Be Trans, Hold Hands :)

Welcome to my blog

[uncanny-tranny]

Part of the reason I'm so amused when people think trans people are ultra-sensitive is remembering that when I was in middle school (thirteen at the oldest), I was out as trans, and the school administration called me into their office to tell me one of my teachers was "uncomfortable" with how trans I was. What was the thing I did to be "too trans"? Just saying I'm a boy. Literally that was too much for him and he needed the administration to tell me personally that he was offended.

If that's what a calm, rational person looks like... I think I'll settle with being the insane guy. You couldn't pay me any amount of money to be offended at a child for who they are. And if you're an adult who is like that, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, but you're a loser.

[uncanny-tranny]

The overlap between the people who cry, "but state's rights!!" and the people who are butthurt when a state chooses to protect their queer, immigrant, woman, poor, non-white, and many other constituents is surprisingly vast

Almost like it was never about state's rights in the first place

[uncanny-tranny]

In this political climate, it felt very funny to me that a local store started pregaming pride month in late march or so (so a little over two months in advance) and it's almost june and they have yet to pregame the forth of july. The priorities have been prioritized 🙏

[uncanny-tranny]

You know, I don't know if I'm going to describe this in the best way, but I find it really sinister how some people like to individualize bigotries like misogyny.

I've seen this a lot with misogynistic hate groups and movements where people will treat the individuals who make up this group as having arrived to their sexist mindset all on their own, with no input from society whatsoever influencing the person.

And that's the thing... I think for a lot of people, they want to idealize society, especially to remove blame and responsibility. If society and how women especially are devalued in society is not at all a possible contributing factor, then it is the individual who is solely at fault.

Ironically, I find the individualization of things like sexism to be inherently sexist or biased against other groups of people. When you individualize things like bigotry, you imply that these mindsets are a (or the) natural conclusion. In the example I use, a man isn't sexist because that's what society has taught him, he's sexist because he came to the conclusion that some people are just lesser than him through his own observation.

When you completely individualize these things, you are giving up. When we recognize how we as a society feed into each other, we can actually change things. We are not islands. Our viewpoints especially are not created in a vacuum.

[uncanny-tranny]

This is by no means the primary reason why I hate this, but I hate the "men as the provider" trope because I don't want the things I do for women to be obligatory - especially if it's because they "can't" provide for themselves, and I know this comes off selfish as a man.

I've realized that I would like to be "a provider" for a woman - I do want to do things for women that are seen as "providing" but I want it to be out of my choice. I want it to be seen as a privilege for me rather than the natural order of things. I want to do things that add to a woman's life - I don't want to be a replacement for her because women just can't provide for themself sufficiently. It's dehumanizing for women and it's unfair to them to demean their entire lives by saying that they need to rely on men.

[uncanny-tranny]

You know, I've realized the interesting thing about "gay people date people who look just like them!" is that I did that myself but for a specific reason that I think is common in gay spaces

I think when you're gay or queer, your internal sense of what 'is' attractive has to be remapped. It's hard sometimes to signal that you both are attracted to someone in a gay way while also saying that you want to be found attractive. As a young kid, I knew what 'is' attracted ve for a straight guy to do - I generally know how to signal to women that I'm interested in them and also want them to be interested in me. But with other guys? Uncharted territory in many ways because society doesn't teach you what's attractive and how to signal your desires for gay people like they do straight people. When I found this out, I figured that my best option was just to see what I found attractive in guys and then I just emulated that because people are most attracted to people they are more similar to.

In some ways, this has been helpful. I started finding myself more attractive because I was able to use other people as inspiration and I knew that I would be attractive for it because I already found that attractive. It was reassuring to know that I didn't need to second-guess if something was attractive because I was already shown that it is. However, there's this weird feeling of knowing that you can't even be conditioned by society as a whole because they don't even know or care you exist. You're conditioned to understand what 'is' attractive for a man or woman in an opposite-sex relationship. I guess it just reminds me, "hey, you're different!" and that can sometimes bother me just because it gives rise to the anxiety that I won't have a frictionless life.

I'm definitely not saying that this is universal, but looking back on my own experiences, I was very intentional with this. And I don't even think this is 100% right, either, because I also do want to be the more traditionally-masculine person. It's complicated sometimes.

[uncanny-tranny]

I think this is also why I'm sometimes bothered when people say this like, "ugh, yet another gay looks like that 🙄"

People say it like we're shallow for looking similar because they fundamentally don't understand that we have an added layer of being separated from society because of prejudice. When I look like a carbon copy of my gay bros, it's because I wanted to signal to them: Hey! I'm one of you! I'm safe! I want to be in community with you! We're alive; let's keep it that way.

It's not just about fashion trends in gay spaces. It's about finding ways to tell each other that we want to connect. For many of us, we want to feel like people who are attracted to and attractive to others in the same way cishet people are: platonically, or sensually, or romantically, or lustfully, or sexually.

[uncanny-tranny]

You know, I've realized the interesting thing about "gay people date people who look just like them!" is that I did that myself but for a specific reason that I think is common in gay spaces

I think when you're gay or queer, your internal sense of what 'is' attractive has to be remapped. It's hard sometimes to signal that you both are attracted to someone in a gay way while also saying that you want to be found attractive. As a young kid, I knew what 'is' attracted ve for a straight guy to do - I generally know how to signal to women that I'm interested in them and also want them to be interested in me. But with other guys? Uncharted territory in many ways because society doesn't teach you what's attractive and how to signal your desires for gay people like they do straight people. When I found this out, I figured that my best option was just to see what I found attractive in guys and then I just emulated that because people are most attracted to people they are more similar to.

In some ways, this has been helpful. I started finding myself more attractive because I was able to use other people as inspiration and I knew that I would be attractive for it because I already found that attractive. It was reassuring to know that I didn't need to second-guess if something was attractive because I was already shown that it is. However, there's this weird feeling of knowing that you can't even be conditioned by society as a whole because they don't even know or care you exist. You're conditioned to understand what 'is' attractive for a man or woman in an opposite-sex relationship. I guess it just reminds me, "hey, you're different!" and that can sometimes bother me just because it gives rise to the anxiety that I won't have a frictionless life.

I'm definitely not saying that this is universal, but looking back on my own experiences, I was very intentional with this. And I don't even think this is 100% right, either, because I also do want to be the more traditionally-masculine person. It's complicated sometimes.

[uncanny-tranny]

Part of the reason you'll never catch me making fun of other trans people's names is because I chose my own name very deliberately

I chose a very traditional name for myself. Think old man name. I chose that during a time in my trans life where I thought I wouldn't live to be an adult. But part of me still hoped I was wrong, and so I chose an old man name with the hope that I will one day be bouncing my grandchild on my knee as they beg for a cookie (that I will of course give them because when they're with their grandpa, they'll be treated special when they visit).

Part of me wanted to live that long and prove myself wrong. And I committed to that through my name. And I think in the end, that's what we're all trying to do.

[uncanny-tranny]

The thing that gets my goat the most about my fellow native english speakers complaining and whining about those who speak english as a second or third or fourth language is that... We are a minority, us who speak english natively.

There are way more english speakers whose native language isn't english than there are native speakers. There are WAY MORE of them than there are us. If anything, it is abnormal to be a person whose first language is english

The lifeblood of all languages are the people who speak it. People who are ESL are our lifeblood.

I want to clarify that speaking english shouldn't even be a necessity for anyone, especially within countries that don't speak it broadly. However, I think it's important to acknowledge the important place that people who are ESL have, and I think native speakers (including me) should take the time to remember this. English has been used as a tool for horrible things, yes, and also we can appreciate and include others. I think these two things can coexist

[uncanny-tranny]

I've grown to really resent when certain people talk about the statistics of those who attempt and complete suicide.

I've grown up always hearing that women are more likely to attempt suicide but survive, but men are more likely to complete suicide. This is attributed to the methods used by women and men who attempt suicide. I think at times, people then go on to genuinely believe that methods of suicide like overdosing or similar methods are inherently "less lethal" than the "actual killers," such as guns.

What they fundamentally do not understand is all suicide is equally serious and must be treated with the same potential for lethality.

The idea that some suicides must be regarded as more serious leads people to prioritize certain forms of suicide - almost glamorizes it. I don't think that sends a message to us, especially those of us who are suicidal.

I think this also can be attributed to societal beliefs such as sexism, but this is a broad brushstroke of a much larger pattern I have noticed in how suicide and especially different methods of completing suicide, and I don't think that's right

[uncanny-tranny]

Have I said before that when I took my then-kitten to the veterinarian for her round of shots, the nurse looked at my cat and went, "oh I thought you were a boy cat! You're a girl cat! You just have the face of a boy cat, I'm sorry!!". I've never been more confused in my life

There's a tans cat living with me...

[uncanny-tranny]

I had written an ask a few years ago about my personal experiences and struggle with transition and coming out etc. at a very low point in my life asking for advice. I don't expect you to recall, I did it on an anon and I expect you've gotten quite a few of those (sincerely, I just wanted to add context to what I want to say below).

I've been on HRT for a year now and I'm doing much better! Your response really touched me at a time when I was feeling most isolated/volatile. I love your blog, you make a difference. At least you certainly have in my life at least :) Thank you.

I am so, so incredibly proud of you, and I hope you are able to see just how far you have gotten yourself. Never, ever forget that. This is so beautiful - I don't even know how to respond, quite frankly. Wow...

[uncanny-tranny]

I think even today, people are under the impression that sexual harassment happens due to attraction taken too far rather than a display of power and control. It genuinely seems like people are under the impression that a person is attracted to the people they assault or harass.

I'm a trans man who passes. I know I pass to society as a man. I also know that I do not pass as not queer. When I talk about how I am regularly sexually harassed now by other men, some people have responded with something along the lines of, "wow, those men are so gay for you!" as though I'm being harassed for being so alluring that I'm making men have their gay awakening.

No. Men will sometimes use sexual harassment and assault on other men even if they are straight as a means of control. Other men look at me and - frankly - will see what they would deem a faggot. They see me as a man who does not look straight. And sometimes, men will feel they ought to punish that. It has nothing to do with innocent feelings of gay awakening. It's not a love story waiting to be kindled, a book begging to be opened. And it's dangerous that people will think attraction is the primary motivator for these behaviours.

I'll be clear in saying that I know my experiences are not universal. I am absolutely cognizant of that. However, it has been my personal experience that I have only been treated this way after society started to view me as a cis man. I have never had this experience prior to passing, though I know many other trans men, transmasc people, and many others who have not had this experience. I just do not have that experience, and I don't think that takes away anything from my fellow trans siblings, brothers, friends, and comrades.

[uncanny-tranny]

I've started to dislike the term "treatable" in terms of disability and mental health but specifically because people often treat "treatable" as "curable" and are unable or unwilling to engage in the idea that you can be in treatment for something but still be affected by your condition.

I have a lifelong, incurable (but treatable) chronic condition. It affects me deeply - it's been weeks, and I am still recovering from a bout of it being worse than usual. And it's going to affect me regardless of treatment and regardless of how well treatment goes - because it's incurable and chronic.

Yes, I am able to treat my condition. No, it isn't magically cured because I'm in treatment. Yes, I will always have this condition no matter how much I wish I didn't. And I wish people would push past their discomfort with the idea that not everything is "curable."

[uncanny-tranny]

Human accomplishment #3. Creator of Art. We have been art makers for as long as we have been human. Aesthetic and spiritual expression is basic to human behavior. Even Cro-Magnons cared about how a thing looked. Art shows an aesthetic need: they didn't have a surplus of free time, their creation was not immediately more useful, and their art was not necessary for survival. Visual art is more basic than the written word. People drew pictures before writing was invented; children draw before they can write. Without art we're just primates with car keys. Art is a necessity, not a luxury.

A reminder for artists out there.

[uncanny-tranny]

Everyone says it's an honour to eat to a youtuber's video, but to a guy like me, it's an even greater privilege if I'd do my T shot to someone's video

[uncanny-tranny]

I've taken a step back, but what's been bothering me is how people only engaged with trump's new sex assignment legislation as a joke.

No, the government will not be defining perisex cis men as women.

But you know who will be affected? Trans people. Intersex people. And that's the point. The cruelty is the point.

I just wish people would stop treating legislation that negatively affects us as a joke first and foremost, because it keeps happening. At this point, I'm inclined to believe that the actual reason some of y'all can never take our pain seriously is because you don't care.