Hi! Phil Swift here with news from Flex Products!

you could have stopped it.

[official-phil-swift]

logs on

harasses my good friend flexes your tape

logs off

[official-phil-swift]

hello! I am following up on an ask I sent close to two years ago and saying I got better help by deciding to help myself

GOOD!! AWESOME!!! I’M HAPPY FOR YOU! See, you didn’t need Flex Tape® at all!

[official-phil-swift]

skeleton jesus would like for some skeleton themed flex tape

Here you go.

[official-phil-swift]

can flex tape fix my parents marriage?

Y’know with all the asks I get asking if Flex Tape® can fix your parents’ marriage and depression and broken hearts I’m gonna start making sure that it doesn’t.

[official-phil-swift]

Who's your favorite homestuck character?

Oh, y’know.

[official-phil-swift]

I used flex tape on my bank account and I'm still broke

[official-phil-swift]

What does Flex Tape look like in another dimension?

We assure you Flex Tape® is observable/exists in EVERY dimension.

[official-phil-swift]

how do i be funny?

You have to get an understanding of various aspects of comedy, like, time and place, timing, “this makes me laugh but would it really make OTHERS laugh”, “is this appropriate”, understand what’s a joke and what’s just fucking mean, etc etc. Sometimes you also just gotta let it happen naturally. Sometimes you strike gold! Sometimes its hit or miss, it’s a very situational thing. Sometimes it’s fucking stupid but we love it anyway, that’s comedy.

Sometimes you’re a fool and sometimes you’re fucking hilarious.

Like me.

[candyredterezii]

out of all your followers who has the most jarring OR the funniest url?

idk i don’t rlly pay attention man

[candyredterezii]

nvm here’s ur answer

[official-phil-swift]

Should I be worried for your health, phil?

I think you should worry more about yours.

[official-phil-swift]

who would win in a Phil vs Phil fight? You or Dr Phil?

Listen, I’m gonna let you in on a secret.The answer is neither because we would NEVER duke it out against one another, us Phils gotta stick together, if we can’t rely on our fellow Phils, then who can we trust...?

[official-phil-swift]

Hi Phils, I was wondering (for a friend of course) if perhaps it would be possibly to make a functioning thermonuclear bomb out of solely the Flex family of products? (love your work btw)

My lawyer tells me I’m not allowed to say.

[official-phil-swift]

What do you suggest I use the new flex paste stuff for?

There’s a whole commercial for this so just check it out and see for yourself

[official-phil-swift]

Phil, can flex tape fix my grades, and do you love me? (:

Only once every three months, and how many Flex® products did you buy this week?

[official-phil-swift]

What is love? Is it flex seal?

No it’s a feeling deep inside.

[official-phil-swift]

What happens if I flex tape a can of flex sea to the wall and then seal the edges with flex seal clear

It’ll fuse and you’ll get one of many Tri-Flex® products inheriting the traits from each of the Flex® products used.

[official-phil-swift]

hi phil

Hello bastard