♡ THE GOOD PLACE [ 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂 𝚂𝟷:𝙴𝟻 ]
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It somehow tastes how I felt when my cell phone was fully charged.
_______, you’ll never believe it!
Dude, you don’t understand!
I never did stuff like that when I was on Earth.
But now, thanks to your ‘good person’ lessons, I didn’t hold up the line.
Now I do selfless things without even thinking about it.
That’s great. I’m… I’m proud of you.
Oh… can you go? I don’t want to go all the way back.
I ran all the way here and it was so hot.
I mean, I will happily get it, because I told you I would.
If all that matters is the sum total of ‘goodness,’ then you can justify any number of bad actions.
I knew this girl/boy _______, (s)he was a black market alligator dealer with a pierced jawbone.
Shockingly, that is a relevant example of the Utilitarian dilemma. Well done.
I’m revved up to learn, man. My brain is horny!
Um… Can we take a little break?
You haven’t seen Hamilton?
Hey, did you hear about _______?
It’s nothing, it’s a tiny little inconvenience.
_______, dear, could you show us to a private room where no one could see or hear us, even if I yell very loudly out of fear?
I walked past it last night and I actually saw it get a little bit bigger.
This is the reaction I have when things are incredibly mundane and expected.
I’m going to leave now at my regular pace, as I do in most scenarios.
Whip out that chalkboard, big boy, show me what you’re working with.
I’m going to take a nap using the several blankets that I already have. Good night.
Fine, I’m just tired. Need a break. No big deal.
‘Everything is cool, no big deal,’ I know that move.
Okay, well, in this case, it really is no big deal.
Dude, you’re hiding something! What’s wrong?
Oh, no. I’m second to last.
Thank you, _______. It’s very competent.
I grew tired of objective representation. I trust my audience.
You want to know what’s wrong? You’re a full-time job.
So now I’m just some huge burden for you?
Yes! Of course, your are! I’m in paradise?
That’s your idea of paradise!
It’s an impossible position!
We can pretend to be soulmates in public, but other than that, we don’t have to see each other.
Fine with me! I’ll move out right now.
Starting out now, no one must go outside under any circumstances.
What have you done to me, you monster?
Are you still upset? You’re not over it yet?
How can I be over it? We haven’t discussed it or even spoken for days.
Get your story straight, bro!
Oh, it shouldn’t take long. Between an hour and 11 months. Somewhere in there.
Your public failure is our public failure.
I’m auctioning off a lunch date with me.
We are obsessed with your relationship.
You could say I wrote the book on healthy relationships.
I started a company that invented identity theft.
They are gonna catch us! This is an extremely precarious situation, _______!
I think they might have come here to just swing.
I am not going to have sex with someone to get them to stop talking to me!
Really? You and I are very different.
But if we go down right now, that’s on you!
Oh, you spend all your time teaching a charming, awesome lady/gent? How sad for you.
I’m the best thing that ever happened to you.
Yes, that’s what it is. A squabble.
I like relaxing. (S)he likes to get on my case about the dishes.
What on Earth would I be hiding?
Oh, that’s one of the side effects.
‘It’s not a big deal,’ is nearly always code for ‘something is wrong.’
Be, like, the exactly right amount of honest so that we can both be happy.
No wonder you’re so tense.
I know it’s not the right time, but I told you.
You know what? I don’t want the money.
But I just don’t understand why I’m so low.
You have nothing left to prove, to anyone.
Every ounce of my happiness leads to a ton of pain for you.
I know we’ll never be soul mates, but we’re friends.