Not expecting any advice because I don't know if you can give any. I've struggled a lot with my sexual orientation and gender identity over the years, but my focus here is gender. Ever since I was 6, I've liked being looked at as a boy. I wanted to grow up to be a tall so I can be an attractive boy for all the girls to look at. I didn't. I also don't have a supportive family. I feel as though I was born in the wrong body, and that I'll just have to live like this forever. In the wrong body.
Hey my dude - sounds like you’re going through a lot, mentally and physically. But strab your belt buckle in because you are going to get advice, that is literally all I am good for on this blog and I’ll be damned if I don’t help you at least the tiniest bit.
But I feel you. I think you’ll find that many trans people have gone through or are going through what you are right now. I’m not sure how much you know about the trans community, but you found this blog so I’m assuming you know at least a little bit.
It sounds like you’ve dealt with a fair bit of dysphoria, specifically comparing yourself to other boys (specifically cisgender boys) and have struggled with your height. Take it from someone who just scrapes five foot - I understand you. There’s a lot of toxic stigma around boys needing to be taller than girls and that it’s embarrassing if they’re not, and we as a society need to eliminate that. Even from a ‘conventionally attractive’ viewpoint: why do we need to be tall to be deemed as attractive? Short boys are attractive. Tall boys are attractive. Chubby and fat boys are attractive. Skinny and bony boys are attractive. Boys with skin conditions are attractive. Boys with acne are attractive. Boys with and without muscles are attractive. YOU are attractive, my dude, and you don’t need to be tall, muscly, tan with a strong jawline and perfect teeth to prove that.
As for your family: that’s always a difficult situation. Sadly, many LGBTQ+ teens and just people in general aren’t accepted or get rejected by their parents and families. When asked how they “dealt with it” (for lack of a better phrase), a common thread is that they had their chosen family. Your chosen family are the people you choose to surround yourself with, the people who will support you and love you endlessly and kindly tell you that you probably shouldn’t get a pet skunk. They are the people you feel safe with, the people you will tell almost anything to. Quick way to find who your chosen family is: who makes me feel happy and good about myself?
This isn’t the case for all trans men/masculine people, but a fair few of them decide to go on hormones! And unfortunately, this isn’t possible for everyone even if they want to due to money being tight, being underage without consent from guardians, not having access to trans-friendly hospitals and more. And, as you said, your family is not supportive- but, there’s more.
If you are over eighteen and especially if you are no longer living and financially (etc) depending on your parents/guardians, you can go through hormone treatment for yourself! I know that for children and teenagers in my hospital are required to go through a lot of counselling and regular appointments with a social worker/psychologist, just so that they can make sure you’re on the right path for your journey, and I’m pretty sure a lot of hospitals do that for adults, too. It’s not a bad idea.
If, despite all of that, you are still unable to go on hormone treatment, there are still things you can do to alleviate the yucky feelings about your body that we call dysphoria. Things like chest binders, packing, makeup to shape your face, ways to make your voice lower, working out to gain muscle, how you dress can all make yourself appear more masculine. If you want me to be specific about what each of these are/how to do it, please just let me know and I will gladly do a post on each of them.
Hopefully this helped you, my man.
Good luck, and stay safe!
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