In commemoration of Stampede and Stargaze's conclusion, I made this. Wolfwood has made such an impression and means so much to me now. His character arc and story resonates with me. I love Stampede/Stargaze Wolfwood every bit as much as I love manga Wolfwood. The modified Eye of Micheal symbol was actually designed by me for my Wolfwood tattoo I got two years ago. It seemed the perfect choice to add here. I designed it to acknowledge his past and connection to the entity that made him what he is, but added the Punisher that he made his own. He took the situation he forced into and made his own path forward.
Wolfwood is one of my favorite characters of all time. And I'm happy to see this piece now on my wall.
I have a story to tell, and it's not exactly a fun one. More of a venting thing, if I'm honest. You don't have to read it. But I need to get my thoughts out and while I did a story thing on TikTok because it is most likely going to go away soon, something weird happened and it added music and I also just think I do better in text.
So here we go.
This is the story of a book cover and the freelance job I never should've agreed to take. It's a long one. I don't expect anyone to get through it.
For the record, I am not sharing the name of the author, nor the title of the book. And I'm going to do my best to keep things vague. A few people who might read this will know, but it is not about dragging the actual author through the mud. Or at least, not in a way anyone can use to figure out who they are and where.
Back in, I believe it was September, I was approached by a local author to design a cover for their upcoming book. I knew them vaguely through a social thing my mom and I both go to off and on. To be honest, I didn't know this person well, but they seemed an alright sort. Mom also didn't seem to have an issue with them. So even though I was busy and hella stressed from my job, and I was mentally going through a really rough patch, I agreed to at least meet with her and feel it out.
The meeting was fine. Pleasant, even. They told me about the book, and some about the previous two books. They said broad strokes of the plot so I could make a cover that suited the book overall. We also talked about just writing in general, as I do a bit of it myself, our backgrounds and stuff like that. As you do.
I question now a lot of what they told me. Either they are lying, or stretching the truth to make themselves sound more than they are. It is possible that they truly did all they said, but if so, I think they were likely very poor at most of these jobs.
For example. They say they were a hospital chaplin for a time. They are one of the least empathetic people I've met in a while.
They claim they know Photoshop and was an editor at some newspaper somewhere. I realize tech changes, but they can't even figure out Google Drive.
They are older. I get that. But they can't even keep their age straight. They told my mom they were turning 80 this past birthday (which was some time between September and December), but told me at the meeting they were 84. And if they were so sharp, as they claimed, they would have better reading comprehension, but half the time, barely even seemed to understand basic, simple words.
More on that later.
So things rocked along. I didn't get to work on it right away. Things were busy. And everytime I tried to even think about it, I had a lot of anxiety over it. I don't have a lot of free time, and agreeing to this felt like a mistake, even at this point.
I should've listened.
I finally leveled with them and asked for a deadline. Deadlines help me focus and force me to buckle down and get shit done. And they gave me one. I think it was on or around the beginning of November, maybe the end of October. The date doesn't matter to me now because after work one day, I took my laptop to the library, say down, and got the bulk of it done in one sitting. Using a template created by Amazon's self publishing service (which is what they were using), I got started. By the time I left that night, I had a cover, a spine knowing I would have to modify it later more than likely, and a back designed without text. All I needed was whatever text they wanted for the back so I could put that on and then it would be finished.
I sent it to them for approval and they loved it instantly. And that's also kind of where the trouble started in earnest.
They proceeded to send me three or four different versions of two different blocks of text over the course of a week or so. I say two different blocks because for some reason, they had it in their head that they should put a bio on the back, pic and all. They got some advice when they started they should, and it's bad advice in my opinion. Mom and I tried to help them see that space could be better utilized, and that no modern author outside of non fiction and maybe something like historical fiction does that in the modern age. Nor do they need to.
To be clear, I am not opposed to an author's bio in a book. But there is a place for it. On the back cover of a paperback is not it. They also put their email on there. I doubt that they get any emails from that. They've only sold a handful of books anyway.
But whatever. At the end of the day, doesn't matter what I think. We were trying to help, but they didn't care and just wanted a bio, likely to stroke their own ego. They seem to have this deep desire to be someone and be noticed and fawned over. I feel a bio on the back like that is just a self congratulatory wank off, but what do I know?
I'm not any kind of published. And that seems to be part of the problem with this person.
Anyway, months go by. I hear nothing. Not a big deal really. They're still writing. My mom agreed to help proof read and edit, and that process is still going on so there's really not much for me to do anyway. October comes and goes. Then November. Then at some point, it becomes December. And I have heard nothing at all from them.
Oh, and we missed their first deadline by this point. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I feel like they originally wanted it done and printed by sometime in mid November.
Meanwhile, mom is editing and kind of fighting with the author on edits and changes. That process is not going well, at least not on our end. My mom is very good at grammar rules. Overall. There are a few literary things she didn't know, and I confirmed what I could, but otherwise, she's stellar. She edited all my papers in college and I rarely, if ever, had a mistake. And mom tells me that this author makes huge, glaring errors. Some are big grammar issues. Some are incorrect phrases used in narrative, not speech. And some are story confusion, as in calling someone the incorrect name. Which is wild to me. You made up these characters. You should at least be able to keep up with who is who. And the editing takes a while because the author is adding stuff after mom read a lot, if not all.
Things kind of come to a head around December 5th. Mom went with the author to a book signing that weekend, after helping prep for it the Friday before. And then Mom also had a Christmas cantata thing Sunday, and all three of these things took most of their respective days. She told the author that she does still want to give it all a another look, but wouldn't be able to finish it until Monday. So she asked the author to hold off sending it to the formatter until then.
The author sent it to the formatter on Sunday, while mom was rehearsing for the Cantada. And then when mom got kind of mad about that, she was hit with "Well, we could dink with it forever and never get it perfect and I just want to be done with it." Which is just... Crazy to think about for me. Here my mom was, trying to make this the best it could be, and the author just decided that it was good enough and sent it to the formatter anyway.
Who, as it happens, apparently also proof reads. Doesn't edit, doesn't make story suggestions, just grammar ones. Which apparently is all the author wanted my mom to do anyway.
Begs the question of why didn't you just send it to the formatter anyway? Why even bring in my mom? No one knows.
Meanwhile, I still have heard nothing. Which is fine really. It's not my job to pester them for the resources. When they are done and ready, they'll send it along.
Except they then decided to bitch at my mom about me never responding to them. My mom immediately said that wasn't like me. Because it isn't. Even if I don't write a novel in every email, as I am very pragmatic when answering questions and stuff, I do respond. Hell, half my emails at work are just open word, "Done," because I've been asked to do something and that is the only thing that needs to be said. Mom then asked them what email they were sending things to, and never got a response. But less than a week later, around December 13th, suddenly I had text for the back.
We think they send it to the wrong email.
I wrote back and said I would put it on, that I still needed the page count verified, I still need a bio if they still wanted to do that, and that my mom had forwarded me the pic she indicated she wanted to use. The author sent me nothing more.
But whatever. So I plugged in the text and waited for the rest. A bit later, they emailed again, asking how things were going, and I told them that I was still waiting on a bio. They sent me yet another book summary, the bio, and the pic I already said I didn't need. And this summary was long. At least twice as long as the once sent earlier in December. I was at work at the time, so I sent an email back saying that I was at work and didn't have the file in front of me, but just eyeballing it, I didn't think it would fit.
I got back, word for word, "Fine. Do whatever works. Thanks."
I found out later that mom had also pushed back on something, so they were already pissy. But I took it, and I did it. I made a Google Drive folder, and inside, I put high quality, isolated versions of the front and back covers. And then two more folders labeled Kindle and Print, since according to my research, they are set up differently, and then put a large, high quality version of the complete cover, labeled as "Print," in one, and two versions of the Kindle, with and without spine, in the "Kindle" and sent her the link to the file.
They then sent back that the Kindle with spine looked a little small, and that I needed to make it bigger. They also cut down both text blocks because their editor said they should. I mean, so did I but guess my word isn't good enough. So I made the changes, re-uploaded, and sent back.
They still only looked at the smaller, eBook Kindle cover for print and still complained it was too small. So I bullet pointed them.
Kindle: [insert link here]
Print: [insert link here]
And sincerely thought we were done with it. A week or two more go by before they reach out once again to tell me it's still too small. Again. And screenshotted Google results saying what size the cover should be.
I know. I got a template. You're looking at the wrong one still. So I just sent them the big one for print. This would've been right before Christmas, if I recall. One of these is before Christmas anyway.
Now, they had set a book signing for the release of this new book January 25th. It would be tight, but still doable at this point. I also just state that I hadn't been paid yet by this point. I was holding off just in case something else came up.
And it did.
Around New Year's, something else came up. I don't remember anymore. This may have been the time I got the shortened text. But I was out of state visiting a friend and didn't take my laptop with me, so I told them as much, and that I would look at it when I got home. Did whatever, sent it off. I also realized at some point that they did not understand that "Kindle" meant "eBook." It is Kindle Direct Publishing, but Kindle itself is an eBook. But whatever. Should've figured out "Print" is for the printed, physical copy. But they clearly can't read anyway since they didn't respond to what I actually asked. Too busy stream of consciousness waxing poetic about inconsequential things and then thinking themselves clever.
And nearly a week later, another email, this time saying some error came up when they uploaded the cover, and while I asked two, maybe tree time what the error said, they my never told me. They said it wanted a PGN file and wasn't letting them do anything else. First, Amazon's own site says they accept JPEG, PNG, and likely something else I'm forgetting, someone if it didn't make sense, I made a PNG and sent onwards. When that didn't instantly fix the problem, they emailed back.
Instead of telling me the error like I asked more than once, they wanted me to log into their account and do it on their behalf, but couldn't remember the password and then put it on me to reset it for them. When that didn't pan out, they tried to get me to come over and walk them through uploading it to Amazon or do a Zoom call for that. Mind you, they had supposedly done this four times before. But then surprise, surprise. It came out that they never actually did it, that the other artists did it for them.
Here's the catch: I am not those other artists. And I had never done this kind of thing before. I wouldn't know anything more anyway. Could I have figured it out? Probably. Did I want to? Absolutely not.
So I refused. I said I wasn't tech support and this was more than I was comfortable with. Even though email, I could see they were getting huffy with me. But they told me fine, they'll figure it out, and to please send my invoice. Which I had to make on the fly. Because I don't do this stuff. Ever.
And then I had to pay a PayPal fee because they couldn't figure out how to find me in PayPal. But whatever. I just wanted to be done. Shortly after that, they got their daughter and son-in-law involved, and for the first time, I actually saw the error.
While I took into account bleed, I didn't realize that the software wouldn't recognize the size alone, and went by where there is white space for bleed. No matter. Easy fix. So I fixed when I got back home as I was out at the time.
Keep in mind this. We are now around January 10th. The book signing is in 15 days. Not 15 business days. 15 total days. And according to what my mom heard them say, it takes about 2 weeks to get the books printed. And I imagine that's not including holidays. So really, it's probably more than likely 10 to 14 business days. And that's assuming nothing else happens. So already, while they are still claiming they will make it, the writing is on the walls.
Cue drum and cymbal sting.
And then, January 16th, they email me. Again. Saying there is some issue with the price location or something. At least that's what I kind of gleamed through the drivel of the email. And they said they had reached out to the person who did the other four covers of her book in hopes they could fix it. And it not, they said they would be forced to go to a genetic cover.
Now, my understanding from the first meeting, and what they said after, is that the other people weren't an option for one reason or another. They couldn't find people to do stuff for them.
Can't imagine why.
They had expressed, too, that they didn't like the previous covers much, and that for the second book in this asinine series, they actually were forced to do it themselves.
I'm not sure which part of this is true and which is a lie anymore. But based on what I've seen, I do not believe for a second that the author made anything relating to any cover.
I was in the middle of composing an email saying sure, that I would send over a PSD file for whoever to mess with. But before I could do that, I got another email from the author with the email of a new person and asking me to give them the file. Because even though it was unspoken, the implication is either "I'm too lazy," "I'm too important," or "I'm too stupid," to do it themselves. I think it's a bit of all. But the author also included the response from the "fixer," we'll call them, and that really pissed me off.
The fixer started, right off the bat, with "This is why you should work only with people who know what they're doing," and goes on to basically slag me off, and then say that they need a PSD and why. This person, who knows nothing about me, just assumed I knew nothing. Now, granted, I have never done a book cover before, a fact I have been upfront about since the beginning. And I haven't done much graphic design since 2013. But I got an Amazon template. It should've worked. I don't know why it didn't. If I had been given codes, maybe had I actually gotten into the account, I probably could've fixed it myself. But nope. Just insult me, even if you didn't realize that the author is too lazy and callous to consider that maybe you shouldn't send the whole email since that was a shitty thing to say.
But sure. Go off I guess. Cleaned up the layers. Grouped stuff together. Labeled them. Uploaded the PSD file and a TrueType file for some of the text, and sent it off to the fixer, saying that I was offering to send the author the PSD but this was better and blah blah blah. It was easier, to be sure. But I don't even want to talk to the fixer after I got put down by them.
And here's the kicker. A couple of kickers even. The author just now acknowledged that they would not make the January 25th signing. Which I predicted. But they apparently got a printed, proof copy. And then said the cover was rejected. By who, my dude? Amazon? Because they seemed to print the one just fine. You? Maybe?
And the worst part is if it was an issue with the barcode, just not having the useless bio would've fixed the issue right away. If that shit wasn't down there, there would be no problem with the pricing or barcode or whatever. But because you need everyone to know you are important, you did it anyway. And here's we are.
The only consolation I have from this is that my mom, who has read this book three times now, has told me that it's not good. Not bad, but not good. Mediocre at best. And she said that I was writing better in late high school and early college. My mom doesn't just say nice things. You gotta earn them. But this author wants to be so much more than they are. They seem to want to be so important and to write the next great American novel while they can barely string a coherent thought together.
I can tell because every email I have ever gotten from them includes at least one paragraph of something she did that day in the most long-winded form possible. I know this post is long too, and it may seem like the pot calling the kettle black, but trust me, if the author was trying to retell their side of things, it would be twice as long. They think they are so important and have so much to say.
For fuck's sake, they even put pretentious book club questions in the back, but because the story is so shallow, so are those questions. They are more like what you would ask an elementary school kid. And moreover, they claim it's a book for all ages whole having graphic, or at least semigraphic, scenes in it, some involving sex or sex discussion, some involving murder. It is not for all ages. But because of the setting and time period and overall feel, younger people wouldn't be interested. And because of the simplicity, older people likely wouldn't be interested either. Maybe the real old people who lived in this very specific version of America might be interested, but then it is unrealistic, not like what they likely grew up in at all. So these are kind of books without a real audience. And I'm sure that's part of why they don't sell well.
They claim they aren't out to make money and that they just want to get their stories out there. And initially, I understood that sentiment. But I see now it is fuel for the ego more than it is a true artistic endeavor. I would almost rather them be in it for the money.
And they can't even recognize when people are actually trying to help. Mom pushed back on stuff while editing, not to have her way but to make it better. Mom took time out of her life to help this person set up book signings, a Google Drive (that they still can't use correctly, by the way), and who knows what else in addition to the editing. I pushed back on some cover things because I knew what worked and what didn't, what would look good and in place with modern books and what would make it stick out as an amateur attempt.
I'm not saying mine was the most professional. Of course it wasn't. But I think it looked damn good. And so did everyone else who saw it.
But rather than listen to us, the people closest to the situation who were truly attempting to help, they would rather listen to people they believe are smart and intelligent and more worthy of time and praise. Heck, their daughter and son-in-law took one weekend, maybe, to help. And who knows what else they might've done, briefly, in the week following, but the author sang their praises about how they took time out of their busy schedule to help them and that their job is so important and it was such a blessing and all that junk. Nevermind all the work my mom did. For fucking free. Moreover, I have a full time job myself. I gave up time to do things that I wanted to do for this. And for what? So I could be belittled?
The author would rather surround themself with yes people than actually listen to anyone trying to help. Praise is welcome and criticism means you hate them. How childish. And then they only acknowledge those who fawn over them. My mom told me about how at one signing she went to help with, one of the author's "mentors" did nothing but sit there and praise them, and the author was just eating it up. Personally, I hate this kind of thing. I want you to tell me if it is good, yes, but I also want you to tell me if it is bad. I want the truth so I can improve. Keep what works. Change what doesn't. But this tells me that this author actually has no interest in improving. They want to just be good. Instantly.
That's not how things work.
The other thing that rankles me now is back when they were trying to get me to play IT, they did this weird thing where they clearly were fishing for a compliment and then also trying to manipulate me into compliance. The email included both the author saying "You may not know this, but some people are intimidated by my intelligence." I have a hard time believing that but whatever let's you sleep at night I guess. And then immediately followed it up with "I'm intimidated by your intelligence."
Okay. Great. I'm big and scary and I'm still not going to do your job for you. That actually had the opposite effect on me and just made me roll my eyes and mock it behind closed doors. What's more, truly intelligent people do not need to scream off the roof tops that they are intelligent. Thou doth protest too much. If you have to constantly remind people of your intelligence, you are likely both insecure and not that intelligent. I will say that I do feel I am of decent intelligence, maybe a bit above average. But I also let it speak for itself through my words and actions. I don't need people to fan my ego by blowing smoke up my ass.
This author, though, betrayed their own statements time and time again. They couldn't grasp the concept of rape, masturbation, murder and more as not being for someone younger than like... 15. minimum. They constantly got phrases wrong. They didn't understand the concept of Print vs. literally anything else. My mom also mentioned they frequently mixed up names, got well-known phrases wrong, and couldn't even keep the timeline straight. As in this book is the third in a series. The main character, or one of them, I don't know, is said to be about 9 or 10 maybe in the first book, and is set in 1956 ish. Mom never was clear on the actual date. The second and third book, despite happening consecutively, both manage to happen in 1959-1960. If you are doing the math, that should make the character 13 in the second at least, giving some grace and leaning into him being 10. Except he is explicitly stated to be 15 at some point in the second, and has his 16th during. That math doesn't math. I question your cognitive abilities if you can't even keep something as simple as the age correct.
Now, I will say that I understand some of the tech issues is exposure. I grew up with tech changing. A lot. I saw the transition from huge clunky laptops that weighed 50 pounds and barely did word processing to a computer ten times as powerful in my pocket. I'm actually typing this on my phone right now. So my mental agility for this sort of thing is, admittedly, higher on virtue of that, and my age, and the fact that I have a moderately decent and regular sleep schedule, something this author has admitted to not having more than once. But when you join a book club, and then refuse to read the book chosen, that's a problem. To be a good author, you need to read. But based on the correspondence I experienced with this person, they can't even fully comprehend one paragraph.
I will acknowledge my part in this, as I feel it is only right. I could've possibly done more. Maybe if I had bent over backwards, and done more than I agreed to do initially, then this could've ended differently. We did not have a written contract, by the way. No formal agreement other than words. I didn't think of it and didn't think it would be needed. I don't know if I'm in the wrong for refusing to try and get it uploaded. But then, I also never billed myself as a professional graphic designer. I got a degree. I worked as one for a year and a half (give or take a bit). And I haven't done anything formal since. And in that job, I did many things, but never a book cover. However, that said, I used templates all the time. And I never once had anything rejected for incorrect formatting or anything of the sort. I can, and did, correctly use a template. How dare someone who knows nothing about me demean me behind my back? But I also acknowledge that the email from the fixer that I saw was never meant to make it to me, and the fact that it did pisses me off.
I did have a little vindication from mom today, who talked to some people who knows the author, and has seen, from their perspective, a bit of what's going on. As in, they knew the author had a book coming out eventually, they knew I had done the cover and said it was good, and that's it. When they heard from my mom how I was treated, they were appalled, and all agreed I did what I was paid to do. And none felt I should've also played IT, and all agreed what was said about me was out of line and should've never been sent to me. At least people who know us both will know that I am not the failure I will likely be portrayed as.
I will not know what they say in the future about any of this. I got paid. I removed them from all my social media. That bridge has been burned to ash, straight into the ground. I want nothing more to do with the author or this book. My time and effort would've been better spent writing my own shit. And I am. And it's better than that drivel. But I have no doubt that I will no longer be attached to the cover design. I'm sure the author will attribute it to the fixer even though I doubt there was much, if anything, for the fixer to even do. I don't know. I won't know. And I do not care. I am sure I will be bad mouthed, lambasted, and spoken poorly of while the fixer will be talked about as though they are the savior of the book.
Good. Fucking have it.
I'm finally almost done. I really doubt anyone made it this far, but if you did, thanks for reading my rambling. I'll wrap it up.
In short, the TLDR, is this was the most miserable work experience I've ever had, and I worked at a pet store cleaning diarrhea dog cages every Saturday morning for six months when I was a teen. I never should've accepted this, but I got paid. So whatever. She supposedly loved it, and I kind of hope she can't use the cover anymore. I know it is fixable, salvageable, but a petty part of me hopes it isn't.
And even if it is, I hope it is the most expensive book cover they've ever had. Because I didn't work for free and I'm sure the fixer won't either.
I like painting space and on glass. I've shown all the Trigun paintings I've done, but here are the others I did as Christmas presents this year. As always, pictures don't do them justice but they are the best I've got.
Painted some things on the glass of a shadow box. To give them some depth. The photos don't do it justice, but I'm pretty pleased with how they came out.
First, if you'd like to join in more of my shared suffering, there's two songs I associate with these paintings.
I didn't listen to these each time I worked on them, but I did think about them and they were a big inspiration for doing them.
Second, and most importantly, thank you for all the love and support you all have shown me on this. I've had a really hard time recently. Haven't done a lot of art, but I was so happy to have done these. I enjoyed the process so much. But I almost didn't post them. Even when I did, I thought just a handful of people would see, but it blew up (by my standards anyway)! So thank you, truly.
Third, I have a few more things like these planned. We'll see. But I'm hopeful. So keep an eye out.
Painted some things on the glass of a shadow box. To give them some depth. The photos don't do it justice, but I'm pretty pleased with how they came out.
I got the most touching art ever! I've been having a rough couple of days, and my friend Kai drew a scene from our Trigun AU for me. My OC Raeni is trying to calm her adoptive brother, Wolfwood, down after he beats the shit out of someone assaulting her. So good guys! I legit got misty eyed when I got it. So giddy!
It's my favorite singer (who is so, so nice, oh my gosh) with my favorite band (his band) singing my favorite song. I always become such a mess when they perform it.
I've been kind of wanting one for a while but thought I didn't need one. I don't need one. I have a cat, a turtle, a single fish, and two Leopard Geckos and until a few months ago, a Pacman frog. I didn't need something else. But they're so cute.
And then I was at the pet store for crickets for the Lads (my geckos) and little sweet little face connected with me and kept coming to the glass and kept being sweet and he was a breed I was considering anyway and I couldn't say no.
So I added Zag, my black bear Syrian hamster, to the family. He's got a little bit of white on each paw, on his nose, and a super thin white line down his chest. He's a big boy who likes to climb the wires to the other levels and uses the tunnels to go down. And he's discovered his wheel and it maybe a BIT small for him but he's enjoying it anyway. And I speak to him every time I go near his cage and he always comes up to the wires to look at me. And I love him.
