I just feel like I’m always going to feel this way. Not mad, but… just off balance. Like everything’s just going to be a little more complicated for me.
This Is Us (via we-the-dreamers)
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I just feel like I’m always going to feel this way. Not mad, but… just off balance. Like everything’s just going to be a little more complicated for me.
This Is Us (via we-the-dreamers)
BRIGHT LIGHT: OPEN
The migraine might bring her to her knees. Elise was almost sure it could because it was miserable, because it was almost completely and utterly unbearable; there was the throbbing pain, of course, but it was more than that — the very light of Sanctuary itself made her want to curl into a ball and hide but there was nothing she could do for immediate relief. She had been all but hit by foresight on the street, a waking dream she hadn’t asked for unspooling in a moment’s pause leaving her to stand dead in her spot, and the migraine had followed, fast and furious, despite her location.
Were there a god to pray to, she’d pray for relief, but then, there was no one to believe in but herself, no one but she who was going to take her home where she could draw the curtains, where she could hide in a place that was safe, cool, and perhaps most importantly, quiet and dark, until she could smooth over any sign of what she’d seen and keep going.
And so, it was little more than one foot in front of the other, a forced step forward and then another and another despite the way she felt wrung out, gaze steady on the ground, avoiding the light much as she could. As distraction, she let herself turn over a vision of the future she didn’t mean to share. This one was hers.
Then, a sudden stumble, an almost fall, and a hand thrown out for stability, finding another nearby before she fell flat on her face. Holding them, Elise steadied herself, before she dragged her gaze toward the other, instead of the ground, wincing as it exposed her to more light, before she forced the superficial appearance of a smile. “Thanks for the save. Apparently the ground itself is is a danger.” It was a bad joke, an attempt to distract from what showed that she didn’t want seen: that a new glimpse of the future sat ready on her tongue. “For all the prophecy in the world, apparently I’m keen on missing the obvious.” She didn’t notice she hadn’t let them go.
Winter hung heavy in the air and if seemed as if the whole of nature stood poised, waiting for it to unleash its fury, and settle with a vengeance until the ground itself cracked under its weight. Anton wavered, bleary-eyed and struggling with the beginnings of a cold, or the final echoes of a hangover, or some miserable blend of both, a cigarette dangling precariously from the very tips of his lips – lit mainly to cover the smell from the butcher’s shop as he loitered in front of it, waiting for some treats for Summer.
The dog in question had been tempted away from him by a bunch of Sanctuary’s children and a rag ball tossed back and forth between them. He couldn’t watch them without his chest burning, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of them, either. Anton was trapped, not quite in the middle of the road, but not anywhere near the margins, and his attention was mainly focused on not keeling over under the bulk of all the things he’d lost. No matter how much he’d had to drink last night, it clearly hadn’t been enough. Eyes burning, he shoved his hands in the pockets of his thick winter jacket, and entirely missed the tottering approach of another person until they reached out, snatching at his elbow.
As fingers clutched the thick material of his winter coat, he straightened, nearly jumping out of his skin at the intrusion and dropping the cigarette between his lips, the lit ember falling between them to sizzle against the muddy ground. “Uh –” Anton didn’t know whether to be relieved for the distraction, or irritated by the unwelcome presence of her masters’ stench about her, and startled as he felt at the interruption (not that he was actually doing anything to be interrupted from), the best approximation of human sound he could produce had been rather underwhelming.
“If you say so,” he cleared his throat, hands still firmly hidden in his pockets, making no further effort to help her gain her balance beyond providing a stabilizing support to lean against. She wasn’t, technically, holding on to him, and given everything, that was actually the best he could do. “Or maybe prophecy concerns itself with things bigger than skinned knees,” Anton raised a skeptical eyebrow, glancing at the spot where Bone-Pledged still held on to him, before quickly lifting his eyes back to her face.
My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.
Louis Adamic (via coral)
“It was the only thing / you knew was real, the pain you felt, had to feel.”
— Heather Derr-Smith, from “Traitor,” Tongue Screw
“What would it be like to die here? What do you want to be when you rot? I want flowers seeping out of my jaw, snaking around my bones. I want something to grow out of me.”
— Sennah Yee, “The Desert,” How Do I Look?
Ayanna: Are you alright? You didn't sleep at all last night.
Anton: I got a solid eight minutes. Not consecutively but it's fine. You're not even that blurry.
“You lose it if you talk about it.”
— Ernest Hemingway, The Art of Fiction
“There is hope, but not for us.”
— Franz Kafka, to his friend Max Brod
CRACKS || open
If Anton were the sort to believe in karma, he’d say that the collapse of a house in the Upyr district was some kind of universal retribution, but while it did seem…abnormal that the sturdiest neighborhood should suffer from such mishaps, he chucked it up more to irony than divinity.
He did so hate to be there, after all, so feeling even remotely smug about it proved difficult when he had to breathe through his mouth. Pulling a scarf over his face, he carefully picked his way into what used to be the basement for a closer look at the support pillars. It might have been just residual damage from the storm – some kind of underground spring that dug through the foundation until the whole thing came crumbling down. If that was the case, they needed to find a way to stem it before it caused further downfall downstream.
“Hand me that lantern, would you?” he reached out, looking away from the walls long enough to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally brush his hand against theirs.
A pairing: Anton and Ayanna. AU setting: 21st century
Even as he pulled over, Anton thought only ofhow all of this could go wrong. Stopping in the middle of the night, on a darkroad was normally a precursor of somebody dying in all the B rated movies he’dwatched when he couldn’t sleep and it was so late it could actually be consideredearly.
But it still stood that it was the middleof the night on a deserted road, and the figure leaning over the hood of a vaguelysmoldering car was decidedly female. He could just wait by until a tow truckcame along, or he could call one for her. So he remained where he was when hegot out of the car, fingers gripping the open door. “Need any help?” he called,waving a hand in what he hoped was a completely unassuming manner.
A blonde head popped out, the headlightsfalling on a familiar face. Anton’s jaw dropped, and she seemed to recognize hima split second later, if the slackening of her shuddered expression was anythingto go by. “I don’t know,” Ayanna gave a shrug, throwing a half-smile his way. “Knowanything about cars?” Well, at least this didn’t seem to be the night he wasabout to get murdered for not minding his own business, and Anton let out asigh of relief as he closed the door and walked over.
“My heart currently resembles the ashes of my cigarettes.”
— Virginia Woolf
My god, says the head to the beating heart,
How many times must I bury you?
Oh love, says the heart, blood mixed with grave dirt.
At least once more.
1) Give me a pairing.
2) Give me an AU setting.
3) I will write you a three-sentence fic.
I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there’s no relief in waking.
Finnick Odair - Mockingjay (via bpd-ptsd)
kaheerthehaunted:
“Do you think she’ll get bigger?” He had no experience with animals outside of what he’d seen in Sanctuary. Everything before was a blur, he could not remember ever learning about the different animals beyond the few that the Wanderers had.
“I…don’t know.”
Kaheer responded honestly, taken aback by the offer. He had never been offered either by the Wanderers, nor had Jaael and him had the luxury of it on the road. He’d had tea before, dried leaves soaked in water, used in herbal remedies when the torture by the Wanderers hands had been taken too far and he’d needed more than a healer’s touch to bring him back. Gently, he began to pet Summer, first behind the ears, then the sides of her neck, eventually going down to one knee so that it was easier for him to pay attention to her while still talking to Anton.
But….sugar or milk?
“How do you like yours?”
“Definitely,” Anton nodded at the puppy. She was barely six months old and already ten times bigger than when he got her. “Probably much bigger,” her pelt shone, she was a good weight, she seemed quite sure on her legs, although a bit fumbling from the growth spurt, and while Anton still wouldn’t eat meat, he’d make sure to bring some for her every now and then. The smell of it sizzling in the pan had made him sick the only time he’d tried to cook it after more than a decade, but he was worried bread and bones and vegetable soup wasn’t a good enough diet. Sometimes, every few weeks, he could handle a few pieces of meat, but now that he’d actually brought custom to the butcher, the man had warmed up to him enough that he gave him it already cooked. Perhaps in anticipation to the treats, Summer had grown to enjoy those trips to the market the most.
He glanced up at Kaheer’s answer, something flickering across his features – confusion, or apprehension, or a mixture of both – but he forced a smile on his face and gave a half shrug. “I sometimes put a bit of sugar in it. But mostly I drink it plain. Or with brandy,” of course, he drank his more alcohol than tea, but he refrained from pointing that out. “Milk for stronger tea, but not this kind,” he poured two mugs, and brought them to the table.
“You can pick her up, you know. She doesn’t mind being carried,” at first, he had barely noticed Kaheer was kneeling in his kitchen, but now they were close and he was craning his neck down to look at him, and while he kept to the opposite corner of the table, it still made him feel like he was looming over him. “Start with a spoonful, and see how it tastes,” he returned to the counter, grabbing the earthen bowl of sugar and a somewhat dented and deformed spoon and brought them over.
kaheerthehaunted:
One last look was spared towards the path he had been following, searching for any glimpse of the dead girl and when there was no sign of her, he entered Anton’s home.
Kaheer nodded once for the tea, standing awkwardly in the home of another, not quite knowing what to do with himself. He looked around, trying to get a feel for the type of person Anton was from the collection of belongings in the space but was immediately distracted by the creature that appeared.
Summer. Kaheer watched her and then relaxed, a certain kind of happiness settling where fear had once been.
“That’s okay. She’s a smart dog.” He moved a little easier to the table after seeing her. “It should be better to go out now.” Kaheer added, the comment vague but made to Summer. He felt like he knew what had scared her so. “How long have you had her?”
Anton could tell Kaheer was awkward – he couldn’t blame him, he was awkward himself. While, as a rule, he didn’t turn anyone from his door, only two people dropped by with any sort of consistency, one far more rarely than the other. On certain occasions, other builders came up for orders, but it wasn’t a common occurrence. And this man wasn’t a builder. At least he didn’t look worried to be there and Anton tried not to wince as he saw his gaze wash over his house – the fake homeliness and brightness he’d scattered around it, his personal altar in remembrance of a life that was no longer his – and turned away to start on the tea.
He hummed absently, turning at the sound of the man’s voice, his shot nerves making it hard to focus and it took him a split second to realize the comment had indeed sounded random because it hadn’t been addressed to him. Summer reacted to their guest’s directness, one ear lifting slightly higher than the other as he drew her attention and finally, she approached him, raising on her hind legs to rest her front paws on his leg, wanting to be petted. “A few months, only. Ayanna found her right before the storm hit and gave her to me. She was small enough to fit in one hand,” he kept his hands busy as he talked, tone warming to the story, but he didn’t turn to Kaheer as he prepared the tea. “Do you take sugar, or milk?”