Can't you feel it?

Because we are the night creatures, drawn to lights where most easily eaten by other creatures. It is the impression of an even deeper darkness beyond the light that draws us in.

[of-mine]

If your heart beats casually, be glad. My beats could make mountains, for it builds too rapidly and despairs too easily.

[of-mine]

"But how does a person learn to see herself as nothing when she already has so much trouble learning to see herself as something in the first place?"

[of-mine]

How much does someone have to give before they know they're not enough?

Lover, do not fall to your knees. It’s not like I believe in everlasting love anyway.

[of-mine]

[of-mine]

You’re the nicest thing I’ve seen

[of-mine]

[of-mine]

My counselor said I am an emotional orphan.

[of-mine]

Is it normal to be so fickly reliant? I want to be everybody else, held onto. I look at these others and look back inside and feel inadequate. Drip, drip, drip, but I never reach the line. What am I (are you) measuring me against? I'll only ever be the girl who tries too hard.

[of-mine]

My head hurts with all my happiness leaving my body.

[of-mine]

A letter to certain persons in my life:

To whom it may concern,

None of you know about anybody else but most of this is imaginary anyway.

Not all the time, but sometimes I feel empty. Sometimes I feel really strong and in the present and like I’m going to be alright. I’ve got most of my shit together, which is more than I can say for any of you. You think I’m easy to read? You think you’ve got me all figured out? None of you know me. No, not even you. You may know more things about me than anyone, but I bundled all this up and wrapped it and you said “Is this it?” More than once. But I kept re-wrapping and trying to show you. I’ve been continuously disappointed, dismissed, walked over, ignored, and rejected, by all of you. I think a future with me could be pretty great. But I’m not some idea for you to try to grasp, I’m not a sex object for you to pick up when you want, I’m not a blank space for you to put yourself on, and I’m certainly not a nice girl who doesn’t know what she wants. I’m not desirable to you? I’m not on your timeline? I’m not worth the effort? I’m not enough of this and too much of that? Well fuck me, and fuck you too. You know, my worst fear is not being seen, but I’ve realized that’s already how things are.

Sincerely, Nobody

[of-mine]

I feel as if reading one page of text holds equal weight and severity as examining the crooked lines of a tree's branches, or admiring the cautious twitching head of a bluejay, or racing the wind as it laughs by.

[of-mine]

I am a pathetic creature,

I breathe at an imbalance, exhaling disappointment and inhaling the world, leaving me perpetually breathless.

[of-mine]

"From now on, for some years, of course, I must weep and laugh out of season, stand on tiptoe to pluck the stars in heaven, love and hate immoderately, propound theories of the destiny of man, and not know what is going on in my own heart."

[of-mine]

I grasp at the thinnest of tendrils wafting idly nearby, paying me no attention.  I am empty handed and empty headed.  I float in a spaceless time and I wish this made me important. 

[of-mine]

The End.

The way we don’t move should explain everything. But I’m not very good at interpreting movement anyway, and the absence of it is just the same. I mean, I thought you were moving yourself toward me, but really you weren’t moving at all. Sometimes the end is the only thing left to be done. 

[of-mine]

Dog, n.

A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

[of-mine]

I get it. People don't like me. That's alright. I kinda just wish you were all dogs anyway.