CHARLOTTE FELL.

CHARLIE. i’m still trying, but i’m tired. it comes and goes. i have my life, round and eager; i have my past, rotting, manic, full of malice. the present is a ruined watercolor; i go to parties but stay in corners feeling weirdly out of place, i find anxiety halfway through sleep, i go to concerts only to spend the whole time thinking about other things. i want to be happy! i’m bitter i can’t be. i’m bitter about all it is threatening to take from me. about all it has already taken. about all i could have been... i wake up sometimes and it is waking up empty. after all i poured in there. after all i gave the beast. i wake up and it’s still hungry. (r.i.d.)

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

Carson at this point, is making every attempt to not look Charlie’s direction. He certainly didn’t arrive here for a lecture and yet he wasn’t surprised at it. In fact, he was the one who mentioned in the first place that she hadn’t been doing so. “Sure, and I don’t feel inclined to share jack shit so long as you’re deflecting too.” They knew each other well enough at this point to know without much contention. “Yeah, you think I need a lecture on it? I know it’s big but it’s me. It’s my body, my life.” 

“What, so you can tell me to get of my high horse but I can’t do the same?” Charlie retorts. It’s going to go south now - she can feel it in her bones the same way she does when a full moon starts to rise, but just like with her transformation, there’s nothing she can do to stop it. “Don’t be an idiot, Carson. You not wanting to see your mom, who you and I both know is your favorite person in the goddamn world, is a red flag as big as the sun and you know it. She’s here to help you, not institutionalize you like my mom would have, and you should take it before it’s too late to.”

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

“Yeah, sure that’s fine. But you don’t always have to be so brave. You don’t have to be alone through it.” Carson hastens before pushing her slightly as if the small jostle would knock some sense into her. It was a two-way street, always had been. He just wasn’t the one who usually needed help at all. “I don’t want her uprootin’ her life everytime my life isn’t perfect. I don’t need her comin’ in here and fixing me up. That’s on me. It’s my job in my time.” 

Brave isn’t the word she would pick for how she was dealing with things, but she’d prefer to move away from the topic of her own issues as quickly as possible. “There’s a phrase involving a pot and a kettle that fits perfectly in this situation,” Charlie points out before taking a sip of her beer. “You don’t have to be alone through your shit either, Carson. I mean, this isn’t just a breakup or something normal, something human. What happened to you is big - literally life-changing. It’s okay to get help.” 

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

“Beauty sleep? With your perfect skin and bone structure? Yeah okay, Beauty.” He scoffs back and shakes his head. “How you expect me to be square with you if you ain’t the same with me, huh?” He challenges as he cocks his head slightly toward her. 

“Where do you think the perfect skin comes from? It’s those crucial eight hours, buddy.” Charlie retorts instantly, though it takes her a moment longer to respond to his next question as it raises an admittedly fair point. “What do you want me to say, Carson? I’m not fine. I’m not really anything. It happens sometimes, it’ll pass.” It’s the truth, but in that twisted sort of way Charlie’s always been good at - no lying, just the omission of an important detail or two. “Your turn.”

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

It was clear that Carson felt at home there, as evidenced by the fact that he plopped himself down on the couch. “Oof, I am so down to crack open a cold one with the boys.” His humor is behind a haunting veil but at least he still had something in him. He got more comfortable on the couch before taking a jab back at her. “And if you were okay, you’d be fighting me more.” 

Charlie scoffs at the joke but obliges, pulling a pair of beers out of the fridge and opening them before she sinks down onto the couch beside Carson and hands one of the beers to him. “You just interrupted my beauty sleep, I’m fine. But I’m great at fighting, if that’s really where you want to go.” A sigh leaves the wolf, and she rests her head on the couch as she watches Carson. “Why don’t you want to see her, Carson? What are you afraid of?”

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

Having been consumed in his own body chemistry, he hadn’t done his usual check-ins with Charlie. Stopping by unannounced and pulling her from her plans or out of her house. Making her breathe. That was usually him, his job. And he hadn’t even noticed he’d stopped doing it in all honesty. Still, it was clear she had no idea what she was talking about. Which at least made her place clear for shelter. Just then, his phone started buzzing away in his pocket when he picked it up to check it it was none other than the person he was running from. Still, he answered, “No, ma’. I’m fine. Go fucking home.” And needless to say, he hung up and shoved it back in his pocket. “I’m coming in.” He decides as he pushes past her. 

Charlie’s suspicions were confirmed when Carson answered the phone, only to hang up after just a few seconds. “Sure.” She steps back, though not quickly enough as he makes his way into her apartment, crossing her arms over her chest after she shuts the door and follows him inside. “If you were fine, you wouldn’t be avoiding her,” Charlie points out with a casual tone but with intentions anything but. “Just saying. You want a drink?” 

[troianbellsario]

I’m heartbroken too, but she just seems… broken.

[ofacrimony]

fertilelevi‌ !

“I don’t blame you on that one. I saw once and that was enough.” It was after Benji died. He somehow managed to convince the underpaid military shrink that he was fine. He cracked a smile, only to nod. “It definitely has gone to all of my heads.”

“Only once? Lucky you. I’ve seen about a dozen, I think. Mumsy and Daddy wanted to prove that they weren’t bad parents and that I was just psychotic,” she explains dryly, letting out a little chuckle. “Sure your girlfriend is excited about that,” she says, not bothering to stifle an eye roll.

[ofacrimony]

thegentlefell !

“Yours didn’t tell you until—“ he started to talk even before she finished, mostly because he couldn’t believe that this was happening and it was like his mouth couldn’t control himself. His face dropped for a moment, only because that explained why her parents were so shitty to her. He still doesn’t expect the next confession, though, but between seeing Melody’s dead twin sister, and being attacked by a vampire, he doesn’t react with as much surprise as he thought that he would. “Oh, so, what does that mean, exactly?” He wasn’t afraid, this was his little cousin.

When his expression drops, it feels like her heart has dropped into her stomach. Her lower lip trembles in a rare show of fear, and though his question makes her feel better, it doesn’t exactly make her feel any worse. “It means I break all my bones once a month and turn into a wolf, every full moon. It explains why I needed all that anger management therapy and why it didn’t work. It means I’m... I’m exactly what they wanted to get rid of.” A monster, she thinks but doesn’t say, because that seems to be a trait unique to her rather than werewolves in general.

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson‌ !

As soon as he received the ambush from his mother, it was clear that he wasn’t the same boy because the sight of her had him running. He rushed to his car, fumbling in his jean pocket for the keys and turning them in the ignition. The engine ticked to start but never did so he figures slamming his palms against the steering wheel would do something. Where was he even going to drive to? He felt so far away from everyone. Hopping out of his car he started walking aimlessly and eventually ended up at Charlie’s apartment where he slammed his fist against the door a few times. Once he swung open he didn’t even really look at her. “Are you the one that called her?” She was the only one who actually outwardly expressed interest in advancing that far to help him. @ofacrimony​

To put it mildly, Charlie had been spiraling. It would have been one thing if there was a source she could pinpoint it to, but nothing bad had happened to her, really. This was supposed to be when her life took a turn for the better, not the worse - her parents were dead. She was free. She should be happy, and because of that she had no way to explain the emptiness she felt every moment that she couldn’t otherwise occupy her mind. Carson usually made for a good distraction, though when she saw his expression as she opened the door now, she wasn’t sure it was going to be a good one. “Called... who, now?” Charlie asks, brow furrowing in confusion despite the gnawing feeling in her stomach telling her that she knew whose name he was going to say.

[yabookquote]

“Suffering is like anything else. Live with it long enough, you learn to like the taste.”

— Leigh Bardugo, Crooked Kingdom

[ofacrimony]

causticcarson !

Of course he’s too wrapped up in his own head to pull Charlie out of hers like he usually did. In fact, he tended to be really good at sensing whenever she started drifting away. They kept each other close before the big heist in part for that reason. “I’m not ashamed of what I did. I’d do it again..” But who was he to decide? It was his friends that always tended to make that decision. He was telling himself what he did was in Charlie’s name but when it came to killing the guy he did? It was selfish and a cry for personal revenge against his torturer. He took a life in his own name and that was the hardest part of it. Was his own life worth avenging? “I’m different now. I feel a change aside from the obvious one and I don’t know how to figure it out. Or be okay with it.”

“Of course you do, Carson. You fucking killed somebody, I’d be way more worried about you if it didn’t make you feel like you’d changed.” For some reason, all she can think about for a moment is that her first thought when she’d made her first kill was where she could get her hands on enough sodium hydroxide to dissolve the body. Guilt over killing her hadn’t factored into the equation then or any other time - clearly one of them was a better person than the other, and it wasn’t Charlie. “I can’t make you be okay with the change, but I can tell you that the fact that you feel like you have to adjust at all just tells me that you’re still the same Carson that I know. The same guy that always keeps me from getting too far into my own head, that’s always there when we need him. You don’t need to hold this against yourself. Different doesn’t have to be bad.”

[ofacrimony]

fertilelevi‌ !

Levi made a face, that basically said yikes without actually saying the word. For one of the rare times in his life, he was glad he had an absent father and a mom who didn’t give a shit. “I think a shrink would say somethin’ like that’s fine to feel whatever you’re feelin’.” He waved the bartender over, only to say, “Your most expensive whiskey for this one, please.”

“Yeah, well, I’m tired of shrinks,” she mutters, though she accepts the whiskey from the bartender without a fight and gestures it towards Levi before knocking the entire thing back. “Haven’t seen you in a while. All that deputy power hasn’t gone to your head, right?”

[ofacrimony]

masonduval !

“What do you mean? Did you miss the polls for it?” He feigned confusion before breaking into a smile though it was quick to fade away as he shook his head. “The last alpha was Scarlett’s ex. Safe to say we didn’t shake hands and play nice.” Although he would never stop banging his own head at the memory of sitting and talking to James before he knew who he actually was. It was the first time welcoming a wolf had failed him and he wasn’t looking to share that with anyone for his own sake. “Anyway, I just reacted. Wasn’t thinking of what it would mean in the end but here I am now.” What began as him trying to protect Scarlett and Levi ended with him blacking out from his own experiences. Go figure he would end up with such a big responsibility, what a cruel sense of humor life liked to have with him.

“Well, shit. Not completing my civic duty in this political climate? Yikes,” Charlie teases in return, though she’s just as quick to return her expression to a somber one when Mason continues to explain. Though she knows Mason probably doesn’t want to hear it, she thinks Scarlett’s pack is definitely better off now that Mason’s in charge of them. He can be an ass sometimes, but he looks out for his people. She keeps her mouth shut, though, because she can tell this was nowhere near what he wanted for himself. “And what do you think about that?” Trying to gauge his feelings on the subject of suddenly becoming an alpha. “I mean, is it something you want?”

[ofacrimony]

astridxking‌ !

“Welcome to the club. We have council meetings on Wednesday’s and bake cakes on Friday’s.” She teased, giving her a smile and shake of her head. She assumed already what Charlie really meant when she said she was an orphan, and it wasn’t because of her parents. “I’m sorry she left, Charlie-bear. But she must know you can manage on your own, you know?” Astrid tilted her head. “Would I be a bad friend if I encouraged you to drink more with me?”

“Ew, I can’t bake for shit.” Charlie wrinkles her nose, before breaking into a laugh. At least right now, she much preferred the Astrid that wanted to drink and dance the night away than the one who made her get all in-depth about her feelings. It just wasn’t a conversation she could have right now, because she wasn’t feeling much of anything. “Oh, totally. I am managing. Myself and the boutique.” She grins. “Totally not. Let’s get some shots up in here, bitch!”

[ofacrimony]

hendrixruby !

* “Whatever you’re drinking or smoking looks like good stuff.” She commented with a smirk present on her features. “I’m good. Just chilling I guess.”

“Drinking,” she confirms as she holds up her glass, not mentioning the little baggie of pills in her front pocket only because she’s forgotten it’s there. “Good. Chilling is good. I wish more people would chill.”

[ofacrimony]

thegentlefell !

Theo pressed his lips together, giving his cousin a reluctant nod, afraid to where this was all going, “Yeah, I remember.” Theo looked blankly at Charlie for a moment, before just asking, “What the fuck? Maybe they could have, I don’t know—told us when we were that age. Instead of calling them freaking bedtime stories.” He didn’t curse often, but he felt the need to right now. “What the fuck?” he repeated.

“Maybe yours didn’t want to scare you. Mine didn’t tell me until...” It doesn’t really hit her until then that in order to drop this bomb on him, she’ll have to explain that she’s one of them. What if he hates her? “Until they told me that Patrick wasn’t actually my dad. Allison had an affair with some guy from a rival firm, and it turned out...” she inhaled slowly through her nose. “Turned out he was a werewolf. So... so am I.” She waits anxiously for his reaction, ready to answer questions but expecting to just be told to get the fuck away from him.

[ofacrimony]

leoshepp !

“I won’t.” Leo said, from the other side of her as he walked up. Although he had been there looking for Spencer, she wasn’t in sight so he was about to bail before Charlie had caught his attention. “I’m an orphan too.” For the second time around now, but saying it out loud like that, he didn’t think it would sting as much as it did. “Maybe we should get you home though.”

“Leo!” Charlie jovially throws an arm around his shoulders, using her other hand to ruffle his hair. Childish, even for her, but in her inebriated state she was overjoyed to see Ryan’s little brother. Her face scrunches into a frown when he tells her they’re in the same boat. “Well, shit. That blows.” Because what else does one say to finding out someone else has been orphaned? She uses the hand that had just messed up his hair to try and squish his face into a happier expression. “But I just got here, like, three hours ago! Bartender boy hasn’t even cut me off yet.”