ran to ao3 as fast as possible and i have so many thoughts that now include young lestappen oh lord.
YOUNG LESTAPPEN.
For my Search History readers, Max states a few times that Charles only started loving him in 2021, when he started winning. Charles explicitly states that he's loved Max since they were 14, and Max doesn't really believe him.
This is because Max has the emotional capacity of a walnut.
In "Warning" you can even see the way Charles loves, from spamming Max to hoping that he isn't alone and scared, because Charles knows Max, knows he wouldn't voluntarily be taken care of, even after an operation. Some things that didn't make it into the fic:
- Charles is not JUST asking if Max is recovering in a hotel. If Max's answer had been yes, Charles was going to bug him until he actually got the name of the hotel, and then he was going to beg Pascale to make some of her soup and then take it to Max. Don't ask him how he planned on doing that, just know it was the plan, because Charles is from a family where you take care of each other when you're sick, and he knows Max isn't.
- At no point in those text exchanges is Charles actually drunk, he just gets lost in his own head and worried about Max, and then he sends messages that are more heartfelt than he means, and he tries to backtrack as to not scare Max off.
- "it was just a tonsillectomy" two things here! The first is that Max is still unable to actually feel any sympathy for himself, still thinks he was being selfish by getting the procedure done. The second thing is that yes, Charles is (what Max thinks) unnecessarily worried about a comparatively small and easy operation, but it's important to note Charles for a moment. This is near the end of his f2 season, before he's expecting to move into f1, and right now, his dad is sick. His dad is sick, and he's not getting better, and Charles is scared.
- Charles really was meaning to kind of leave Max alone after he got his proof of life selfie, but Max looks so sick and tired in the photo still, and all the alarm bells in Charles' head are going off, and is freaking him out, so instead he keeps bugging Max. Logically, Charles knows Max is taken care of with GP, but every time he gets a text back he's reassured that Max is still here, is feeling better with each day. Charles needs to know Max is getting better, because he can't handle it if he isn't.
- "you better be asleep and not ignoring me" once again, this is Charles mentally worst-case-scenario'ing, because he says asleep but on the other side of the phone Charles is scared because Max wasn't feeling good and now he isn't responding and what if something's gone wrong-
- hints of Charles' absolutely insane amounts of anxiety are present throughout Search History, although he manages it much better because he gets a therapist shortly after joining Ferrari and learns better coping mechanisms.
like he wanted to make sure max was okay so BAD he was willing to move mountains for that boy. charles was going to find a way to help his max but also trying to keep it lowkey so max wouldn't turn and run away. you write them so wonderfully with charles being so in love and max just seeing himself as undeserving and finding it strange how charles is nice to them. it's amazing.
it's me!! chiseed on ao3. i am so honored to have you writing fics after rambling. there is SO MUCH to unpack and your writing is incredible and you write max so well
screaming crying throwing UP with how good you are at angst and ugh i eat it up. you explain jos' affect on max so well and you never referring to jos as "dad" in your fics is so AMAZING to me. it's perfect
HELLO the yapping is so powerful you got his tonsils popped out. congrats!
I love how you noticed the Jos thing- multiple times Sophie is referred to as "mom"- I actually don't think Max refers to her as Sophie in any of my fics, and Victoria is referred to as his sister, but the ONLY time Jos is mentioned in the same line as "father" is when someone else says it. Even when Max is 12.
Writing in the little subtle moments of how this impacts Max and this thinking- that he can't flinch, that he doesn't deserve simple comforts, that it would bother someone if he called that he's locked out of his room, that the hole in his boot is fine, that he can't even have tea, he can have hot water, and he has to sneak honey in. All the little things. It was a challenge to write because I didn't want to like, spell it out, but I also needed it to be impossible to miss at the same time.
The Pile Thing. Max as a teenager was so freaking lanky that Jos simply didn't believe he could be hiding in a pile, because he was too tall, when it was actually that Max was very, very good at folding himself up super tight and small and not moving. Sure, it was uncomfortable, but so is karting in the rain, or walking home for miles, so it's not all that high up on the list of things Max doesn't want to do.
And he keeps him safe, so he likes to do it.
GP obviously looks at the room and is like, "Ok, I don't see Max, but I do see a suspicious pile, so I'm going to let him do his thing and leave the food here... But if he's going to curl up under laundry he should at least have some blankets, so I'm going to plop some down."
Or, as BunRieuCua put it, "Damn, GP made him an omega nest."
omega nest is SO real and funny to me. i am fluent in yappanese so i love that for me. the subtle additions just make it all the more angsty and i LIVE for it. you are so good at articulating it without making throwing it in readers faces. the little moments and the way you tap into his own head are fantastic.
zach having never been kissed on new years before. spends the party getting close to garrett, crowding in his space, looking up at him with blown eyes through his lashes.
"i've never been kissed on new years" a sinful secret breathed out of zach's lungs
"do you want to be?"
garrett tastes like the champagne that has zach pink and foggy, the two cuddled on the couch before falling asleep
us cooking in the discord with zach and the potential ed mention and this song has been living in my mind rent free
first i love that you made a new tumblr account just for the whump cause that’s so iconic. i prob need a separate account but atp i’m too lazy 😭
i’ll cut because this is about ed, might be triggering
okay but ed zach is so real esp in the context of free use, why did nobody tell me about this. hating your body for 1: failing to meet the expectations 2: being used and sexually exploited by everyone. that’s so real tbh. i actually think that a lot of professional athletes at least have disordered eating habits or a pattern of thinking but zach fits just so well. also this specific verse….im betting he starts playing well after spiraling into ed and now can’t stop thinking about food and his body (which is now the only thing he can control). what if he starts equating food with wins. he gets to eat a slice of strawberry shortcake if he wins. he gets to eat nothing if he loses. stressing over how many calories he takes in a day and losing his mind every time myfitnesspal crashes and fucks up the calculation. starts acting so agitated and easily irritable because his brain stops functioning after cutting carbs out of his diet :/ throwing tantrums at anyone and everyone, making himself look way worse than he already is. making himself throw up before a game (hey josh allen) because that makes him feel lighter both physically and mentally. a lot of possibilities!!! on the last note this part gets me because zach, you really do look the best when you’re miserable
needy omega zach. calling garrett over the phone and letting his hands trail down to his pussy. trying to finger himself without his alpha noticing. choking on the most sinful moan and going bright red, his blue eyes full of tears
sex tape zach from before but they print out screenshots like fucking animals of him blissed out and covered in cum and pin it up in his locker so he has to scramble to tear it down before the press sees it
turnnoffyourmind
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annaxmalina
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