Good girl Bad habits.

Ig:Sm0keyt Renegade Wonderland. Reel Minds vs Ice Hearts.

[nuttyqueenxo]

And as usual I am stopped by a heaviness of my heart, a thought not welcomed to finish and my chest starts to tighten and my breathing gets shallow, the lack of oxygen to my brain reminds me again that my brain has unrepaired itself and I must make my own dopamine or whatever grow and not enable it to indulge in its destruction. I try to speak and my chest gets tigher and i cant quite undestand why its taking so much of my energy.. maybe in my mind its what i am thinking that is sucking the life force from me, or perhaps the intensity of what im thinking. But im having a rough day and every thought is using me.

[courtneyology]

And in the end, we were all just humans.. drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (via les-fille-fatale)

[stoicremains-deactivated2017102]

The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.

Marcus Aurelius    (via mooglebunny)

[nuttyqueenxo]

I know my life may not be prefect, nor do I expect it to be so.. but i try and do my best to be happy for whatever it is that has place in mine. I count them as they get shorter and let it drift slowly from my mind.

[nuttyqueenxo]

SumShin

So wellll, today I woke up tired restless you know. Got my drank on after work.. still buzzin as i type these phrases. Im feeling low on brain chemicals.. a smile is hard to fake especially residing in Salt Lake. I cant find enough brain power to write something worth metioning. Cold and lifeless, a life with no oxygen. Searching for anchor or just drowning in a deep sea. Floating like an extraterrestrial above earth but in its core. Gotta go now, my wheels need to breathe.

[nuttyqueenxo]

Want his last name but its always the last thing.

[nuttyqueenxo]

Late nights when i tell him im stressing, pray to god for another blessing, he cant help me now.

[nuttyqueenxo]

R.O.R. 2

Today has been an odf day. Sitting now with a glass of wine and my thoughts lucid and scattered. Unstable moods to a glaas of wine now a settled thought. Watch as my night goes up or down, cant say much now while my feet try to touch the ground.

[nuttyqueenxo]

Abysmal oceans where good girls go to die. #NuttyQueen #Stblues #smokeyt

[nuttyqueenxo]

R.O.R. 1 Record of Recovery.

This might be a day of repetitive actualizations, a feeling of recovering.. carbohydrates and electrolytes reproducing energy and protein to bring me to a state not quite ever as the one before. I find myself a quarter of the percent less than as i was the last recovery day. Yet, there is always a sense of ones own gratitude and satifaction, allowing the body to use its own nerves and naturally push itself to work and move after it had been pushed beyond its natural ability. A push and pull thats unnecessary. Its ironic how obsessive i have become with my own addictions and my own progress though it honestly hasnt even been much. I dive in a more intellectual approach, along with psychological factors than i do physically. Id like to record both.

[nuttyqueenxo]

We find ourselves grasping for sanity in a self destructive mode, where the actions have been committed but still find no hope. Is the lack of redemption the paved road to salvation, or our broken dreams of salvation lead to a path of redemption. I sit and find the minutes to rant for pointless babbles and instead see minutes waste by into hours, and my wandering mind to thrive on pointless questions that I alone find satisfaction in giving value. Can a mind such as mine differentiate the difference between philosophy and self analysis of mine own faults?

[nuttyqueenxo]

[nuttyqueenxo]

Im just tryna blaze.. 😊