whispers of hope

Jael Macpherson. 16. Junior. 

[ofajael-blog]

ive had like 5 meltdowns in 2 days bc the future is hella scare, and thus ive hella ignored my homework. I've been lurking a bit (BC I never log out of mobile) but idk if I'll be on until tomorrow night/ Friday. So yeah.

[ofajael-blog]

a laurel was scrolling through tumblr mobile whilst enjoying a lovely girl meets world marathon. the laurel spied a para, and having shipped the two teenage boys interacting, decided to read the said para. The laurel was greeted with the phrase ”Please daddy...” and promptly set their phone down and hURLED THEMSELF INTO THE SHOWER not to be seen again until they got hungry like 2 minutes later.

[cleocazo]

 — ❝ the moments when { you’re in so deep }                    it feels easier to just S W I M  D O W N. ❞

[ofajael-blog]

who said anything about finn? we're talking about mona!

“Regardless of how I answered that question, someone was going to bring it back to him because that’s literally all anyone asks me about. I figured I’d just save us the time and give the answer you were really looking for.”

“Regardless: Mona is lovely, she always manages to brighten any room she walks into, and while sometimes I wish she would focus a bit more, I’m glad to know her.”

[ofajael-blog]

Not everyone knows things about the bible. Stop being so patronizing. I get that you love your religion and I admire that but it makes people uncomfortable sometimes.

“...That quote from 1 Corinthians is literally plastered everywhere, even if you’re not religious. It’s used in 27 Dresses, A Walk to Remember. Probably more, but I can’t list them off of the top of my head. I don’t intend to make people uncomfortable, and I’m sorry you feel that way.”

[ofajael-blog]

Are you jealous of Mona?

“No, it’s a sin. Do I wish Finn’s feelings for me were returned? Yes. But Mona is a lovely girl, and I adore her optimism. Besides, love is not jealous, you’ve probably heard that quote from 1 Corinthians a thousand times.”

[ofajael-blog]

What's the deal between you and Finn

“He’s my best friend. Anything other than that... is no longer relevant.”

[ofajael-blog]

back off. finn clearly likes mona, and not you. stop getting in the way of that.

“Well if Finn already ‘clearly likes mona’ then continuing to be his friend shouldn’t be a problem! Unless, of course, you believe I’m a threat. Which I’m not, by the way, but you really should learn to stay out of other people’s business.”

“Proverbs 26:17. Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.”

[ofajael-blog]

[affinnity-blog]

He didn’t know what to do. He tried telling her that there was no one in there to let her in, and there was no way he could tell her that there was no God inside that building that would just unlock the doors and let her in. She wouldn’t listen to him, no matter how much he rose his voice.

“Jae, I…” His voice was loud but shakey, like it was trying so hard to stay strong but was getting tired from battle.

There was irony in the things she was saying, about how she didn’t have control over anything the past weeks and demanding she should at least be allowed to this one salvation from everything she’s been going through. If there really was a God, then why was she trying so hard to have control over being able to worship someone who supposedly has control over everything? If there really was a God, then why was he putting her, putting both of them, through so many trials? 

While the two students below were shivering cold in her struggle and his disbelief, the stars above them seemed to shine even brighter in the dark of the winter night. When the stars threw down their spears, And water’d heaven with their tears, Did He smile His work to see?

Finn just wanted to have a good night spent at Winter Formal with the girl that he liked. He just wanted everyone to have a good night. He didn’t want any of this to happen. Finn put his hands on his head, pulling on his hair as he tried to think of what to do.

That’s when he finally understood: there was nothing he could do. “I can’t help you,” Finn threw his hands down. The words were stuck at the center of his rib cage and they were clawing their way up his throat to be finally heard. “I’m sorry that I was just another trial for you, I really am sorry, but I’m done. I can’t do this with you anymore, Jae.”

[ofajael-blog]

“They burned the church.” 

it’s not the best time for this admission, but it comes tumbling out of her before she can think about it, but he blamed himself. Just as she thought he would. But while his romance with Mona was also a source of her sadness, it wasn’t the main reason. Not even by a long shot. 

“They’re leaving threats on the doors.”

Her town was small and divided between non-believers and members of the church; conflicts such as these had always occurred, but it had never reached this level before. How many a night had she spent, tossing and turning, praying for her mother and father and siblings and friends. 

she prayed until her mouth dried and her knees were red from kneeling. Until her body was stiff and sore from holding the position for so long, from the moment she finished her work for the night until she heard the sounds of her roommate waking. 

“ There’s talk about removing the scholarship program because there are too many students and it’s becoming overcrowded, and if they do then I can’t afford the tuition, but it’s not safe at home anymore and I don’t know where I’m going to go or what I’m going to do, and I know it’s part of God’s plan but I don’t know what that IS anymore and- and.” her pace increases as she becomes more and more hysterical, her breathing quickening. 

The words he’s uttered sound a lot like he’s ending their friendship. They sound like GOODBYE. 

She knows it’s anatomically impossible, but it feels like her heart’s s h a t t e r i n g. 

But she’s already dumped so much on him tonight, and she can’t bring herself to hurt him more. So she simply looks at him, green eyes that she’s tried to always have filled with kindness filled with...she doesn’t know what. 

Her response is quiet, nearly lost in the wind. “If that’s what will make you happy.”

[liketroyblazing]

AESTHETIC SERIES — ravenclaw aesthetic

or yet in wise old ravenclaw, if you’ve a ready mind, where those of wit and learning, will always find their kind.

[ofajael-blog]

Jael Macpherson’s Class Schedule

Trigonometry (Honors)

Study of American Literature

AP Biology

AP Chemistry 2

Orchestra

French IV

U.S. History

Lunch

Jael really wants to become a nurse once she graduates, so she’s focusing on her sciences and mathematics courses, with the addition of Latin to assist in her learning medical terminology. She’s in the running for valedictorian, so she knows she has to push herself even harder this year (especially if she wants to keep her scholarship). She also tutors after school, when there isn’t any orchestra practice. 

also deciding on periods was hella stress, so this is just a list and does not display the actual order, which i shall bs after hellweek finals.

[ginnysmason-deactivated20160130]

“You do realise the whole point of covering for someone is to make the lie believable, right?”

[ofajael-blog]

 “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful. Proverbs 12:22. So I apologize, but I couldn’t cover for you.”

[ethanwtf]

❝ I’m kind of new — I left when during my freshman year and now I’m back. ❞

[ofajael-blog]

“ Oh, well we’re glad to have you back, then! I’m Jael, by the way. May I see your schedule? ”

[ethanwtf]

❝ Could you possibly help me find my next class? ❞

[ofajael-blog]

“ Of course! Are you new? ”

[tylerknott]

I will stay gentle no matter what I endure, I am so much more.

Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson (via ghostoat)

[affinnity-blog]

Finn shouted over her crying, “Nobody’s in there. Nobody’s gonna let you in. There is no one.”

His voice sounded even louder in the middle of the night. Finn didn’t mean to be yelling at her, but that was the only way he could talk to her at that moment. He could have stayed at the dance with Mona, he could have stayed at the after party with his friends, he could have had a good time at the dance. He just wanted everyone to have a good time, including Jael. The last thing he wanted was to worry about where she went and to find her like this.

“Jae, you need to go,” Finn said.

He was scared about what could have been happening to Jael when he couldn’t find her and he was scared about what was happening now that he did. Finn hated to see anyone like this, let alone someone he was as close to as her, but he didn’t understand what he could do to help her. She was crying and the only thing he could do is assume it was all his fault.

“You need to go,” he repeated, trying to convince himself more than her. “You can’t be here like this. You need to go and you need to stop. Please, Jae. Please.”

[ofajael-blog]

“Nobody’s gonna let you in. There is no one.”

as soon as the sentence hit her ears, she stops abruptly, mid-gasping for air because there was just so much happening and everything was so o v e r w h e l m i n g she could barely breathe.

“It’s the home of the Lord, it’s supposed to be a safe haven, it’s supposed to be open to those who need it.” she can remember many a time as a child that Abel would sneak out the window to the church in the middle of the night because his issues became too much (his trials UNBEARABLE) and would return content because in the home of the Lord everything was good, everything was safe. 

“No, Finn.” she responds, quietly, her voice still wet and slightly shaky, but at least she isn’t sobbing anymore, “No, Finn. I haven’t had control of a DAMN thing these past two weeks, I will not be told that I cannot enter the only refuge I have in this storm of trial after trial after trial, after trial.” her voice is going up in pitch as the sentence is uttered, but it’s taking so much restraint not to scream because he k n o w s her faith is the strongest and best part of her, he KNOWS this, so why is he doing this?