So I cut myself. Here I am, a 25 year old with a great boyfriend, no major problems other than living in a somewhat unstable house, doing amazing in school, and just quit my stressful-fucked up job. I just could not deal with life yesterday evening and I have no idea why. This feeling has been showing up within the last few weeks. I start feeling like there's hot bubbling in my chest that makes it hard to breathe and then I can't think straight and I definitely can't think positively. I'm on medication so I don't understand why this anxiety has hit me so fucking bad. It's unfortunate that I had to put my boyfriend through this mood swing yesterday. I got up and left his house suddenly ready to fight someone. This anxiety doesn't make me scared, it makes me want to explode into fireballs that'll burn this world down. I thought having rough sex would help.. but then I couldn't get off and it angered me even more. So I sat on my bed last night and gave myself a few nice cuts, which I haven't done in years. I felt sooooo good.. and that scares me. It's definitely something I don't want to resort to but I had no others ideas on what I could do to calm my nerves. I haven't told my boyfriend what I've been going through or what I've been feeling because I don't want to hurt him. I don't want him to know that I have spurts where I feel nothing at all for him because my whole mind and body is clouded with this fucking feeling. It's like I'm suffocating and can't get a good breath in. All I can feel is that panic and then I just think about how I want to be away from all commotion. I have no idea what's going on.
