He hated being born. He hated existence. All he could do was rage and scream and try to save others from the hell he had to live, completely convinced that life could never be worth living. Afterall, he only existed because his parents needed a royal blooded child to exist. He was born to be used as a weapon. There is no point to life, there is no meaning inherent to it, morals, ethics, value, none of it exists or matters. Only reproduction and suffering.
Until Zeke realized that even tho life has no inherent meaning or value, he still liked parts of it. He loved playing catch with Mr. Ksaver. Thatβs the only thing he ever loved. He wouldnβt mind existing again if it meant he could go back to that. There is no value in that activity, who knows why it even exists if life is just about reproduction. But in that moment, it meaning nothing means nothing to Zeke. All he cares about is that he enjoyed it and it brought him happiness.
Maybe he realized that his being used as a tool or a weapon was actually an afterthought, that his parents had him out of love and only used him later on in life. Maybe that realization is why he thanked Grisha as βDadβ for making him, because in having him he was able to play catch with Ksaver.
Existential Nihilism isnβt and doesnβt have to be depressing. Life having no inherent meaning or value doesnβt have to be bleak, fatalistic, or filled with suffering unless the person looking upon it themselves is. If you are depressed that depression will use whatever the hell it can against you in order to fuel itself, which is what Zeke was doing. Whether Life has any meaning inherent in it is up for individuals to decide for themselves, but whether or not one believes it does, Life moves on. Life is just as beautiful and mysterious and worth living.
Zeke finally realizes this but unfortunately it is too late.
The world is cruel and beautiful. Zeke only ever saw the former. It is that cruelty that pushed him to try and stop all other Zeke Yeagerβs from existing, no Eldian can exist because they are only ever used as tools. But the world is also beautiful. If he takes away all Eldians from the world there will be no Ksaverβs out there either.Β
I as an existential nihilist myself always loved Zekeβs character because I saw him as stuck on a dark path I myself went down. This belief that because there is no meaning in the world that life isnβt worth living and existence is hell. I thought Zekeβs constant punishment from Isayama was because Isayama was disgusted by this worldview because he himself didnβt understand nihilism, but that ended up being partly true. I think Isayama understands it far more than I ever gave him credit for.
Maybe thatβs whatΒ βThe world is cruel but also beautifulβ meant all along, and maybe thatβs the true thruline of the series. This chapter is going to go down as my favorite chapter of all time and it made these months of constant waiting for Zekeβs character to get a proper sendoff worth it. Thank you Isayama and thank you Attack on Titan.
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