To Be Determined

It's been said that you can't be taken seriously if you use Comic Sans font...so I used Ziglets.

[nuoaru]

[nuoaru]

A Perfect Circle at Starlight Theater, April 19th, 2017

So I waited almost a month and a half to post this, but in my defense, I’m lazy.  So I grabbed an alcoholic beverage, found the set list online, and sat down to travel back to that night.  Holy hell there’s a lot to remember, such as it being one of (if not the) best shows I have ever seen.  But I’ll get to that in a minute.

DISCLAIMER: If you didn’t already know, the vocalist Maynard James Keenan hates photography of any kind, so people were escorted out for even having their phones out.  So no pictures of this one.

So this story starts out the same way most of mine do.  So I was sitting on the couch, day drinking.

I don’t even remember what I was doing, but I was off work so it was probably Xbox related.  All of a sudden I’m random Facebooking (like I do) and a balloon pops up with Bryon’s face in it.  (If you read my blog about The Kills, he’s the guy who hooked Sierra and me up with free tickets, but obviously that’s a different story.  Obviously.)  “Do you work today or tomorrow?” is all it said.  Well I didn’t, so I sent back that I didn’t work til Monday, but I could still help out.  I assumed he had a work question, and my laptop was at home so I thought “why not”.

Well this my friends, is where this story takes a turn.  He asked me if I had any plans and I looked at my beer, the Xbox, and back to the phone and sent “no plans”.  Well spank a beaver’s ass, this guy proceeds to tell me he’s got two fourth row tickets to A Perfect Circle if I want them.  I looked at my beer again.  “Whoa this is some good shit”.  I put it down, and slowly started to piece it together.  I wasn’t blackout drunk, I just got offered free tickets to arguably one of the best rock bands today on a day off.  I put the beer in the fridge and said “I’ll see you later” and held the phone up in the air to reply so I didn’t drool all over it.  “Don’t fuck with me” is literally what I sent. It turns out his daughter had a game that night so he couldn’t make it.  “I would never fuck with you about Maynard” is what he sent back.  I hadn’t talked to Jennifer about it yet, but it’s Maynard, and I wasn’t being fucked with.  BY ANYONE.

Flash forward to the car ride, because of course Jennifer was going, because if you’ve forgotten, IT’S MAYNARD.  We left in plenty of time, which is good because the line was loooooong.  We paid for the more expensive parking, not to seem elite, but because we thought the walk was going to be shorter.  Well that’s not exactly what happened, but it was worth a shot.

So we start filing in, and I see a row that says 4, but it’s a few sections back, so I was a little disappointed. But it was still really close, and for free I’ll take it.  So we start winding through the sections and talk to the security guard for that section.  She says “you’re in the wrong section” (mind you, I’ve never been here before) and starts leading us to another section that was 444 or something (not what it said on the ticket, but apparently they understand more than I do) and handed us off to another guard who joked “you better not jump on the stage” and brought us to the 4TH DAMN ROW.  I was within spitting distance of the stage.  Jennifer and I just kind of stared at each other while the reality of the situation set in.  Immediately we got an earful from that section’s security guard that we better not have our phones out when the band comes out. I didn’t like it, but I wasn’t about to test it.  Here’s the only picture we got at the show:

The opening band was already playing, a band called Prayers from San Diego. They’re a two man industrial metal group. After the show, I saw overwhelmingly negative reviews, but I thought they were pretty cool. The vocals had a lot of Skinny Puppy influence, so I can see how people wouldn’t dig it, but we enjoyed it.  I completely forgot what their name was until I looked it up for this blog, so I haven’t really given them an off-stage listen yet.

I went up to get a couple drinks for us and was there for what seemed like FOREVER. I finally grabbed my drinks and met up with my friend Aaron Fox from the ol’ TMC days, and chit-chatted for a minute.  But then the stage went dark and I said “I gotta go” and went as fast as I could back to our seats.  The good thing is that once I got down towards the front, there wasn’t a lot of traffic seeing as not many people in their right mind could afford these tickets. (Thanks Bryon, yet again).

There was a see-through sheet covering the stage, and it was a blurry view of the band, and they had started the first few seconds of “The Package” by the time I got to my seat.  I’d never seen A Perfect Circle live before, even on YouTube, so I was afraid that was how the whole show was going to be.  But sure enough, hard guitars came in a couple minutes into the song, and the sheet dropped, so we could see the band in all its glory.

Let me be clear, of course Maynard James Keenan will always be the focal point of the show of any of the bands he fronts, because you can’t help but be drawn to him.  If aliens ever start abducting people, I’m pretty sure a Maynard song would be the perfect decoy.  But Maynard did not command the stage alone that night.  That honor belongs to Billy Howerdel.  Maynard definitely was the voice, but he stood still for an hour or two.  Billy traveled the entire stage and made eye contact with every single one of us, at one point throwing some object into the crowd which i found out later was an instrument used to slide the notes on a guitar.  I’ll have to make another entry later on all the bands that these people are in, because Maynard takes great musicians that are either from other bands or make other bands later.  But here’s a list of bands you should check out that include the members that played that night:

Tool

Puscifer (Matt McJunkins and Jeff Fried)

Ashes Divide (Billy Howerdel, Matt McJunkins, and Jeff Fried)

The Beta Machine (Matt McJunkins and Jeff Fried)

The Smashing Pumpkins (James Iha)

There was no member of the band that slacked that night.  Every moment of the show just charged us with more adrenaline and drained us of our vocals. The only member I wish was there was Paz Lenchantin, who is an excellent bassist and violinist. I can only assume that her absence is why they didn’t play “3 Libras”, which relies heavily on violin.  Speaking of missing songs, I know they have a lot of songs to choose from, but the three main songs they didn’t play that I was hoping for were “3 Libras”, “Judith”, and “Passive”.  Coincidentally enough, those are my favorite APC songs.  But whatever.  There’s not much to report on Maynard, he stood still the whole time.  He was flawless on the vocals, but it gave me more respect for the singers that run around the stage and can’t do a few notes.  I don’t want to take away from his performance, he was flawless.  But he had no chance to do anything wrong.  He was on a platform above everyone else.

Matt And Billy controlled the stage for their captain, sauntering across the stage and capturing us like a lead singer would.  It never felt as Maynard was depriving us.  I got this sense that he knew he was best served at the back delivering a perfect vocal performance while everyone else was giving their best to the crowd.  There’s not a lot I can tell you without “you should’ve been there”, but then again, without 170 bucks, you and another wouldn’t have been there.  Billy stared at Jennifer and I at least 30 times, and tossed his little glass toner thing (I’m still not exactly sure what it’s called) towards us, but it was a couple rows short.

Here’s the playlist:

1. The Package 2. The Hollow 3. The Noose 4. Weak and Powerless 5. Rose 6. Imagine 7. Thinking of You 8. By and Down 9. Thomas 10. People Are People 11. Magdalena 12. Vanishing 13. Hourglass 14. Counting Bodies Like Sheep to the Rhythm of the War Drums 15. A Stranger 16. Blue 17. The Outsider 18. Gravity 19. Feathers (new song)

They ended the show and the lights came on.  I texted everyone I thought was still there and no one answered.  I waited a bit for answers and we went to the merch booth. There we proceeding to spend half of what the show would’ve cost on t-shirts. I also bought one for Bryon because HOLY SHIT WE JUST SAW MAYNARD FROM THE FOURTH ROW! I just haven’t given it to him yet.

Then we ventured out to the parking lot.  I took us into a direction that we definitely weren’t parked in, because I’m dumb.  Eventually we found the car and drove home.

A Perfect Circle should be seen live by you, and there really shouldn’t be any argument about it.  I’m just not sure how Jennifer and I got so lucky to see them on the 4th row.  Thank you, Bryon.

[nuoaru]

The Kills - 5/26 in Kansas City, MO

Warning: giant rambling review ahead.  Read at your own risk.

Yesterday was a giant flaming bag of shit in almost every way possible.  It wasn't an hour before this show started that I was sure I'd even get to go. But the weather let up, and I was able to get out of work at a decent time, so I sped home (sorry KCPD), grabbed the kid, and headed to the Midland (I love this venue) for her first rock concert.  I tried all day to find out if there were opening bands, but I couldn't find any info.  So screw it, let's do this.

Sierra got scanned by security for the first time.  It was relatively uneventful, but the wand started beeping at her boot, and the guard gave her a little playful look before telling her it was just the buckle.  Then we were in.  We looked at merch for a little bit, but decided to go watch a little before purchasing anything.  The place is gorgeous, and Sierra's little eyes were darting all over the place, taking it all in.  She wanted to go upstairs, but I regrettably told her we were on the floor level, but also reminded her that meant we were closer, so she was fine with it.

It turned out there was an opening band called L.A. WITCH.  I had never heard of them before, but they started in and I was immediately hooked.  It's three girls doing some grungy stuff.  I'll check more of them later on.  They're definitely worth a listen.

They finished and left the stage and a few minutes later Sierra looked up at me like "what the hell, dude?" and I realized she'd never been at a show before.  "They've got to tear the other band's equipment down before the next comes on", I told her.  "Why?" "Because the band needs their own instruments up there, and it takes a bit to set it up."  So she half-patiently waited.

Then The Kills took the stage.  And I mean took it. Guitarist and co-vocalist Jamie Hince practically dismantled it, and Alison Mosshart carried it home in her pocket.  After a Wikipedia search, I learned that they co-founded the band together and have a sort of revolving door of other band members, but you can tell these two are as tight as they come.  I even thought halfway through the show that maybe they're romantically together, but alas, they live their own lives. They're just that good on stage together.

Anywhozle, they started with "No Wow" which I found incredibly repetitive when watching the youtube video, but as I found out, The Kills is one of those bands that are so much better live than they are on cd, I can't come up with a word for it.  A couple of songs in, Alison grabs a guitar and delivers a solo worthy of being on a list, while I'm standing there with my jaw dropped, and I look at Sierra and she doesn't know it because she's just staring.

I only knew a few songs going in to the show, but once "Black Balloon" hit, we both looked at each other like we should've bro-fisted but we didn't know how, and went back to staring.  I love that song.  The thing is, Jamie and Alison do such a good job at commanding the attention of the crowd, it was so inviting and forceful at the same time.  If the police put a blacklight on Alison's footprints, it'd light up the entire stage.  I swear she stared in the eyes of every single person in the crowd.  It was mesmerizng.

Of course, Sierra started to get tuckered out and asked me how many songs were left.  They left the stage and she looked relieved.  Then I reminded her there might be an encore, and of course there was, with more awesomeness that she just had to suffer through.  My favorite songs would have to be "Heart Is A Beating Drum", "Black Balloon", "Doing It To Death", "Siberian Nights", "Tape Song", and "Sour Cherry".  They concentrated on their new album (obviously), and it sounds like when it drops in a few days it's gonna be amazing.

The show finally ends, and the band leaves, and I tell Sierra to hang out for a few minutes to let the crowd thin out, and then we go to check out the merch table.  Big mistake.  There was one guy who had a credit card machine that ran super slow and took all cash orders first. He kept yelling "You shouldn't have waited until the end" and there's some truth in that, but hire more than one merch guy! There was definitely some stuff I wanted to buy for me and her, but it wasn't worth the wait since I don't carry cash. We ended up bailing into the rain, running through downtown KC streets to get to the car and headed home.

I don't expect anyone to read all of this, much less care about my opinion of a simple one-time concert that was free to begin with (thanks Bryon Banhart). But a few months ago I saw TOOL, and this rivals that performance (no joke).  On disc Tool murders The Kills, I get it, but the concert that I just saw was comparable to a religious experience.  And it's one that I'm going to annoy the rest of the family with for months to come.

EPILOGUE: Today I realized Alison is also the vocalist for The Dead Weather.  I'll have to give them a little more attention.

[nuoaru]

Nicholas was a hero.

There. I said it. BIG SPOILERS BY THE WAY HOLY CRAP DON’T YOU KNOW?

I cried like a baby last Sunday night. I don’t feel sorry about it one bit.  Was alcohol involved?  Sure.  Did I still have a heartfelt cry that I probably would have had sober?  Of course.  Glenn’s dead (I said spoilers).  But you know what?  He’s not.  And if next Sunday Nicotero, Gimple, and AMC stab us all in the chest and wiggle the knife around, I’ll retract all of this.  But I’m saying what none of us want to say, but it’s just true.

Nicholas was a hero.

A stupid statement, right?  It’s not.  First, let me get this out of the way.  Glenn grabbed Nicholas’ body and fell to the ground.  The walkers ate Nicholas’ body and Glenn got away.  This is how:

NATURE BOY RIC FLAIR SAVES THE DAY AND PULLS GLENN UNDER THE DUMPSTER!

Ok, I have no idea how he gets out of it.  But he does.  Trust me.  Glenn is far too important and has lived through too much to get taken out by walkers.  If he’s gonna go, a human is going to do it (you know what I’m talking about).

Anyway, Glenn’s fine.  Back to Nicholas.

Actor Michael Traynor (who I’d never heard of before and I’m not sure if I will again) brilliantly played this flawed but not useless character.  He epitomized EVERYTHING that was wrong with Alexandria.  He thought he was ready for the world, and did his runs, but ultimately couldn’t cut it.  He was responsible for the death of his best friend and Noah (DAMN YOU! NOW BETH’S DEATH WAS COMPLETELY USELESS!) He thought Glenn was the problem, but once he found out he couldn’t kill Glenn (JUST LIKE WALKERS CAN’T!), he tried his best (and I believe that) to get on his side and learn from him.  His “thank you” statement right before taking himself out meant just that.  Glenn taught him to be a man and dive into the new world.  He just couldn’t take it.  It’s hard to explain his transition from zero to hero without just playing you the 6 episodes he’s in, but it’s one of the best character developments I’ve seen in the show. (Short term of course.  Carol’s a freakin’ badass.  Have you seen her?)

In the first episode of the new season, I just expected him to put a bullet in Glenn at any time.  When the horn went off, my wife and I both had to rewatch to see if maybe Nicholas had time to get back to Alexandria. Of course he didn’t.  Gabriel didn’t do it either (come on, you thought it too).  But no, Nicholas spent the rest of his life trying to be the badass that Glenn was (and is still, by the way).  On top of that dumpster, he knew he didn’t have it.  He was too far gone.  He blew his brains out (but not before saying “thank you” to the only person that called him out on his shit), and became a zombie food buffer zone.

So there you have it.  I hated Nicholas (as I’m sure you all did) until the very last second, but then after episode 3 it ALL makes sense.  Kudos to Michael Traynor on a superb performance and to Nicholas for ultimately saving Glenn’s life (after trying to take it, of course).

Obviously, if next week (or the week after, you know how they screw with their fan base because they’re heartless monsters and we might not know for months) we find out that Nicholas was just a piece of shit and Glenn is now in the stomachs of hundreds of ghouls, then !@#$ me and !@#$ Nicholas and !@#$ Gimple, Nicotero, Kirkman, and just about everyone else you can throw under the bus (or a dumpster maybe?  I’m looking at you, Glenn.)

And yes, I know there’s stuff going on with Rick and his hand and a herd and certain death, but after what they did to us with Glenn, who gives a shit?  Anyway- 

[nuoaru]

[nuoaru]

[nuoaru]

Driving home is like a series of toll booths

On my way home from work, I stopped at an intersection's stop light. A guy was standing on the median waving at me to roll down my window.  He was holding a sign that couldn't have been bigger than two trading cards put together.  There was no way I was going to be able to read that unless I invited him into my car and had him pass it to me.  I drove up past where he was standing to where my car was illegally over the stopping line, but it got him to turn around and walk the other way, motioning to other cars and flashing his sign, without the aid of a magnifying glass or telescope.  The light turned green and I drove away.

Then the guilt hit.  Here I was, after a successful day at work, going home to my warm apartment and family, and I wouldn't help out a dude flashing an unreadable sign.  Then more guilt washed over me as my conscience screamed "You asshole!  You have a half eaten sandwich in your trunk and 5 dollars in your pocket!" And you know what, Mr. Concscience was right.  I was half tempted to turn around and get rid of my goodies.

Then I remembered the scene from "Don't  Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood" where a guy is begging for change, and then walks down the street to his Cadillac or Lexus or whatever and throws his bum coat in the back and reveals his rich guy suit, and drives away.  Obviously this guy wasn't that dude, but do the math.  I see signs (some bigger than two trading cards put together, but none the size you're going to need to see without rolling down your window and asking them to get closer) sometimes on every other intersection I come to.  If I gave 5 dollars and a sandwich to every person I encountered, I'd be broke in two weeks.

Also, I couldn't risk someone throwing away my BBQ sandwich from Gates and using the 5 bucks to buy booze.  That's a slap in the face.  Gates rules.  I mean, it's not as good as Arthur Bryants', but that's a completely different conversation.

Long story short (too late), I still vote for politicians and programs that reach out to the failing middle class and help to alleviate the homeless and poor, but gun to the head (or sign way off in the distance, as the case may be), I'm personally unwilling to do my part.  Call me a selfish bastard, but this sandwich is delicious.

[nuoaru]

A little story to pass the time...

I wrote a few short stories years ago and I keep promising myself I'll get back to it and never do.  Here's one of my first ones:

"Love Story"

We were watching some unmemorable comedian on TV when I decided to stab Mark repeatedly in the chest. It wasn't a planned thing, when he called wanting a place to crash, I just said "Sure, come on over". But sitting there, bored off my ass, I decided to do something different. So here I was, covered in someone elses' blood. My favorite shirt. Shit.

What's even worse is he was still bleeding. Four or five times in the chest, and he's still squirming around on the floor, indistinguishable phrases leaking from his freshly tied gag. I recognized one of the most used words as "fuck", but I think "friend" was used as well. He stopped moving and stared straight ahead. I recognized his stare; it was false hope. He spotted the gun I kept under the couch. I lived in a dangerous neighborhood, after all. You can never be too careful. You never know when some asshole will stab you while you're watching cable TV.

For a dying man he shot out his arm pretty quick, and I have no doubt that he had his hand around the gun handle. However, before he could bring his arm out to finish his heroic plan, I plunged the knife through his arm and into the floor.

He was crying now, his final dreams of life smashed into oblivion. I didn't enjoy this as much as I thought I would. It was like desiring a certain drug, or woman, and upon receiving what you'd wished for, you decided you wanted more. I knew as I was doing it this wasn't the last time. I wasn't done, because I wasn't pleased. I started to take the gag from his mouth to explain that he wasn't making me satisfied, and he started to scream the most useless phrase in this situation: "Help me!" So he'd just have to listen for the last few moments of his life.

"I know what you're thinking," I said to him. "Mark, you didn't tell anyone you were coming over, did you?" His pause followed by whimpering and tears told me I could get away with this if I did it correctly. "I haven't decided yet what to do with your body. In fact, I guess I could've planned this a lot better, huh?" Chuckling was probably the last thing he wanted to hear, but I couldn't help it.

His breathing become irregular, his eyes widened. The end was near. I retrieved the knife from his arm, lifted his head by the hair, and quickened his descent to Hell. His foot shook for almost a minute, he gasped a few times, and he was gone.

I glanced up at the television. The same comedian was still prancing around on stage, pretending he was funny. He wasn't funny. He was so damn unfunny that someone had just killed another human being to keep from being so bored by him. I wonder if he ever thought of that while practicing his moronic jokes in the mirror.

It was now clean-up time. I'd never been one for chores, and now I had a big one to do. I decided then and there I'd take this show on the road. No one knew me but Mark and a few others that didn't know a friendship existed between us. I wouldn't miss anyone, and no one would miss me. Luckily for me (and my landlord as well) I had a freshly finished floor that wasn't going to be hard to scrub clean. Then came the bathtub and trash bags. In an effort to disguise my departure, I paid two months worth of my rent, slipping an envelope into the manager's mailbox containing a check and a note announcing an inheritance had inspired me to be proactive. Right, proactivity would've kept me from this situation in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.

I took the fire escape down to the trash dumpster, being careful not to alarm anyone, although most people were asleep anyway. I lined the trash bags behind the dumpster, in the shadows, so I could pick them up a few minutes later. Then I headed upstairs to put on shoes and grab a few things. I shut off the lights and said goodbye to the place for the last time, locking the door behind me.

I glanced casually up and down the sidewalk, and then crossed the street to my car, opening the back door and swinging my duffel bag into the seat. Then I started the car, put it into gear, and drove around the block, still eyeing my surroundings cautiously. I pulled around to the dumpster, popped the trunk, and headed into the shadows.

The missing bags clued me in that something wasn't right...

[nuoaru]

Care to swing?

I don't give a crap what the song says, you can NOT swing from a chandelier. You just can't. They're not equipped to handle any body weight of any human. Do NOT do that.

[nuoaru]

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!

Pee-Wee's Playhouse is now streaming on Netflix. My weekend is immediately booked solid. Apologies for any plans I may have had that I now have to cancel.

[nuoaru]

Would anyone object to me wearing my beard like this?

[nuoaru]

Random Facebook musings of a psychotic idiot

In lieu of a new blog post (which I'm Super Procrastinator Man when it comes to putting ideas to my fingertips), I thought I'd throw out a few of the things I've said on Facebook.  Some weird, some stupid, and some not even entertaining.  You're welcome. "I'd like to think of myself as a semi-intelligent person, but I swear to Bob Ross by the end of this phone call I'm not going to be able to count to potato."

"Oh, so that's what Rihanna looks like naked."

"I just chased my kids around the house in slow motion with the "Chariots of Fire" theme playing in the background. They pushed me down and beat me relentlessly, and not in slow motion. I didn't stand a chance."

"Zombies like pancakes. As do I."

"I'm glad that i have a rich knowledge in things I don't need to know."

"I was going to join the group dedicated to procrastination, but I think I'll do it later."

"I've got both kids in my lap watching music videos on a Saturday. The only question I have is...who farted?"

"JOEY GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE!"

"Anyone doing anything fun today? I'm working on spontaneous combustion. Should be a blast."

"Happy Father's Day to all the dudes that said they'd pull out and didn't."

"Random fact for you: Frank Zappa's "Jazz From Hell" was the first instrumental record to carry a Parental Advisory sticker. Censorship at its finest."

And there you have it.  A bunch of random Facebook posts.  I'm working on an actual blog idea I'll post later.

[nuoaru]

I was told to blog, so I picked a microblog

I have thoughts.  Most are carrion-eaters feeding on my heart and soul, basically ripping every shred of human emotion and thought process out of my body.  However, I’ve slipped up and said a few things that people have said I should put into cyber-words.  No matter how absolutely wrong they are, here we go.

I was warned today by my team lead for not being up to par today; which is fine, because he was totally right.  It was the way he said it which drew out the ass in me. (Poor choice of words?  Yeah, probably.)

He said something to the effect of “your not using your time wisely”.  Which again, is completely true.  In response, I stepped up my game but replied with “*you’re”, and followed up with “I think you’re doing awesome as the lead, but your and you’re will be the death of you”. I don’t like to refer to myself as a grammar nazi, but it might as well be true.  I’ve deleted entire blogs before because I found an error and couldn’t edit it before someone saw it.  Especially with auto-correct and spellchecker, we no longer have an excuse.

Which brings me to my next point.  My wife is obsessed with sloths.  I’ve always found them fascinating, but this is just out there.  She wants to vacation to Costa Rica to hang out with them.  Come to think of it, I have a hard time saying no to that.  However, my checkbook has no problem whatsoever of saying “F!@$ that s#!+”.  So we’ll see.

I should actually be working right now, so maybe I’ll add stuff later.  Unfortunately, I’m notoriously lazy, so this might very well be my first and last blog.