Hi, I'm a nonbinary masc afab person, starting T in a couple of days.
I have a huge kink about being forced into feminization and get turned into the biggest sex doll for dicks. Maybe i should feel a little ashamed, but I don't. I love being perceived as nothing more than a fake boy waiting to get fucked silly into realizing how amazing it is to exist just for pleasuring men, nothing more than a hole that needs to be full of cum at all times. Nothing more than just a girl.
I have a super feminine body, voice, and very nice tits already, but i keep wishing they could get bigger. I would feel so much sexier. I don't even wear a binder anymore! And the noises i make when I'm having sex! God, I feel like i was born to be a porn actress!
My partner supports my transition and he's truly amazing, but I see how much hornier he gets when he sees me naked and realizes how feminine I truly am.
This contrast makes me feel so dirty and horny all the time. I'm so confused!
Well, this is certainly a tricky issue, and I can't make your decision for you (unless you wanted that~) but here's how I see it. It's completely possible to identify as masculine in your day-to-day life and enjoy being perceived as and treated as a feminine doll in your sexual life.
Take the example of sissies, most of them are cisgender men who don't intend to transition, but they also enjoy dressing up in slutty pink outfits and being treated like girlies! Just because you're more comfortable living life one way doesn't mean you can't enjoy being sexualized another way.
I would encourage you to think of yourself as a super lucky sissy—you actually get to have the feminine body most sissies dream of—who enjoys being a girly slut.
Your fetish for being seen as "fake boy" seems to be a 1-1 mirror of a fetish that many sissies have. This fetish doesn't mean that your identity is invalid, it just means that you enjoy the feelings of humiliation and inferiority associated with being a "fake boy", and it's hard to imagine anyone who found this page would think that those feelings are bad!
To delve a little into my more perverse side, I do think it could be *very* hot if you, say, presented as masculine to the world 99% of the time but on occasion let your feminine side fly. Imagine your coworkers seeing the guy they've known for months suddenly come in wearing tight leggings with big tits, it's funny & hot!
Feel free to message me (or leave more asks if you want to stay anonymous) if you want anymore advice (or if you want to play;)!