“Oooh, and there’s Jakey! Yes, that Jakey—you last met her back when she was Jacob, yeah? My ex-fiancé, can you believe it? Anyhoo, after everything that happened—yeah yeah, girl, I’m not gonna rehash it—our engagement was over, and honestly? Sending him off to sissy school was the best decision anyone ever made for him."
"By the time my wedding with Ian came around, Jakey had just graduated—from sissy baby school, natch—and been adopted by the sweetest new Mommy and Daddy. I swear, the second I heard that, I just knew Jakey had to be our flower girl. Like, it was destiny. Some girls are made for the aisle, some boys are made to stand at the altar, and Jakey? Jakey was made for toddling down the runner, clutching a basket of petals! I mean, yeah, true, literally made in this case, sissy school is no joke!"
"Sure sure, she was a little overwhelmed at first. Probably dealing with all those big, confusing old boy feelings about how she thought she’d be standing beside me in a groom’s suit. Which is wild, because when Jacob and I were engaged, he hated every second of wedding planning. Venues? ‘You choose.’ Flowers? ‘Whatever you want.’ Invitations, music, seating chart? All dumped on me."
"But as our flower girl? She had people choosing her outfit, checking her diaper—oh yeah, and you better believe diaper changes as well. Jakey had more trips to the changing room than I did, and I did two outfit swaps! But where was I… Right, she had people placing the basket in her hands, and telling her exactly where to walk, when to throw the petals… No decisions to make, no responsibilities, and absolutely no pretending she was ever capable of being somebody’s husband. Just toddle down the aisle, scatter petals, and smile for the grown-ups!"
"And Ian? Well, unlike the old Jacob, Ian showed up for every planning appointment, had actual opinions, and treated marrying me like a privilege rather than an inconvenience. And since Ian and Jacob were old high school classmates, it totally helped Jakey be on her very best behavior—sissy tantrums are a lot more humiliating when you’re right in front of one of your old, more popular mates from school!"
"So look, I’m just happy everyone wound up exactly where they belonged: Ian as my groom, me as his bride, and Jakey waddling just ahead of us in frilly lace and a big poofy diaper! Ooh, this all reminds me, I’ve still gotta send a copy to her Mommy and Daddy for her baby book…"