Numb The Pain

Reporting live from the gutter Twisted as fuq 20 • depression, adhd, recovering from body dysmorphia/anorexia hella daddy issues

[communistbard]

I don’t want to die before my Birthday this Wednesday.

Hey tumblr! It’s your local disabled queer Jew and things are fucked. I’m making a new post because my last got a lot of notes but not a lot of help and also I accidentally deleted the original post and I like keeping track of these posts. If you’re looking to help someone out, please consider helping me out.

I am disabled, but it’s become debilitating in the last few years which has made it hard to find work, and disability is hard to get and takes usually 2-4 years at the soonest.

I am not eating really because I have no money.

I have no money. Like, none.

Rent is was due 3 days ago. It is 805 dollars I don’t have, and I still have around 300 left.

Please help me it’s my birthday on August 8th and I’d like to not die before then.

I also need money for medicine that keeps me alive, and wanting to be alive, and that’ll cost me $60, and I’ve been skipping pills because I can’t afford the refills I desperately need.

I also have to pay $150 to keep my gas on

I am my own support system I have really nobody I can lean on in this hard time.

PAYPAL // CASH.ME // VENMO // WISHLIST

[off-the-railss]

Love?

Love, love, love. What is it good for?

Absolutely nothing.

[stressvul-deactivated20200822]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* reblog or like if you ever felt like this*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

follow for relatbale original sad shit! i feel like im already dead, i hate everything about myself!

[myheadsspinning-blog1]

[c0nstantine-o]

I get why everyone hates me too. I wouldn’t love me either.

(via @c0nstantine-o)

[off-the-railss]

Just want to say you are an awesome person that deserve happiness love and respect

Omg :’)

[cwote]

Why You Must Eat

It’s fuel

It doesn’t make you fat

You don’t want an eating disorder

It will make you happy :))

It will keep your metabolism working

It is NOT the enemy, your ED is

It will keep your energy up

It will help you think better

It will regulate your emotions

You’ll be more confident :))

Because you don’t need to deserve food

To fight your ED

Because you’re beautiful

To not fear food

To be able to eat out with you friends and not panic

Because you’re strong

It keeps you alive

Because your weight is not important

You’ll smile more :))

Because your health MATTER!!

Because life is awesome

Because food tastes good

Because gum is not enough

[leilalewis]

if you’re not black or part black and you think you can say the n word, regardless of whether it’s in song lyrics or not, unfollow me right fucking now

[fittingoutjane]

What’s the Real Lesson?

Here’s something that happens to ADHD children a lot:  Getting pushed beyond their limits by accident. Here’s how it works and why it’s so bad.

Child says, “I can’t do this.”

Adult (teacher or parent) does not believe it, because Adult has seen Child do things that Adult considers more difficult, and Child is too young to properly articulate why the task is difficult.

Adult decides that the problem is something other than true inability, like laziness, lack of self-confidence, stubbornness, or lack of motivation.

Adult applies motivation in the form of harsher and harsher scoldings and punishments. Child becomes horribly distressed by these punishments. Finally, the negative emotions produce a wave of adrenaline that temporarily repairs the neurotransmitter deficits caused by ADHD, and Child manages to do the task, nearly dropping from relief when it’s finally done.

The lesson Adult takes away is that Child was able to do it all along, the task was quite reasonable, and Child just wasn’t trying hard enough. Now, surely Child has mastered the task and learned the value of simply following instructions the first time.

The lessons Child takes away? Well, it varies, but it might be:

-How to do the task while in a state of extreme panic, which does NOT easily translate into doing the task when calm.

-Using emergency fight-or-flight overdrive to deal with normal daily problems is reasonable and even expected.

-It’s not acceptable to refuse tasks, no matter how difficult or potentially harmful.

-Asking for help does not result in getting useful help.

I’m now in my 30’s, trying to overcome chronic depression, and one major barrier is that, thanks to the constant unreasonable demands placed on me as a child, I never had the chance to develop actual healthy techniques for getting stuff done. At 19, I finally learned to write without panic, but I still need to rely on my adrenaline addiction for simple things like making phone calls, tidying the house, and paying bills. Sometimes, I do mean things to myself to generate the adrenaline rush, because there’s no one else around to punish me.

But hey, at least I didn’t get those terrible drugs, right? That might have had nasty side effects.

[nutelladreams]

[remade999]

“If you were a city, I said, I’d like to know your poor neighborhoods, your inner parts. Read your graffiti. Drink your tap water. Feel your smog and dirt stick to my sweat. Hear your orchestra of sirens and gunshots. I’d know which of your streets to walk. If you were a city, I’d expect to be robbed.”

— Heather Sommer, from “Traveler” in decomP magazine  (via warminglight)

[nomenu]

[misffit]

[borderline--feline]

what i say: im sensitive

what i mean: my mental illness throws everything out of proportion and my emotions are extremely unpredictable and even the slightest thing going wrong literally makes me want to die

[itsjazmina]

“I was so fucking soft for you and you ruined me.”

— Sue Zhao  (via palmerwrites)

[remade999]

“As members of human society, perhaps the most difficult task we face daily is that of touching one another—whether the touch is physical, moral, emotional or imaginary. Contact is crisis. As the anthropologists say, “Every touch is a modified blow.””

— Anne Carson, from Men in the Off Hours; “Dirt and Desire: Essay on the Phenomenology of Female Pollution in Antiquity” (via luthienne)

[not-hard-to-love]