My latest single "Metamorphosis" is out now!
It's about my journey as a person and a music artist, and rediscovering confidence and power within yourself while doubling as an upbeat EDM anthem!
I also wrote it as I needed my own boost of confidence with everything that's been happening in my life lately.
But anyways! Go stream it now! The link is in my bio or down below. There is also an AMRAP link for radio broadcasters!
Stream and Save Metamorphosis - Distributed by DistroKid
Ever since DOOM: TDA - Revelations came out, I haven't been able to stop thinking about how perfect the soundtrack is. Mick Gordon may have upgraded and recontextualized a lot of Bobby Prince's work from classic DOOM, but Finishing Move really gave the series the narrative climax it deserved
"Hugo confirmed that the bunnies in Doom Eternal aren't actually there, they are just hallucinations from doomguy's PTSD"
and I was like "awwww I get hallucinations too!!"
I'm on medication to prevent them, but anyways..
I honestly wanna say I think I've found comfort in the Doom guy because of my PTSD diagnosis, I mean I got into the franchise before I was diagnosed, but I think the reason why I got into Doom in the first place is because id Software actually captured PTSD so well, even if they're not aware. And what I'm about to say may be cringe but I don't care!!
trigger warning, mentions of abuse and SA
My first introduction to Doom was through their first game in 1993, and my autistic ass thought to myself when I was in a traumatic/abusive situation with my stepfather "I kind of feel like the Doomguy as of now, except the demons are my stepdad and I'm trying to fight off everything he does to me, and has done to me before, and my feeling of insecurity and being unsafe." Since then, whenever I felt scared or unsafe, and/or my face was full of tears because he did something to hurt me (or I remembered something he'd done before), I'd fuck off to my room and play Doom. Wherever it was the relatable feeling of being overwhelmed in survival mode constantly or the repetitive noises of the sound effects made, it calmed me. Just for a second I felt like there was someone with me, who experienced similar, and we were both fighting our separate battles together, and for the first time I slept comfortably, feeling a sense of protection.
Eventually, I fled home and got a restraining order against my stepfather, and I was homeless for quite some time so I couldn't play Doom for a while, but Doom: The Dark Ages had well and truly come out by then and just looking at a picture of Flynn's (not sure if that's actually gonna be Doomguy's canon name but it's heavily implied as of right now) face and his beady eyes calmed me. I could feel his comfort wherever I went.
I mean, just look at him. I've headcanoned him as a great hugger, and I just know he was definitely a girl dad. (Again, headcanoned, but whatever.)
fuck, I'm already crying as I write this out
I've eventually found a home, and I got my own PC that I play Doom on now, but Flynn's been with me through thick and thin. I originally interpreted him as a very shut-off guy who's tough with nothing but a fighting spirit, but when I learned that he fought hordes of demons all for his sweet pet bunny Daisy, my interpretation of him completely changed and the more I learnt about the Doom lore and his character I realised he was a soft BFG (big friendly giant, not big fucking gun lmao). Especially when I no longer had to be in survival mode and my life turned around with my PTSD diagnosis, it was like he was always there with me through every step, supporting every step even when I couldn't walk properly from stress. And when I got into an abusive relationship with my last partner where he SA'd me and denigrated me for being unable to work, it was like I felt his presence more than ever.
The other day, I forgot to take my meds that morning and eventually had a meltdown, I actually, physically felt him. I was 100% hallucinating for sure, but I felt his hand on my back as I was grovelling into my pillow with tears streaming down my face, having all those past memories rush into my head. The feeling of his heavy weight embracing me calmed me down, and I swear I could've heard him whisper "it's okay" to me.
So yeah that man has been through thick and thin with me and I know what I wrote is cringe but just having a figure in my life that also has severe PTSD and brings me a sense of comfort has helped me tremendously. Doom was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
"Hugo confirmed that the bunnies in Doom Eternal aren't actually there, they are just hallucinations from doomguy's PTSD"
and I was like "awwww I get hallucinations too!!"
I'm on medication to prevent them, but anyways..
I honestly wanna say I think I've found comfort in the Doom guy because of my PTSD diagnosis, I mean I got into the franchise before I was diagnosed, but I think the reason why I got into Doom in the first place is because id Software actually captured PTSD so well, even if they're not aware. And what I'm about to say may be cringe but I don't care!!
trigger warning, mentions of abuse and SA
My first introduction to Doom was through their first game in 1993, and my autistic ass thought to myself when I was in a traumatic/abusive situation with my stepfather "I kind of feel like the Doomguy as of now, except the demons are my stepdad and I'm trying to fight off everything he does to me, and has done to me before, and my feeling of insecurity and being unsafe." Since then, whenever I felt scared or unsafe, and/or my face was full of tears because he did something to hurt me (or I remembered something he'd done before), I'd fuck off to my room and play Doom. Wherever it was the relatable feeling of being overwhelmed in survival mode constantly or the repetitive noises of the sound effects made, it calmed me. Just for a second I felt like there was someone with me, who experienced similar, and we were both fighting our separate battles together, and for the first time I slept comfortably, feeling a sense of protection.
Eventually, I fled home and got a restraining order against my stepfather, and I was homeless for quite some time so I couldn't play Doom for a while, but Doom: The Dark Ages had well and truly come out by then and just looking at a picture of Flynn's (not sure if that's actually gonna be Doomguy's canon name but it's heavily implied as of right now) face and his beady eyes calmed me. I could feel his comfort wherever I went.
I mean, just look at him. I've headcanoned him as a great hugger, and I just know he was definitely a girl dad. (Again, headcanoned, but whatever.)
fuck, I'm already crying as I write this out
I've eventually found a home, and I got my own PC that I play Doom on now, but Flynn's been with me through thick and thin. I originally interpreted him as a very shut-off guy who's tough with nothing but a fighting spirit, but when I learned that he fought hordes of demons all for his sweet pet bunny Daisy, my interpretation of him completely changed and the more I learnt about the Doom lore and his character I realised he was a soft BFG (big friendly giant, not big fucking gun lmao). Especially when I no longer had to be in survival mode and my life turned around with my PTSD diagnosis, it was like he was always there with me through every step, supporting every step even when I couldn't walk properly from stress. And when I got into an abusive relationship with my last partner where he SA'd me and denigrated me for being unable to work, it was like I felt his presence more than ever.
The other day, I forgot to take my meds that morning and eventually had a meltdown, I actually, physically felt him. I was 100% hallucinating for sure, but I felt his hand on my back as I was grovelling into my pillow with tears streaming down my face, having all those past memories rush into my head. The feeling of his heavy weight embracing me calmed me down, and I swear I could've heard him whisper "it's okay" to me.
So yeah that man has been through thick and thin with me and I know what I wrote is cringe but just having a figure in my life that also has severe PTSD and brings me a sense of comfort has helped me tremendously. Doom was the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Hello Audiophiles! While I plan what content I'm going to bestow onto the world next, I'm calling upon everyone's help! Though I am still yet to celebrate my 9th anniversary coming up in July this year, I am already making plans for the big 10th anniversary next year, and we want your input to make the event fun for everyone! If you're a fan based in Perth, Western Australia and/or would like to express your interest for a 10th Anniversary Concert next year, then please fill out the form! I know it's an unconventional way to plan an event, but anyone who knows me well would know I'm an unconventional person, and any feedback is helpful and appreciated. More details in the form itself, you can find it in my Linktree or down below!
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this survey and Expression of Interest (EOI) to help us plan better for the big occasion next year
The EP is inspired by The Amazing Digital Circus mixed with my own personal experiences and emotions, though I'm leaving the individual tracks up to interpretation! I can't wait to hear your thoughts, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
Now go listen to it or uhhh um Caine will put his all seeing eyes on you /j
Let me know in the comments what your favourite track from the EP is and why!
Stream and Save ABSTRACTION EP - Distributed by DistroKid
