OblivionBlade, Tumbl Dryer

I go next to the washing machine

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The great big asterisk that dangles off every post I've made critiquing Lorch's work.

* Is this really the content that makes everything she's done okay?

I'm an absolute shitter to my core, I know this. Though as much as I love treating her as the joke that she is, sometimes you do gotta be serious. I'd never be caught dead participating in this double think where Lily is both a threat to everyone and a self-important goober spinning her wheels, though a threat to a few she certainly is.

I'm about done pulling punches, so if you want to see me pop the lid off my cool, do please read past the cut.

Because I try to keep an open mind, but besides her being a never back down epic pwner of the Cis Het MAGA losers... What is the fuckin draw? Rhetorical question by the way, you needn't look farther than her own wife to know Lily is all about pretending to shelter the disadvantaged as one of the good ones... but if a good chunk of ex-Lily fans would let me know that even that is conditional. She's created a community where you are protected by an Indigenous Trans Woman, to not really protect anybody, cozy up with all manner of people that match her freak that would also like to poke around this community of people that (to overly simplify it) just ain't got no-one else.

The evidence is all around. The effort that it would take to falsify a lot of it is actually quite ludicrous, especially archive and way back stuff. You straight up can't without a small army of top tier hackers.

Like sure she calls us stalkers for... paying any fucking attention? I do not feel like anyone is tapping her phone lines and bugging her house. She can, does, and will continue to just vomit her every life grip, problem, and story at any opportunity! The vast majority of all the evidence we have is evidence she has boldly and willingly volunteered like the braindead, shortsighted dipshit she is. Motherfuckers are not stalking you, if anything they are fishing.

Lastly, though what I feel is most important is knowing it all and just being like, "but she's so entertaining. " fuck outta here. How does any of the mediocrity she let's dribble onto a notepad make the pain that caused okay? "Yeah, I know she allegedly raped her sister but Stockholm and pokemadhouse ate so fire!" Fuckin Dumpster fire maybe. She's got some of the most boring fics if you can ignore that she's not smart enough to hide her true intentions that naturally bubble up from the subtext, the greater half of her critiques are plagiarized and the other totally scatterbrained... where is the appeal?

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Into the Void: the Okay-est Comfortfic to a Show You'll Never See!

Now I love me a good fanfiction, but there tends to be a lurch when a fanfic writer writes something original for the first time. They are different beasts, you see, and are tamed in different ways.

Now it's bold of me to assume everybody reading has a firm grasp on the trials and tribulations of creative writing so I will do a lightning round of explaining the basics of both.

Fanfic is a double edged sword of creative writing as it's got wonderous upsides, but stifling downsides. Namely in that you kinda just get to dig right in as a writer. World? Built. Characters? Characterized. Power system? Online and ready. It allows you to skip the slog-!.... provided you walk between the lines. It's all pre-made, so there's a baseline you must follow, and you can only fly so high with it as it will always exist in the shadow of the sacred "Canon timeline". There's still more than enough design space that it's still functionally infinte, but is indeed working in a very big box.

Meanwhile original works are full fat, none of those beautiful timer savers are here. You have to make the characters, build the world, and establish the systems of power be them literal or metaphor. Worse yet you have to do it all in a way where it's not lil dots of meat surrounded by big ol' globs of fat. Though the design space is literally infinite, the only limit is you.

Into the Void do NOT make the jump gracefully. In fact it did it woefully poorly. The moment I realized it was reading that bit from chapter 16 about a woman that was only barely insulted twice talking about how hashtag blessed she is in this cruel universe, then on a whim I just did a mental find and replace with a popular tragic ship of togachoko and... it helped, make no mistake it was still awful, but it took the edge off of some entitled fuck telling me how happy she is if i run it back pretending its with someone like Himiko Toga who would almost need to affirm this sudden wash of happiness out loud as her past would make it feel way too good to be true. It clicked and now I can't unread it. During a second sweep I noticed how much I didn't question because I did my Into the Homework. Kestri goes through less in the actual work she does in the lore!

It is all of the "laziness" of fanfic, without benefiting from the pre-established scaffolding of pre-existing works. It's a pile of mush PRAYING that you went out of your way to track down all the lore from @ cd-call-offical-ramblechamber dot Tumblr dot com.

Boldly assuming we already care about Kestri and Lathe in the same way we care about two characters that we watched grow through a huge extended journey. To just keep running with the MHA ship, it really does help it feel like we aren't biting into a stick of sidewalk chalk with dialogue that fuckin twee if the character saying it went through some shit. And to be fair it's hard to top actually dying.

You can get away with a lot when the people you're writing for want this-

And instead got a comically large ladle of this-

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Yeah she posted something recently about there being a nuclear reactor aboard the ship and it was such a wait what moment. We have functional portable nuclear energy and we still initiated a second climate crisis? We have nuclear energy but not hydrolysis? We have nuclear energy but we can't manufacture disposable tampons?

The crux is that i read fusion, not fission. If it's fission the story survives as it is... it's still shit and your questions are very valid.

IF IT'S FUSION then it undermines the story in it's entirety. The infrastructure needed to limp a fusion reactor along SOLVES THE VERY ISSUE THE PAIR ARE FIXING. if said reactors can reasonably be replaced then the whole setting is 10,000,000,000% suffering because it just wants to.

Also why Lily is trying to infuse the cottage-core everything is lovingly hand made angle? Because blout is bad unless it's lily i fuckin guess.

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That really is the thingggg. Even taking out the years of complicated RL baggage, writing an entire novel with the people who already don't like your style front and centre of your creative decision-making is such a sad self-own. She insists she includes all these schmoopsy malewife scenes because they give her joy, but if she's drowning them in defensive bait-and-switch "haha gottem" meta winks through the screen, then what's the point? What's the difference between her and all those self-conscious and 'irony-poisoned' creators she likes to rail against? Hours of earnest artistic labor, rendered bewildering and unenjoyable by anyone but her most devoted fans, who will obligingly snigger at every jab at The Stalkers and then be scolded for not engaging with the work on its own merits instead of as a ragebait hit-piece on people who find "you should be able to platonically marry your sister" to be an uninspiring thought experiment.

Really don't matter how you slice the cake, it's a rotten cake. Though I think i can say with certainty that this is one of the greatest examples that while some of the greatest artistic pieces of all time were acts of spite, you do need more than spite.

It's one of those rare moments I feel kinda bad for her, because Into the Void isn't made for her fans, or even people that would like it, its made for me. It's made for Britt. It's made for all the other Lily crit blogs. It's made for Donald Fucking Trump! It's made for the fucking Kiwifarmers that basically just hate her for sport!... We don't want it. We never did. Likely never will. I personally am open to being surprised by her, but can not lie i hold bias regardless.

Certainly not helping the vendettas' is the uncurious nature of the CD-Call leads to holes. She includes a lot of hard numbers without doing much research, so there's a LOT of very obvious gaps in the math. That complete disregard for the psychological toll of extended enforced isolation. Thanks to the NPO chapter we learn that the current engines are fusion... WHICH IS SO MUCH HIGHER UP ON THE TECH TREE HYDROLYSIS IS SOMETHING YOU'D

GET BY DEFAULT!

Unironically ripping out a jet engine to slot in a fuckin wobbler engine. Full stop. Dueterium production means they have functionally infinite hydrogen to use as propulsion. Kestri is building a small scale fuel refinery when buying a couple of these lil fuckers would fix it all the same. (I know hydrogen storage is actual hard to do, but nothing close maintaining a full refinery for it.)

All of this hard sci-fi for??? A comfort fanfic... I'll explain that in another post. Though for this post, while it is not the sole thing wrong her, it is the largest pustule right on the face of this novel of hers. A crippling insecurity fused with shameless non-diagetic need to preach and beg for validation, suffocating what little this story has to say if it even does.

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CD-Call Can't Read the Writing on the Wall: Very Conspicuous with the Inconspicuous Incest.

Alright now if youve been in the trenches like, no fucking shit Sherlock. Right? This would make the bakers dozen of instances where Lily has written relatives, blood or otherwise, as a couple of newlyweds... but fuck let's shake it up. I went out to play in traffic and had a very minor case of severe brain damage has happened upon me that cured my lily orchard derangement syndrome by just surgically removing all trace of her from my living brain.

Now that I've had my lobotomy I shall now read these 16 chapter of some shit called Into the Void from this person of whom my old self hated...-

Well that was a slog. Though between this and some supplemental materials also left open I am told that Kestri and Lev's relationship is normal. Like not to us but in this universe their relationship is pretty fuckin standard, expected even, barely worth notice.... Unfortunate problem in the writing.... uh.... EVERYBODY FUCKING NOTICES!

Every other chapter there is somebody (IN-UNIVERSE!!!) that MUST comment on how non-familial their relationship looks, in active and clear spite of the worldbuilding that says shit is perfectly normal between them. Up to and including mistaking Julie as their biological child! The leap in logic that two white parents spat out a black child, just so Lily can shout, "IT'S NOT INCEST!!!"

Starting to feel like I already need another lobotomy... not only was the story not terribly interesting, but now im suspicious of her having an incest fetish because the story itself can't stop itself! Frankly I don't know enough about Lily but to assume that she's either too nervous to own it, or is being cheeky as a secondary fetish in itself... but... there has to be a third option right... oh... i feel an old rage in my guts... ow....

Oh, now that i am miraculously un-braindamaged I know the third option, she's admitted to including things in her works to spite us, the lily-crit community. Unfortunately if you aren't in the fucking trenches you would NEVER KNOW THAT! So we end up looking really ashamed of the obvious incest, or are rubbing it condescendingly in the audience's face.

At the risk of teaching somebody how to crime, if you want to get away with something you aren't supposed to, a certain amount of confidence is required. If you're gonna shoplift you just gotta get it and walk out of there like you ain't just swiped some swag. If you ain't got the nerve, the suspicious behavior will be fairly obvious.

What Lily has done/Is doing is being so insecure about her writing, if we continue to use the shoplifting metaphor, that she has a paid for cart but the nerves are just so jittery she is quaking and screaming behind her, " I Ain't stealing! Im not stealing!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD IM NOT STEALING!!! IM NOOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!1!"

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Well dunkin on Lily fans, i got 2 CD-Call Can't Read the Writing on the Wall installments cookin... unfortunately I am at an impasse on which to crank out first.

One has to do with how worldbuilding is actually quite important to character building, leading into how Lily writes characters that feel like strangers in their own world.

The other is just straightforward dragging lily through the mud for the severe abuse of plausible deniability as she writes incest.

So what'll we write first?!?!

What're knocking out first, Chat?

Worldbuilding Defense!

Offending the Incest!

Voting ended onMay 29

VOTE NOW!

I know there's at least three of you that consistently read my shit.

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Holy fuck there's 51 of you guys? Not to mention that near even split.

Well I suppose it's time to get to work then.

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Come to think of it —

Kingdom Hearts isn’t Souls-Like in anyway, at least you from what I remember playing the first game on the PS2.

Why would Lorch even think of comparing them?

I've spoken at length about the sheer difference of the two, so i will posit my theory... I don't think Lily can appreciate there's more than one type of Power Fantasy...

Lily is a very much an "X is X" kinda gal. To the point even metaphors of X do not count because it isn't just X. So if this alone is our measuring stick then I can concede that Kindom Hearts is objectively the better power trip, if only by being infinitely more accessible than the soulsborne games.

Kingdom hearts has progression, sure. But its a nice balanced drip feed. You can't stumble into harder levels right away, you're always getting a steady and intuitive boost with every world cleared. In say, Elden Ring, there's no direction after getting your tarnished absolutely SHITFUCKED by Margit. And the second hardest area in the whole game is sitting off to the right. Any progress is progress you have to EARN. YOU must find the weapons and equipment best for your guy, and even then you'll never be strong enough to just go "light work" without an equivalent level of skill at the games mechanics. In the end you are winning because YOU, the player, are good enough to beat the odds. KH has named important character fighting odds HE is prepared for, even if you ain't.

I'd say the catharsis of Soulslikes outstrips KH, but must conceed KH is far easier and faster. It's 10,000,000,000% correct comparing the two franchises is like saying an apple and orange taste the same because both are fruits.

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Ok, gotta get this off my chest now, so please keep an open mind —

Generative AIs are fine, so long as they are not used as cheap substitutes for human creativity & real artistry.

We should also be prepared for self awareness in AI and robotics (however far away it may be).

— What do you think?

Well, I see it on two fronts. A big one is that it can not be seperated from it's downsides, it's impact has breached into multiple markets and it's environmental impact is... DIRE... i won't bang on about water, because if you don't know, just look... i can't just describe it... though for an easy impact, most tech has bloated hard because of AI. My PC nearly quadrupled in value overnight, which is fantastic if I was ever to sell it, unfortunately tis not my end game.... so right now I just have the anxiety that what would have been a painful but doable 120 dollar fix is now just a sneeze under 500 fuckin all American freedom dollars. Lord for-fuckin-bid its the GPU or cpu.

Lest we also mention the sheer amount of raw data it MUST consume to be as little as okay at what you need it for...

Though lets just pack this all up and say we're in the golden future where Gen AI is clean, guilt free, and monetarily also free. You have the misfortune of talking to a hobby artist and writer. I am of the unavoidable Bias that doing less work doesn't sound like a reward. Not to mention that an AI is not a being of artistic intent, at least as we know them now. It's only ever going to give you EXACTLY what you ask for, via the path of least resistance, the only rhyme or reason is the presumed artistic intent of the 100s of images it smashed together. All I can see it as is a potential springboard on the HUMONGOUS "IF" it was both free and had no negative impacts.

Also yes we do need to be prepared for robots becoming truly aware. I've seen the matrix...

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Well dunkin on Lily fans, i got 2 CD-Call Can't Read the Writing on the Wall installments cookin... unfortunately I am at an impasse on which to crank out first.

One has to do with how worldbuilding is actually quite important to character building, leading into how Lily writes characters that feel like strangers in their own world.

The other is just straightforward dragging lily through the mud for the severe abuse of plausible deniability as she writes incest.

So what'll we write first?!?!

What're knocking out first, Chat?

Worldbuilding Defense!

Offending the Incest!

Voting ended onMay 29

VOTE NOW!

I know there's at least three of you that consistently read my shit.

[oblivionbladetd]

the whole platonic soulmates digimons have is what she failed to make pokemon into. The difference is she isn’t sexually attracted to Digimon

I mean she fucked up way more than that, but you right.

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I believe that lily’s misconception that creatives have unparalleled creative freedom when making a show and that they should just fight back against corporate meddling comes from a family guy episode where brain sells a script for a pilot to a network and through shinagins it’s transformed into a completely different show. Once Lois sees the show she is disappointed in brain for not fighting for his creative vision. I think it’s very likely that Lily watched this episode at some point in her life and that coupled with her lack of real world experience and her warped view of how jobs and relationships work just conditioned herself to believe that’s how creation shows and what not(not helping matters is that unlike all the people she repeatedly criticises she does answer to anyone when publishing her material). 

it might also be a bit of a hold over from Doug walker, channel awesome style humour where the critics would just blame who ever made the work their criticising and not trying to exam its flaws on a deeper, more nuanced level, I.e. corporate meddling is to blame 90% of the time. 

It 10,000,000% is the fact she barely really understands how privileged she was back then and on some level still is. If Lily still doesn't give to the whims of the masses, she'll be fine. She's revealed she has a LOT of safety nets outside of YouTube... It will always be somebody who hasn't had to make a hard life choice versus people who have to bet entires careers on it, i don't care of there reasons like family guy to explain it, she talking down to the Nth degree and has no right to.

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I feel like CD openly admitting that she keeps writing overly affectionate siblings because it makes people angry proves she doesn't actually care about writing anything good.

Also I find it funny that her other reason is that "saying their fucking is the less interesting reason for these people to be so close" but has literally never actually explored what would makes these enmeshed relationships interesting because all the characters do is snuggle and never fight. Even when things pop up that should challenge these relationships or cause moments of friction nothing happens.

Her claim that making them bang would be less interesting, yet not actually exploring why that is just proves that it is actually supposed to be incest. Because she admits having the siblings do incest would make these characters make sense.

TBH I think her last reason for not committing to the incest is the real readon--she's just not into more sexual stories right now. Because if it was the haters, she drive them even more crazy by writing the incest and clearly it doesn't make the characters interesting like she claims. She's just not horny like she used to be and has pushed her brand into the wholesome category so even if she wanted to write incest or more sexy works, she can't without loosing what little audience she has left.

Funnily enough she does want people to think it's good.

Unfortunately subversion for the sake of it usually isn't that great, and here we are with Into the Void, it is infinitely less. Frankly it would be easy to justify in the setting, everything is artificial where they are forced to survive, it would take only a bit of worldbuilding to say everybody is real touchy feely as human contact is just about the only "natural" thing that's left... it's not great but it's leagues better than any excuse she got.

As far as her just not being horny?... maybe. Though I will say the quiet part loud, it's still incest if they aren't fuckin'. If i was to give her of her all credit in it not being incest, that still means she A. Can't write more than one type of relationship and B. Falls back on Fandom ass writing in having no conflict because it "already happened. "

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Thing that pisses me off is that the Digimon are basically a human’s platonic soulmate. They’re made to perfectly balance out their human. As partners, they improve their tamer’s character and are a part of their character growth.

Lily just throws that whole element out and is just smashing dolls together again.

Oh so exactly what Lily says she wants but it doesn't count because there's no incestuous undertone she can pretend she isn't writing.

I'd call it a new low, but the pit's already fucking bottomless.

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Don't forget that the aspect she finds least interesting about the Digimon franchise is...the Digimon. Truly out there repeatedly selling "I think this story would be better if it was about something completely different, specifically my personal political views and antipathy for all forms of human connection that aren't siblings so enmeshed they'll never have to deal with pesky little things like interpersonal conflict" as a worthwhile take. Are you looking forward to whatever hot mess drops out of her hivemind idea?

Won't lie I deadass forgot about that one. They do just treat Tai like a dress up doll and he's just fine with it because he turned out to be an "egg"... I feel that has notes of being not so kosher in the trans community, but I am not Trans nor do I feel i am versed enough as an ally to decide anything definitive about that.

Though abso-fucking-lutely what is the damn point when you aren't even going to humor the digimon??? You could make three OC's and lose

NOTHING

In that particular... fic... it's not even a fanfic, it's just being too lazy to design three characters. It's been a hot minute, but aren't Digimon suppose to reflect the digidestined? She's pulling a Niva again if that's true.

I feel another Call fails to read the wall brewing...

Damn, I was so angry I missed the hivemind question on my first pass. I like the concept as like, some psychological thriller type thing, but Lily will just write it as romance that can't be assed to address the the less savory parts of losing independence of one's own mind.

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Reading through the niva posts and I just want to comment even though I'm not saying anything nobody else hasn't already. She says she wants to be different, to be interesting, to break the formula, and up to a point, I admire that. Yes, I prefer to have a Team Avatar, an animal sidekick, and main villain, but I respect the vision. The problem is that simply not doing any of it isn't interesting in and of itself, so it's just the absence of content without anything of substance replacing it.

Lily falls for a lot of rookie mistakes like that. One of which is the "subversion equals good" mindset. You got her down pat in the way of "just not doing the thing" being very hollow at best if nothing is added in. Though on another level she has a disregard for the inspirations that would make Garth Ennis ask her to dial it back.

That's a dense reference, lemme unpack it. Garth Ennis is the primary author of the original The Boys comic run. The original run of The Boys has.... Aged poorly. Mostly in that it's very unsubtle in it's naked HATRED OF THOSE STUPID FUCKING SUPERHEROES. All supes in The Boys are either sex pests, sociopaths, rapists, druggies, or pedophiles. Sometimes all but only a very select amount of a large cast of them are none. The distain was as subtle as a brick to the temple, though that was also it's main saving grace as it came out during a period where superhero comics were so saturated it was legitimately killing non-superhero comics left and right. It took a page about supes being dangerous from the watchman, deliberately stripped out the thoughtful subtle touches, lathered it in anti-celebrity/corpo paint and sent it out to shock. Being taken down a peg was what that industry needed, and with the TV show arriving 12 years later, a lesson need learned more than once.

Replace that hatred and a concise message with soul crushing apathy and incompetence and you get Lily.

With Lily it's more than just surface themes she leaves out. Her MLP fanfics only use character names and damned be literally everything else. Pokemadhouse is only barely about Pokémon. The Sith Resurgence entirely demystifies the force. Niva removes every last drop of spiritualism from the fucking AVATAR. Her original stuff is hardly safe too. Remember that scars has plan B 20 some years before it was possible to just buy as a product and into the void apparently had Faster than Light travel before sticking zappy wires into water.

She's either dreadfully uncurious or just doesn't give 1/5th of a lightly used fuck about anything other than making another combination god of hyperdeath and and helpless babu bean straight out of a crying cat meme, like so

An exaduration, but not as much as I'd like it to be. She's a fucking career critic and writer, to say she really should just know and do better isn't quite punchy enough to describe how abysmal she is at her sole two self appointed jobs.

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With how much of a shut in Lily is, what are the chances she was banned from more than a few places around her area for her poor impulse control even before getting discovered, temporarily or permanently? I feel like that might be another part of why she's such a shut in

I'd say pretty low actually...

While this is a Hella Parasocial ask, I do remember a lot of shit Lily has said in regards to her bodily health, and fuck if I will let that slide unnoticed. She has had major damage from things up to and including stabbings destroy her legs to the point of needing mobility aid. Along with various other injuries, notable among them being eye damage so severe she has difficulty clearly seeing animation on a monitor feet away from her. Yes, she used this as an excuse to not factor animation into her critiques... either way if this is all true she'd be sessile by necessity. Big IF though.

The other being that somebody with her verbal tics and her specific brand of speech disfluency means means she will always lose the intimidation factor. She snorts and grunts and she false starts up to 3-4 times when worked up. Like I will not shame anybody just for for having a speech impediment, but fuck is it a fact that any insult you throw will have lost all gas it ever would have had when you need FOUR ENTIRE TRIES TO SPEAK IT.

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How has no one yet made a subreddit entirely about Lorch with all that info out there out & about? That same info ends up clogging up a bunch of unrelated subreddits like youtubedrama & a Lily Orchard Madhouse one would help unclog those, with an sfw version included given the default would more than likely be rated mature.

Well, mostly because the things Lily is most notorious for is that she's a sex pest at BEST. So a lot of it is inherently NSFW. Secondly, that's a large undertaking. Keep in mind her kiwifarms thread is 10 years old and 2000 pages deep, you'll be combing through YEARS of archives.

Compounding the size of the undertaking is that Lily is finally on her way out. Not quietly and without a fight mind you, but the writing is on the wall. The patreon is loosing big spenders, the views are abysmal for a channel of her size, and the fans are dissipating. She may never be GONE gone, but with Joon the King and his 2 hr video up and before Lily's own channel, she's never gonna fully recover.