugs. โI guess so. She hated Y/N and her mom. She always talked down on them when my dad moved in and I felt that my anger was justified too. My mom hated the fact that my dad still wanted to keep Y/N in his life and wouldnโt fully abandon her the way he did hid with his ex-wife. Some of his paycheck would go towards Y/Nโs college fund and my mom tried everything in her power to stop him from giving her money but he gave her an ultimatum, so she stopped complaining.ย
โHe took me to Korea once. I was fourteen, I think. I met my dadโs parents and we stayed with them for a while. I donโt know why he took me there since I could barely speak the language but he said he wanted me to get to know where he grew up and integrate myself in the culture since he was trying to be a present father. That was the first time I met Y/N. I had my mind made up and decided I hated her the first time I saw her. She couldnโt have been older than seventeen. I hated that she looked just like me.ย
โWhen we met for the first time, we didnโt really get along. Both of us didnโt talk and our dad tried so hard to form a bond between us but it didnโt work. I didnโt want anything to do with her because all I could think about was how she got to spend so much time with him while I only got to see him for a week or so a few times a year.โย
โWhat made you change your mind?โ Heeseung asks.ย
โWhen we got back to Japan, my mom kept saying all of these mean things about Y/N and her family,โ Riki continues. โI wasnโt her biggest fan but the stuff she was saying was cruel and untrue. I knew it was pure jealousy and realized that my mom helped break up a perfectly good family. I mean, I knew it was my dadโs fault for cheating on his wife and leaving Y/N also, but coming to that realization made me think about how Y/N mustโve felt when she found out.โ
โWowโฆI didnโt know any of this.โ
โAs far as I can tell, Jungwonโs the only person sheโs told.โ Riki sighs and pushes his fingers through his hair. โAnyway, at that point, neither one of us cared to keep the relationship going. I didnโt call her and she didnโt call me. But the more my parents started living their lives like they hadnโt made two people fall apart, the more I started to feel sorry for Y/N. I canโt imagine finding out your dad cheated on your mom and then willingly left you for another family. Our dad brought me back to Korea a few times after that for winter and summer breaks to stay with his parents. He said he wanted me to experience life abroad. Heโd bring me to family events and I always felt so out of place.โ
โWait, seriously?โ Heeseung asks in disbelief.ย
โYeah, if you can believe it. I felt so guilty coming to these things. It was actually Y/Nโs mom who told her to start being more open to me. I canโt explain how awful I felt when I realized she was making an effort to include me even though I was someone from her ex-husbandโs affair. When my dad was trying to get back in everyoneโs good graces, Y/Nโs mom was making sure I had enough food and water.
โI slowly started to realize that Y/N was hurting too. She had everything I wanted but it felt like I was the one who took that away from her. I thought, maybe if my mom wasnโt pregnant with me, her dad wouldโve never continued the affair and she wouldโve never found out he cheated.โ
โThatโs why you defend her, isnโt it? Even when I thought she was being unfair?โย
Riki laughs. โYeah, man. Iโve known about her longer than sheโs known me and Iโve known about the affair longer than she has. Iโve had more time to get used to it. I donโt blame her for pushing me away. If I found out I had a half-sibling because my dad cheated on my mom, I think Iโd react the same way.โ Heeseungโs heart feels much heavier than it did prior to this conversation. โWeโve been getting better. She texts me first every now and then and she keeps up with my dancing stuff. Itโs not like weโre total strangers anymore. I mean, she likes me enough to let me be friends with you guys. Itโll just take some time.โ
โDo you want her to be in your life? And do you want to be in hers?โย
Heeseung watches Riki nod without a second doubt. โAbsolutely. I love Y/N now. Sheโs my sister even if she only thinks of me as her half-brother. I know weโve had it rough in the past but she looks out for me. Y/Nโs smart and confident in all the ways I wish I could be. I love listening to her talk and I love learning new things about her. I always wished for a sibling and even though this isnโt how I imagined it going, Iโm happy.โย
The two of them sit in another round of silence. Heeseung does his best to process everything Riki has just told him but it feels like thereโs too much information for him to digest all at once. He never knew any of this about you, too caught up in his own feelings about the misunderstanding. While he was giving you the cold shoulder, you were crumbling apart because your dad left for another family. If he knew any of this back then, Heeseung thinks he would be sympathetic. But he canโt turn back the clock. He watches you stand by the water with your empty ice cream up in your hands and wonders what youโre thinking about.ย
โWait,โ Heeseung says, cutting the silence for the umpteenth time. โYouโre from Okayama.โ Riki nods. โYouโve lived in Okayama until you moved here.โย
โYeah, thatโs right.โย
โAnd Y/Nโs moving to Okayama for work.โ Riki nods solemnly. โYouโre telling me Y/Nโs moving to the city your dad moved to when he left her?โ The younger boy nods again. โShit.โ
โWith everything going on in her life, I donโt expect her to have it all figured out. Sure, it hurt when she didnโt want to spend time with me but I donโt think I can really be mad at her when this is how her life is. Okayama is a big city but the world is pretty small.โ
โIโm pretty sure sheโs scared about running into our dad. Lord knows I came to study in Korea because I didnโt want to be around him anymore,โ Riki scoffs. โI know that I have my own shit to deal with and that Iโll probably need to find a therapist when I start school but for now, Iโll focus on Y/N. Iโm happy she let me come on this trip because I know how much camping with Jungwon means to her. I can somewhat empathize with her about moving to a place that didnโt feel like home because of your dad.โย
Heeseung looks at Riki and doesnโt expect him to look as tranquil as he does, but he looks at you like youโre the person giving him this grace and maturity. โFuck, Riki. Iโm really sorry that you had to deal with this. Do the other guys besides Jungwon know?โ
โNot as much as you do, they just know something happened with my parents and thatโs why I donโt want to go back to Okayama. I donโt think Y/Nโs told anybody else, so please donโt tell her you know.โ
โI wonโt,โ Heeseung promises. โI swear on it.โย
โGood. I trust you and youโve been a good friend to me.โย
โSorry for giving you a hard time about her too.โย
โItโs fine now. Justโฆpromise me you wonโt be so harsh on her. Sheโs been through a lot and I can tell sheโs really not happy about the move even though the job opportunity is really good for her career.โย
โOf course.โย
You walk back towards them and the two boys stand up and pretend as if they werenโt speaking in depth about you. Heeseung, for the first time, smiles at you without restraint and it makes you feel confused as you shake off the sand and head back into his car.ย
On the entire drive back to the campsite, Heeseung lets Riki control the music and thinks about their previous conversation. He had no idea this is what you were dealing with and always thought you stopped talking to him because you didnโt think it was worth being friends either. He doesnโt remember much about the last few years of high school, apart from avoiding you when you were around, but now he wishes he wouldโve paid more attention. Even though whatโs past is past, Heeseung wishes he could turn back time and stop himself from making a false assumption.ย
He parks the car sooner than he realizes and Riki hands Heeseung back his phone. You step out of the car and look far better than you did before the impromptu trip. Heeseung canโt help but jog after you.ย
โHey,โ he calls out. Youโre pulled out of your thoughts when you hear his voice and look at him, perplexed. โAre you feeling better now?โย
โUm, yeah.โ You look at Heeseung like you donโt know what he wants from you and heโs starting to hate that heโs made you feel this way for so long.ย
โGood. Thatโs good.โ Heeseung clears his throat. โI, uh, wanted to apologize for what I said to you last night. That was out of line. Iโm really sorry.โ The gears turn in your head and he can see you processing his apology slowly.ย
โYeah, well, if you have a problem with me then you should either tell me why or leave me alone.โ Your words lack any venom like they did last night but theyโre replaced with something more raw and callous. He almost wishes you would yell at him.ย
โI know.โ He really does. โBut I really am sorry. For everything.โ Heeseung canโt find the words to elaborate how he feels, not when he sees your shared friends in front of him.ย
You look at him and he feels like you might as well be looking into his soul. Without another word, you leave him with his thoughts and rejoin the rest of the group.ย
***
Itโs nearing the end of the trip and Heeseung feels like he needs to get you alone to apologize for a million things. Guilt courses through his body when heโs awake and it only ceases when heโs asleep. He does his best to keep a straight face when heโs around everybody else and heโs sure theyโre all picking up on the fact that he hasnโt been avoiding you like he did when you all first arrived.ย
But itโs hard to get you alone. He knows you likely wouldnโt hear him out if he asked you to talk. Even so, he doesnโt know if he knows everything he wants to say. Heeseung is sure everyone else will want to know why he asked to talk to you and make a big deal out of it too, but he canโt say he blames them when heโs the one who has put so much tension between the two of you. Being nicer towards you with intention is not normal for Heeseung. He wishes that werenโt the case.ย
Itโs a warm day outside and everybodyโs agreed to go kayaking in the lake. The water is calm and there are a few families and groups whoโve decided to do the same thing. Everybody fastens life vests and hops into their own kayak before setting out on the water.ย
Heeseung wants to enjoy being out on the water but his mind keeps coming back to you. He wonders deeply about the past he shares with you and what wouldโve been if he hadnโt made those assumptions all those years ago. He knows heโs always been a bit too prideful for his own good, putting himself above the opinions of others without thinking twice. Heโs got tough skin and likes that heโs developed a sense of confidence and identity, especially because he wants to pursue a career in music, but now he wonders if heโs too confident.ย
The reason why your words hurt more than heโd care to admit is because he harbored a pathetic crush on you ever since you wrote him a letter for his thirteenth birthday. Heโd just gotten the hang of making music on GarageBand and by the time his birthday rolled around, Heeseung wanted to show some of his friends what heโd been learning after school. October came quickly and he invited his closest friends to his house for some cake and to jump in the large bouncy house his parents rented for him. The warm afternoon is forever etched into his memory because everyone Heeseung cared about in his first year being a teenager was there to support the beginning of his music interest.ย
Heeseung remembers the gift he unwrapped from you and your parents. It was a CD of his favorite album and one of those plastic statues with an award title etched into the base. It read โBEST MUSIC PRODUCERโ on it and Heeseung thought it was the best gift he received that year. What made that warm afternoon even more special was when you pulled him aside to give him a handwritten note. He remembers your shy voice telling him not to open it until everybody was gone and said you wanted to give the letter to him in private when nobody else was looking because your parents didnโt know youโd done this. He kept that card on his desk until everybody left, promising to read it as soon as he was alone.ย
You wrote to his yearning heart, the side of him that wanted to make music so badly that heโd sit in his room until the late hour with a lamp shining over his desk to write songs until his hand hurt from holding his pen. Heeseung would hunch over his desk during school and scribble down lyrics in the margins of his assignments. It always felt like he was the only person who felt this way most times and felt like his peers couldnโt understand why he loved making music so much. Reading your letter made Heeseung feel less alone, as if you were always watching over him and seeing his passion when he thought nobody else could.ย
That note alone solidified his blooming crush and suddenly, every love song he wrote was dedicated to you. Details about you were weaved into his songsโthe sound you made when you laughed, the stickers you used to collect, and the number on your childhood homeโit all became important to him. It was almost like Heeseung could talk to you through his music without saying a single word. He could let his songs do the talking for him.ย
Of course, thinking you were the one who said he didnโt have any real talent made his hopes and dreams shatter into a million pieces. He always felt like your champion and that pursuing his passion wasnโt so scary if he had you by his side. The world felt like it was crashing all around him to the point where he considered giving up on making music altogether. For that, he would never forgive you. But itโs different now. Heeseung knows youโre not to blame. The culpability doesnโt lie on your shoulders, even if thatโs what Heeseung thought for all these years.ย
Heeseung roams around the lake in silence, letting the birds chirp uninterrupted. The sound of his boat sailing against the water beneath him does something to soothe his aching heart for the time being. He sees you not too far ahead with Sunghoon a bit behind you when he sees you reach for the paddle that fell from your grip. His heart stops when your kayak tips over when you've reached too far.ย
He wastes no time and rows his boat with all his might after hearing your yelp. His arms burn as he pushes through the water but before he can get any closer to you, Sunghoon has jumped out of his kayak to help you back to the surface. Heโs able to drag you to the shore nearby and takes off your life jacket when the two of you are sitting on the edge of dry land. Heeseung manages to haul your kayak and paddle while Jay, who also saw the incident, grabs Sunghoonโs. The two of them wordlessly make their way to you and Sunghoon.
Heeseung sees and hears you coughing but heโs also aware of the fact that youโre situated between Sunghoonโs arms. Heโs got you securely wrapped between him as you regain your breath. Itโs selfish to even consider the idea that he might be jealous but he canโt help it, especially since youโre gripping onto his arms like heโs your lifeline.ย
โShit, Y/N,โ Jay says as he takes his life jacket off. Heeseung does the same and parks his boat to get out of the water. โAre you okay?โ
โMhm,โ you mutter, catching your breath from the water thatโs still lodged in your throat. โJesus, I didnโt think that would happen.โ
โYou gave me a heart attack.โ Sunhoon laughs from behind you but doesnโt push you away just yet. Heeseung watches you.
โI got your boat and paddle,โ he says pathetically, feeling awkward when the three of you look at him. โIโm glad youโre okay.โย
โThanks.โ You cough when you speak and Sunghoon rubs your back gently. โWhy does this shit keep happening to me?โย
โMaybe Heeseungโs bad luck,โ Sunghoon snickers. Thereโs no real animosity in his tone but Heeseung feels upset nonetheless.ย
โSorry,โ he finds himself apologizing.ย
โIt wasnโt your fault,โ you tell him, leaning back against Sunghoon as you catch your breath. โI think thatโs enough kayaking for today, though.โ
Jay laughs. โYeah, you can say that again. Iโm getting hungry anyway. Sunoo and Riki are probably complaining about that too.โย
At dinner, the eight of you sit around the fire as Jay, with the help of Riki and Sunoo, prepare and serve the food. The warm food satisfies everyone and everybody takes turns swapping stories about kayaking, and everybody laughs when Sunghoon recounts the story of you tipping over your boat. Riki keeps your plate full and tries to give you more meat but you shake your head. He pouts and you eventually relent, and that makes Heeseung smile.
He can feel Jungwon looking at him. The younger boy sits next to Heeseung and looks at him every so often, especially when you start talking or when the topic of discussion falls onto you. He ignores it to the best of his ability because heโs sure his friend has picked up on the fact that heโs not acting like heโs not interested anymore. When Jungwon pulls him aside when everybody leaves to get ready for bed, he isnโt surprised.ย
โWhatโs up with you?โ Jungwon asks quizzically. โDonโt act like you donโt know what I mean either, Heeseung. You were acting weird at dinner.โย
โTo make a long story short, the reason why I didnโt like Y/N all this time was because I thought she was the one who said I would never make it in music. Sunoo told me it was Chaewon, not Y/N.โย
Jungwonโs eyes open comically. โThatโs the reason you didnโt like Y/N?!โ Heeseung smacks his shoulder and shushes him. โYou know if you just, like, told any of us why you were so mad at her, we couldโve solved this and you wouldnโt have lost a friend.โ Ouch.ย
โYeah,โ Heeseung replies, looking at the ground below him, โI know. I feel like an idiot and I feel guilty. I want to make it right with her but Iโve acted like such an ass. I told myself it was for the better.โ
โYou really were an ass,โ Jungwon agrees. โDid you know she almost pulled out of this trip when she found out you were going?โ
Heeseungโs shoulders slump. โI fucked up, Won. Youโre her best friend and I put you in an uncomfortable position too. Iโm sorry. I want to make things right but we havenโt had a real conversation in years.โย
โYouโre going to have to do a lot more than apologize.โ Jungwon sighs and beckons Heeseung to sit down on a log next to him. โShe doesnโt hate you, Heeseung. Y/Nโs sensitive, you know? Sheโs sensitive in the way that she feels things pretty deeply and doesnโt push things aside anymore. Back in high school, she went through something pretty life changing that forced her to shut down and all she wanted was to reach out to you but you iced her out.โย
โI feel awful. She has every right to hate me.โ
โThatโs the thing, Heeseung. Y/N doesnโt hate you. She doesnโt understand what she did that made you pull away and sheโs hurt that you wonโt talk to her about it. Sheโs done all she can trying to get through to you but sheโs given up because that didnโt seem like it was going anywhere.โ
โCan I ask you something?โ Jungwon nods. โIfโฆIf I talked to her, apologized and tried to tell her what was going on at the time, do you think sheโd forgive me?โย
Heeseung waits for his friend to answer. โI think she would appreciate that you put in the effort to be there for her. She still cares about you even if she says she doesnโt.โ
โI donโt know about that.โย
โI do. Iโm her best friend, Heeseung.โ The elder nods. โWhat Iโm saying is this: All Y/N has ever wanted was for you to make an effort for her. When you stopped being her friend, she wondered for months if she was a bad person because you didnโt talk to her about why you pulled away so suddenly. Apologizing doesnโt mean the two of you will go back to the way you used to, but sheโll appreciate that over distancing yourself because you feel guilty.โย
That last part hurts to hear but he understands. โDo you think Y/N and I could ever be friends?โย
Jungown nods. โYeah, actually. I can tell that youโre being upfront with me right now. You know how she is. She values honesty and loyalty. Of everyone in our friend group, Y/N is the one whoโs really good at communicating and giving advice about that kind of stuff. She doesnโt need you to go above and beyond for her. It might take time but I know sheโd appreciate it if you at least made an effort to talk to her and clear up some stuff.โย
Heeseung is lost in thought and barely hears Jungwon tell him heโll try his best to let the two of you talk tomorrow night after dinner. He doesnโt know how to thank him other than to pull him into a tight embrace and cling onto the younger boy like heโs got something to lose. Jungwon seems to understand where Heeseung is coming fromโhe, too, has had his fair share of arguments with youโso he hugs him back as if to say everything will be alright.ย
When you wake up the next morning, a weird feeling settles in your chest. Jungwon is fast asleep when you leave the tent to get ready for the day after failing to fall asleep. The sun is already up and you donโt know what time it is, but the morning is cold and the sweater you have on protects you from the chill nicely.ย
You see Heeseung at the wash station and grip your toiletry bag when he spots you. Awkwardly, you step into the bath house and turn the faucet on as he brushes his teeth, motioning yourself to do the same thing. He watches you from the mirror as you keep your eyeline straight in front of you. He wants to say something to you, perhaps โgood morningโ or โhow did you sleep?โ but nothing seems good enough. You, on the other hand, feel like Heeseung may as well put you under a microscope.ย
โCan I help you?โย
He looks at you as if heโs been caught with his hand down the cookie jar. โN-No. Sorry.โ You sigh and resume brushing your teeth when he spits and rinses his mouth of the toothpaste. โI mean what I said I was sorry. I really am.โ
โFor which part? Cussing me out or avoiding me since high school?โ You sound tired.ย
โAll of it,โ he says quietly. You keep your head straight while he looks at you. โI have no excuse. Iโve been acting like a dick towards you and I feel awful.โ You donโt say anything. โIโฆI thought you were the one who said I wouldnโt make it as a producer. I didnโt know it was Chaewon who said it and that you were the one who defended me. I was stupid and angry, and I took it out on you without knowing the whole truth.ย
โI didnโt find out until Sunoo told me yesterday. I didnโt talk about that with anyone since we were friends, you know? I was so hurt but I didnโt know that it was my fault for making myself feel like thatโฆAnd in turn, I made you feel like you didnโt have a place in my life. Iโm so, so sorry that I treated you like you didnโt mean anything to me when you did.โย
You donโt look at him as you finish your morning routine. He stands there awkwardly, waiting for you to say something.ย
โI went through a lot of shit back then,โ you say, turning to face him. โMy dad left just after you stopped talking to me and all I wanted to do was talk to you about it. You always knew what to say to make me feel better but then you started ignoring me like I never mattered to you. Do you know how badly that hurt to have one of my best friends stop giving a shit about me?ย
โI watched you hang out with our mutual friends. I watched you do really cool things with music but I did all of that on the sidelines because you never included me, even though I was the only person who really supported you., I donโt think you really get that there were so many people back then who just wanted to be your friend because a few of your songs blew up on the internet. I watched you keep them close while you pushed me aside without giving me the chance to make up for whatever I did to make you upset.ย
โIโve spent the last few years trying to be okay with the fact that you didnโt want to be friends anymore. I tried so hard to accept that you and I would only be people who saw each other in passing. But that hurt. It hurt so much to think you didnโt care about me for one second and didnโt care that I was upset too.โย
Your confession hangs in the air and Heeseung feels like crying when he sees that youโve started to tear up. You wipe them away aggressively, too embarrassed to be seen weeping in front of him.ย
โIโm sorry.โ Heeseungโs voice cracks. โI am, Y/N. You were so good to me and I took that for granted.โ
โYeah, you could say that.โย
โI canโt make excuses for myself back then but I want you to know I own up to everything. Iโm sorry that I let you feel like that and wasnโt mature enough to talk to you. I know Iโm too late, but you deserve an apology. You deserve more than that.โย
Heeseung thinks youโre going to storm past him like he did a few nights prior. He thinks you might spit in his face and tell him to go to hell. But all you do is stare at him in silence.ย
โIโve wanted to hear you say that for a long time,โ you tell him. โSo thanks for that. I feel beyond hurt by everything you did and everything youโve ever said since we stopped being friends. All I have ever wanted was to be in the same room and not worry about if you wanted me there or not. This entire trip has felt like walking on eggshells around you.โ He lets you step around him and out of the bath house.ย
โI donโt hate you either, Heeseung. I know you probably think that I do but I don't.โย
***
The rest of your friends can tell somethingโs going on between the two of you but choose not to comment on it. Everybody is off doing their own thing, as today is the last day of camping, and nobody wants to accidentally spoil it. You and Jungwon decide to head over to your โsecret spot,โ just the two of you, for old timeโs sake.
โIโll miss you when I leave Korea,โ you say as the two of you sit on the ground. โI donโt know how Iโm gonna do any of this without you, Wonnie.โ
โI know youโre scared of the future and about your dad asking to see you, but youโve got to know that youโre stronger than any of us. Youโre like, a superhero, or something.โย
โNow youโre just being corny.โย
Jungwon laughs. โYeah, maybe I am. But seriously, Y/N, Iโve always liked that you were able to find some of your optimism again. You make me feel like things will get better for me too. I canโt sit here and pretend I know what youโre going through, but Iโll always be here for you. My parents will too.โ
โI still remember the look on their faces when my mom broke the news,โ you snort. โThey looked like they were ready to go to prison for murder.โย
โIโve never seen them so angry. I felt like castrating your dad.โย
โDidnโt we all?โย
โBut at least we got Riki out of it.โ You smile fondly. Jungwon wants to tell you heโs proud of how far youโve come, but decides to keep that to himself for now.
โI love him, you know. Even if I donโt really say it. I think it was hard for me to be able to say I loved him without feeling guilty. I thought I was betraying my mom if I gave Riki a chance and seeing her step up to be a parental figure when my dad was too busy mingling with our side of the family was hard. Weโve never talked about it but I know she doesnโt hate Riki. She wouldnโt have forced me to spend time with him if she did.
โHeโs such a bright kid and heโs so talented. It makes me happy when people recognize that too. He taught me a lot about prioritizing my feelings. Learning to re-evaluate my life when Riki showed up made me feel, I donโt know, more mature? Like, I can be upset and still care about people because we all make mistakes and none of us asked to be here.โย
Jungwon lets a beat of silence pass before speaking. โDid Heeseung talk to you?โ
โThis morning. Why do you ask?โ
โWell, I saw him acting a bit different at the bonfire last night and asked him if anything happened. He told me why he was so mad at you for so long and said he wanted to apologize.โ
โMen are so fucking stupid,โ you sigh, bringing your knees to your chest. โI donโt understand why he didnโt talk to me in the first place.โ
โMe either, honestly. But at least heโs making an effort. Isnโt that what you said you wanted?โย
You nod. โYeah. Feelings are complicated. Iโve been angry for so long. I always thought Iโd yell at him and give him a piece of my mind, or something. I thought I would hate him and tell him to forget about me. But when he apologized, he said it in a way that made me believe he meant it. It didnโt feel like he was bullshitting me. I felt stuck.โย
โWhat did you end up saying?โย
โI told him how hurt I was during that time and said I wished he was there for me like I was for him when I was dealing with my dad. I told him how I wished we couldโve talked it out.โย
โThatโs a good start.โย
โI donโt think weโll ever go back to the way we were but I also know Heeseung. I know it took a lot out of him to set aside his pride and put somebody else first. I donโt really know what Iโm gonna do now. All I know is Iโm tired of being upset and I want to feel okay.โ
Jungwon nudges your shoulder with his. โYouโll be just fine. The universe moves for you, Y/N. Thereโs no way you wonโt have a happy ending.โ He watches you hide a smile.ย
โYou are such a sap.โย
โItโs what you love about me.โย
โUnfortunately.โ Youโll really miss him. โI gotta take it one day at a time, right? Heeseung is going to be in my life for a long time since we share so many friends. Riki loves him too, and I guess I canโt hate Heeseung too much for looking out for him. I donโt think I have any room to think about it when I get back because Iโll be doing some last minute packing and getting ready to move.โย
โItโll be over before you know it. But even then, youโre going to have the best time in Okayama. Fuck your dad and all of the bad shit.โ
โYeah,โ you laugh. โFuck my dad.โย
The end of the trip is bittersweet. You start to tear up when you see the campsite completely empty and move slowly to pack everything in the cars. Heeseung notices but doesnโt say anything, offering to grab whateverโs in your hands when he sees you looking out into the clearing for extended periods of time. He doesnโt pretend to know what youโre feeling but he knows he doesnโt like it when you cry.
He watches you get into Jayโs car and wishes that you could be comfortable sitting alone with him. While Jake mans the aux, Heeseung thinks about what might happen when you move away. Will the two of you remain how you are or will you grow apart? Is there any room for him in your life now that youโre off to explore a different part of the world? Will he ever be able to push past the gnawing feeling of pushing his pathetic crush on you down until he no longer thinks of you like that?
Heโs never admitted it, but those feelings he had towards you all those years ago never really went away. Heeseung doubled down on his irritation because doing otherwise would allow all of those romantic feelings to overwhelm him. He kept his head down around you because he knew one look at you would be enough to throw his inhibitions away and he was afraid he would risk everything heโs ever wanted just for you to tell him you love him too. Now that he knows everything was a misunderstanding, the grave loss weighs on him. Heโs got a million thoughts running through his mind and none of them seem to make any sense. These romantic feelings didnโt lie dormant for all of these years, right?ย
The next week and a half feels like it passes by too quickly for the both of you. You finish packing the morning of your going away party that everyone helped set up and plan. Your mom, along with Jungwonโs parents, all of your friends and their parents, and Maeumi, presentes you with the kind of happiness you never want to forget. Even Heeseung, who shows up and gives you a letter when no one else is looking, makes you feel like you would be dearly missed. Youโre not sure that you enjoy being the center of attention, but everybodyโs kindness makes you feel like you deserve to be.ย
Itโs late when they leave and socializing makes you feel far more exhausted than you anticipated. Your flight is midday tomorrow but you try not to think about that. Heeseungโs letter sits on the edge of your bed and the green envelopeโyour favorite colorโstares at you like itโs begging you to open it. And open it you do.ย
Y/Nโ
I donโt know where to start. Iโm sorry, first of all, for treating you the way I did. I was a sorry excuse for a friend. I shouldโve talked to you instead of jumping to conclusions and it doesnโt matter that we were both young. Friends annoy each other but they donโt disrespect one another. Iโm so sorry that I made you doubt yourself.ย
Iโll miss you a lot when youโre in Japan. We didnโt get the chance to talk it out and I understand if you donโt want anything to do with me after you leave. You deserve people who will be there for you. But please know Iโll always be rooting for you.ย
LastlyโฆI donโt know if this is my place to say this but here goes nothing. Back when we were close, the one thing I loved about you was how passionate you were about life. You loved to learn and explore new things, and you always made me feel like I could feel that way too. I know youโre scared about Okayama for a number of reasons but youโre the strongest person I know. Youโll be just fine, even if you donโt feel like you will be. Iโll be here for you whenever you need me. I mean it.
- Heeseung
For the first time in a while, you allow yourself to cry over Lee Heeseung and surprise yourself when you realize that you want him back.ย
***
At the airport, your mom helps you check in your luggage and asks if youโve got everything you need and makes you double check everything. Itโs reminiscent of the way you did with Riki before the camping trip. Youโre happy despite feeling a bit annoyed that sheโs making you take off your backpack. You donโt totally mind it, though. She gives you a hug that feels like it could last a lifetime and letting her go is the hardest thing youโve ever done.ย
Everybody else gives you love, too. Sunoo is the first to hug you and makes you promise to bring him back some skincare and souvenirs the next time youโre able to get back to Korea. Jake embraces you next and gives you some words of encouragement while Jay does his best to pretend like he isnโt sad by complaining about how there will be one less cook in the kitchen. You throw your arms around him anyway and pretend not to hear him sniffle. Sunghoon traps you in a bear hug and makes you promise to take as many photos as possible and says heโll look forward to seeing them. He, too, pretends like heโs not about to cry. You push your head onto his shoulder and give his hand a squeeze before he lets a few teardrops fall.ย
Jungwon is the most emotional of them all. He wipes away his free falling tears and crushes you in a hug, burying his head in your neck. โYou better come back, asshole. I canโt believe youโre gonna leave me to chase your dreams. Thatโs so selfish of you.โ You think you might cry too but laugh anyway.ย
โI love you so much, Wonnie.โ He squeezes you like heโs afraid heโll forget what it feels like to be in your embrace until Jake pries him off of your body.ย
Riki stands awkwardly with his eyes to the floor and his hands in front of him. The taller boy feels as though his shoes are glued down but you see the way his gaze flickers as if heโs trying to figure out what to do next. It doesnโt take much out of you to throw your arms around him and push yourself into his chest.ย
โIโm going to miss you a lot, Riki,โ you tell him.
โReally?โ You nod.ย
โI know I havenโt been the best towards you but you need to know that Iโm so proud of you, okay? I loved getting to know you. I loved that you came on the trip and Iโm so fucking happy that youโre my brother. Out of everybody who couldโve popped into my life, Iโm so glad it was you.โย
Everybody watches Riki melt in front of them as he envelopes you right into him. You feel the weight of his shoulders relax and for the first time, you feel like youโre starting to wonder if this is what it feels like to have everything figured out.ย
โIโll come visit you,โ he promises. โIโll come home for winter break.โ
โStay with me. We can do all of the corny shit siblings do. Iโll even pay for everything.โย
Riki laughs but doesnโt let you go. โYouโre the best, you know that? Even though it took you some time, I always thought of you like my sister. Iโm really happy to be around you.โย
The waterworks begin and Riki does his best to comfort you when he feels tears on his shirt. He feels somewhere in between empty and fulfilled knowing the two of you have made amends, but knowing you want to work towards the future is enough to make him confident that everything will be alright. He lets you go when he feels your arms loosen around him and aggressively wipes his own tears away.ย
When you look at Heeseung, the last thing he expects you to do is acknowledge him. He came to the airport because he wants you to know he meant everything in the letter he wrote. He stayed up all night to check for your texts but you hadnโt said anything, and while he knew it was an emotional day for you because of all you were dealing with, a selfish part of him wanted to know what you thought about it.ย
You surprise Heeseung and yourself by engulfing him in a hug. The familiarity of his embrace makes you feel nostalgic and you canโt help but cry right into his chest. Heeseung doesnโt hesitate and brings his arms to wrap around your fragile body as you silently weep against him. He holds you tight and gently rocks your body like he used to all those years ago. You donโt fight back either. Instead, you push your head deeper into him and hold him until your tears have stopped.ย
โI read your letter,โ you say quietly. โWe have a lot to talk about but I appreciate everything you said, Heeseung. I tried to hate you but I could never bring myself to feel that way about you.โ
โIโm really going to miss you. Can I be selfish?โ Heeseung asks with a sob in his throat. โI wish I apologized sooner and I wish we had more time. But please, promise me that youโre going to try to have fun in Japan, okay? Youโre the best person I know, even if I didnโt make you feel like it. Iโll always live with that regret but knowing youโll forget about me and make a life for yourself is enough.โ
โI could never truly forget about you, Hee.โ That nickname you used to call him makes Heeseungโs heart beat faster. โI donโt want you out of my life. All these years I felt like thatโs what I wanted but I donโt want that now. Be happy without me too, okay? Forget about me and follow that dream of yours.โย
Heeseung laughs sadly. โI donโt think I could ever forget about you.โ You step away from him and wipe your eyes for the umteenth time.ย
โWrite a song for me, then. And donโt be a stranger, okay?โย
โOkay.โ Heeseung swears on it. โI wonโt.โย
A beat of silence passes before all seven of your friends push you into the middle of their group hug. It brings another round of tears to your eyes and Jungwonโs the one who lets you cry into him until your mom tells you itโs time to start boarding. Everybody gets one final goodbye before you disappear into the plane.ย
You smile at your phone when you settle into your seat.ย
lee heeseung: I miss you alreadyย
You miss him too.
***
Okayama is a dream until it isnโt. You settled into your apartment and had one month before you started your job and went to all the places Riki recommended. You started to understand him a little better after moving and both of you find it hilarious that you two ended up living in each othersโ hometowns. You canโt choose your siblings but youโd choose Riki in every lifetime.ย
You call your mom every so often and update her on life. Your friends keep you in the loop and FaceTime you when theyโre out together. It makes you feel like youโre back in Korea and while it isnโt the same, you appreciate the effort anyway. Youโve made friends with your neighbors and a few girls you met when you went out drinking with your cousin the week you moved and it made braving a whole new country feel less daunting. Jungwon calls you everyday and you tease him for being such a clingy friend, but you both know you love it. You inform him about everything from the boring details to juicy work drama, and it feels like youโre sitting in his bedroom wearing face masks and eating junk food.ย
Heeseung has been a constant fixture in your life, too. You texted him the moment you landed and he kept the conversation going. You talk about everything, the past especially, and start to feel like things might be okay. Those butterflies that you had for him in high school made an appearance after three months in Japan and part of you wondered if you were a fool for bringing him back into your life after everything. All of your friends back in Korea tell you Heeseung is miserable without you and when they tease him in the big group chat, he doesnโt deny it.
The friends you made seemed dividedโone half thought you should leave him in the dark while the other half swooned over his dedication to making things right. You donโt really know what to think or how to feel, but you know youโre happy. Between phone calls and late night texts, you were always left with a smile on your face before bed.
Riki came back to Okayama for winter break and spent two weeks in your apartment. When the two of you werenโt bickering as siblings do, you both stayed up way too late watching anime and watched him dance at his home studio. Riki even got you to attend a few classes (he tried not to laugh at your poor coordination skills but appreciated the effort anyway). You prefer to be in the audience.ย
Life seemed great until your dad made an appearance just before Christmas. He knew you were here from a single text message he never responded to before you moved to Okayama. The weight of his silence prepared you to be in Japan without him but his sudden appearance made you feel like everything changed for the worse. Riki went back to his childhood home to see his family and asked you to come with him after your dad had forced him. Your brother knows the intricate dynamic and you donโt blame him for anything. Seeing your dad with his new family after sparse texts since he left felt like a punch in the gut. It soured your holidays and Riki spent the rest of his trip apologizing even though you told him there was no reason for him to be sorry. You dropped him off at the airport and told him youโd see him in the summertime.ย
The holidays came and went but the feelings youโve carried since then havenโt disappeared, which brings you to the present. Heeseung is standing in the doorway of your apartment in Okayama, looking at you with those big, round doe eyes you always loved.ย
โHi,โ he says breathlessly.ย
โHeeseungโฆWhat are you doing here?โ He scratches the back of his neck.ย
โYouโve been going through a lot, you know? Every time we talked on the phone, you sounded like you were a thousand miles away and it killed me to know I couldnโt do anything to make you feel better after the holidays with your dad. Jungwon and I have been talking about how much of an ass he is and how much we wish we could be here for you and the next thing I knew, he was encouraging me to buy the next flight out to see you,โ Heeseung says in a single breath. โBut honestly? I just really, really fucking missed you.โ
โYou flew all this way here? For me?โ
โYeah.โ Heeseung says it like itโs a no-brainer. โAlthough, now I feel kinda stupid. I realize Iโm putting you in a tough spot. But you know what? I think itโs worth it to know that youโre okay.โย
He looks at you but you donโt say anything. Heeseung can see the gears turning inside of your head while you process his arrival. You look so cute in your sleep shorts and oversized shirt. He loves it when you call him via FaceTime because he gets to see all parts of youโgetting ready for work and winding down as you are now. It makes him feel like youโre pulling him right back into you.ย
You donโt really need to say anything. You lurch yourself onto him and press your lips against his like itโs something youโve been waiting to do for the longest time. You probably have. Heeseung wraps his arms around you and lets his mouth melt against yours and doesnโt complain about your boldness either. He welcomes it, even.ย
โYouโre so stupid,โ you mutter against him, pulling him into your apartment and locking the door behind you. You kiss him repeatedly and he puts his hands on your waist as if to let you know heโs right there with you.ย
โWhy am I stupid, baby?โ Heeseungโs voice paired with that nickname makes your knees buckle.ย ย
โYou can stay with me.โ He feels you smile against your lips. โPlease justโฆstay here and donโt go.โย
โIโm not going anywhere.โย
Heeseung drops his backpack onto the floor and lets you capture his mouth again. You taste so fresh with your cherry lip balm. He moans right into your mouth when you push him against your countertop and the feeling of his hands on your body makes you grow hotter as the seconds pass by. The ache between your legs starts to overwhelm you as his plump lips kiss you over and over again before he pushes them against your neck. Itโs too much in all of the right ways and youโre too aroused to even think straight. You start to pull yourself away from Heeseung and heโs about to ask if heโs going too fast when you grab your hand and lead him to your bedroom.ย
โY/N, wait,โ Heeseung tries to say in between kisses. He loves the feeling of your warm mouth against him and feels himself starting to get worked up but he doesnโt know if youโre thinking straight. Even though the two of you have talked nearly everyday, Heeseung doesnโt know if this is moving too fast.ย
โIโm done waiting.โ You pull away from him and reach for his hand, pushing his lengthy fingers past your shorts and underwear until he feels the wet slick starting to pool at your folds. Your hand moves his back and forth as he looks at you like youโve stunned him with a laser gun. Heeseungโs dick jumps in his pants and it takes him a second to move his fingers on his own accord. โI want you, Heeseung. Donโt you want me too?โ
His resolve crumbles. Heeseung nods with his mouth parted as he pushes his fingers inside you, your wetness allowing him to reach your depths immediately. You push yourself on your toes and put your hands on his chest, clinging onto him like youโre afraid heโd let you go if you donโt. He thrusts his fingers with intention and hears your quiet whimpers when he leans his head down next to your mouth.
โYeah,โ Heeseung says, lips touching the shell of your ear as his voice ripples through your body. โI want you.โ
He pulls his hand away from you and smiles at the short whine from the loss of his touch. Heeseung loves how much you need him and heโs sure you can see how much he needs you too. A surge of confidence jolts within you as Heeseung looks down at your body like heโs ready to eat you alive. You peel off your shirt and shorts, leaving you in your underwear as Heeseung pulls his shirt over his head with a single hand.ย
โLie down,โ Heeseung beckons. You do as he says and he sinks down to his knees and pries your legs apart, looking directly at you as he speaks. โGood girl.โ He pulls your garments down your legs and the cool air hits your center as Heeseung looks down at you.ย
You donโt have time to think about anything when he peppers soft kisses on your skin. His lips journey from the inside of your knee and he presses one small kiss to your slit before repeating the process on your other leg. Heeseung allows himself to get lost in the way your body reacts to his feather-like touches before descending down onto your folds.ย
Heeseungโs tongue feels like the closest thing to magic. He takes his time when licking you with his warm and wet muscle, canvassing every ridge with expert movements. You rake your fingers through his hair and tug gently at his soft roots, pulling a moan out of him that delivers a delicious shock up your spine. He puts your feet on his shoulders and plunges his tongue inside of you and grips your flesh with his fingertips until youโre coming undone on his mouth.ย
โSo fucking good,โ he mutters to himself more than he does to you. He laps up your release and you find yourself a bit embarrassed that you were able to come so quickly, but the way he touches you makes it seem as though he already knew how to push your buttons. โYouโre so sweet, Y/N. I could eat you all day if youโd let me.โย
Heeseung trails his lips up your stomach and kisses you so tenderly that you feel as though your body must be made out of soft cotton. His lips find your left nipple and lets his tongue swirl over the bud before sucking on it with a gentle motion. He repeats the process on the other nub and flicks it, enjoying the soft sounds that come from you. Heeseung buries himself right into your neck but he doesnโt kiss the skin like you think he will. Instead, he kisses you twice on your open neck before moving his body so that he can look down at you.ย
He bites his lip. It makes you feel exposed but somehow, it makes you feel all that more confident. Itโs like Heeseung is looking right through you with all of your worries and faults laid out for him to reject. But he doesnโt. Likewise, Heeseung allows you to see him in his vulnerability and heโs ready to pack up his things and leave if you tell him you donโt want this anymore. But you donโt.ย
He descends on you once again, this time his lips pushing against you in a slow and sensual kiss. You feel the way he moves against you and savor the sounds your mouths make together. Heeseung brings his hand to brush strands of your hair away from your face as he kisses you and the gentle touch of his fingertips feels like it was always meant to be there.ย
โI need you.โ Your back arches right into his chest as you speak. โDonโt make me wait, Heeseung. Please, I justโฆI need you.โย
โIโll never make you wait. Never again,โ he promises. Heeseung manages to rid himself of his pants and boxers and pushes himself between your legs until his dick is situated between your folds. Your arousal, paired with the precum oozing from his slit, provides the perfect balance of wetness that coats the entirety of his cock as he glides himself against you.ย
When his tip catches your hole, the sounds of your moans overpowers his refrain. He pushes inside of you slowly inch by inch, savoring the way you feel for the fear that he might never be able to do this again. You look so beautiful underneath him with his dick completely sheathed inside of you and when your legs wrap around his body to encourage him to move, Heeseung doesnโt deny you of your pleasure.ย
Neither of you have ever had sex like thisโthe feeling of pure rawness echoes throughout the room between your breathy moans and the sound of skin pushing against one another. Your body is warm in the way he always imagined and his hands touch every inch of you as if to commit your silhouette to memory. In this moment, Heeseung feels as though the two of you are kindred spirits who found each other.
โYouโre so good for me,โ Heeseung whispers into your neck as he thrusts into you. โSo fucking tight and wet.โ He feels your arms wrap around his shoulders to keep him trapped between you but he canโt say he minds all that much.ย
โI-Iโm so close,โ you say in a broken moan.ย
โAlready, baby?โ Heeseung says to tease you as he brings his head up to look down at you again. He pushes his hips against you faster and that surprised gasp you let out makes his balls clench.ย
โS-Shut up.โย
Your arms fall to the mattress as you claw at your sheets. Heeseung plans his elbows on either side of your head as he focuses all of his willpower towards fucking you with fast deep strokes, loving the way your mouth parts slightly and how your eyes are closed shut. His muscles flex as he pushes himself until youโre coming with a loud moan, and finds himself releasing inside of you the moment he feels you gushing around him.ย
You feel Heeseung press his tender lips against your forehead as you come down from your high while he continues to rock you through your release. Your cheeks are hot from the pleasure and the room is suddenly too warm with Heeseung on top of you. When you open your eyes, heโs looking at you like heโs seen a halo above your head. He canโt really help it. Heeseung leans down to press a soft, gentle kiss against your lips to convey a job well down.ย
โI came so fast,โ you whisper bashfully. You bite your lip but Heeseung tugs it away from your teeth to kiss you again.ย
โMe too.โ Heeseung kisses your nose and relishes in the way you scrunch your face. โBut itโs okay. You deserve to feel good. I donโt care how long or short it takes.โ He places his hand on your face and rubs the apple of your cheek with his thumb.ย
โI really missed you.โย
โI missed you too, dummy,โ Heeseung says before flicking your nose. He holds your jaw in place before kissing you again.ย
โWeโre gonna have to do a lot of making up, you know,โ you mumble against his lips with a smile.ย
โOh yeah?โย
โMhm.โ You push against his lips. Heeseung pushes his half-hard dick inside of you as your back arches right into him. Heโs there to catch you this time, his arm supporting your spine underneath you. โFuck!โย
โMy baby,โ he whispers into you. โLet me make it up to you.โย
You let him.
***
EPILOGUE: THE FOLLOWING SPRING
โFor fuckโs sake, get your big ass head out of the way.โ
Jay smacks Jakeโs shoulder. โYou can see just fine, stupid.โ Sunghoon hits both of their shoulders.ย
โBoth of you, stop moving so much. You guys almost knocked my camera.โ They mumble a quick apology before finding another thing to discuss.ย
โI feel like Iโm surrounded by children.โ You sigh as Heeseung wraps his arms around your waist and lets his chin sit atop the crown of your head. He feels your body relax against him and smiles.ย
โWell you are, technically. Riki just stopped wearing diapers.โย
โI hate you so much, Heeseung,โ the younger boy whines without any true malice. You laugh and squeeze Rikiโs hand. He canโt find it in himself to be too mad at either of you.ย
โDo you guys see Jungwon and Sunoo?โ Sunghoon asks with his camera at the ready. โI want to make sure I take as many pictures as possible.โย
โI donโt think theyโre coming out yet,โ says Jay.ย
โDuh.โ Jake provokes him in a way you missed while you were in Okayama. It brings warmth to your heart when you see them bicker.ย
Jay turns to you. โY/N, have you given a second thought about moving in with Jake when you come back? I think youโd be better off if you kicked him to the streets.โ
โHey!โ Jake tackles Jay until heโs got his older friendโs neck between his arms. None of you pay too much attention and choose to wait for Jungwon and Sunoo.ย
โOur friends are another breed,โ Heeseung mumbles against you as he kisses your cheek. โAre you sure you want to move back and be roommates with Jake and Jungwon?โย
โMhm. I miss you guys so much.โย
โBut you miss me the most, right?โย
โYes, baby.โ You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss the back of it. โI missed you the most.โย
โThere they are!โ Riki shouts.ย
Jungwon and Sunoo, clad in their caps and gowns, saunter their way out of the stadium before spotting your group. They make a run for it and push past the onlookers who search for their loved ones as well. Sunoo clings onto Jake while Jungwon finds his perch in Rikiโs arms as Sunghoon captures the beautiful moment on his digital camera.ย
โWe fucking did it!โ Jungwon shouts as he pulls away. โSunoo, we did it!โย
โAbout damn time,โ Sunoo replies as he rolls his eyes with a smile. โI felt like Iโd be there forever.โย
โWeโre so proud of you both.โ Jay smiles and moves to hug each of them. โYou guys are amazing, seriously.โย
โLife is unfair.โ Thereโs no real bite to his tone, just a bittersweet future. Sunoo hugs the taller boy.ย
โOh my God,โ Jungwon says with his hand pressed to his mouth. โY/N is crying.โย
โNo Iโm not,โ you say, even though you definitely are. Heeseung squeezes you tighter against him. โShut up, Jungwon. Iโm not crying.โย
โYou so are!โ Riki shouts.ย
โIโm not crying. Seeing my best friends graduate college is not a good reason to cry, okay?!โย
Jungwon and Sunoo sport shit-eating grins. Heeseung lets you go as they engulf you in a hug while the younger of the two feels your hot tears on his cheek. He laughs and this moment starts to feel a bit nostalgic to him, as he acted the same way you did upon seeing you in your cap and gown.ย
โHey,โ he says in a softer tone, pulling away from the two of you. โThanks for being here. I know taking time off was a little hard but weโre so happy you could come.โ
โYeah,โ Sunoo agrees. โTalking to you over the phone isnโt enough. We missed you, you know?โย
You tear up again and wipe your nose before falling into them again. โI missed you too.โ
โOh God,โ Sunghoon laughs. โIf Y/Nโs crying then I know weโre in for it.โย
โHey!โ Heeseung jokes, nudging his friend with his shoulder. โDonโt talk about my girlfriend like that.โ Although, he canโt really disagree with Sunghoon.ย
โYouโre all so stupid for making me cry in public,โ you say as you wipe your tears from your eyes. โIโm gonna look back at these pictures and my eyes will be all red and puffy.โย
โI feel like you and Heeseung might as well be our parents,โ Sunoo says as Heeseung pulls him into a hug.
โWait, you guys should totally take a family photo.โ Jake steps forward to arrange the four of you like a family portrait with Jungwon and Sunoo between you and Heeseung. โThere. Sunghoon, take a picture. This is so going on the fridge when we move in together.โย
Heeseung moves back next to you as the rest of your friends look at the photos on Sunghoonโs camera and take turns taking pictures of him with the graduates. He kisses your cheek and pulls you back into him.ย
โYou ready to come back to all this chaos?โ
โMore than ready,โ you affirm. โI loved Okayama, even though I had to deal with my dad and all of that stuff. But I missed my life here and the masters program over in Seoul is a good fit for me, you know? Plus, your apartment isnโt too far from mine.โย
โI canโt wait for you to move back.โ Heeseung kisses your cheek again. โYour mom and I talked logistics about helping you move into the new apartment. Knowing you, Iโm sure youโll have another suitcase coming back with you.โย
โShut up.โย
โYou know Iโm right.โย
You blush and mumble. โYeahโฆYouโre right.โย
โYour mom and Jungwonโs parents talked about renting a bigger camp space this year, too. I think theyโre planning on having one huge trip this year now that most of us have graduated.โย
โI canโt believe our last trip was almost a year ago. Thatโs insane because it feels like I moved to Japan just yesterday.โย
โI solemnly swear I will never be as stupid or dense as I was back then.โ When you turn around to look at Heeseung, you know heโs telling the truth. You donโt answer him verbally and choose to silence him with a pretty kiss. Itโs enough for the two of you.ย
โOi, love birds,โ Jake calls, looking at you. โWe should find their parents. Your mom called me and I think she was crying.โย
You frown. โWhy didnโt she call me?โย ย
โShe said you were probably crying too,โ Jake snickers.ย
โIs it too late to back out of being roommates?โย
โNope. Youโre stuck with me.โย
Heeseung squeezes your hand.ย
โAnd me.โย
As you look around, you canโt help but feel as though this was always how it was meant to be.
cockwarming kai while on an animal crossing date, sitting in his gaming chair, his thick thighs resting beneath yours as you shift a little, tummy full of his massive cock, soaked panties pushed to the side as your wet arousal drips down the base of his length,, and kai can barely focus on your date, staring at his monitor and trying to resist the urge to shove your hips down nd fuck your cute cunt โtil itโs swollen and stuffed with his load,, fingers gripping his controller like itโs his sanity every time you shift a little,, your eyes trained on your handheld switch, rambling about your island, villagers, and your hundreds of thousands of interest free debt to a dad raccoon.
and kai has been as patient as he can be. until somewhere between filling an inventory with of hundreds of turnips and fossils and selling said inventory,. itโs too much to bear. whining in surprise when kai thrusts up into your cunt, mumbling apologies as he kisses up your neck, fingers slipping easily under the hoodie of his youโre wearing, grasping at the soft plush of your tummy, groaning as he feels his bulge, buried deep inside of you. and in seconds animal crossing debts are forgotten,, and itโs kai pounding you into his desk <3
ah fuck,, so tight fโ me, kai moans, all blushy like heโs not thrusting into you a little too fast, hoodie shoved up nd your cute tits pressed into his desk, clinging to the smooth surface as you cry out, gonna let him use your pussy for himself? loud slaps of skin on skin, lewd squelches of your cunt sucking him in, wet arousal soaking his cock as your pussy drools for him, manhandled into a cute cum dump now,, wanting to let him use you like a tight hole~ and kai finishes a little quick,, stuffing you full of his heavy load before you know it, white ring forming around the base of his cock as he fucks his cum into your cunt,, warmth spreading as a full feeling settles in your tummy, โm sorry, couldnโt help it,, ruined our date, kai mumbles,, consider your animal crossing date abandoned for round two?
a reminder to definitely not cockwarm kai because itโs never just cockwarming
thinking about daddy kink with jay! pretty face buried into the sheets, cute ass rippling with each pound he gives. talking back to your boyfriend with your voice raised has led you this very situation, and you canโt say you donโt like it when jay gets like this.
โughโ please! f..faster!โ you moan shamelessly, as jay scoffs at you from behind. was this really a punishment for you? his fingertips crawl up your back to grab ahold of your neck, squeezing it slightly. you feel his cock halt inside of you, but move even deeper into you, making you choke on your words. โstupid girl, so cock hungry, youโre liking this arenโt you?โ he growls at you, hips slamming into the flesh of your ass again, but this time it felt even deeper.
your body shakes with pleasure, toes curling inward as your cunt tightens around his fat cock. tears start streaming down your face and wet the sheets, moans even louder now as your lift your head. โmmhโ! yes- daddy! daddy!โ you wail out, mind completely blinded by him and him only. jay only chuckles at your words, finding your fucked out state quite cute. you whimper when he slaps your ass, hard enough to leave a mark after. he leans over your back, lips nibbling and sucking your ear as his dick hammers against your cervix. the ticklish feeling only adds to immense sensation throughout your body, bringing your closer to your orgasm. โdaddyโ! g..gonna cum, fuck!โ you groan out, almost immediately squirting all over his cock, the sound bringing red to your cheeks. jay smiles with his eyes closed at the feeling, cock still grinding inside your gummy walls, โjust a little more, sugar, shitโ!โ he rasps before filling you up to the brim <333
