Keegan pinched the bridge of his nose as he heard what Cris had to say, taking a moment to gather his emotions. He didn’t want to navigate this conversation on frustrations, because he wasn’t frustrated with the man in front of him. He very much looked at him and he still felt just as in awe with him as he had the first moment they’d locked eyes. Cris was the person for him, he knew that without any doubts. But there was trials and tribulations to their relationships, that he just needed a break from so that when, not if, they found themselves together again– he could navigate them so much easier. “Yes, you will be and I don’t hate you for it. I don’t.” Keegan told him, wanting his words to stay with Cris as no part of him held any ill will towards him. “Act? Cris, no moment with you was ever acted for the sake of portraying us as happy. Yes, there’s downsides to the notoriety that comes with your name but never did I pretend to be happy when we were together. There was plenty of great things that comes with being with you. You are single handedly the most romantic person I know, and I know that it’s because who you are. But I did need my break from you, from that.” He said, because he had to be earnest with the man in front of him. “Before you came into my life, I was just a kid from Illinois who only just dreamt of being in New York. You grew up with that attention, you grew up with the hounding and the invasion of privacy– I did not. The worse we had here was some ridiculous blog and even that didn’t feature me,” Keegan said, with a chuckle. “suddenly, I’m your boyfriend and our dates come with million and one camera flashes or worse, requests for me to move out of the way. And I took it on head first cause you were by my side through all off it, but I just needed a break.” He shook his head, happily allowing Cris to cuff his face as this was as close as they’d been since their break. “I would never want you to do that. I wouldn’t. Because you’ve worked so hard to be the person you are and I’m proud of that person. Please, do not mistake my grievances with our circumstance as anything to do with you, Cris. You are incredible.” Keegan assured him. “Plus, I think you’d hate being a regular ol’ person so much. It’s really not all it’s cut out to be.” He raised his own hand, placing it above Cris’ before intertwining their fingers. “You matter.”
“You know what’s so unbelievably annoying about all of this? Is that I know you’re being honest, that the break wasn’t because of us, but for you to grow and figure things out. I get that, but even in the slightest bit, you pushed me away during one of the most important times of your life. Discovering who you are, and me on the sidelines. I get that it sounds pathetic a bit, but if I matter, we have to figure something out. It’ll never happen again.” Cris spoke a mile a minute, the hold that the party favors had on him was growing by the minute. He didn’t want them to be those people who fought in public, or worse, cried, neither could come back from that. So... sad. Pedestrian. “There are three things in this life that matter to me now. Chanel, you, the brand. I don’t need anyone else, Keegan. I don’t want anyone else. Friends are great, but at the end of the day, with how crazy life is, I need people to come back to, to have there. You’re gonna have to figure out how we can be us through all of it. I wish there was a way to keep you out of all that, but aside from us never going out, or leaving, it’s a pipe dream. A fantasy.” Cris sighed and leaned into the others hand, his own reaching down to tug Keegan closer by the waist of his pants. He held on tight and sighed louder, his lips finding his cheek. “One of these days we’re gonna look back at this and laugh, laugh at the stupid, and how long we lasted not finding ourselves the nearest bathroom or closet.” He couldn’t help the soft laugh that left his lips. “I just want us to be okay. To be us. That and not to have your friends look at me like I am going to break you. Maybe make sure they know this isn’t Lifetime.”