Defending Asahi: A Sister's Day Post
So as you all know Asahi from SMT4A is like a little sister to me, I've always wanted a sister, and I found her in the same game I found my soulmate in. So what better day to post this than sisters day? :D
This essay will be dedicated to her and the girl that I once was <3
Defending Asahi from Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse
A lot of people online throw around the word "depression" without truly understanding what it is. Real depression isnβt just about feeling sadβitβs the crushing weight of worthlessness, insignificance, and the belief that the world would be better off without you. Itβs feeling like no matter what you do, youβll never be enough. Thatβs exactly why Asahiβs story in SMT4A hit me so hard.
In SMT4A, Asahi really cannot catch a break:
First she has her mentors and senior killed right in front of her face: Nikkari and Manabu, and then is strangled and held hostage by Buddha, later on her own father dies after the Kinshicho base is infiltrated, and on top of that her own childhood friend is now a walking zombie puppet for Dagda.
And of course she has competition with Toki: A girl who is actively jealous of her because .. of a guy. Something... that hits a bit too close to home for me because I was often the girl that was considered "competition" even though all I really wanted was just friends to hang out with but I was already deemed an enemy.Β
Prime example being below
... And they all expect her to be okay after this..?
People are quick to dismiss Asahi, calling her annoying or useless. They forget that sheβs only 15. Sheβs spent her whole life underground, sheltered from the horrors of the outside world. And suddenly, after Nanashi dies, sheβs thrown headfirst into a brutal reality where demons, angels, and gods battle for supremacy. On top of that? Sheβs lost the only friend her age.
If you find her "annoying" that's fine, you're entitled to your opinion, but that means I'm also entitled to defend her.
Meanwhile, the so-called "strong" characters around her :
Navarre, Gaston, Nozomi, Isabeau, Flynn, even Hallelujah, all have some kind of supernatural blessing, divine power, or special lineage backing them up. Asahi doesnβt. Sheβs just a regular human trying to survive, trying to make a difference in a world that constantly tells her sheβs not good enough.Β
And letβs not forget the biggest hypocrisy of all: The people who worship Nanashi seem to forget that without Dagda, heβd be dead. Just as βuselessβ as they claim Asahi is. If anyone had the right to feel like they didnβt belong in this fight, it was her. And yet, she kept trying.
Thatβs why I refuse to stand by when people put her down. They mock her, belittle her, and act like she deserved the harsh treatment she gotβespecially from Gaston.
When Gaston told Asahi she was a "pimple on his [Nanashiβs] ass," I was furious.Β
This was personal. If these characters truly wanted Asahi to "get stronger," why not help her instead of constantly putting her down? Why not mentor her, guide her, encourage her? But of course, itβs always easier to look down on someone struggling than to reach out and lift them up. Something even Dagda talks about, how friends are never there when you truly need them.Β
Another very glaring example of this isΒ β In the scene where you and your crew are preparing to sneak into MIkado via disguises. Asahi and the other girls are trying on makeup, now this part bugged me a LOT because everyone made fun of Asahisβ makeup. Why? Just why? Do you really think that a 15 year old girl who has no mother, no feminine figure in her life to give her make up tipsβ and most importantly, β has no time to spend on such pursuits because sheβs literally sheltered in the underground looking for relics to trade in for money and surviveβ¦ would have time to practice her make up??
As a girl myself, I never knew how to put on makeup, thankfully no one condemned me for it, but makeup isnβt the issue here, it's laughing and mocking someone who never learned to do something. It was done to me a lot. Everyone had ridiculous expectations of me as a child, to learn things ridiculously early like my times tables by 5 and when I didnβt, I was punished for not being prodigal. And compared to those who were seemingly perfect. (i.e Toki) βWow she mustβve had beauty training too,βΒ
Gee, the lack of self awareness is strong with you Hallelujah.Β
I was Asahi once. Growing up, I always felt like there was someone better than me. Someone smarter, more capable, more worthy. No matter how hard I tried, I could never measure up. And instead of encouragement, all I got was criticism:
"Why can't you get straight Aβs like that girl?"
"Why can't you be like that guy who never struggles?"
But no one ever stopped to tell me, "Youβre fine as you are. You donβt need to be perfect. Perfect is a myth."
Cutting from the narrative a little, I feel like sexism plays a role for sure, people are too hard on teenage girls (read Bella Swan) in general, if they're too perfect? They're trash, if they're realistic and act scared or hopeless? NOOO they're anti- feminist.
Asahi also looks up to Isabeau a lot but aside from just throwing a few nice words at the girl, what exactly DOES she do for Asahi? Nothing.
And when Asahi sacrifices herself during the Shesha battle? When she takes the hit meant for you and dies? It shattered me.
What's the first thing she does when she's brought back to life??
Apologize, something else that hit too close to home for me, I would often apologize A LOT as a result of my trauma, believing my existence was an inconvenience to others, and that everything would be better if I was dead... A pain I know too well.
Because I know what itβs like to feel so useless in the face of overwhelming pressure. To feel like the best thing you can do for others is to just disappear. Watching her say that she killed herself so she βwouldnβt be in your way anymoreβ was like looking into a mirror I never wanted to see again. As seen below, this scene made me tear up and sob loudly.
But that's why I relate to her so much.
It takes IMMENSE strength to admit that "Yes, I'm average, yes I'm not special, but my life still has fucking meaning" growing up I was also pressured heavily and had high expectations placed on me, especially when I was 15 years old.. and Asahi was me at this age too. I really wanted to hug her here.
(Hallelujah pissed me off a lot here, false pity ticks me off )
A friend of mine once told me, βMan, if Clara were in this game, Asahi would never be treated poorly.β And they were right. If I had been there, I would have protected her. I would have told her, βYou are not an inconvenience. You are not a burden. You never held me back. If anything, Gaston was the one dragging us down with his ego.β
They say, βBe the person you needed when you were younger.β
So thatβs exactly who I will beβfor Asahi. Always.
