talk to me, baby

i'm seth carswell and to be blatantly honest i have no idea what the hell i'm doing.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Oh. Yeah, I missed that ref too, sorry fella. I did watch Bear in the Big Blue House. And Recess. But mostly I spent my childhood being sped in and out of hospital rooms and trying to give my entire family a heart attack for shits and gigs, ya feel?

Ah, sounds fair. You’re using us for our fresh air, now I get it. Totally understandable. Great ecosystem we have here.

What did you do that for?

Yeah, I live for pollution. Cab fumes do wonders for my lungs.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Special because I don’t wanna marry my big sis? Alright, I’ll give you that one. But still, New York is bigger, and you’re choosing to live here instead of there, aren’t ya?

For never mimicking Billy Ray Cyrus. First the Doctor Who thing and now this. Were you exposed to any pop culture growing up?

The stench of my little brother’s socks reached Wales and I couldn’t take it anymore. I’ll return to London when it’s fumigated.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Well, I’ve definitely never said ‘dangflabbit, Miley’ in my whole entire life before. And I really hope you know I’ve never uttered those words. Nor intended on marrying my sister. Motherfuck, New York can be pretty weird and wonderful, fella, but is it really so different from London? Isn’t London just a mock-up version of NYC?

You’re a special snowflake, mate. Yeah, sure, we’ll say that’s what London is. That’s why we call it ‘New London’.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Well, that’s fair. Yes, I’ve never seen Doctor Who. ‘Bloody’ Brits.

You can’t use a British phrase against a British person! That’s like me saying ‘dangflabbit, Miley!’ or ‘I can’t make your potluck next week Susie-Mae, I’m marrying my sister that day’.

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.hyfcameron:

Listen, fella, I don’t pretend to know what goes on in that brain of yours. You did just tell me that you’ve never noticed Angelica has legs, so. But alright, so Kevin’s girl is far more well versed on… references of… some variety…?

Because Angelica is more terrifying than Cassie. Are you really telling me you’ve never seen Doctor Who? Bloody Yanks.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

That sounds… absurd. Lady who-now? Is she the blondie that Kevin’s always tailing after? Seems a bit formal, no?

... Yup, the blondie with the real life brain tank. She’d get that reference though.

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.hyfcameron:

What other body parts of Angelica’s do you not know the existence of?

As far as I’m concerned, Angelica’s just a big old wonderful and creative and smarticle brain in a tank. With a face and no curvy limbs. Like Lady Cassandra.

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.hyfcameron:

Pander? No, I don’t pander. Okay, maybe a little. Maybe a lot. Hang on, what’s happening here? Are you pandering, now? Is this what’s happening? Because this feels a little insincere, fella. I mean, I’m not gonna say i’m an expert on the ladies, but I am 100% sure you’ve noticed her legs before. In full detail. Probably more than twice a day.

Shhhhhh, stop talking about Angelica’s legs which I don’t know about.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Right. Agreed. Terrible, no good, shitheads. Well, fella, hate to break it to you but this is the internet. There’s no escaping her. So, hiya, Angelica. Where ever you are. Know that should you come creeping with your strangling sash then I am a completely innocent party in all of this. No B-words or anti-feminism propaganda to be seen here. Sorry, pal.

I wouldn’t pander to her, my man. She thinks that’s almost just as bad. A minefield, I’m telling ya. BUT A BEAUTIFUL MINEFIELD OF A WOMAN WHO IS EQUAL TO MAN WITH A BRAIN AND NOT LEGS. I’m kidding, she has legs but I have never looked at them. Ever. So sometimes it’s basically like ‘wow, Angelica has legs? Never noticed!’

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Tyrone and Lewis are lame names. For lame kids. Not that I know shit about them, but moral support, right? You might wanna extend that apology to Ella too, while you’re at it, fella. Not that it felt sincere, or anything, but all that hashtag girl power jazz, ya feel? Or is that, hashtag mademoiselle power, in this scenario?

They’re shit, just know that and agree with me. Soz, Ella. I don’t know what kind of power it is but it’s a bloody minefield trying to navigate that where Angelica can see. She’s like some sort of creeping feminist Jesus ready to pop up whenever and strangle me with a Suffragette sash.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Hang about, what? That… yeah, sorry, fella. This definitely took a turn. Ella’s no Satan, that’s for sure. I mean, we wind each other up and all that jazz, but - again, you absolutely didn’t hear it from me - I do love her, and all that wishy washy hullabaloo.

That’s cute. I wish I loved Tyrone and Lewis but really I think they’re little shits and puberty is going to hit them like a bitch. Sorry, Angelica, I didn’t meant that in a way that is derogatory to women, girls, females, ladies, dames, mademoiselles or missuses.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Fair enough, fella. I am, unfortunately. So what’s that like? Is it really all its cracked up to be, or is the whole ‘bigger siblings can do as they like’ thing a bit of a myth?

If you don’t have a step-mum that can see no wrong in her Satanic offsprings then you’re probably at a better advantage, but as it is...

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Microwaves? Really? How does she live? She’s not one of those healthy eaters too, is she? Atrocious, truly. All the best, and most unhealthy foods are microwaveable, she’s missing out. And no. I’m not, well I am on a bad day. I’m very well capable of handling Ella, but she does hold superiority in some instances. Especially back when I was a beanpole 11 year old who couldn’t reach the top shelf of my own stinking wardrobe.

I don’t really pretend to understand her if I’m honest, mate. So you’re the little brother? Can’t relate. I’m all about that big bro bossiness.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

I mean, same. I try spouting off about how i’m better than that, but like fuck am I. Oh, gotcha. Now that I can get behind. I used to pull that shit with my sister, but - and you didn’t hear this from me - i’m lowkey terrified of her. Pretty sure she could end me in seconds if she saw fit to.

The only millennial I know that genuinely doesn’t like technology is Audrey and that’s because she takes a bloody fit when she’s in the same room as a microwave. Awww, is widdle diddums afwaid of his sister?

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Shit, what did they do before the internet? A world without memes? It’s just not realistic, is it? You know, not to be all millennial and obsessed with technology, but fuck that. Hey, you ever thought of maybe just buying your own shampoo? Feels like death over a bottle of tresemmé just isn’t worth it, man.

Eh, I get a kick out of being all millennial and obsessed with technology. Aw, I don’t steal his shampoo to use, I just do it to rile the muppet up.

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.hyfcameron:

Yeah, that’s where I was starting to feel a bit alarmed. But no, we’re good. So, old wrinkled dick, what exactly does he expect us all to do? No disrespect to the chap, but if I need to, I dunno, ask my sister if she wants to go for a meal tonight, am I supposed to send her a letter by pigeon carrier and starve for the next week or two? Seems a hefty ask, if we’re being honest.

Right? Like, I can’t send memes by bloody smoke signal. Although it’d mean Jess’ death threats when I steal his shampoo get to me slower.

[nvmseth-blog]

.hyfcameron:

Well true. But, hold on- Are we talking about a real person here? Initially I thought this was, ya know, hypothetical, but now I’m getting the feeling you’ve actually had a glimpse of some old fella’s soldier?

No, that’d be creepy. But some guy was yammering on about how iPhones are melting our brain cells on the subway today and he looked like he had a wrinkled dick. So I put two and two together.