not today satan

[odessafitzpatrick]

{ LIZ GILLIES . CIS FEMALE .  28 . SHE/HER  }  did you see that { ODESSA FITZPATRICK } just pulled up in hidden hills with { AVAN JOGIA / ANY MALE FC } sitting next to them in the passengers seat - isn’t that cute ! you know, for a { ACTRESS }, i’ve heard they’re really { BLUNT }, but that they make up for it by being so { TRUSTWORTHY }. i see them all the time on snapchat && yesterday in US WEEKLY i read that they { HAVE } a baby - can you believe that ?!

alrighty this is odessa, she has three babes named wyatt, heather and brock who are her life, if you fuck with them she’ll fuck you up

she takes zero shit from no one

she has chronic resting bitch face but don’t let that scare you, it’s just her face

if she considers you a friend, don’t fuck it up. if you screw it up she’ll never forgive you

she can be very petty, but we all stan a salty ass bitch ass queen

if she considers you family then you’re in it for life but again... don’t fuck it up or she’s done

holds her friends very near and dear to her heart

will defend her friends and family like her life depends on it

she’s ‘that mom’ that lets her kids run rampant because she’s told them time and time again they’re gonna hurt themselves. if they do, she’s like “i told you now stop crying” (but she’ll also give them all the cuddles)

wyatt is a big momma’s boy and still demands cuddles

heather is a lil princess and she’s tiny but sassy af

don’t think that just because she’s smiling she’s in a good mood. she could be waiting to attack

will attack

tries to stay out of drama, but if you start it.... ooh watch out cause she’ll finish it and finish you

very blunt and doesn’t sugarcoat shit bc she hates coddling

she just needs friends so love her

[odessafitzpatrick]

   notsosunni​:

❝ that’s a great idea, actually. i’m still in that ‘too attached’ stage. when my parents come into town, we usually all go out together. but i doubt your son will hate you for needing a mental health day. i’m sure he’ll need his own. ❞ sunni chuckled at the truth that could be shared between moms. ❝ i just let them have the sound for a few hours during the day, turn it off, and then i tell them the batteries died. it works. i’m not looking forward to the day when they realize they can turn the switch back on. ❞ then again, she figured she could just take the batteries out at that point, and keep them all under lock and key. 

“i’m like that when they’re little. if i’m exclusively breastfeeding, that baby doesn’t go anywhere without me, but once they’re to the point where they’re eating other things or they’re comfortable with a bottle at least, then i’m alright with them being out for the day, but they don’t get overnight privileges until i’m not nursing every few hours. once they start eating more food then it’s fine. i also had the advantage of my parents having the experience, and being around my best friend’s babies. our oldest kids are exactly a year apart, so i kind of got the hang of it with her little girl before wyatt was born and learned my preferences before i even had him, and that just spilled over with heather and wyatt,” she explained. “oh, he definitely needs his own mental health days. he tells me when he needs to take a break or stay home from school. it only happens once in a blue moon so when he wants to stay home, i let him. he either stays home with me and we just hang out or he’ll go to his aunt’s house and hang out with her and her babies,” she said. “i’m fine with the sound until it gets on my nerves. honestly, i think my kids like the lights on their toys more than the sound.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

   notsosunni​:​

❝ you say that like it’s a bad thing? i can’t wait to do the same thing when my toddlers are older. their games make my ears bleed right now. ❞

“i usually send my kids to my best friend’s house or my parents --- none of them ever say no, so when i need a mental day, the kids go elsewhere and i get to ruin their lives a little bit. i’m sure my oldest is gonna hate me, but as soon as he sees that i got him past the hard part, he’ll be thankful,” she said. “i turn the sound off my kids toys if they annoy me. especially my littlest one’s johnny jumper. every time he jumps, it makes a noise. i turn it off, i don’t need to hear a cow or an elephant every time my kid’s in the air.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

   cvrmenxo​:​

❝ don’t jinx it now. sounds like a dream day, but i’ll eat the twins’ snacks and beat their high scores while they’re home, too. gotta instill some competitive drive. ❞

“wyatt’s gonna lose his shit. but yanno what, when he says ‘you ruined my score!’ i can be like ‘you ruined my body’. the best part is, he knows i’m kidding when i say stuff like that and he shoots right back like ‘well i didn’t ask to be conceived’. i can never win with my little man.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

   dannyxkaylan​:​

“all parents need a break which is what grandparents are for. also, if you need me i will be on another continent, call me when the fallout of your actions is over.”

“we definitely do every now and then. it’s what keeps us sane. oh please, you know he can’t be mad at me for very long. he’ll go to aunt ellie’s, bitch about it, ellie will tell him some stories about how i irritated her when we were kids, and he’ll come back and roast me about it and then we’ll be alright, happens every time. in the mean time, we have the entire house to ourselves and we should definitely do something.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

“i don’t know what i did to deserve it, but i’m child free today and i may or may not be eating the kids’ snacks and playing wyatt’s video games to beat his high scores.” @hhhqstarters​

[odessafitzpatrick]

27 - carmen

27 for our muses to pull halloween pranks

odessa was a lover of all pranks. whether they were successful or not didn't matter, they were fun to do. she grew up pulling pranks on her parents - and sometimes, with them. so when the idea of pranking came up, she was all for it. the amount of patience it took was worth the end result. at least that's what she was telling herself while she and carmen were in their hiding spot. "okay listen, wyatt is fair game cause he keeps leaving fake spiders and snakes around the house, but heather's still got a little bit of sweet in her and i don't wanna completely ruin her childhood, so we abort if she's around," she said. although she constantly gave heather 'boo' scares, she'd never gone out of her way to get an extreme reaction, so she wanted to save the poor kid from having a mommy-induced heart attack.

[odessafitzpatrick]

18 - cheryl

18 for our muses to go to a fortune teller together

she'd always been skeptical about people that claimed they knew the future - she went to a 'psychic' last year, only because her sister pressured her into it. when it came to kids, the woman insinuated that odessa had three kids. but she only had wyatt and heather at the time. and when she called the woman out on that, she said 'the third is very faint'. and then two weeks later she found out she was pregnant with brock. odessa assumed it was just a lucky guess. when cherry brought up going to a fortune teller, she almost said no, but figured it's not like it would hurt anything and it could be fun. in her opinion, fortune tellers and psychic were slightly different, so maybe she wouldn't get a bunch of guesses and maybe get actual answers to things. "okay, i have a rule - if this lady tells me i'm gonna die, you're paying for my funeral," odessa said.

[odessafitzpatrick]

@odessafitzpatrick: wyatt - prison inmate “let’s face it mom... this is where i’m gonna end up” heather - police woman “wif a skirt” brock - charlie brown

[odessafitzpatrick]

   cvrmenxo​:

❝ i suppose this is what my mother felt like after birthing me and watching me sass the shit out of her from practically day one. karma really came around and fucked up my bladder and my body just to get a whole mini me to raise double the hell i ever did. carter’s my sweetest baby, and definitely a momma’s boy, so that’s my only saving grace. not having two identical twin daughters to read me to filth daily. ❞

“oh, my mom says heather is my payback. i’m just like ‘listen, i didn’t ask to be born, but i also didn’t ask for my daughter to be a demon from hell’. who would have guessed that my boys would be the sweet ones? i would probably yeet myself into traffic if i had twins. or kids really close together. my best friend has five under three, i’d just... split myself in half.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

   cvrmenxo​:

❝ that’s exactly the life i’m living, i feel like i can’t half-ass the sass anymore or i’m left open for her ruthless remarks. the other day she had the audacity to tell me i needed to stop trying ‘cause i’m never going to be cool again, and proceeded to give me a side eye and add, ‘if you were ever cool to begin with’. i’m really glad i’m not getting double teamed, or that might have hurt my feelings. ❞

“exactly. like, i didn’t go through forty weeks of being kicked and punched from the inside out, her using my bladder and kidneys as trampolines, and gestational diabetes - and then then almost three hours of pushing - just for her to come out and have the audacity to be exactly like me. thank god for my boys, though. brock can’t talk and wyatt’s my momma’s boy, so i got lucky.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

    cvrmenxo​:

❝ it’s all fun and games raising miniature version of me until she thinks she’s really out-sassed me this time. then it’s an exhausting reminder that sass can never sleep and neither should i. ❞ 

@hhhqstarters​

“with heather, i have to keep the sass level a point above hers, and then sometimes she still has the nerve to stop me in my tracks. kids are so ruthless.”

[odessafitzpatrick]

[text] Going to be late tonight so don't wait up for me

[ text ] okay. be safe, i love you

[odessafitzpatrick]

@cherrybell: i refuse to downplay the talent or listen to the downplaying. officially covering my ears/eyes.

@odessafitzpatrick: you're not downplaying it, i am. i promise i'm not as amazing and flawless as people seem to believe, i'm fairly normal. in fact, wyatt says i'm the exact opposite of what everyone else says, and he's a pretty cool kid, so i'm gonna take his word for it

[odessafitzpatrick]

@cherrybell: it's not my fault that i always get distracted by YOUR queenness, it's just your power 🤷

@odessafitzpatrick: oh no, that's just the power of cheesy soap opera-ish acting, it's so bad

[odessafitzpatrick]

@cherrybell: i wish it was spooky spooky but also ma'am, YOU are a queen !!

@odessafitzpatrick: oh stop, the fallon in me is coming out, this is about YOUR queenness

[odessafitzpatrick]

# cherry

name: cherry cherry quite contrary

ringtone: run the world by beyonce

last text: miss ma’am i have a wedding to plan and i don’t know the first step