NUMI

poetry & music by Rebecca Conran these demos are best heard through headphones

[numimusic]

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I could be worse. I could be so much worse. trust me I’ve seen. you want dire? and I’ll give you obscene. I could be worse. I could be so much worse. I’ve got umpteen men and women. all would agree. they’ve seen me. I could be worse. a monster of sorts. pretty girl, ugly face. I could be so much worse. I could be sad. I could be suffering. I could be dying. with my head in a bag. I could be worse. I could be so much worse. I could be worse. I could be so much worse. I could be screaming. I could be breaking glass. I could be hating, hating, hating your ass. I could be worse. I could be so much worse. 

and theres no harm in sayin. this is why I’ve been praying. cos I can be worse. and I’ve been given intervention of the highest kind. it is divine. and I have survived. and I am alive 

but I don’t forget. that I could be worse. I can be empty. I can be perverse. I can be ugly. I can be worse

and theres no harm in sayin, this is why I’ve been prayin, as I can be worse. 

[numimusic]

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My Dreams, My Dreams. Is it but fantasy? In a sea of disbelief. Where is He? Where is He? With arms to hold me. Cradle me, like I'm a baby. Trust. Faith. Receive. Trust. Faith. Receive. My Dreams, My Dreams. Give me an an ocean of relief. Trust. Faith. Receive. Trust. Faith. Receive. 

[numimusic]

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Andy can you feel me I'm soaring through the sky. Spanning space and time, intertwined in your vine. Andy are you listening, listen deep inside. I'll be your sweetness and you can be my guide. Andy can you see me even as you fly? I am like a child used to suffer down inside, now I use my time stretching out my mind. Andy can you believe? The love you could receive. When you trust in me. When you trust in me. When you trust in me, Andy we can be. Andy we can be. 

[numimusic]

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The time has come, one last goodbye. I'll walk, not run, with my back to you. My face towards the sun, you've been no fun. I'm sad to say, your misery hurts me. I want to grow, I want to soar. The weight of you, is just too heavy. I cut the cord, I blow a kiss. I breathe out my anger, I breathe in my bliss. Were you a darling? I hardly know. Now your a stranger, your a stranger. I forgive myself. I forgive you. I know you're hurting, and I was too. But the time has come, for one last goodbye. We will meet again, when we both die. 

[numimusic]

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Eight months is nothing, when your thoughts can't stop drumming, in your heart there lies a longing for a partner dead and gone. But you still won't move on, no you still won't move on.

Are you stubborn and a fool? Don't you care he don't love you? And you sit and waste away, and you won't go out and play. But you still won't move on, no you still won't move on. Don't you care he don't love you? 

[numimusic]

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I listen to your silence, every single day. I listen to your silence, I guess you've got nothing to say. I listen to your silence, every fucking day. You're so silent, you better hold on don't you never never sway. I listen to your silence, every fucking day. I listen to your silence, every fucking day. Well fuck you. I've got so much to say. So much to say, falling on deaf ears, suffering in silence. I'm suffering in silence, just like you.

I was so light, and I was so pure, and I don't know that girl, cos I'm sitting here suffering in silence. Suffering in silence. Every fucking day. I listen to your silence. I'm suffering in silence. Just like you. 

[numimusic]

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My heart, it beats, with a dream of two. Do we look alike? You once asked while buried against me. Your face shape is shit. I mean, your face shape shifts. You remind me of dark green cashmere. Your voice, supple as milk. Pour it over me. We fumble, we laugh. We touch, we melt. I go inside, you speak to me. I go inside, I feel you in your place, within my walls. My heart, it beats, with a dream of two. 

[numimusic]

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he promised not to promise. get nothing, give little. In and out, barely a sound. I'm the silent type, he thinks. keep it buckled down. you fill the void, between heart and mind. the space that aches, that has no sound. a frequency, a vibration, only felt between you and I. its resonating now, do you feel me? are you on the other end? worlds longest tin can telephone. pick it up, just the sound of breath. word, tears and fears. we've had more than enough. lets get low, lets get down. lets just feel our way through. here's my hand, lets go.

[numimusic]

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my how you've grown. my my my how you've grown. and you're okay. and I'm okay. as you are. and as I am. were okay. we don't have to do anything today. were okay. as we are. as you are. as I am. and you are divine. you're gonna see this in time. as you are. as I am. I'm okay. you're okay. for today. moment to moment. 

[numimusic]

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don’t tread lightly on the soft soil. root down, through the ground. thats how our bodies, they did implant. one into the other. I saw my soul, and it was not my own. I share the feminine and the masculine. In search of a balance, I will risk it all. Is insanity assured? no. rather, I find grace and I find ease. will I ever find you’re arms wrapped around me, please? If you loved me then, could you love me again? I look for you in my dreams. you come to me, “I love you b”. my heart feels rejected, my soul knows I am not. you and I are somewhere laughing, in a place that our bodies forgot. 

[numimusic]

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Music composed by Parker Kindred 

cried out. died out. closed, open, fried out. stolen feeling, bitter meaning. tied up thumbs, deaf and dumb. heart pangs, serious things, guitar strings. my friend. love shakes, belly aches, my friend. my friend. I am here, I am lost. my friend. my friend. one another, love each other. my friend. my friend.

[numimusic]

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Music composed by Parker Kindred

there is no place, equal to, the landscape of his face. if the ground drops out, I still couldn’t muster, any hate towards him. he commands a wave of emotion. if he will, then he will. he is my joy, in nature. terrified, but solid creature. he’ll do what is right. let him drag me through his craters. I often wonder, what my appeal. to a man, with a heart of solid steel.